De-Procrastinating 4 – Unfound Purpose (Patreon)

Lee had made her decision, though that didn’t make enacting it any easier. She stood in front of the thick doors of the headmaster’s office. A message to her mother yesterday had made certain that her father was indeed in today. His position had been in transition to his son from the start and by now Magoi spent more time on vacation than he spent working. The privilege of someone who had contributed to society for all their life.

Pumping her fists, Lee gathered her confidence and then knocked twice. “Come in,” her father’s voice came from the inside. Without further hesitation, Lee pushed down the handle and marched inside.

Magoi sat behind a large wooden desk. It was about the same size as John’s although she was certain, and prayed, that it did not have a similarly defined leg compartment. The chair behind it was of a sturdy make, wood and leather unified with metal bolts. It did not swivel or roll, when the scarred, bald man behind it moved.

As per usual, her father wore the stylish outfit of a stereotypical British butler. The rest of the room had been outfitted to fit with the theme. Most of the academy fit with it as well. He had always had a flare for the Victorian. Within arm’s reach, its nose pointing at the door, laid the raptor skull mask and his top hat. Otherwise, the table was occupied by paperwork and computer-related equipment. It was all tidy and most of it empty.

“Lee.” Her father showed a broad smile. That he was happy to see her put a twinge of guilt into her gut. She closed the door behind herself, to have an excuse not to look at his face for a moment. “Come here, sit down. You’re in the academy early today. I didn’t expect you until classes were over.”

‘Of course, Mom told him I asked,’ Lee unravelled that mystery before it could confuse her. If her metaphorical daughter would have asked about John, she would have told him too.

“You’re not wearing your uniform.” Those words were spoken slowly, contemplatively. Lee turned back around and took a deep breath. She marched over to the guest chair in front of the table and gathered up all her youthful defiance. Luckily, she had a lot of that. Enough to overcome the sinking feeling in her guts.

“I’m not going to wear it again,” she declared. “I’m… going to quit the academy.”

Magoi remained unmoving for a few seconds, before folding the document he had been holding and calmly putting it aside. He tapped the tabletop a couple of times, before returning his gaze to his daughter. “Lee Magus,” he started. “We’ve talked about this many times before and I believed that your relationship with John would have finally put enough concern for the future into you to stop avoiding making the necessary sacrifices for a good life. You need to be qualified in order to be recognized.”

Lee crossed her arms, her guilt making room for an entirely different attitude children had towards their parents. “Do I?” she asked. “What qualification exams did you take, hm?”

“I grew up in a time where we did not have the luxury of taking exams,” Magoi stated, slowly and clearly. “I would have much preferred sitting in classrooms and scribbling on pages over proving myself in wars and earning the ire of powerful men and gods alike.”

“Oh yeah? Then why did you keep doing it?” Lee pointed over her shoulder at the door. “Because I guarantee you, dad, that I’m not writing a single more test in my life the moment I’m out this door.”

Magus took a deep breath and put his folded hands on the table. “I did what I had to and it cost me, Lee.”

“You did something that was meaningful!” Lee responded and leaned forward. “And I got a taste of that! I’ve spent my entire life learning things and then waiting for everyone else to catch up. Everyone always called me gifted or talented, or whatever, and all I get to show for it is being the most bored girl in class. Yeah, I’ve finally got concern for the future. I got it by helping people I cared about in a way that I don’t have to force myself.”

Magoi stared back at her, his dark eyes hiding what he thought. Lee was not used to seeing her father like this. With his family, he had always been open about his emotions. Perhaps he was even now. His jaw circled, as he contemplated. “Alright, sorry, I’m… sometimes I forget you’re not my naïve little girl anymore,” Magoi leaned back and closed his eyes.

It was in that moment that Lee saw how old her father truly was. How deep the scars sat in his wrinkly skin, the bags under his eyes from too many, long distant nights spent sleepless, the thinness of his frame, propped up by magic his physical form could no longer hold onto. Lee’s defiance collapsed into a black void of concern. How many more years would she have with her father?

Magoi opened his eyes. They sparkled with life. Even if his body was fading, his mind was still all there. “Let’s start this over. Why do you want to leave so badly? You’re a year, maybe two, away from graduating.”

“That’s a long time,” Lee said.

“Is it?” Magoi looked at a grandfather clock, ticking nearby. The pendulum swung back and forth, counting the seconds. “I haven’t been young in so long, perhaps I can’t understand anymore what the passage of time feels like to you. A year is hardly any time at all. One day you hold a baby in your arms, the next she’s sitting across from you in your office…” His tone never strayed away from sincere. Lee, who was so deeply used to banter, barely knew how to handle that. “Is it truly so terrible to be bored?”

“I feel like I’m trapped, Dad. I’ve felt that way for a long time. I just… I finally understand that that’s what it is and that I have alternatives.” Lee shifted around in her seat. “I’m really thankful that you keep looking out for me. This is just what I decided for myself.”

Magoi nodded a couple of times and glanced towards a nearby whiskey cabinet. “Feels appropriate to offer you something to drink but… you never could hold your liquor. Your mother is similar, gets tipsy after half a glass of wine.”

“I knew I had it from someone,” Lee tried to introduce some levity to the situation. With a slight delay, Magoi chuckled. “So is my resignation… uhm… accepted?”

“You’re your own person, have been for a while,” her father said. “I let go the day that I accepted I’d rather see you in John’s harem than brought overseas. Your decisions are your own. If you no longer attend this academy, that’s your choice. If you want to come back, however…!” His tone rose in both volume and levity.

“…then you’ll give me the biggest of all ‘I told you so!’s, yes.” Lee rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I get it.”

