BNHA: Undying (Ch 71) (Patreon)

“Thanks for letting me use your personal phone, Nezu.”

He smiles at me while I wait for Shiggy to pick up. “Of course. Anyone else’s phone wouldn’t be secure enough, the HPSC would be able to listen in and track where both signals are coming from. We can’t have that!”

I chuckle, eyeing him with a knowing look. “And of course the fact that it will record the entire conversation is just a happy coincidence for you.”

His smile doesn’t falter. “Indeed it is.”

I finally hear a click, Shigaraki’s suspicious and annoyed voice echoing forth from the other side. “The hell is this? How’d you get this number?”

I take a deep breath, knowing that my next words can change everything about how this conversation will go. But I’ve had time to prepare, I know exactly what I’m going to say.

“Hello, I’ve called to talk to you about your extended warranty. Is your bioengineered super weapon properly insured? If not, press one!”

I can feel Nezu giving me a judgmental look, and Eraserhead is doing the same. Pretty sure Shigaraki is staring at the phone on his end too, but his expression is probably more confused than annoyed. Or a mix of both.

After a moment of silence, he finally responds. “...Da fuck kind of drugs are you on?”

I snort. “Rude! Addicts wish they could get as crazy as I am with mere drugs! And more to the point; I thought you would have been worried since I haven’t come back yet! Did you even notice?” I put the back of my hand on my forehead and swoon dramatically. “Woe is me, my boss is evil and exploits his employees, he cares not if they get injured or sick. The only thing he fears is them joining a union.”

“Wait a minute, Midosagi!?” The surprise is clear in his voice and I smile.

“Ding ding ding! Correct! For guessing correctly, you get a prize! Would you-”

“Fuck that!” Shiggy interrupts my announcement, and now he sounds angry. Weird. I wonder why? “Get your ass back here right the fuck now! Eri is the only thing stopping your girlfriend from going on a rampage, and she’s in the middle of getting ready to sleep for the night!”

I wince. “Oooh, yeah. Berserker Himi is scary. Could be worse though, at least she doesn’t have a regeneration quirk!”

“Don’t give Sensei any ideas! He’d probably do it! The hell are you anyways?”

I perk up at that. “Oh yeah! I’m still at UA, I’m participating in their rehabilitation program as a guinea pig.”

“...Da fuck kind of drugs are you on?”

I roll my eyes. “Already used that line, and the answer is none.” I pause though, wondering if that’s true. I glance at Nezu. “You guys didn’t have me on any drugs while I was knocked out, did you?”

I get a head shake in denial, so I turn my attention back to the phone. “Yeah, no drugs. They offered to turn it into a game, and I thought it would be fun!”

“...You do realize that Toga is going to kill the both of us if she can’t see you, right?”

I shrug disinterestedly. “I mean… that sounds kind of like a you problem. Plus she can always sneak in.” I send a condescending smirk towards Eraserhead while he grinds his teeth. “It’s not like the heroes will be able to stop her~.”

“Wait, are the heroes listening in on this call?”

“Yep.” I say, popping the p before explaining more. “My half, at least. I’m using Nezu’s personal phone so you don’t have to worry about getting tracked.”

“Dumbass!” He shouts, causing me to pull the phone away from my ear. “Do you really think he won’t be able to pull some bullshit cheat out of his ass to find us through his phone!?”

“Aw~, you’re learning!” I coo at him in a sickeningly sweet voice before getting serious. “You should have more faith in me, I have it covered.”

He grumbles quietly to himself before sighing. “Fine, fine! Whatever. You said it’s a game, so what are the rules?”

I smile as I explain the rules: how I’ll essentially be a student and can’t initiate contact with the LoV, that I’m not allowed to escape but can be ‘kidnapped’, and how if basically any of them get caught they’ll join me.

He takes a bit of time to process the explanation, but he does eventually reply. “It does sound like it will be interesting.” I can hear the reluctance in his voice. “But that doesn’t fix the problem of your psycho girl- Ah!”

I blink at the unexpected sound of pain followed by sudden silence, giving the phone a confused look before putting it back to my ear. “Shiggy? You good? A portal to an alternate timeline where I’m an insane immortal didn’t open up, did it?”

“Isn’t that this one?” A female voice asks coldly, a hint of a threat in her voice. I swallow nervously.

“A-ah. Himi! It’s good to hear your voice again! Are you doing ok?”

Nezu tilts his head at my sudden change in tone, evidently he hasn’t been in a relationship before. Eraserhead, though, gives an unsettling grin that stretches across his face. Apparently he is seeing someone. Interesting~.

“Just fine!” She says in a chipper voice that sends shivers down my spine. Hehe, I’m in danger. “Had a nice day, watched you show up at the Sports Festival and make a fool of All Might until he hit you, your video played. You know, nothing out of the ordinary.”

