The Sex Tape (Seinfeld) (Patreon)

George had just broken up with another girl. He was really heartbroken over it. His friends couldn’t help but notice him being in the dumps when he went to Jerry’s apartment.

“Hey buddy, what’s the matter?” Kramer said.

“She dumped me!” George said. “I really thought we had something going on! But then she straight up decides I wasn’t man enough. I don’t have enough spine for her. Some big guy pushed me around while waiting in line at the supermarket, he was like Lou Ferrigno! And I’m, ‘Hey buddy, what do you think you’re doing, pushing me around!’ And then he looks down at him and he shakes his fist at me. You gotta believe me man, it was like as big as my head! And he was tall as a basketball player! What am I gonna do about that?”

“Nothing you can do,” Jerry said.

“Right, nothing you can do! He just smiled and looked at her. She nudges me like I should kick his ass. You really think I can do that?”

“Nothing you can do,” Jerry said again.

As soon as we get out, she’s all, ‘Why didn’t you do anything?’ And I’m, what could I do?”

“What could you do?”

“I don’t know! Maybe I could have kicked him in the balls or something! But that’s the thing. He was so tall his junk was right in my face!”

“You could have bit it,” Kramer said.

“Bite it?”

“Yeah, you know what they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

“This guy looked crazy! For all I know he might actually be into that!”

“Into it. Woo!” He clapped, just one of his mannerisms whenever he was really excited. “That wouldn’t work out too well!”

“Talk about a meaty situation,” Jerry said.

Kramer smiled and shook up at Jerry’s stupid pun. “He might be the kind of guy that gets so hard that you might break your teeth on it.”

“Kind of sounds like the guys I used to date,” Elaine said. “I’m pretty sure I could handle him no problem.”

“Tell that to Puddy,” Jerry said.

“Well anyway, you still up for that movie tonight?” Kramer said.

“I don’t know, I’m kinda feeling real down,” George said.

“You might run into that guy there.”

“Don’t say that, that makes it even worse!” Jerry said.

“You two go on ahead,” Elaine said. “I’ll try and cheer him up.”

“Thanks Elaine,” George said.

“Hope you feel better, buddy!” Kramer said, patting his back. He looked at Jerry. “Hey I brought along my pal Brody again, so we can get you a copy of the movie.”

“I don’t wanna see that guy again!” Jerry said.

“Hey, he’s not gonna do anything to you! He really liked your work!”

“After he pulled a gun on me!”

“Bah, don’t worry about it! Just relax and have fun! And uh...he wants you to bring a camcorder. You know the last one he asked you to do.”

“No. No way. What if this guy gets caught? My fingerprints are all over it! They'll throw me in the slammer!”

“So what do we then?” Kramer said, sounding increasingly exasperated. “You know he won't like that!”

“We'll just go to the park.”

“And do what?”

“Feed the ducks. That sort of thing.”

“Actually that doesn't sound too bad. Giddyup!”

They left shortly after. Elaine shut the door behind them. Then she took Jerry's camcorder and turned it on. She wanted to keep this one.

“You know, she might come back,” she said.

“Might. Maybe. After she’s done fucking that guy’s brains out!”

A dark smile lit up her face. “How does it feel?”

“What?”

“To know that women will never really love you. To them, no matter what, no matter what you got going for you, you’ll always be a short stocky little bald man.”

“What the hell, Elaine!”

“Remember that time you dated your cousin? Maybe you should go running back to her. I’m sure she wouldn’t leave you. After all, she would like to keep it in the family.”

“How is any of this supposed to make me feel better?”

“I think it would be good for you if you learned your place.”

“My place? You know, if you’re trying to get me angry, you’re doing a damn good job of it!”

“All that anger can’t do anything.” She threw her head back and started laughing.

“You think that’s funny? I’ll show you something funny!”

He grabbed her by the face so roughly that her eyes bugged out and then he pushed his mouth right onto hers. For several seconds she froze up as he rubbed his lips all over hers. It took awhile for hr to realize what was going on before she finally pushed him back.

“George, what the hell are you doing!”

He didn’t answer and kissed her again. She tried pushing him back, but he wasn’t having any of it. He had just gotten his tongue into her mouth when she stepped right onto his foot. He broke away from her and winced in pain.

