The Gamer Chapter 1591 – Off Day (Patreon)

John awoke the next morning, feeling like a god. A proverbial god, unlike the three female ones that were among the rest of the pile of haremettes. They all laid in various erotic poses, often entangled with each other, in the centre of the bed. The usual spacing out that they did in an effort to minimize complications through rolling had never even been considered last night. They were all clumped up around him.

The orgy had continued well past midnight. At the end, there had not been a girl that had been capable of walking without assistance, if they could even think about anything besides cock. Most of them had their brains melted into blissful goo that could only consider the words ‘cock’, ‘serve’ and ‘Master’. The few that didn’t, at best, were able to string together two consecutive sentences.

At that point, John had used his additional bodies. One had moved them, one had cleaned them, and one had tucked them into bed. There had been some last minute usage involved in the first and second step. Once they were in bed, they were in bed for good. That they then all decided to pile up into a cuddle hill had not been his design. He just lay down inside of it when he was done.

For once, he was the first person awake, no one was working his cock, he did not have a case of morning wood, and he managed to manoeuvre out of the pile with minimal difficulty. He looked at the outcome of his work, at the pile of tuckered out women, and nodded gleefully to himself. Even the Artificial Spirits were still in their post-coital coma.

Which meant that he actually had to make his own breakfast.

‘I’ll manage,’ he told himself and left the bedroom. His morning wood may have been staying down, but his bladder was full and that could not be ignored.

One pee later, John washed his hands, then grabbed the toothbrush. The assortment of such was much smaller than the size of the harem would imply. Elementals did not need to keep their mouth biome in check and neither did women made of metals. That left a limited number of human haremettes that were ‘required’ to go through this morning ritual.

Truthfully speaking, they probably could have gotten away with not doing it. Between their physiques being so much beyond that of the average human that bacteria were as much a threat as a cheap, wooden toothpick was to a concrete wall and Abyssal mouthwash giving fresh breath for several days, they could just have used the latter every now and again and been fine.

‘Then again, I wonder how that works,’ John wondered. ‘My gut bacteria are technically part of me and I know for a fact that they get better at drawing nutrients from what I eat, even if that is less pronounced for me than Eliana. Are my oral bacteria the same? Is it just the beneficial ones? Is there some kind of ‘empowerment’ part of my magical matrix that decides which cells get to benefit from supernatural energies?’

While he asked himself those questions, he pushed and pulled the electronic toothbrush along. The plastic rumbled. Soft bristles scraped impurities off his teeth. John counted the seconds. He had divided his mouth into the three sides for his teeth, two for the front, and distributed the recommended 3 minutes among them. Once a part of the divided time was up, he moved to the next segment of his teeth.

John wasn’t even sure when he had come up with this system. It must have been before he got these powers. The only fuzzy memories he had were before he had majorly invested in Intellect. Past that, he could recall most if not all things in sometimes unwanted sharpness. There was a spread there too. He remembered Travolta’s death quite clearly. His cruelly regenerated form, covered in scar tissue. He remembered being infected by Lorylim vividly. He could recall each individual, maggot-like vector of the fungal plague wiggle on his bones.

Perfect recollection was an interesting advantage to have, especially since other people with his level of Intellect did not necessarily share it. Delicia was, on paper, smarter than him. While that was true in most situations, they had found that his memory was more accurate than hers. She could solve logic puzzles quicker, found connections a second before him, and definitely was much better at forging ahead in the realm of alchemy and other crafting disciplines related to it. However, she did have, in a much diminished form, the human issue of misremembering details or combining two memories into one when the events had happened close enough to each other or had other relations.

John had to assume that this was because, to Delicia, keeping her memories straight was useful. To John, it was a necessity. If his mind became incapable of separating the different streams of his memories from his three bodies, things could get real messy, real fast.

‘The kind of thoughts you have when you brush your teeth,’ John thought to himself. He rinsed out his mouth, then the toothbrush, and could practically hear Lydia sigh and tell him to do it the other way around. ‘The foam will run down and dry under the brush head,’ he remembered the short version of her lecture. ‘You will shower anyway!’

John chuckled to himself. The bathroom door opened. “What’s so funny, tiger?” Rave asked, chirpily.

“What’s funny is that you are up already,” the Gamer told her and offered her the toothbrush. Did they have separate ones? Yes. Did they often not care? Yes. Was that a bit weird? Also yes. Just long-term relationship things.

Which, almost two years in (easily over two years considering time dilation), they could definitely claim they had.

Rave took the toothbrush and put a fresh bit of paste on it. “Ya know how I roll,” she told him.

