Butcher of Gadobhra Chapter 367 (Patreon)

Four weary travelers stepped out of a gate to a hidden Fae Realm, completing their journey after a few detours. Rolly looked around smugly, "I told you it was a left turn at Albuquerque."

Ben glared at him, "I was doing fine until Route 66 crossed over itself. How can you stand at the corner of Route 66 and Route 66?"

Rolly shrugged, "Lucky I had my trusty stick with me."

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Legendary Crook of the Pathfinder

This sturdy walking staff may appear straight or with a crook at the end and be from three feet to seven feet in length. This has made it difficult for sages to track its ownership through the ages. It was certainly owned by Jean Baptiste Champagne, who led the first expedition north from the fledgling empire into the vast maple forest now ruled by the Priests of the Maple Leaf. It was certainly held by Father Moses Malone, who led his army of battle pilgrims during the Peach Basket Rebellion, allowing his army to score victories after driving marches against the Lost Tribesmen from the Lake of Angels.

Its powers are known to include the following:

Pathfinding: While leading a flock or army from the front, difficult paths are made smooth and straight, returning to the original state after you pass. If heading to a specific destination, the staff will point towards it.
Light Hearts make for a Fast Journey: Increase the morale of your flock or army and increase their movement speed by 50% for eight full hours, after which they must eat a full meal and rest for a night.
A Bridge over Troubled Waters: Once a day, create a sturdy bridge over a body of water that endures for 8 hours.
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Ben looked at the staff and then down at his own item. "I think you beat me this time."

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Legendary Curry Comb of Destiny

Removes dirt and burs from your Chosen Mount, leaving them with a clean and shiny coat in only half the time.
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Rolly pointed to Ozzy. "Could be worse. The Butcher got a bucket."

Ozzy was holding a battered and rusty ten-gallon bucket overflowing with entrails. "And that, my friends, is where you show your lack of knowledge of the fine art of charcuterie. Only the finest salumist can appreciate such a delicate and subtle magic item."


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Legendary Bucket of Guts

This battered and rusty bucket was created when largely forgotten Scottish butcher Angus 'Pig-grinder' MacDonald made a deal with Cailleach, the one-eyed Hag-Witch. Angus was a miser who hated wasting anything and despised the wasting of entrails and guts of other pig farmers. Cailleach made him a pail that would roam the village at night and gather the unused parts that other butchers and pig-slaughterers didn't use, wasting not a bit of meat. In return, Angus owed Cailleach his weight in pork chops, a snack she was quite fond of, each day on her birthday. Angus grew feebleminded in his old age and forgot one year to leave out a platter of chops for Cailleach. He was never seen again, becoming one last meal for the meat-hungry witch. The bucket, bereft of its owner, has roamed slaughterhouses ever since, collecting the unused entrails, always full but with room for more.

The owner of this bucket can give it two commands. Saying 'Go Gather my Guts' will send the bucket out to search the village and fill itself to the brim. Hoisting the bucket and saying, 'Spill yer guts!' It will pour out one hundredweight (8 stones) of offal and guts, never diminishing the bucket. If poured into a sausage grinder or cookpot, all hundred-weight will fit and slowly be used as filling or casings. The bucket is heavy and burns 100 stamina each time it is used in this way, tiring its owner. The bucket weight of the bucket is always constant at two hundredweight. It reacts poorly to any but the owner touching it.

In later years, the bucket has become something of a snob, only accepting the finest entrails or offal to gorge itself on. Sausage made from the gut bucket's entrails is tastier than normal and provides a complete and nourishing breakfast, blessing the eater with either +50 mana, stamina, or health for the rest of the day.
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Squirmie looked with longing at the bucket. <So full, so tasty, it looks delicious. But Squirmie has eaten so much lately and needs to watch her figure. She is happy with her gift.> The butterfly tightly held a large roll of pale yellow silk to her chest as she sat on Rolly's shoulder. The butterfly had woken up as soon as they left the portal.

Eyeing his curry comb, Ben noticed Suzette had nothing new. "Did you choose yet?"

"Nope. The system thinks I got my loot already. And to be fair, I have a couple of nifty items, both of which are as stubborn as the witch I stole them from. Neither was behaving until now, so I think my reward is them acknowledging me as the owner. Nothing fabulous like what you got, Ben, but these will do."

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Signet Ring of the Countess of Silverthorn Vale

This legendary ring has two uses. Firstly, it enhances spells that use the aspects of Silver and Poison, increasing damage by 100%.
Secondly, the ring will hold a hoard of magical items, treasures, or works of art. The ring is peculiar in its storage capability, only caring if the item is worthy of being stored within it. Mundane items such as food, wine, or crafting materials are rejected as too ordinary unless highly magical in nature. The current limitation of the ring is a modest library of twenty feet by twenty feet, but care must be taken to arrange the items in a proper manner.