“Small feet, huh?” she said. “I bet there’s something else that’s really small! If you put that thing anywhere near my mouth, I’ll be able to bite it right off!”

“Yeah, well how about you have a looksie baby!”

“That’s not gonna happen anytime soon.”

“Oh yeah? Look down.”

She did and saw he was pitching a tent in his pants. She was only looking for several seconds but then he grabbed the back of her head and rubbed it all over his crotch.

“You like that baby? I remember when you shoved my head all over your chest because people saw your nipple in a photo. How you like Georgie’s big penis, huh!”

Then he let her go and started laughing. Elaine was red in the face and she said, “Get out!” before she pushed him back so hard he fell right onto the couch.

George was undeterred. “It’s getting out, it’s getting out!” he said and he pulled out his stiff pecker.

Elaine put her hands on her face and gasped. “George! Put that thing away!”

“No way baby! Georgie’s making a comeback!” He stood up proudly, his penis was pointing right at her. “Not so small now, huh?”

“Oh no, it’s still pretty small. And no matter what, I know it’s gonna stay small.” She grabbed his erection and squeezed it hard. He let out a gravelly, “Oh!” sound and curled up into a ball. “Yeah, that's right,” she said. She started stroking him slowly, enough to keep him stiff and at the same time, enough to teach him to learn his place. “Get back onto that couch.”

But he was still hard up. “Or else what?”

She squeezed it again. “Or I'll break it.”

“Fine! Fine! Just please show it some mercy! The thing feels like it's gonna fly right off!”

He sat back down onto the couch. She was still holding onto it even as he sat down. “That's a good boy.”

“Yeah, I'm a good George.”

“Yeah you are!” She let go of his pecker wood. “Now,” she said, taking off one of her heels and bringing her hosed foot onto his member, “grab it.” He did what he was told, grabbing his hard cock. “Stroke it.”

“Okay...”

“No. No talking! I get to decide what you say. Understand? Shake your head if you understand.” He just nodded his head. “Good. Now repeat after me. I'm a little Georgie, short and stocky.”

“I'm a little Georgie, short and stocky,” he said.

“This is my head,” she said, patting his head, “and this is my stout.”

“This...this is my stout!” He was making short little humping motions.

“Wow, is your stout gonna blow?”

“Yeah it is! Oh yeah! I feel like I'm on top of the world!”

“Then don't,” she said, suddenly moving her foot back. “And don't get any ideas. Or I'll put it in it's place.”

“Okay...” he said, suddenly sounding deflated.

“That's a good boy.” She patted the crown of his bald head like he was a child. “Now sing it like that and beat yourself off while patting your head. I'll tell you when you can stop. And I'll tell you when you can cum.”

He didn't voice any complaint. He just did exactly as he was told. Elaine sat back with a cruel smile on her face watching him do it. She only wished she had brought a camcorder so she could show the other guys.

“I'm a little Georgie, short and stocky. This is my head and this is my stout. I'm a little...”

It went on like that. Elaine was loving it. But her amusement got the better of her and she suddenly snorted.

George couldn't take it anymore. “Alright already! What's the point of this? You just wanna rub it in?”

“Oh I don't know. I wanted to see how long you'd actually do that. And remember, don't stop, or I'll use this on it.” She held her foot up and wiggled her toes.

“You'll use it on me? How about I use it on me, huh?” He grabbed her ankle and rubbed her clothed foot all over his naked pecker. “Oh yeah Elaine, you had just the right idea! This feels great!”

“You like the feeling of my foot, huh? How about you like your nipples?”

Before he could answer, she leaned forward and grabbing his bare nipples with both of her hands and twisted them. “Now you're not the only one with the embarrassing nipple problem, huh?”

“Stop Elaine, that hurts!”

“Then let go of my foot!”

“No way! It feels too good!”

“Well I'm not stopping until you stop!”

“Then nobody's stopping!”

So it went. She kept on twisting his nipples and he kept on beating himself off with her foot. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and came, blowing his load all over the sole of her foot in those stockings.

Just for that, she twisted his nipples especially hard. Unable to take the pain anymore, he fell back onto the couch.