“What’s your plan then?” Magoi put his folded hands back on the table, now all the concerned father. “If you’re unwilling or incapable of following the path I set for you, what will you do?”

“I, uhm, I’m just going to train by myself and help John, really.” Lee shrunk down a bit in the chair. “Gonna be honest, I’m not… that sure… yet?”

Magoi pinched the bridge of his nose. “One day you’ll have a rebellious daughter and you’ll understand what is going through my head right now… or maybe you’ll have someone else to solve this for you, I cannot even imagine the complicated web of familial relations that is going to come from your love life.” He slammed his hand down on the table. “Lee Magus!”

She jumped in her chair. Twice. “Y-yes?”

“You do not upend your entire future without having at least an idea what is next. Yes, training and helping John are both worthwhile goals, but can you build an entire life around that? I can’t imagine he’ll let you get away with videogames all the time.”

“No, he said he’d help me start a business if I wanted… if that’s fine, mister head of Fateweavers in Fusion?”

Magoi shrugged. “The Magus Academy provides certificates that assure that our Fateweavers are qualified for their tasks. You can work without them. No one will stop you. You’ll be less likely to be hired, though. Maybe I should get together with Magnus and talk about a process to give certificates to unschooled Fateweavers that can prove a level of work experience.”

“Yeah, I think that’s my best option…” Lee mumbled.

“You could also take more after your mother,” Magoi suggested and clicked his tongue when Lee made a sour face. “What is that expression supposed to tell me, young lady?”

“Housewifing is a tad outdated…” Lee said slowly.

“Did these mundane games poison your mind?” Magoi shook his head. “Does your mother look unhappy? Does Aclysia? I know the mundanes are obsessed these days with everyone entering the workforce, and fair enough, everyone should have the option to do what they want. That includes being a housewife, and you, Lee, are terrible at keeping your room in order. If you want to work on anything, maybe start with that.”

Lee had no response to that. Partly because she genuinely had no proper counterargument and partly because Magoi spoke in the tone of paternal certainty. It just felt so outdated to work at home, do largely mechanized manual labour like cleaning, never be more than fifty metres away from her PC, set her own work hours… Actually, being a housewife sounded pretty good.

“I’ll have to talk to John and Aclysia about this,” she stated.

“Do that. Maybe you’ll think of another choice. Maybe you’ll decide to cultivate some other life skills. I’m open to being surprised.”

“Well, whatever I do, I still have to train to let you slide completely into retirement, old man,” Lee sassed her father, who let out an overplayed sound of outrage. “Yeah, now that I don’t have to attend these boring classes anymore, I can actually train enough to supplant you!”

“I look forward to you trying.” Magoi reached underneath the table and pulled out a folder. He continued speaking, as he went through it. “Do you know why school systems are so popular among basically every layer of society?”

“Because people are sheep?” Lee asked, (mostly) joking.

“Most people aren’t that self-motivated,” Magoi told his daughter. He shook his head and put the folder away, pulling out another one. “They’ll learn what they need to and then stop. Now you can say that’s legitimate, but if you want to have a flexible society, you need people that are learned across many areas, including those they may never use. The reason why I wanted you to attend school is because I never thought you were that self-motivated.” He gave her an apologetic glance. “You’re currently proving me wrong. Please keep doing that.”

“I do love proving you and Mom wrong.”

“We don’t think we’ll have grandchildren by the end of next year either.”

“I do love proving you wrong in most things.”

Magoi laughed and shook his head. “We should be bothering Magnus more than you anyway. You’re not old enough to worry about kids yet. Another three or six years, maybe then. Aha!” He put the folder on the table and pulled out a sheet of paper. “This is everything you would have learned over the coming months.” He pushed it over the table. “No one will test you on it, so you can do it on your own time, but no one will be there to answer your questions either.”

“Eh, I can still access the library. Plus, you know, the internet.” Lee looked over the sheet and raised an eyebrow. A quarter of those things she already knew about in detail through conjecture and boredly browsing school books. “Yeah, this’ll be no problem.”

Magoi hummed neutrally, leaving her wondering whether he approved or disapproved of her reaction. It was time to prove that she was the genius everyone made her out to be. “I’ll keep you in the register for now,” her father said. “If you’ve decided to stay out by next semester, you’ll be struck from the records.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she said and stood up with a big smile. She went around the table and gave him a big hug. “You can be pretty awesome.”

“Just live your best life for me, alright? That’s the only thing a father can ask for. That and a hand when I lose the ability to put furniture together.”

They both chuckled at his joke and Lee then headed for the door. She left with a spring in her step. The walls of the building had a lingering feeling of suppression. Overall, she felt free. Freer than she ever had. Her entire life was now in her hands and she still had two families that she could rely on if this didn’t work out for her. One by blood and one by love, both had their influences on what exactly she would do next. ‘Challenges and responsibility,’ Lee thought, ‘that’s what John says people need. I have a bunch of challenges now, responsibilities… guess I got to have a talk about that with everyone.’

She pulled up the Harem Comms and wrote a message that summarized what had happened. The plan had been announced over last night’s dinner, so it surprised nobody. Rave responded by declaring a break between dinner and the usual nightly orgy in which they would discuss what exactly the consequences of this were. When a haremette put her life upside down, that affected everyone to some degree.

Lee wondered, not for the first time, why she didn’t mind being the centre of this attention. Preferable, usually, was to stay in the periphery. To learn of important events but not be the one anyone looked at. That was how she had kept her homelife, until joining the harem had made everything so different. There was not a fibre of her soul she would not have laid bare to those girls and that one man.

What a wonderful position to be in.