Chapter 94 (Patreon)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, no matter how extortionate the city guards were, causing property damage had them rushing to do their jobs. What was very surprising was that Jiang Lei was much better at running away than he was at sneaking up on someone. After the guards turned night into day with their flares, he bundled up Chen Haoran with his liquid qi and sped off.

Despite being carried on marginally better terms now, Jiang Lei’s liquid qi was just still just as caustic to his skin and left him feeling as if he’d been scrubbed raw with steel wool. Chen Haoran chalked it up to being a property of Jiang Lei’s cultivation method. Xie Jin did mention the Peachwine River was poisonous, and given its coloring and peach scent he’d bet dollars to donuts that Jiang Lei’s cultivation method was based on the river. It was still better than when Song Yuelin had carried him. At least this time, he was aware of his surroundings outside the liquid qi even if it stung. He’d take pain over sensory deprivation any day. At least it smelled nice.

Thankfully Jiang Lei soon put him down. Chen Haoran breathed deeply of the fresh air. Even if he liked smell of peaches there was such a thing as too much.

“I’m quite thankful that my liquid qi doesn’t bother you,” Jiang Lei said. “This would be a mite more difficult if it did.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m not bothered,” Chen Haoran said, coughing.

Jiang Lei shrugged. “If you’re not suffering burns, then you’re fine.”

He wasn’t sure if being so casual about terrible wounds was a cultivator thing or something unique to Jiang Lei.

“Are we safe now?” he asked.

“Well, the guards will keep searching for a few hours. So long as we don’t cause any more trouble, they’ll give it up. We only tore up a street, after all. They’re not going to invest too much energy. ”

“What are we waiting for then?”

“I don’t know where you’re staying.”

Chen Haoran stared at him. “Why would I tell you that?”

“If you’d like to try getting back by yourself, I won’t stop you. With the search going on though, you’d be pulled in for questioning if you get caught. I would assume you’d like to keep the rest of your money.”

“You make it sound like I can’t avoid the guards.”

“In a word: You suck.”

Chen Haoran grimaced. He had a point there. “Would they really take the rest of my money?”

Jiang Lei raised an eyebrow. “Can you prove your money wasn’t going to commit a crime?”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“Considering our reset relationship, I don’t believe we’re close enough to joke quite yet.”

“We were never close enough,” Chen Haoran corrected. He sighed. It wouldn’t be a complete loss if he lost all the money on him. He still had Gift rewards he could sell. Spending time in the cultivator version of lockup didn’t sound like his idea of a good time, though. Who knew how long it would take for him to get out? There was no helping it. “I’m in the north.”

Jiang Lei smiled. “Perfect. Hold on.”

———

Miracle of miracles. They safely returned to his house and only had to knock out six guards on the way. When they landed in his courtyard, they were assaulted by a foul smell that had not been there when he’d left.

“Ah,” Jiang Lei said, pinching his nose. “And this is why I don’t have pets.”

Phelps, little trooper that he was, finished the entire pile of pills and spirit herbs while Chen Haoran had been away. After completing his monumental task, he’d promptly rolled over and, true to his nature as a sloth, didn’t move from that spot for the rest of the day. Chen Haoran gagged.

Even to use the bathroom.

“Come on, Phelps. This is nasty.”

Jiang Lei looked green. “Well, I was going to ask to stay for the night, but I think I’ll take my chances getting arrested instead.”

“Get out of here already.”

“I’ll be off then.” Jiang Lei jumped over the courtyard wall. Chen Haoran stared at where he had left. Jiang Lei’s head popped over the wall. “I’ll be seeing you for training tomorrow Chen Haoran.” Thus finished he disappeared again, only to pop back up a moment later. “Also, I’ll be bringing my Junior Brother along with me.” He ducked down again. Then popped up once more. “Oh and—”

“Go before you bring the cops here,” Chen Haoran demanded.

“Alright, alright. Good night, Chen Haoran.”