“Oh no,” she said. “You're not getting off that easy.” She hiked up her skirt and dropped her panties. Then tossing them to the side, she got right on top of him. Her cunt was right in his face. Her pubic hair was well trimmed, with the way she hung around him, Jerry and Kramer and even participated in their antics, he expected her to be a lot more furry down there. He could smell her juices. “Eat me Georgie.”

“Okay...” he said, lazily. He moved his head forward and did exactly as he was told. He never thought he’d ever be eating Elaine, but after that footjob, he didn’t mind it at all. She was wet and tight on his tongue.

“Come on, you can do better than that!” she said. She turned around and slapped his limp penis. “Don’t make me have to break your stout.”

He stopped eating her out to look up at her. “Alright already! Be gentle...it’s very sensitive.”

He went back to eating her out. Elaine growled in pleasure and started humping his face. With every motion, he felt her juices getting smeared all over his mug. It was making it harder for him to eat her out as well as he liked.

To make matters worse, she started teasing him, running her fingers all over his dick. He had already been getting harder while going down on that pussy, but now she was just torturing him. He wanted to throw her off him and take her. But then he remembered she was in far more of a position to hurt his pecker this time.

But the same could be said for him. He saw her clitoral nub sticking out of the hood. His nipples were still smarted from that titty twister she gave him and he wanted to fuck her up just as good. He started sucking on it.

Elaine was just in the middle of enjoying herself, getting herself on her domination. Then she felt George’s lips close around her sweet spot. She gasped and looked down at him. Even with only the top of his head visible, she could see that he knew what he was doing.

“George! So help me if you don’t stop I’ll…” Then she let out a series of loud moans. George kept on sucking on the nub, driving her crazy. “Oh fuck! I’m gonna...I’m gonna cum!”

Then she let out a horribly embarrassing moan. Her orgasm was so intense that she almost fell right on top of George. He knew he just got her off too, and he slapped her ass just to continue lording himself over her.

He pushed her forward and she landed on her back. He got up, his pecker standing upright. “Oh yeah baby! Georgie’s back in the game!”

“Sh-shut up George…” she said weakly. “I can’t…”

“No way am I gonna stop! You’re gonna get it now Elaine!” He quickly unbuttoned her blouse, revealing her tits hanging before him in a bra. “Damn, they’re bigger than I thought too! You’re not wearing a pushup bra are you?”

That woke her up. She didn’t even bother to dignify his one comment. “George no. Don’t you dare…”

And then he was on top of her, his cock wedged in between her tits. He was just as brutal with her breasts as she had been with his, moving his prick back and forth at a breakneck pace. He had grabbed onto her breasts to keep them around his cock and kept them there on his shaft in a titty sandwich.

Elaine turned her face away from it. She just hoped he would get it over with as soon as possible. But she couldn’t, she felt his dick actually getting bigger within her tits. His cock head was actually hitting her face.

“Come on George, just get it over with already!”

“No way, Georgie’s liking it too much!”

“How do you like this?” she said and bit the tip of his dick. Not hard enough to break the skin, but definitely enough to get his attention.

“Whoa Elaine! That’s way too much!”

“Then slow the fuck down!”

He sighed. “Fine…”

He moved at a lot more of a leisurely pace. Even under him and getting her tits fucked, Elaine smiled. “Yeah that’s a good George.”

To reward him for his compliance, Elaine gently licked the opening of his dick head. She felt it quivering within the embrace of her breasts. She looked up at him. At that point he was enjoying himself but also clearly frustrated. His eyes were closed and he was grinding his teeth.

Leaning her head just a little further she grazed her teeth on his sensitive end. He almost jumped when he first felt her teeth again, but then he relaxed as he realized it was just a gentle treatment. He whined weakly.

He was totally in her power again. He couldn’t fuck her as fast as he wanted to or she’d bite down on it. And the way she was using her teeth was slowly speeding him up to an orgasm.

She could feel his dick tensing up, within her breasts and on her teeth. She was enjoying how much he was in her power. But she really wanted to break him now. And this moment was critical.

She licked the opening of his dick again. Already close to his second orgasm, George cried out like a wounded beast. But he didn’t dare fuck her at full speed, not with the threat of her teeth still looming forth. He just maintained that slow pace while he was driving him crazy.

