2020 Sucked Butt, Let's Make A Movie (Patreon)

Friends...2020 was rough on a lot of us. It also kept Small Beans from producing a whole slate of video content we'd hoped would be achievable without risking life and lung but proved otherwise. And, pining away in our little pods, we dreamed of more...of finally becoming the Big Beans we know we can be. It's time, y'all. It's time to try to make another movie.

As you may know, we've done this once before. Since then, eight or nine years have elapsed, and we've spent that entire time asking for permission from an industry that doesn't give a toss about us. Those requests were fired off in the form of scripts and pitches that went unread, got rejected, were stolen without pay or credit, or got called "too gay" (true story!). 

So fudge all that noise. We want to spend our limited time on this plane of existence making movies, so we're going to FUDGING MAKE ONE. It's going to take FIVE WHOLE YEARS, it's going to involve ALL OF YOU, and it's going to be CHEAP TO PRODUCE.

As we begin to concentrate more of our Patreon funds toward this goal, you'll also see more and more posts and Beanus Content Modules related to our ongoing effort to produce a second feature. These will include writing streams, polls, feedback sessions, pitches/outlines/drafts, even special podcast series available to Patrons only chronicling the process. Hope you're excited, because we super are!

In this initial announcement post, all we want to really do is let you know our SHORT LIST of movie ideas. We've talked for months and considered over a dozen shoot-able ideas, but landed on these five as the most likely culprits. 

That's where YOU COME IN. Kindly peruse the following elevator pitches and let us know which ones seem most/least compelling! Which would you like to see the Bean Team tackle? Which do you think we have no business around? Remember, we're all about to collaborate on this story for years to come in the hopes of making something that will some day please you, so your feedback is much appreciated. 

In the end, this is not a poll: we'll pick which movie we make. But we want to involve our fans as much as possible from square one, so this is that. Thoughts?

ELEVATOR PITCHES BEGIN!

BURN - A woman raised in a strict Christian household explores broader horizons on her first trip to Burning Man, the desert art-and-music-and-fire-and-sex-and-drugs festival that attracts 60,000 “burners” a year. But is it just Christian guilt that makes her suspect the band of leather-clad weirdos in the tent across the way might be literal vampires? Or is something truly Hellish waiting in her future? Horror. Compare to: Black Mirror, Get Out.

CHIAROSCURO - A young painter, infatuated with an old master who has disappeared from public life entirely, begins to secretly follow his assistant. The young painter suspects that something sinister is occurring in the master’s reclusive home in the woods, and when she finds out his cynical secret, she’s forced to question her own ethical principles and the purpose of art itself. Drama/Thriller. Compare to: Big Eyes, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

DEADER HALF - The lone Buddhist monk caretaker of a remote mountain monastery strives only to tend to his duties in silence and clear his mind of thought through meditation. This simple quest is interrupted when a mysterious stranger intrudes and makes themselves at home, shattering the solitude. A series of philosophical debates ensue, with the stranger methodically dismantling the monk’s most cherished beliefs. While he struggles to defend himself from the stranger’s rhetoric, the monk notices the intruder slowly changing their features to resemble a doppelganger of themselves. It’s only too late that the monk realizes what has happened: he’s been infected with a zombie-like virus, and the stranger is a manifestation of his brain losing ground to it. Soon his mind will indeed be blank, but will he reach nirvana, or simply die alone? A meditation on meditation, with a horrifying twist. Compare to: The Lighthouse, Mother!.

THE FURRY MOVIE - A young man must come to grips not only with his own burgeoning sexual identity, but also the myriad complex sexual identities he encounters “out in the jungle” after his dad comes out as a gay furry, completely rocking his social life. For the record...Furry (N.) - an enthusiast for animal characters with human characteristics, in particular a person who dresses up in costume as such a character or uses one as an avatar online, usually for sexual gratification. Coming of age has never been so hairy. Family dramedy, inspired by true events. Compare to: Freaks and Geeks, Booksmart.

HANDS-ON - A young woman, being raised in a cult-like fashion by her abusive aunt D, is forced to rebuild reality when her deepest-held belief -- that she will one day marry a member of the band Hanson and sire the Second Coming of Christ -- comes into conflict with what she experiences in her first year at High School. Dark comedy, inspired by true events. Compare to: The Act, Martha Marcy May Marlene.

Oh, and in case you were worried...podcasts will continue unabated. <3