[TG/RC] Playing the Part (Patreon)

Commissioned by TJ

Alex’s mother comes to visit for Mother’s Day and Alex starts to think about his own identity as a woman while connecting with his new past.

~

May 14th

Mother’s Day, in Alex’s opinion along with Father’s Day and Valentines, were just companies' ways of trying to get you to spend your money. As a result, it had been years since he celebrated them. If he thought back he was pretty sure the last time he did anything for his mom on mother’s day was when he was still in grade school and making a card was considered an assignment.

Since becoming Alexandra though, he’d realised that perhaps that was a bit on the cold side. He’d been in close contact with his new parents since Kwanzaa, speaking on the phone at least once a week to one if not both of them. So they were all well up to date on the new advancements in his life, including the pregnancy. He had braced himself for a lecture of sexual safety, parents will always be parents after all, but to his surprise they had both been thrilled.

His father was especially excited to have Davy as a son in law and was apparently already planning his father of the bride speech despite them not having even set a date yet. At first they had simply been characters in this new whirlwind of a life but now they really did feel like his parents and he loved them. So when His father mentioned getting tickets to a Broadway show for his mother’s birthday Alex had offered to let her come and stay with him and Davy. It just so happened that the show was on Mother’s Day which was the perfect opportunity for him to make up for lost time and treat his new mom to some real pampering.

Alex sighed; leaning back in his seat and enjoying the feeling of the fingers raking through his dark hair. He wasn't sure how hairdressers managed to make something he did every week feel so luxurious but he would have to find out. The woman massaged his temples as she gently worked her way through his tight curls, making sure each strand was relaxed and clean. Combing out an afro was hard work and he was glad he didn't have to do it himself this time.

One of the things that had taken him the longest to adjust to as a woman was his hair. At first he had ignored it; he always woke up looking amazing in this world anyway; at least until he didn’t.

Movie logic meant that while ninety-five percent of the time he woke up looking like he was ready to walk on stage, the other five percent he looked comically awful. The first time he’d tried to wash it had been an utter disaster and several hours on google had informed him that black hair was a lot more temperamental when it came to care. He’d searched high and low for a hairdresser to suit his needs; one that wasn't going to try and turn his hair into one of those stupid, glossy waves from the commercials.

Eventually he settled on a little boutique beauty salon that also did nails and make-up that suited darker skin tones as well. It made for the perfect spot for a touch of luxury; perhaps a little generic as a gift but with the baby, organising the house settlement and work he really didn't have the spare brain power to think of something more original.

“This was such a good idea, darling.” his mother sighed from beside him, “What a nice treat. I suppose this sixty isn’t so bad after all, if it has places like this.”

“It was a good find.” he admitted, “I’m glad you came to visit, it’s been too long.”

“Well, if you’d just move a little closer to home-”

“Mooooooom.”

“Sorry! Sorry! I just don't want to rack up a huge bill every year buying plane tickets to see my own grandbaby.”

The woman patted Alex on the shoulder and gave him a motherly smile.

“That’s all for me today. I’ll go and get Morgan.”

“Oh. Wonderful.” Alex said with a tight smile.

Ever since St. Patrick's Day he had been trying to make more of an effort with his female friends. So when he asked them for boutique recommendations he had been surprised to see Morgan suggest this place and even more so to discover how good it was. What he didn't know until his first visit was that she worked here.

Morgan was nice, really but her hair was…interesting. He had since learned the bad black dye job from the night they first ‘met’ was not her norm. In fact, she didn't seem to have a norm at all. Every time he saw her or checked her socials, she seemed to have a new do, each more awful than the last.

Indeed he sat up to see her approaching with a wide smile, her hair now bleached so white it matched her teeth, threaded with little fluro beads at the sides. If she made him look like that Alex would be tempted to shave his head.

“Hey! I am so glad I finally get to do your hair!” Morgan smiled, “It’s rare enough to get you into the salon but then every time it seems to be my day off!”

“Funny that.” Alex said quietly, “Morgan, this is my mom.”

“And here I was thinking you had a sister you never mentioned!”

