Ramblings of Antarctic Proportions - 2023 in conclusion (Patreon)

I don’t know if this post is warranted, or if it is even wanted, and I don’t know where even to start. So why do I even bother? I just think it’s nice to look back and reflect at how everything has developed since the start of 2023. We’ve come so far.

A year ago we were still in the midst of Cassandra’s Adventure, the Discord server was not even half the size of what it is now, and my overall following was at a different place compared to now. I went from 14 stories in 2022(August-December) on Literotica to 34(35 if TNT 7 gets approved before the new year). My supporters on Patreon know that there is even more, and I’ve honestly lost count of how much I’ve written. Perhaps I could count all the words I wrote the preceding year, but I don’t think it really matters. Getting caught up in numbers is pretty unhealthy.

And speaking of unhealthy, I hesitate to say this, but I’m a person who has struggled a lot with mental health. There is so much that could be said on this topic, especially as I think a lot of writers also struggle with this. Some even say it is necessary to even be a half-decent writer. I don’t really agree with that, though, even if I’m unfortunate to be one of them. Not that this is supposed to be any sort of pity party. It is what it is.

In 2023 I started the year on the verge of a mental breakdown. I have no clue how prevalent this was, but looking back I was much closer to the edge than I realized at the time. Throughout my decades as a writer and an author, I’ve accumulated a series of extremely bad, unhealthy, and downright detrimental habits. With age and time, my health decreased, and thus my defenses against my own bad habits also decreased.

In hindsight, it all seems so ridiculous, so small, and so out of proportion, but in the moment it was as if the walls of my own head were caving in on me. I don’t know if it was one thing per se that made me spiral like this, or if it was just decades of wear and tear, then a story or two I was severely unmotivated by became sort of the physical manifestation of this.

Thanks to someone whom I’ve come to regard as a great friend, I was able to slowly turn this around. Small steps, dedication, and most importantly, remembering that I’m not alone and that I have people I can talk to. I’m eternally grateful that they reached out to me when they did, stuck with me for the entire journey, and still check up on me. If I could I’d propose a toast, but it will unfortunately remain with my thanks and my promise that I’ll keep working on the things we’ve talked endlessly about. You know who you are.

In August of this year, something incredibly unfortunate happened behind the curtains of this ‘perfect’ facade. It was something my friend reacted to with ‘oh fuck’ to, and to be honest, rightly so. I can’t go into much detail for obvious reasons, but as a lot of you support me I think it is right that I give a small peek behind said curtains.

Until November of last year, I had a part-time job at my old publishing house. They had to do layoffs, so I lost that job. So I got a new one, where I headed a small department. The first month everything was fine. Great in fact. For the first time in years, I met new people and I liked them a lot. Unfortunately, behind me and my coworker’s back, our boss allegedly committed some sort of tax fraud scheme. I can’t go into detail, but allegedly he’s basically dragging as many as possible down with him.

There is more to this case, but I can’t go into detail at all. These cases are something that goes on all over Europe lately, so I know people have it worse even in similar cases, but it has still been incredibly stressful and a lot of work. Work that I have honestly no idea how works. I’m pretty much the stereotypical writer in that sense.

But if I’m ever absent, perhaps agitated, short in how I respond, perhaps this is why. I try not to let it affect me, but it is hard not to. In periods, I even wondered if I had to give up writing.

It hasn’t all been bad though. Far from it. 2023 despite being horrible in the start, has had some wonderful moments and I want to say it has been a good year overall.

As some of you know, I ‘quit’ writing a while back, like 2018-ish, and in 2022 I made my literary comeback in the form of erotic writing. Something I never thought I’d do, but thanks to Lovecraft68 on Lit, here we are. And I have, despite the previous paragraphs, not regretted the decision once. I still have so many stories I want to tell you folks, so unless someone pries me away, I have plenty left in the tank in terms of writing.

I’ve had so many wonderful encounters in 2023, so it hasn’t honestly been all bad. Far from it. I’ve met so many great people online and even helped some pick up writing themselves, teaching them the ancient Antarctic techniques. Some have just become people who I enjoy talking to, even if they may or may not be people of different walks of life, and with different perspectives on how the world works.

I honestly want to make a list of all those people who have made the year 2023 a much better time than it could’ve been, but I’m scared to death I’ll leave someone out. You become what you surround yourself with and in terms of who I’ve been fortunate to surround myself with throughout the emails, Patreon channels, and Discord servers, I think I’m doing fairly well.

That being said, I know there have been several people on here who have been supporting me for over a year, which is absolutely insane to me in every positive sense. Even throughout the tiers! I have a pretty big ego when it comes to my writing, but the longevity and magnitude of the support I’ve received have been humbling. Honestly, absolutely incredible.

As for myself, this year I’ve been able to keep one of the highest consistency, only missing one month in over a year. I’ve tried to be as transparent as possible about how things are going, even when it’s not going so well. And I hope I’ve been decent enough at receiving feedback. One thing that I’m truly happy about is that I’ve been able to complete several works that I hope can become ebooks with time, despite everything. It has been a one-man show for the most part, and with the situation irl, I have to say my productivity is something I’m truly happy about. In fact, from mid-December I’ve been working on a new series that will come hard and strong next year, that I hope in the end can become another ebook. It’s much like Discoveries and perhaps The Waitress, I’d say, and it has been a blast so far. It’s hovering around 200-230 pages so far, and I kinda want to finish it before I start churning the chapters out.

Is there things I can still improve on as per my actual skill? Certainly. There are some obvious flaws that I hope to mend, and I hope to become even better of a writer through 2024.

So I think that is it for now. Thank you for reading my stories, and for the support, and thank you if you bothered to read this post as well.

Happy new year and as my favorite quote reads: Be excellent to each other.