Space Dickin' (Patreon)

Bastian’s Log: Stardate...September, I think.

Orchid, the ship’s AI told me to keep a journal to ‘preserve my sanity, which otherwise won’t last long onboard a ship with a literal mad clown.’ I wrote this off in the beginning, but after about a week, I think I finally get it. This pink-haired alien asshole won’t stop flying through asteroid fields for shits and giggles, doing cork screws while I’m trying to sleep, and jerking off in the the most obvious spots around the ship.

I could deal with that, but what I CAN’T deal with is the fact that he WON’T STOP TRYING TO FUCK ME. Despite having a literal dick-sucking slug, two SEPERATE sex bots, and a huge-ass box of weirdo sex toys that I can’t even BEGIN to understand, he won’t stop trying to get into my fucking pants! I shouldn’t have told him I’m straight...