“Oh aren't you a dear.” His mother giggled, “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

Alex resisted the urge to roll his eyes as the conversation continued; Morgan was clearly hoping for a big tip. His eyes slid to the mirrors across the room where he could see himself reclining in the chair. He was wearing his favourite pumps; since heels were officially off the table with his second trimester underway. His skirt had a slight frill, he’d taken the time to match his lipstick and eyeshadow; nothing about him looked masculine in the slightest. It hadn't for a long while really.

He felt his brow furrow; he felt like a she. Now that he was dwelling on the idea he had for quite some time, though he couldn't quite tell when the switch happened. Perhaps it had happened slowly, so slowly he’d not even noticed. Even when he had made the decision to stay here in this reality as Alexandra he’d still considered himself male deep down but why? He dressed like a woman, spoke like one; he was pregnant for crying out loud!

“Earth to Alex!”

“Huh what?”

Both his mother and Morgan were looking at him expectantly.

“I asked what you wanted done to your hair.” Morgan repeated, “You have no idea how long I have been wanting to play with her amazing do, Cheryl.”

“Oh nothing fancy! Please.” Alex stammered, “Just us, a wash and maybe a trim. A short trim.”

“Oh what? I finally get to do your hair and you won’t even let me style it a little bit?” Morgan pouted, “Come on, I won't even dye it, just let me play around a little.”

“Well…”

His mind was suddenly filled with images of himself with bright green highlights or a beehive updo. If this was one of the five percent bad days there was no doubt in his mind that Morgan would make him look like a literal clown. And fixing his hair was bad enough when it was just a regular bad hair day.

“It sounds fun, dear.” His mother urged, “You should try something new once in a while. You can get a little stuck in your ways.”

“Tell me about it.” Morgan rolled her eyes. “Come on, a braided up-do, it’ll look amazing.”

She was pouting, blinking her sad wide eyes at him and Alex felt his resolve beginning to break. It didn't sound too bad; how much damage could Morgan do just with styling alone? Even if she did an awful job he could smile for a few minutes and then let all his hair out again once he was round the corner.

“Alright.” He relented, Morgan gave a wide grin and grasped his shoulders tight.

“You won’t regret it I promise!”

He really hoped not. She had to constantly push him back in his chair as she started to braid and his mother clicked her tongue.

“You need to relax, stress isn't good for the baby.”

“You know, mom.” He said with a sly grin, “Telling somebody to be less stressed doesn't actually help them destress.”

His tone was light but his mother turned serious, reaching out and placing a hand on his knee.

“Are you alright dear? You seem troubled.”

Alex couldn't help but ruminate on how different this version of his mother was, compared to the father he’d grown up with in the other world. That sort of joke would have been said and forgotten, not dwelled on. Men don't talk about their feelings, at least not deeply. His father was a man of action; he’d rarely used words of affirmation but instead focused on showing his love. A pat on the back, a proud nod; that sort of thing.

“I’m fine mom.” He smiled, genuinely, “like you said, I just get a little stuck in my ways. I’m sure the new look will be great”

“It always took me such an effort to get you to try new things when you were a girl. Always refusing to let anybody help you.” She laughed, “You always said ‘I can do it myself!’. You refused to let your father teach you to ride a bike, you wouldn’t let me help you with make-up or nail polish when you got older either. Fiercely independent you were.”

His mother sighed happily,

“You knew what you liked, that was for sure. We always knew you’d do well, being as driven as you are.”

Alex couldn’t resist.

“What was I like?” He asked before quickly adding. “From your point of view obviously, I guess it would be different to how I remember things.”

“Well what about when you decided to sell your old Batman comics?” His mother chuckled, “You were convinced they were worth millions because you’d taken such good care of them. No matter how much your father and I tried to gently tell you they weren’t rare, you refused to believe us. I’ll never forget the look on that clerk's face when you told him matter-of-factly that he was wrong when he told you their price. Having a twelve year old lecture him was something else.”

Oh God, he remembered that. He’d decided that twelve was too old to be into comics and decided that it was time he started learning how to barter and hustle. He’d gathered all but his very favourite in a box and lugged them down to the local comic shop to be appraised and been horrified when the man behind the desk had told him they were basically worthless. He remembered pouting the whole way home, his father trying to cheer him up by saying that he may as well keep them now.

He hadn’t of course, he’d been too salty about the whole experience and in a fit of rage, torn them all to shreds.

“I ripped them up.”

“That you did, I am glad you outgrew that temper, darling.”