He yelped out like a little boy when he came, blowing his load all over her face. Elaine wasn’t bothered one bit, she just kept on licking the opening of his head and even swallowed his semen no problem. The speed of his titfuck had increased only marginally, that threat really worked wonders on him.

When he was finished jizzing, he calmed down. He was just getting into enjoying his bliss when she bit down on his dick again. He jumped up again.

“Elaine, you gotta stop doing that!”

“Then get the fuck off me already!”

“Okay…”

He stood up. She stood up too, and just as she did, she pushed him right back down on the couch. He landed right on his back.

“Oh no, what’s going on now?” he said.

“I think I might have a new type after this,” she said. “Sex with Puddy was never this much fun!”

“Oh no…”

“Oh yes!” she said, and got herself right on top of him. His dick was still a little limp after two orgasms in a row, but going inside of Elaine, it was getting stiff already. “And I think you like it too.”

“Fine, I like it! Okay! You happy now!”

“Yes! Give it to me so hard Georgie!”

They both went at it like that. Her tits were jiggling as she rode him. George couldn't take it anymore and he roughly pulled down her bra.

“Oh man, they're not as big as I thought...”

“But they're real!”

“But not fantastic...”

She humped him especially hard, he felt her hit him with her hips. “Just shut up and play with them already!”

“Hey, you're the boss!” He grabbed her breasts, still slick with his cum as hard as he could.

“So good! I can't believe that George actually feels so good!”

“Good huh? How about this?” The instant he pinched her nipples, he felt her pussy tightening on him. He laughed and tightened his grip on them. It was so intense for Elaine that for a few moments she couldn't move. That only gave George an edge in this little contest and sped up the rate of his cock pounding inside of her. It had such great effect on her that he was able to rise up and throw her down on the couch, with him fucking her missionary.

“Goddammit, why is this the best sex I've ever had?” Elaine said.

“Because Georgie is a goddamn king!”

She wrapped her legs around his back. The two of them continued to go at it, making humiliating noises in their little fuckfest. Elaine was thankful she had closed the door. Otherwise the whole apartment complex would get a good look at them going at it.

Then he broke. He was pumping her even faster and he was so hard inside of her. “Oh yeah, hoochie mama, hoochie mama, hoochie mama!”

“No, not inside of me!” She said that but was only holding onto him even harder.

“Georgie's going inside!” he said, and blasted his final nut for the day inside of her. Elaine grit her teeth as his load filling up her twat pushed her to an orgasm herself. She tried to hold it in but then she let out a shameful moan.

“Oh god...I just had sex...with GEORGE! I just had sex...with GEORGE!”

She just kept on going like that. He pulled out and jumped around. “Oh yeah! Georgie's back in business!”

“Yeah, I bet it's going limp already.”

He looked down and saw she was right. “Aww man.”

“Yeah man. Now pull up your clothes. I don't want anyone seeing us like this.”

They got dressed again. Just in time too. Jerry and Kramer arrived with Brody. He was hiding a gun at his side.

“What's up gang.” Jerry said. He said that, trying to sound as cheerful as possible, but it was clearly an act.

“Oh uh, nothing...” said George.

Elaine swallowed a lump. “Yeah, I'm just feeling swell.”

“Now that's what I like to hear!” said Kramer. “We just ran into Brody at the park. Now all we need is that camcorder.”

“Yeah, where is it?” Brody said. His tone was cold and menacing as it often was.

“Oh the camcorder...” Elaine said, realizing it was on that entire time.

“There it is,” Jerry said.

“Good,” Brody said. “I'll see you all later.” He took it and he was gone.

“Oh no,” Elaine said. “Oh no!”

“What's the deal with her?” Jerry said.

“Um, nothing,” George said. “We just had a talk is all.”

“Really...”

Needless to say, Brody had no idea what he was getting into when he watched that tape. When he was caught the next day while actually pirating in the theater, the cops raided his home. Elaine and George were nobodies on their own, but working such high profile jobs, one with Peterman and the other with the Yankees, they made front page news. It was so shocking that Jerry was just thankful the cops didn't identify his apartment as the scene of the crime.