“Yeah, I do, but you still woke up before all of the girls that don’t even need sleep.” John sat down on the toilet. It was just the best seat around. He got a nice look at Rave’s ass from that position. There wasn’t anything sexual involved in staring at it this time around, he just enjoyed the symmetrical curve of her behind.

“Yah knohw how I rohll,” Rave repeated, now with a toothbrush buzzing in her mouth.

Just laughing at them having this exchange for the hundredth time, John sat there and watched her move. Every motion was gorgeous. He quite enjoyed her slender back and her face in the mirror. “Don’t make a mess,” he warned her.

Rave rolled her eyes, while pressing the toothbrush against her canines. They weren’t quite pronounced enough to count as fangs, but they were certainly big enough to warrant the additional attention when cleaning. The electric toothbrush sputtered some of the foam onto the mirror. Rave wiped it off with a towel.

“You know Bae will see that anyway?”

Rave spat out a mouthful of water. “Then she can do her job,” the feline Lightbearer answered. “Ya ain’t gonna tell me that maid doesn’t want the place to be slightly dirty. She’ll get depressed if we actually keep everything tidy. She’d have nothing to complain about.”

“Touche,” John surrendered the point. “Shower?”

“Shower,” his first fiancée agreed. “Ya know, I never thought I would be a ‘first fiancée’.”

“Stop living in my head, woman!”

Rave gave him a flabbergasted look. “No. Why would ya even suggest that?”

“It’s creepy.”

“That’s a you issue, tiger.”

“The me issue is how hot you like your shower,” John groaned, after pulling on the handle. The benefit of a magical heating system created by the supreme deity of creation was that the water came out at a consistent temperature. The placement of the handle could be relied on to create a reliable outcome. The drawback of that was that his girlfriend could and indeed did demand a certain angle.

Rave let out a relaxed sigh, while steam enveloped them. John let out an overplayed groan. Courtesy of the Guild Hall already being hot, the heat difference wasn’t actually that stark and he was mostly used to it anyhow. Mostly.

“Stop being an ice cube.”

“Stop being so hot!” John demanded in return.

“I mean, I can try chugging hot cocoa and see if I can gain fifty kilos,” Rave suggested.

John hummed and tried to imagine her on the chubby to fat side of things. She wouldn’t look bad, provided her breasts and thighs kept pace with her belly, but definitely not what he would prefer. It would likely take her out of the hot category, if he was being honest.

“Do I win the argument?” she teased, rubbing her butt against him.

“You win the argument if you actually do it.”

“Alright, ya win the argument if you keep your hands off me.”

“Wha- You might as well ask me to only eat one chip!”

“Ya better savour that one crunch then.” Rave continued to rub her pert behind against him. Before John knew it, his hands were gliding up her sides. He only realized what he was doing when he gave her soft breasts a squeeze. “Ha-ha!” she declared victoriously. “I win… what do I win?”

“What do you want?” John asked, in all seriousness.

“Hmmm.” Rave tapped a finger against her bottom lip. While she thought, John ran his hands through her soft hair. She purred when it turned into a head massage. She raised a hand and appreciatively brushed over his arm. He felt the softness of her slender fingers and the smoothness of metal.

The ring on her finger caused the nearby mist to glow in the variety of colours that shifted over its surface. It was like she had a technicolour rave on her finger at all times. A happy smirk spread on John’s lips. Of the many things he was proud of, that ring was certainly up there.

“I want ya to take Ehtra with ya tomorrow.”

The request pulled John out of his entranced state. “That is… wait a second, you’re just being an enabler again!”

“Oh no, your hot first fiancée is forcing ya to spend time with another woman,” Rave drily answered. “Back to ear scratching, tiger.”

The Gamer had to confess that he loved that he had ended up with a woman that, when she gave him an order, he was happy to oblige. He was being played like a fiddle by an excellent fiddler. No shame could be found in that. He scratched her ears, listened to her purr, and enjoyed the ride of a harmonious relationship.

“For real though, I think it’ll be good for her,” Rave hummed. “She’ll have three days to check out the Hudson Barrier, today included, so that’ll give her a basic idea on what we’re about. Spending some more time with ya and checking on what knights do these days should help her.”

“Hmm, I suppose she would already know knights or at least martial orders of the kind,” John thought out loud. “So that might indeed help her as a sort of link between the past and the present.”

“Ain’t I a smart gal?”

“Eh.” Swift as a cat, Rave turned her head and bit the hand that scratched her. “Great…” John tugged, but the soft clenching of her teeth remained firm. “…got to get my girlfriend and myself checked for rabies.” He shook his hand, then raised it up. Rave got on her toes to try and stay connected.

A mistake. The tiny surface area was not enough to keep her steady on the slippery shower floor. Her mouth opened, she let out half a surprised yelp, then John had an arm around her waist. “Always paying attention,” Rave swooned, all the actual love she felt for him flowing into those few words.