It warmed him, to know that his life as Alexandra had been so similar. It felt like every day he was tripping over the tiny differences between his two lives, finding a memory in common felt comforting. There was a snort of laughter from Morgan as she continued to work on Alex’s hair.

“Yeah, outgrew it…sure she did.”

Alex reminded himself to thump her later. Luckily his mother did not comment. Instead she reached over and placed a hand on his swollen belly with a smile.

“I am so glad you found the time for me to visit.” She sighed, “I can’t believe you’re going to be a mother. I’ll be honest, part of me thought it would never happen.”

“Me either.” He replied honestly, trying not to giggle.

His mother made a strange face, almost as if she was debating her words before opening her mouth. Whatever she had been thinking though, she did not get the chance to say because Morgan decided that was the moment to announce;

“All finished!”

He’d been so absorbed in his own thoughts and the conversation Alex’s eyes had totally glazed over. He sat up straight, looking at the mirror and felt his jaw drop, not in the expected horror but rather joyful surprise. His hair looked amazing!

He was so used to it floating around his head like a soft, dark halo but now it was curled tight around his skull. How Morgan had made so many long braids so quickly he had no idea, but she had then twisted them all together atop his head into a perfectly round bun. He turned his head from side to side, admiring how the style changed the look of his face. It made his cheeks look sharper and face a little less round. Something he was infinitely grateful for now that he had started to bloat with the pregnancy.

“Morgan…” he breathed, “It looks incredible! You’re amazing!”

“You say that as if it’s surprising.” Morgan scoffed.

Alex had to bite his tongue to stop from asking how her own hair always looked so bad when she was capable of something like this. His mom sighed happily, sitting up as her own hair was finished and after a moment or two of admiring herself she stood.

“Were you going to say something, mom?” Alex asked as she followed her, “Before Morgan spoke.”

“Oh just…I was wondering darling, you don’t seem quite comfortable with the idea of motherhood yet. I wanted to make sure you were alright. Every time we’ve spoken to you on the phone you have seemed to be excited about the baby but now that I see you in person there is something…off.”

Alex swallowed. Was that what they called mother’s intuition? Would he have that soon enough? What if he didn’t? The truth was Alex had never given much thought to having children, it had been something for the future him to worry about. He’d certainly never imagined he would end up as the one bearing them. Being a father was so different to being a mother, he never went through all those girlhood experiences that prepared women for the role; what if he wasn't any good?

Those were the thoughts that had slowly been growing inside his mind for weeks now. All it took was seeing an advertisement for a Mother’s Day special in the weeks leading up to his mom’s visit to bring them all to the forefront; and his mom had picked it up on it right away.

“I’m nervous.” He admitted after a moment, “It’s a lot to take in, that soon I’ll have a tiny human in my arms who’ll depend on me and Davy for every little thing.”

“I know it’s scary sweetheart. But you’ll be a great mother, even if it takes a bit of practice. You have always been able to do anything you really set your mind to.”

That was true, but motherhood was something so inherently female. This wasn't like putting on a dress or wearing make-up; those were things any man could do if he really wanted. But becoming a mother was a biological thing, something only women could be. Could he really fake that? Would it even be faking at this stage when everything else came so naturally?

His head was spinning with questions today it seemed. All of this had been resting comfortably in the back of his head but something about having his own mother here was making it hard to ignore.

They stood and his mother moved toward the desk to pay and leave but Alex reached out to stop her with a cheeky smile.

“No, wait mom, there is more.”

“More?” She blinked.

“Yeah, I paid for us to get our nails done too.” Alex smiled, “I wanted to treat you.”

Alex felt his heart ache a little looking at how widely his mom smiled at that. He felt a stab of guilt, knowing it had been years since they had done anything like this, regardless of reality. He sent a silent thank you to the cab driver, wherever he was; reconnecting with his family over Kwanzaa had been the best thing he had ever done.

“I expect photos of that all over instagram.” Morgan said, pointing to his new hairstyle, “At least three.”

“Fair enough.” Alex laughed, “I’ll call you later and we’ll get coffee later this week?”

“You mean I get to see you twice in the same week! Cheryl, you’re a miracle worker.”

Alex rolled her eyes good naturedly while his mother and Morgan had a good old laugh about how hard it was to get a hold of him some times before he started to feel irritated.