Her voice suddenly changes, a kind of manic energy somehow being communicated across the phone. “Then you didn’t show back up, and I waited the entire~ day~, thinking that you just got held up. But now I hear that not only did you get caught, but you’re making an active decision to stay caught. Now, how do you think that makes me feel?”

“Himi, I-”

“Nope!” She cuts off my explanation, leaving no room for arguments. “And did you even think about how this would make Eri feel? She was really looking forward to her next lesson!”

“Hey now, don’t pin the lesson on me! I still say she’s too small for that!”

She snorts over the phone and I roll my eyes at Eraserhead. ‘Partners’ I mouth silently. He doesn’t show any signs of agreement, but I know he gets it. I’ll just ignore that ominous shiver traveling down my spine signifying that Himi somehow knows what’s going through my head.

“I disagree! The earlier she starts, the better she’ll be growing up!”

“She’s too little! She doesn’t have the necessary reach!”

“She just needs to get closer then!”

“It’s better to teach her how to shoot a gun before training her with knives!” I keep talking, ignoring her usual objections to guns. “Yes, they’re impersonal, but they’re a better safeguard until she can increase her skill level!”

She huffs, and I can just imagine the way she pouts as she crosses her arms. “Fine, but you’re the one telling her that the lesson is getting put on hold!”

My voice conveys my smirk. “Sorry~, but I can’t. One of the rules of the game is that I can’t initiate contact with the LoV. You can come visit though! As long as you don’t get caught! Bring Eri with you!”

“Oh no you don’t!” She shouts. “What rules, and what game!? Don’t just leave without properly explaining anything!”

I chuckle. “Just ask Shiggy, I already explained everything to him.” I blink as I’m suddenly hit by a realization. “Actually, what happened to Shiggy? We were talking on the phone before you somehow got a hold of it…”

“Oh, that? Don’t worry,” she says in a way that makes me immediately worry, “he’s not dead. I just kind of maybe stabbed him a little bit! Mamagiri took him someplace, so he’s probably getting medical attention.”

“Makes sense.” I nod in agreement. “Where’d you stab him?”

“In my defense, I was stressed.” Her immediate defense has me split between being amused and getting even more worried. “Let’s just say he’ll be having trouble sitting for a while…”

I pause, slapping my forehead before slowly dragging my hand down my face. “Himi,” I say tiredly, “please tell me you didn’t shove a knife up Shigaraki’s butt.” I ignore the strange looks the heroes give me. Given that I’m going to be cutting loose while I’m here, they’re going to experience a ton of weird stuff. They’ll get used to it soon enough. Or go crazy. Either works.

“I didn’t!” She yells, offended. “That’s disgusting! My knives don’t deserve to be treated like that! All I did was stab his left cheek!”

“Fair. Anyways, I think it’s about time to go, see you when I see you?”

She huffs. “Fine. But no sleeping with anyone at the school! That includes the students and the teachers!”

I pout. “Fine~. But then you fall under the same restriction!”

“Fine by me~.” I can hear the smirk in her voice. “You’re the only student I know~.”

“I take it back, I take it back!”

I hear a click and stare at the now silent phone. I switch looks between Nezu and Eraserhead. “I took it back, so it counts, right?”

Nezu shrugs while Eraserhead grins unsettlingly again. I sigh. “Whatever. Guess we’ll see what happens.” Without further ado, I bring the phone back up to my face and-

*Crunch*

-start chewing it.

I make heavy eye contact with Nezu as I eat his phone, grinding the sensitive electronics between my teeth. He just stares at me uncomprehendingly. Apparently even the smartest experiment in the world needs time to process something as ridiculous as me suddenly eating his phone.

It’s only when I swallow the first bite that he seems to snap out of it. “...I suppose that I should have seen this coming. Though I do believe this is the first time that someone has chosen to eat an inedible object in an effort to prevent me from obtaining information.”

I shrug, wincing as I swallow the rest down, the uncomfortable sensation of electronics scraping their way down my throat anything but pleasant. “Yeah, you’re going to start seeing a lot of weird, unusual, or otherwise mind-boggling situations now that I’m here.”

He gives me a grin, not nearly as wide as Eraserhead’s but somehow even more unsettling. “I’m sure that it will be entertaining. I look forward to seeing what you do within the hero course.”

I pause, blinking at him as Eraserhead groans. “Hero course? Not Gen Ed?”

“Not at all!” His grin is seeming a lot more predatory than it was a few seconds ago. “It would be such a shame for someone with combat skills like yours to be barred from using them. Not to mention that my students would benefit greatly from prolonged exercises against a villain of such renown.”

My eyes narrow at him. “Which class am I going to be put in?”

His grin doesn’t falter. “1-A, of course!”

The same class as Izumi and Kachan…

“Is it too late to choose prison?”

“Yes.”

“Fluff.”