“That’s what you keep me around for,” John answered in kind. Their lips found each other naturally.

A little bit later, they were drying off. Not drying each other off. They weren’t in the mood for that bit of sweet awkwardness.

“How did you do that yesterday?” John asked.

“Ya know I can speak ‘properly’ if I want to. I did it before.”

John raised an eyebrow. “Not that, how did you get order into your hair.”

“Order into my hair?” Rave grabbed the hair dryer and flicked it on. The electric insides whirled quietly. “I have no idea what ya talkin’ about~” The musical up and down of those innocent words made them a lie beyond obvious. “I’m cursed to look this fashionably chaotic.”

“Alright then, keep your secrets,” John gave up on that front too. He was willing to give up all the verbal arguments today. After yesterday, his fist fiancée and indeed his entire harem had earned themselves some easy banter victories. “You want me to do anything for your birthday this year?”

“No,” she answered swiftly and certainly. “No surprises this year, Johnnie, or there will be consequences.”

He had knowingly overstepped last year, when he had invited her parents without her knowledge. Prideful as he was, he still knew he couldn’t pull such stunts repeatedly without compromising the relationship they had. It didn’t really matter that he was convinced that he was right to try. Even if he was, the currency of trust between them was worth the world.

“I’ll do nothing then,” he assured her. “Well, besides worship the ground you walk on.”

“Ya should do that every day!” Rave declared. “I’m the girl that got Lee into high heels!”

“…Oh, shit, you did,” John realized. “How did you work that miracle?”

“I said, ‘Master would like it a lot.’ It was very effective,” Rave answered cheekily and they moved to the kitchen. She stayed by the table; he opened the fridge. “Wanna eat frozen pizza for old time’s sake?”

John chuckled and opened the deep freezer. He half expected to find two pizzas in there. On one hand, he would have trusted Rave to predict they’d be alone that morning. On the other hand, he did not find anything there and she was not one to look that far into the future anyhow.

“I got an email yesterday,” Rave continued to chat, while John went for the actual meal of wholegrain bread with cream cheese spread. Simple, effective, and even he could do it. He hummed to let her know he was listening. “Came from one Fianna Valentine.”

“Oh?” John put the remaining cream cheese and bread back where they came from. “What did she want from you?”

“What do you think?” Rave asked, sounding genuinely curious.

John considered his answer while he carried the plate back to the table. Rave fished a slice off the moment it hit the tabletop. “I hope it tastes better than my hand,” he joked, earning himself a chuckle, and sat down. “I would guess she wanted tips on how to exceed her current limitations?”

“N-O-P-E, nope, try again.”

John furrowed his eyebrows. “Scarlett’s contact info?”

“You’re on the completely wrong track.”

“My contact info?” John asked, sounding doubtful as he said that. “She did not strike me as the type to chase me, at least not already…”

“And ya would be right, ‘cause that’s strike three,” Rave answered. “She was just investigating if there was something she could help me with. Seems like she likes what I do.”

“Huh… makes enough sense… Guess I was too focused on her being weak.” John bit into his own slice. “So weird to think about how strong we are these days.”

“I love it.” Rave grinned. “Also love ya. You’re a close second.”

“I’ll take it.” Under the table, their feet fought a fierce battle. He emerged the victor eventually, pinning her feet down under his.

“To loop back to Met- fuck!” Rave let out the rare curse. “Ehtra! Why are they called almost the same?!”

“Almost like they’re siblings or something.”

“Me and Liz don’t have similar names at all.”

“Debatable,” John responded, then motioned for her to go on.

“Right, so, I wanna make this kinda clear, because everyone will make jokes about it anyway: I’m kind of enabling you, but…!” She lingered on that word for a little bit. “…I want it understood that I’m not doing it because I’m going all ‘Master deserves all the girls’ about it. I did it for Lulu ‘cause… come on.” For once, Rave’s explanation was entirely sufficient. “I’m doing this for Ehtra not because I think you’ll actually hook up during those three days, but because I think we all agreed the poor woman needs a bit of attention to fix herself up.”

John nodded a few times during the talk. “I don’t take anything you do for granted,” he assured her. “I don’t think you’re unwise either, especially when it comes to this.” He put a hand on hers and looked her directly in the eyes. “All of that…” he gestured in the direction of the bedroom, “…I couldn’t do it without you.”

Rave’s smile bloomed like a lone flower in the desert. “I’m doing my best for us. I’m relying on ya to hold me back when I do too much just like ya rely on me.” She winked. “It’s our harem, John. We’re the power couple to end all power couples.”

“We’ll rule the world and look horny while doing it.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Rave agreed.