“Come on, more pampering!” He insisted, grabbing hold of her mother’s arm.

Together they waved goodbye to Morgan and headed over to the manicure and pedicure station and Alex enjoyed watching his mother ooh and ah over all the different nail polishes.

“How about red? Is that too young for me?”

“You’re still young, mom.”

“I’ll be sixty this year darling, I don’t think there is any one on Earth who still considers that young.” She joked warmly, “But what the hell, red it is.”

“Green for me.”

“Kwanzaa colours!”

The two of them laughed, most people would associate green and red with Christmas, even Alex would have a few months ago. Funny how quickly things change; he looked down at his belly. Very quickly in fact.

“How is Davy?” His mother asked as they sat down, “Has he found a job yet?”

“Yeah, a friend of his is giving him a shot at his restaurant.”

“Oh I am so glad he is following his dreams. The two of you together, it’s like a dream.”

In more ways than one.

“Yeah…anyway, we keep talking about me! What about you and dad, how are things back home?”

“Oh about the same, your father has a new obsession though.”

“Of course he does. What is it this time?”

“Photo scanning. He says it’s wonderful how everything is digital these days. He keeps talking about how he needs to have all our family photos scanned in case our house ever burns down.”

His mother sighed and shook her head with a smile.

“Ever since Kwanzaa he’s become obsessed with lineages. He scanned all your childhood photos first and now he’s going through all his own childhood ones as well. He says he is going to charter our entire family line on both sides.”

“So just a small project then.” Alex smirked.

“And he’s been hinting he wants to get Davy in there as well since he’ll be joining us soon enough.” She smiled, eyes darting down to the ring on Alex’s finger.

They both laughed. His mother continued to tell him of the ordeal that was trying to navigate their living room now that it was covered in piles of photographs while Alex enjoyed watching the manicurist apply his polish. He'd ever had his nails done, the few pots of polish he owned were barely used. He just hadn't quite mastered applying it yet and he learned the hard way that no nail polish was infinitely better than badly applied nail polish.

“You know, it’s really sweet of you, to recreate the trip from when you were a girl.” His mother said suddenly, catching him off guard.

“What?”

“The trip we took back in…oh when was it, you must have been about twelve. We saved all year and took a girls trip to New York.”

“Oh yes, of course.” He lied smoothly.

He remembered taking a trip with his father that summer but it had not been to the big apple. They had flown to Colorado and spent a whole week fishing and camping. It had been awkward, Alex had decided he was much more of a city person than he had realised but it had been good, spending time with his father just the two of them. It hurt a little, to know that time no longer existed now and that the trip that had taken its place would forever be lost to him. Memory wise at least.

“And I have the final part too!” His mother added, clearly not noticing his dip in mood.

She was smiling expectantly; clearly he was supposed to know what that final touch was.

“That’s great!” He smiled, silently pleading with her to show him or elaborate further.

“Your father got me tickets to that new play down on Broadway and I asked him if it would be alright if we went together instead of him. He understands of course.”

Is that what they had done? He took a guess.

“What was the show we saw on that trip again…it’s on the tip of my tongue.”

“Darling, Phantom of the Opera! How on Earth could you ever forget. It was what finally gave you the inspiration to start singing and what a gift that was.”

So that’s why Alexandra started singing; that explained it. He tried to picture himself as a young girl, watching wide eyed as the great chandelier at the beginning of the play rose up into the air. As Alexander, he’d never seen a Broadway show. He wondered what they were like and found himself oddly excited to attend tonight.

He had to admit part of him had felt deflated when his father mentioned the tickets. He would much rather see a proper movie than a bunch of actors on a stage. But hearing his mother talk so reverently about the trip they took when he was young made him hopeful. Even if it turns out theatre was like spin class, something he and Alexandra really didn't share, at least he could relax knowing his mother was having a good time.

He may not remember that first trip but at least he could make new memories with his mother now.

~

Alex blinked as her eyes adjusted to the bright New York street lights. It was always disorienting coming out of a building in the dark when you had entered in the early evening light.

His mother had a spring in her step, she was humming the final song under her breath as they stepped out of the theatre and onto the brightly lit streets. The show had been…spectacular. He’d never been one for show tunes but it turned out to be true; there was a magic to the stage that just didn't translate to film. You really did have to be there.

