Weekly Check In! (Let's Get Real, Real, Real.) Autism, CPTSD, Trauma (Patreon)

Good morning everyone!

About a week ago I posted my first weekly check in where I brought up some goals I am trying to accomplish and asked how everyone was!

Wanted to check in this week and ask, how has everyones week been? I appreciate you guys sharing you accomplishments and also your hardships And thank you for the workout tips!

Were you able to keep up with those accomplishments into this week?

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I actually worked out this week, I took a break in the middle of the week and almost gave up but continued to push myself! I actually did it and I felt great accomplishing that goal. I plan to go for another week so I shall be checking in next Saturday letting you guys know if I was able to power through.

But this week has also been hard for me emotionally. The mental workouts don't stop. Healing from childhood trauma is no joke sprinkle in going undiagnosed with Autism for 31 years also adds a lot of shit to that difficult mental gumbo.   A thing I am finally understanding about myself after my diagnosis is I have limitations. Accepting that has been extremely helpful for me but it also then adds a new negative voice in my head that tries to attack me AND my limitations.

I get overstimulated really easily. Noise pollution is the worst. I hear EVERYTHING. Always have and always will. Add two young boys in an echoey home and that is a recipe for disaster lol. But it is my reality as well as many moms and dads on the spectrum and not on the spectrum.

Being overstimulated by sound and touch can put me into a state of potential dissociation. Where I zone out and sort of "leave" my body. I have noticed I have been doing this since I was a young child and it has now become one of the hardest habits to break.

It seems to be a coping mechanism, a way to "control" or "leave" my surroundings when things get overwhelming. I never noticed I was doing this until last year. So the good news is I can now catch when I am in the middle of one of those episodes. And do my best to come back to myself. Coming back to the present moment...

Sometimes I am also having emotional flashbacks.

Here is an excerpt from the book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" explaining emotional flashbacks;

"Survivors of traumatizing abandonment are extremely susceptible to painful emotional flashbacks.  They are sudden and often prolonged regressions to the overwhelming feeling - states of being an abused/abandoned child. These feeling states can include, overwhelming fear, shame, alienation, rage, grief, and depression. They can also trigger fight or flight responses"

I highly recommend this book for anyone healing from trauma, C-PTSD, abandonment etc etc. I haven't finished it but found what I have read to be very helpful.

I was not an abused child, but definitely suffered abandonment (Mom had to be away for work a lot) and emotionally neglected. Single mother trying to make ends meet and a father who was absent was not the most ideal way of growing up and yet this is a common occurrence for so many people. I know my mom did her best, truly, but it doesn't change the pain I suffered as a child, teen and still as an adult.

So what am I doing to better myself/heal myself?

I am doing everything in my power to re-parent myself. Started therapy 3 years ago, found a new therapist after I was diagnosed with Autism who is also on the spectrum. They have been so helpful in understanding myself and my quirks.

Breathing (when I remember) Still learning new habits and thats always the tough part making new habits stick.

Working out/walking (so beneficial) I have a lot of energy to get out and walking or running short sprints, lifting some weights really help me and allow me to release my anger, sadness and frustrations out in a healthy way.

Not running away from my emotions/feelings. Facing them head on seriously sucks, I am jus being honest it feels icky it feels wrong. But every time I face the problem I am able to see it is just a feeling and feelings will not kill me, there is nothing to fear. And I ride the feelings wave basically. It never lasts too long and also it ends when I start accepting and letting go and that usually means crying and that is the ultimate release.  If you made it all the way here, thank you for reading maybe this helps you understand me more. Maybe it helps understand yourself more as well. I want to be much more open about my struggles because I am on the beginning journey of healing and want to be able to help as many people as I can in this process.   I am still here and so are you, so let's get through this day and enjoy it <3