Coronet of Countess Silverthorne

Like all other Fae Crowns, this legendary Coronet signifies the acknowledged right to rule over a Fae Realm. The ruler may create and move gates to different places to control access through the borders of their realm. The ring grows in power as its owner grows.
+500 Mana Per Tier
+100 Health Per Tier
Glamour of Wealth: When the coronet is visible, the ruler is clothed according to their station in a flowing gown of white silk trimmed in silver and jade or a full set of Fae-made Silverthorne armor.
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Ozzy and Rolly whistled long and loudly in appreciation. Suzette twirled in a circle, showing off first the set of armor and then the flowing ball gown. Ozzy noticed that her skin paled and her eyes showed brilliant green when she did this, her form barely human with long pointed ears and large eyes of the Fae.

Ben gave up on jealousy and bowed low. "Let me be the first to acknowledge that both outfits make you drop-dead gorgeous."

Suzette nodded and said icily. "I accept your compliment and grant your wish to drop dead." She pointed a long, pale finger at him that glowed green.

Ben dove into the stream, trying to dodge. He came up sputtering to see her dressed as a barmaid and all four of his friends laughing.

"You got me good that time."

Suzette got her giggles under control. "Can I make it up to you with a lovely volume detailing the runes used in creating Fae Portals? I saw it in her library and thought you might be interested."

Ben bowed again, his clothes dripping. "For that, all is forgiven! What else did you manage to steal."

She tilted her head, looking at the hidden room inside the ring, "Oh, a few things. Books on the history of the Fae, both great and small, a dictionary to translate older works, a few primers on Fae magic, and some beginning spell books—a dozen terrible weapons disguised as mundane items and a hundred other small bits of treasure. Don't lock a spy in your library if you don't want it looted. It's odd stuff, though, and I think most will head to the gnomes."

Everyone was suddenly interested. Ozzy said, "Such as?"

"Well, I have a letter opener that hits as hard as a two-handed great sword but can only be used by a left-handed woman. There's a cap that disguises you completely as a random person, never the same, and you can't control the image. A reusable poisoned apple, a crystal decanter that changes good wine into worse brandy, and my favorite useless item, a zombie mosquito that you can command to buzz around someone's head and annoy them. If they squish it, it stinks like rotten meat and returns to you in a day."

Ben made a face of disgust. "Your predecessor had a weird taste in magic items."

"Oh, you have no idea how twisted the Fae can be. Don't ask about her shoe collection; you'll never look at chocolate cake the same way again."

"Not asking."
"Nope."
"Don't need to know."
<Squirmie will skip the shoes but wants cake.>

Ozzy was thinking. "There may be a good market for that stuff. Players are weird. Don't toss it to the bank just yet; I have some ideas."

The conversation stopped as Ben's horse, Mudhead, came running up the stream. True to his name, the horse was covered in mud with his main full of willow twigs and infested with cockleburs from pushing through the bushes. He walked up to Ben, nudged him with his head, then whinnied loudly.

"Lucky you have that comb, isn't it, Ben?"

"Thank you for pointing that out, Rolly. Might as well clean him up; I can't ride him with his coat like that." He began using the curry comb on the horse. On the first stroke, the comb glowed, and so did Mudhead. The horse grew two hands taller with sculpted muscles and a long, flowing mane and tail. Still muddy, but certainly an improvement.

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You have chosen the Majestic Horse, Mudhead, as your Chosen Mount.

Mudhead is now a Named creature, Level 16, and will increase his level automatically along with his rider.
Health: 10,000
Stamina: 20,000
Mana: 0

Mudhead has the following Enhancements available to him and will accept your points to pay for them due to your great friendship.

Increased Speed Level 1: +10% speed in all gaits. Cost: 5 points.
Increased Stamina Level 1: +1000 stamina. Cost: 5 points.
Water Running: Level 1 (30-second duration, cost of 1000 stamina)
Wind Running: Level 1 (30-second duration, cost of 5000 stamina)
Pegasus Transformation 1: (Your Chosen Mount grows wings with a slow flying speed.) Cost 25 points.
Kelpie Transformation 1: (Your Chosen Mount becomes aquatic and grants water-breathing to its riders.) Cost 25 points.

More abilities will become available with further levels.
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Ben looked from the comb to Mudhead. "When are we hitting that dungeon? I have a mighty need for enhancement points."

Ozzy looked towards Gadobhra. "Soon. But we need to check in with Billy first and finish a fortress. He's running out of time."

Rolly gestured with his staff. "Let's get to it then." The bushes and close-growing trees parted in front of him, making travel easy before the forest closed up behind them.