“That was even better than Phantom all those years ago.” His mother gushed, “Wonderful, simply wonderful. Oh Alex, thank you so much for doing this with me.”

Alex looped his arm through hers and hugged her close. He hadn’t felt so blissfully happy since the night of Davy’s proposal. Though this time it was a very different kind of affection warming him. His old dad had been into music as well, but more classic Rock and metal music, never showtunes. Idly he wondered if his current mothers love for such things had been inspired by the same trip that had gotten his alternate self into singing.

“Thanks for coming, mom. With the baby and everything…I’ve really missed you.”

His mom gave his arm a squeeze and looked as though she was about to say something when she froze; her eyes wide as they began to fill with tears.

“It’s still here…” She breathed.

“What is?”

Alex turned, trying to follow his mothers eyeline to find what had inspired such awe in her voice but could see nothing but a line of old, late night restaurants and bars.

“Look, the little pizzeria!” She smiled, “The same one from our trip all those years ago.”

A strange wave of nostalgia washed over Alex; he’d never been to that pizzeria, he had no memory of it. Yet he felt a yearning grow inside him, to keep this night going a little longer and connect with the girl he’d never been. Without hesitation he started walking towards the front doors, dragging his mother along with him.

“We have to get a slice.” He grinned, “It’s New York after all, mom.”

The place smelt old; not in a bad way though, more like you could tell it had history. Little hole in the wall places like this existed all over New York; tiny little hideaways only the locals knew about and they were always a treat. A burly looking man with a permanent scowl stood behind the counter, he raised an eyebrow at them both and nodded towards the cabinets of food. With customer service like that you knew the food had to be good if the place had been around this long.

Alex pulled a face as his mother selected a piece with every topping imaginable but then his stomach growled and reminded him he was eating for two.

“Really, Alexandra? Olives and anchovies? Poor Davy, kissing you later tonight isn't going to be a treat.”

“Pregnant.” He reminded her with half his mouthful, “I can eat whatever I want and not feel guilty. Call it pregnancy cravings. ‘Sides, they are on yours as well.”

“Yes, with other things.” His mother giggled, “Cheese, fish and olives is not a pizza, darling.”

“Agree to disagree.”

They two women laughed, huddling close as they ate and discussed the show. Alex could feel the envelope in his purse burning, he’d had it on him all day but never found the right moment to bring it up. Now, still in the midst of the slight euphoria of finding this old place he figured it was now or never.

“I have one last thing, mom.”

“Oh darling, you’re already done so much.”

“Call it making up for lost time.” He whispered, barely keeping the emotion out of his voice as he drew out the envelope.

It was a test of sorts, another attempt to bridge the gap between his two lives. He watched as his mother carefully opened the envelope and reached inside, surprised to find a small stamp. It showed the New York skyline. Alex had scoured old shops and antique houses for days until he found something he thought was right. It was an old, somewhat rare stamp from what he could tell; the sort of thing his father used to collect. He hoped now that he was his mother things might still be the same.

“It’s wonderful dear.” She smiled, “I haven’t thought about my old stamp collection in years.”

There was something in her voice; genuine gratitude mixed with something else…guilt? Something clicked in his mind and Alex felt himself deflate.

“You’ve already have it, don't you?”

“Well…” His mother smiled uneasily, “Yes, but darling honestly it’s the thought that counts. Finding it in this day and age is a rare thing too, I got mine back in ‘97, I can't imagine how hard it would be to find now. See the little diamond in the window of the building here, that’s what makes it rare.”

She started to ramble on, talking about stamp misprints and how the collection scene wasn't what it used to be with the digital age now in full swing. Alex could feel his disappointment melting away; so the gift had been a bust but the test itself had been successful. If he closed his eyes, those words could have been coming from his old dad. A sense of home and belonging washed over him as he watched his mother go to put the envelope down.

“There is one more thing in there.” He said quietly, excitement starting to build

His mother gushed about his kindness more and Alex found himself tapping his foot impatiently.

“Just take it out, mom. Please.” He laughed, “The suspense is killing me.”

“Suspense, what on earth do you...”

Her words cut off as the tiny black and white photograph spilled out onto the table. An ultrasound scan from the other day. His mother carefully picked up the image, treating the stiff paper as though it were the most precious jewel in the world. She was the first person besides Davy and Alex to see it and Alex watched as his mother’s eyes turned watery.

