I'm sorry but I just can't. (Patreon)

You probably remember posts about my father and how my life looks like. You probably also know that my father is dead. I've said that this is finally a hope and a path to a normal life after 20 years of living in hell... Well guess what, fuck me and my life.

I also have a brother who's the complete garbage drug addict piece of shit and he just decided to continue his father's legacy. My house right now is a pile of garbage, literally a landfill (that's his passion, collecting trash, these are his actual words, he literally called it a passion). I wanted to politely talk to him half an hour ago and explain him that house is not a landfill and he's a toxic parasite destroying mine and my mother's life and it's not going to be like that anymore. I wanted to present some rules to him and give him a chance to fix it... but he decided to barricade himself in his room and that was all about polite discussion. I had to enter the room by force and if there wouldn't be a landfill of trash between us in the room I'd literally start beating him.

I've heard that I'm retarded, because I'm angry if someone piss on the floor and don't even bother, I've heard that I'm retarded, because I'm translating everything into money (because I've said that he didn't give any money for bills and I was starving, because I had to spend all my money to pay the bills), I've heard that I'm retarded, because I don't understand the real life and all I see is that landfill in my own fucking house... He suggested me to look outside that room instead of screaming, because I can't make myself a dinner, because of a pile of garbage laying around. I've also heard that all this is my fault and I made all that mess – yes, that's what this piece of fucking dog shit literally said. He said if I have a problem I can clean it and he was repeating how retarded I am.

And as an only owner of this house I can do... nothing. My only shot is a long ass case in the court... EU and human rights my ass... Too bad nobody cares about my rights. But I'm going to try it. I either get rid of this piece of shit from my house or I'll end on the street myself. I can't handle this anymore, I won't be living in this fucking hell for another 20 years waiting for another piece of shit to die – even if this means going in debt and losing all I've created so far, even if this means I won't be able to draw or do anything I like anymore, I don't give a fuck – it all doesn't matter a shit if I'm supposed to live with this piece of garbage in my house.

The worst part is that I'm completely alone. I have no one to support me, no one to always be physically around to help with at least some talk. It's 1AM and I want to scream, just talk to some people and here's no one.

I need to see a psychologist, I need help and most important an written opinion that this piece of shit is the only reason with my mental illness, because I feel like this will be a crucial proof in court to get remove this human garbage from my house by force. I know that his first words will be that I'm crazy and insane – yes, yes I am insane, that's true, one simple fact is missing, this insanity comes purely because of his presence in my life. I'm living on a fucking landfill right now, listening that I'm retarded because I pay bills, I'm retarded because I see problems in anything – says a 40 year old guy, drug addict, trash collector who never done anything responsible in his life, never paid a bill, barely knows how to boil water and make tea, who was always working a shit job and wasting all he earns for drugs. I'm fucking done. 

I need to see a psychologist, I'm seeing a lawyer this Monday, I have to get money to pay the case and sue him and that's all I can do... Why I can't just grab a fucking shotgun and politely suggest such piece of crap to get the fuck out of my house... Why the only thing I have as an fucking owner in this fucking country are responsibilities, like paying rent and tax but no fucking rights... I can't even decide who is allowed to enter my own property – he may literally invite 10 pieces of shit like him and I can't even tell them to leave my property, because I'm "just" a fucking OWNER, who has no fucking rights to say anything, because they are his guests... I want to scream and break bones...

I'm sorry, I just can't. I don't even know what I'm writing right now, I'm just writing shit, because I can't do anything else. I know you are here for art but I just can't... I'll finish that Daring Do pic, maybe made a Dash version, and I have two sketches of Dash to clean and post and idk that may be all for now. I just don't know what to do...

Please don't hesitate to hold your pledges. Maybe I should set my Patreon to "per paid post" for now, so nobody will be charged until I'll come back with some content idk, I'm sorry.

-Omi