“Good night.”

Jiang Lei left for what was hopefully the last time. Chen Haoran searched for his presence with his sense and found nothing.

He sighed in relief and held a hand to his head. “What a night,” he groaned.

There was a sound like hissing air behind him, and Chen Haoran soon discovered how much qi could enhance gas.

He carefully pushed down his nausea and leveled a glare at his snoring pet biohazard.

First. Potty Training.

————

Jiang Lei made good on his promise and showed up bright and early at his front door the next day with Wang Xiao in tow.

“Good morning!” Jiang Lei cheerfully said. Wang Xiao scowled at Chen Haoran from behind him.

“Did you really have to bring this guy to my house?” Chen Haoran asked.

“I did say I was bringing him,” Jiang Lei pointed out.

“I would have figured you’d had enough sense not to bring him here.”

Wang Xiao bristled. “You dare?”

Jiang Lei held a hand before him. “At ease, Junior Brother.”

“You expect me to hold myself back when he insults you to your face.”

“This is what friends do,” Jiang Lei said. “Chen Haoran and I are friends now.”

“I object,” Wang Xiao and Chen Haoran said at the same time. They shared a look. Wang Xiao pursed his lips in displeasure. As if the mere act of agreeing with Chen Haoran on anything was painful to him.

Chen Haoran couldn’t help but agree. He looked past Annoying Things 1 and 2 at the street. A few pedestrians and neighbors were looking their way. They weren’t doing anything suspicious, but a Liquid Meridian Realm would always attract attention. He doubted they’d put two and two together and report them to the guards for last night’s disturbance, but there was no reason to chance it.  He held the door open. “Come in before you draw more attention.”

“Thank you, Friend Chen.”

Now that he thought about it, Xie Jin was also like this when they first met. Was it something in the water? The courtyard was far more decent now compared to last night. Every bit of waste and detritus was judiciously gathered up and eradicated from existence. It was a good thing the White Tyrant wasn’t here. He was sure the ghost would strangle him for using his Harmonization to clean up shit. Unfortunately, the smell wasn’t so easily gotten rid of.

Jiang Lei wrinkled his nose and waved his hand. A thin layer of peach-colored qi swept out from his feet and swept over the courtyard in a thin film. The smell of Peaches wafted through the air. Jiang Lei waved his hand again and recalled his qi. “Much better.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course! What are friends for?”

Chen Haoran wasn’t really sure about that. He had less annoying air fresheners.

Wang Xiao looked around the courtyard with narrowed eyes. “Where is the shaman?”

Chen Haoran deliberately did not reach for his scimitar. “He’s out.” That was all they would get from him. He would have preferred to hide that Xie Jin wasn’t here, but he could have only kept up the pretense for so long.

“And your pet?” Jiang Lei asked. “I don’t see it anywhere.”

Chen Haoran pointed to the corner of the yard at a shoddily made outhouse. It was so poorly done that he’d accidentally broken the latch when trying to open it before. As if on cue, the door creaked open thanks to the lack of lock and revealed a grumpy Phelps sitting hunched over inside. He took one look at the gathered people and squealed unhappily.

“What a responsible owner,” Jiang Lei said.

“Enough of that.” Chen Haoran said. “You promised me training. What’s the plan.”

“First—”

“I challenge you to a duel!” Wang Xiao demanded.

Jiang Lei brought his fist down on Wang Xiao’s head.

“Senior Brother!”

“No interruptions,” Jiang Lei chided. “I’ve learned much from Elder Jiang. Do not make me use it.”

“But—”

“No buts.”

Wang Xiao bit his tongue and snarled at once again being denied his duel. Jiang Lei looked at him approvingly. As if Wang Xiao looking like a kettle ready to boil over was a settlement of the issue and turned back to Chen Haoran.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted.” He placed a hand on Wang Xiao’s back and waved his other hand over him.

“First, you duel.”