“Twins?” She whispered, gently pressing a finger to the two distinct little human shapes in the picture, “T-two?”

“Two.” Alex nodded, “You’re coping with this a lot better than I did.”

When the attendant had mentioned two heartbeats Alex had damn near fainted. Davy had been in such a shock that he could only say the word ‘twins’ over and over again until Alex was almost tempted to slap him.

“They’re girls.” Alex added, “At least that’s what the scans show, it can be a little hard to tell sometimes, they wiggle around something fierce.”

“Amelia is going to be thrilled.” His mother gave a shaky laugh, “And your father, he’s going to be so jealous I found out first.”

“That’s what daughters do with their mother’s isn’t it?” Alex said with a slight warble, “Tell them first about this sort of thing?”

“I just can't believe it, my baby is having her own babies now…” His mom sobbed, “I can’t believe it, you’re almost thirty, it seems like just yesterday I was holding your hand on the way to your first day of school. Now look at you.”

She reached over and pressed a weathered hand to Alex’s cheek, pulling up her chin.

“An independent, strong young woman, making her way in New York with a family on the way. I am so proud of you sweetheart.”

Alex felt a lump form in his throat; he tried to swallow it down but no matter how hard he tried it just got bigger. A small sob escaped and his mothers face turned from pride to concern.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?”

“Oh Mom, I don’t know what to do.” The tears burned as they spilled over his eyes, “Everything is moving so fast, ever since Kwanzaa my whole life has been thrown up in the air! Davy and I got together, now we’re getting married and have two babies. I just…there is so much.”

His mom shuffled around in the booth and placed an arm around his heaving shoulders.

“I don’t know how to be a mom. I don’t even know how to be a woman I…I just…”

He almost let it slip, almost told her everything about Kwanzaa and the cabbie and how up until a few months ago he’d been a white man who couldn't even pronounce Kwanzaa. He held back though, biting his tongue before it could come out. Today had been wonderful, he did not want to ruin it by making his mom think he was crazy. After all there was no way to prove what had happened and he had made his choice.

“I think you’re a fine woman, Alexandra.” His mother said sternly, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at her, “Especially since Kwanzaa.”

“S-since Kwanzaa?”

“Yes, this year I saw you make a real change. You’re less selfish, while losing none of your drive. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman who has finally managed to find a balance between work and family; that is all I ever wanted for you.”

That…actually made him feel better. To know that this praise was solely for him, not the woman who had been Alexandra before him. He was a good woman; him. And the more he thought about it the more those pronouns felt wrong. Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon Alex felt the last vestiges of his old self slip away; she would never forget them obviously but it was time she stopped dwelling on who she had been and started focusing on who she was.

Her name was Alexandra; she was a new woman spending Mother’s Day in a Pizzeria with her new mother and she had no regrets.

“Thanks mom,” She whispered, “I really needed to hear that.”

“Now, let’s talk about this stress sweetie.” her mom said gently, “You do want these children, yes.”

“Yes.” She replied without hesitation, “It’s not that I am regretting my decision or have doubts, it's just…”

“A lot.”

“Yeah.”

They sat together for a moment before her mom sat back.

“You will make mistakes.”

“Gee, thanks mom.”

“No, listen to me.” She said sternly, “Every mother does. The important thing is that you learn from them, every good parent makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect, Alexandra, that is something I have tried to drill into you since you were a child. You can’t be perfect at everything, you need to pick and choose your battle and when you fuck up, you learn and try again tomorrow.”

Alex blinked in shock, it felt so strange to hear her mother swear like that. The lump in his throat wobbled, he couldn’t help it; she started to laugh. It was one of those annoying laughs that she couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried. Her mother seemed shocked but then she was laughing too.

Alex rested a hand on her pregnant belly, gazing down at the now pronounced bump with finesse. Would she have moments like this with her own daughters? What would it be like in thirty years when her daughters were his age now and he was his mothers? Would his mother even still be around then? The thought made him shiver; for all their jokes she was right, sixty wasn't young. She kicked herself for not taking the opportunity to spend more time with her before now.

“You’re such a strong woman, darling.” Her mother smiled, “But know if you ever need me I am right here, at least for now. I joke but those plane tickets are nothing compared to what you mean to me and your father. If those little ratbags of yours give you trouble nana is only going to be a flight away.”

