Totem Ch 5: Conversation With A Goose (Patreon)

I blinked.

I was standing in a completely bare room which was dim except for a faint light coming from high above.

I wasn't alone.

Something shifted in front of me and I realized it wasn't dark -- something stood in front of the single light source. I looked up and up.

My first thought was 'dragon'. It spread large, glorious wings, the light spearing through the wing feathers--

Hold up. Feathers?

The creature unfurled completely, long sinuous neck stretching out as it opened its beak and... honked.

I was standing before a Canada goose roughly as large as a house.

The goose twisted its head back down and looked at me. The eyes were small and beady, but I saw a fire in the back of them.

I let out a sigh. 

"Damn it, I wanted a tiger."

"You also wanted to date Cindy Wellington in high school," said the goose in my voice, "And she turned out to be a snake in sheep’s clothing.”

"Well, yeah. But I was sixteen and an idiot and--hey, you know about that? My first life?"

The giant goose eyed me. Even though it was as big as a dinosaur, I didn't feel any fear of it. Instinctively, I knew nothing could harm me here.

"Seth, I am you. Of course I remember."

I took that in for a moment then cursed, slumping back against the wall. "So my totem is a goose. That's just... great. I guess that whole 'Tell me your purpose in life' thing is fake too, right?"

The goose drew himself up. "No, that's real: And it's a good one."

"All right," I said slowly. "Hit me."

“Your purpose is… To be a goose."

I waited a moment, expecting more. But it was nothing. The goose even fluffed its feathers as if proud.

"Seriously?" I said.

It cocked its head down to look at me. “Seth, what do you think a goose is?"

“A delicious bird?” I tried. "Lays a lot of eggs?"

The goose swiped a wing forward and though the wing itself was as big as a hover-car in my first life, it had the delicacy to clip me just upside the head.

"Female gooses lay eggs, you idiot. You’re a gander! What else?"

Scowling, I rubbed my head. "Gooses are mean sons of bitches."

I meant it as a swipe towards him. But though my totem had a beak, he seemed to smile.

"That's right: No one fucks with a goose."

I rubbed my mouth in thought. Old farmer Kaleb with the cat totem had a hatred of dogs. So he had a small flock of geese guard his small homestead. They were the white puddle-geese, not the gray and black Canada goose in front of me. But Kaleb always claimed with the geese on duty, no one could sneak up on his house.

I never thought much about it, but... maybe he had a point?

I'd rather be a tiger, though. Or an alligator like my Mom.

Another thought hit me and I winced. "Am I going to grow a noodle-neck?" The feathers wouldn't be too bad, I guess. But... "And webbed feet?"

"That's up to you," the goose said.

"What do you mean?"

In answer, the goose waddled aside. As it turned out, the light in the room wasn't just for dramatic effect. It came from the bright ring I'd instinctively cultivated. That ring now surrounded an egg. The light was so intense it illuminated the sleeping gosling inside.

The goose spread a wing toward the egg. "Two roads lay ahead. You can give or you can take. Either way, you'll follow your destiny to be a goose." It chuckled. "One is just more literal than the other."

My feelings could be summed up in one word: "What?"

The goose let out a honking sigh. "You remember those monster cores you swallowed when you first got here?"

I nodded. I hadn't realized they were monster cores at the time, but that's what made them so valuable. An adult who absorbed a monster core gained a boost to their totem's power. It was potent stuff: My parents swallowed one each and now they rated above and beyond other adults their age. Dad could work a field all day manipulating literal tons of earth. As for Mom… well, no one with sense crossed Mom. She regularly sunned herself with her sister alligators and could command them on basic fetch and carry tasks.

“Those cores didn't do much for me except this light show," I said.

"You have no idea what it did for you. For one thing, people don't start cultivating their own energy until after their totem is revealed. You started at three. Then you built up this well of energy and learned to control it. Seth, you're basically starting on third base. Show a little gratitude."

Resisting the urge to snark back 'well done' and pat myself on the back, I settled for. "Okay, so what now?"

"Again, that's up to you. You have this massive store of power. Most people drip feed it into their totem's core which converts it into their personal magic. Then when they need to work a spell, they draw it out again."

"So they use their totem as a... magic filter."

The goose honked his agreement. "More like a battery. The magic they pull out again has side effects, both light and dark."

"... Yeah."

That was the part of totem magic no one liked to talk about: The deformed. The ones who lost their humanity and roamed the land in packs, killing and destroying everything in their path.

No one knew how it happened, exactly. No one in our village had Deformed themselves in decades. But sometimes whole villages went bad at a time.

That was my parent's quiet theory about how I came to live with them: I must have somehow escaped a doomed village and swam the river. Maybe I caught a ride on a log to carry me part of the way.

I never got around to telling them about my first life on Earth. Better to think I was a last survivor.

"You said there was another way?" I asked.

"Yes," the goose said. "Give the energy to the chick. Let it grow and see what it becomes."

I crossed my arms. "You want me to give all my magic to you."

"I am you, remember?" the goose said.

"Uh-huh. Sounds like a scam. Anyway, if I gave it to you how would I draw it out again to do magic?"

The goose was suspiciously silent.

"I won't be able to do magic?!"

"No, you will. Just... not like everyone in this podunk village. Instead of drawing magic out, you'll use it to feed your core and let that power you.”

"What?" I felt like I was saying that a lot recently.

"Instead of being a goose on the outside, you must learn to be a goose on the inside. Only by nurturing your inner totem and learning who you are will you access true power. And Seth," fire flashed in the goose's eyes. "It is true power. Not the borrowed, warping power of your village. You have a chance at true magic."

I thought about that for a moment. "So... if I do this, I won't change? No long neck? No feathers?"

"Your changes will be on the inside."

"I'll grow a gizzard?"

"Your soul, Seth," the goose honked.

I grinned, happy to mess with it -- me, I guess. I hadn't had a free conversation like this since... Earth. I couldn't relate to kids my "age", and I was always aware I was an alien to this place. An outsider looking in. A part of me was always careful to watch my words and make sure I didn’t come off like an alien dropped onto this planet.

Then the implications of what the goose was saying hit full force. I frowned.

"I'll stay human. No totem features at all. Just me."

That was no small thing. People judged the strength of other's magic by how many animal features they had. Mom's scales and sharp teeth took some getting used to, but they earned her respect. Same with dad's black and white coat that had grown to cover almost his entire body.

People would look at me and wonder if I had a totem at all.

"But I'll have magic?" I asked.

"True magic," the goose agreed. "Oh, and you have to decide now."

"Why's that?"

The goose cocked its head. “Because the invasion horn is blowing."

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