Alex knew she meant it too. Come hell or high water this woman would do anything for her kids and Alex couldn’t believe she didn’t realise it sooner.

“Hey mom, this is a silly question but before you go. Do you think you could show me how to put on nail polish?”

“You know I have been waiting for you to ask me that ever since you were thirteen and insisted on going to your school social with half your fingertips covered in bright yellow polish?”

“Well, better late than never.”

Her mother gave a huff of laughter and reached over to rub circles across her belly.

“I have something for you as well sweetheart.”

“Mom, that’s not how the whole Mother's Day thing works.”

“Well, it wasn't planned, but since we’re here.”

She reached into her purse, drawing out her old, battered leather wallet and reached inside. Handing a small rectangle of stiff cardboard over. It was a photograph; slightly faded and bent; it had clearly been kept in that wallet for years. The edges were slightly creased and wrinkled where the photograph had peeled but the subjects were still clear.

Her mother, almost twenty years younger, her hair in long braids so similar to how her own was styled now. Sitting next to her was a young Alexandra, hair wild and springy, floating around her face and framing her wide smile. Despite the slight colour fade and the small changes to the decor the location was obvious. This very pizzeria.

Alex felt a fresh lump form in her throat at the realisation. This had to have been taken when she was twelve on that first girls trip to New York. The both of them were smiling and a dark rectangle was visible on the table in front of them, a program perhaps from the play they had just seen.

Young Alex was holding something up, a necklace or something with a blurry charm in the shape of a theatre mask. Probably a cheap souvenir from the show. For a moment the photo blurred before her eyes, the people and location was different but she still recognised it. In her own reality this picture sat on her father’s desk. In place of a necklace there was a fish; the only fish he’d caught on that whole trip. It had been a tiny thing, but he’d been so proud, they’d asked another traveller to take it for them.

The vision faded and she was back, looking past the photo of her young self and mother on their girls trip, rather than the father-son hunting trip he still remembered.

“I can’t believe you kept this in your wallet all these years.” She breathed in awe, “We should have made it a yearly thing.”

Her mother sighed and gave her a sad smile.

“I suggested coming back the next year but you were a teenager by then dear.”

“I didn’t want to spend my holidays on a trip with my mom.” She guessed.

“No, too busy chasing those extra credits and boys.”

“Hey! I never chased boys!”

“Oh?” Her mother laughed, “What was his name, that one you dated for so much of highschool-”

“Not important!”

“Fair enough, besides, you have Davy now. A much nicer young man if I can toss in my two cents.”

“Your opinion is worth far more than that.”

It was funny; seeing that photo, all she could see were the differences between her new and old lives. Yes, both of them had taken a trip and had a photo taken but they had been so different that they were basically incomparable. Normally it would have caused a pang to pass through her heart. Whenever she found a difference between her lives it made her feel so uncomfortable, like she was living some sort of lie or playing pretend. Or that any second she could wake up as Alexander again, white, male and boring as all hell.

The idea…scared her. The idea of returning to that life, it seemed so empty now compared to everything she had here. Her loving family, Davy, her two girls who she could not wait to meet some day soon, Trish, hell, even Morgan. How could she have wasted so much time as Alexander?

She looked down at the little girl in the photo and for the first time since her transformation saw the little girl in the photograph not as a stranger, but as herself. She may never have that girl's memories but she was her, deep down. Maybe she always had been. Maybe that distance she felt with everybody was because she’d never really belonged in that world to begin with.

“Darling?”

Alex realised she had been staring at the photo for several minutes now and her mother was starting to look concerned again.

“It’s fine, mom.” and she meant it this time, “I was just caught up in my own head.”

“That trip was something special.”

“Yeah. So are you, mom.”

The older woman threw her arms around Alex and she embraced her back. Tears were still making her eyes sting though they were ones of happiness now. The damp patch on the shoulder of her new dress told Alex she wasn't the only one getting tearful either. They stayed like that a long time and Alex treasured every moment of it; memorising everything she could about the moment. The smell of her mother’s perfume, the sounds of pizza ovens opening, the feel of their clothing. She wanted to have a crisp image in her head, a perfect recollection of the moment she truly and completely became Alexandra for good.