From the Archives: Nice Picture, Jackass (Patreon)

“But that’s not me!” Scott cried, shoving the picture in Todd’s face.  It showed an incredibly tall man’s incredibly large rear filling the frame of a small photo booth.  He was bent over to fit inside, but his top half was still obscured, showing only one large ear and a corner of his big, toothy grin.

Todd cocked his head to the side, his eyes traveling up and down Scott’s towering frame.  “Looks like you,” he grunted, shrugging his massive shoulders.

“It does now, but it didn’t then...I mean the picture did, but I DIDN’T…” Scott trailed off in a growl of frustration.  “Fuck this is hard to explain.”  The tall blonde sighed and stared at his giant new hands, still not understanding how he could suddenly turn from an average, six-foot jock to a warped, giant caricature.  When he first saw the photo booth, he just thought it would be funny to go in and moon the camera.  Erin always told him he had a nice ass, and maybe giving her the string of pictures would finally get him laid.

He didn’t know what to think when the machine spit out the lanky, bottom-heavy stranger.  Whoever the man was, he was a giant.  Looking at the height of the booth and how close his own head came to the ceiling, Scott guessed the man in the photo had to be at least 6’8” or 6’9”, if not slightly taller.  And then there were the colossal cheeks.  The round, gravity defying pillows were bigger than anything Scott had ever seen during his countless hours in locker rooms over the years, looking huge even compared to the stranger’s imposing frame.  The man wasn’t just tall; he was jacked.  From what Scott could make out, the man’s back was a tapering tower of shredded muscle, and what small bit of the man’s arms he could see showed flexing triceps and biceps that bulged like small melons.  His first thought was that it was clearly a glitch, but the man’s pose was too similar to his own to be a coincidence.  Aside from having to compensate for the height difference, they stood in exactly the same way, in exactly the same spot.  Scott had pocketed the pictures and wrote the booth off as just another carnival gag on the boardwalk.  He’d still give the photos to Erin, figuring they’d both get a laugh out of it, and if he was lucky the bizarre pictures might even help further his cause of getting in her bed.

He’d left the bustling boardwalk and made his way back to campus to meet up with his friends for some two-on-two at the rec center.  He and Dave still owed Nick and Rich for the trouncing they’d given them last time, but as soon as the game started it quickly became clear the odds were not in their favor.

“Dude, what is with you tonight,” Dave had asked as he pulled Scott up off the floor for the third time.  The normally-agile blonde had tripped over his feet yet again, allowing their friends to score.  “You’re all over the place.”

Scott didn’t think anything of it at the time, failing to notice how he looked Dave in the forehead instead of the eyes as he stood.  “Yeah, on the ground, mostly,” he’d said, followed by an unusually harsh, braying laugh that echoed off the gymnasium walls.  Scott cleared his throat and turned bright red at the embarrassing bellow, but his three friends just looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

“You are SUCH a jackass,” Dave laughed, giving Scott’s rear a quick swat.

The blushing blonde turned a deeper shade of red at the confusing way his friend’s hand, in conjunction with being called a jackass, made his stomach flutter.  Scott was far from an Alpha male, but he was handsome enough and had a fit, athletic body, a combination that usually afforded him a position of social safety.  He wasn’t the top dog in the room that every other competitive guy was looking to topple, nor was he the butt of everyone’s jokes.  Though as he fumbled his way up and down the basketball court, constantly tripping and missing throw after throw, he sensed his status in the group start to shift.  He kept catching the other three exchanging glances, especially whenever he’d let loose one of his humiliatingly neighing laughs, an occurrence that was becoming more and more frequent.

Scott tried to bite down on them, but he couldn’t help it.  They were like a nervous tick, exploding out of his mouth every time one of his friends used his new nickname and called him a jackass.  They’d all laugh as well, and though Scott knew they were laughing at him, not with him, he was suddenly just happy to be included.  A part of him even liked the way they were treating him, to the point where he had to make a conscious effort to keep his twitching cock at bay every time they used his new name.

As bizarre as the basketball game had turned out, the real shock came afterwards.  Scott had stumbled over to the sinks to splash some cold water on his face but froze as soon as he saw his reflection.  Instead of his handsome, boy-next-door features, his fluttering stomach dropped at the pair of enlarged ears that stood nearly perpendicular to his head, and the wide, gap-toothed grin that had replaced his thin lips.  He wasn’t ugly, but the wing flap ears and oversized teeth gave him a slightly dulled expression.  Scott was horrified, but he couldn’t seem to shake the constant grin that showed off his large front teeth, not even when he looked down and finally noticed his exposed navel.

Instead of fitting like it should, his tank-top had ridden up well past his belly button and was plastered on like a second skin.  The same went for his mesh shorts, which now barely reached the middle of his thighs and showed off a terrifyingly large rear.  It wasn’t as big as the one he’d seen on the stranger in the photos, but it was at least twice the size it should have been.  And if the outline he saw bulging out between his legs in the front was any indication, it wasn’t the only part of him to have grown.

He’d bolted from the locker room, his inflated rear bouncing as he tripped and fell over his feet all the way back to his dorm.  There was a part of him that felt like he should go to a doctor, or try and find some kind of help, but it was drowned out by a growing voice that didn’t understand why he was so panicked since everything was exactly as it should be.  Overwhelmed and not knowing which voice to listen to, Scott threw himself on his bed and hoped everything would make sense in the morning.

He’d known that hope had been in vain before he’d even opened his eyes.  Scott had felt his legs hanging over the edge of a bed that was far too small as he shifted and rolled over, opening his eyes on a world that no longer made sense.

Lifting his head, the first thing he’d seen was the huge pole tenting the thin sheet.  Instead of a slightly-above average six and a half inches, Scott’s cock had to be nearly a foot in length.  He’d started to reach for it on instinct but had froze when he saw the size of his piston-like arms and the round, chiseled pecs that were rapidly rising and falling as his heart raced.  A lifelong athlete, the fit twenty-one year old had always been well built, and now that sculpted muscle had become as exaggerated as the rest of him.

He’d tossed the sheet aside and sat up, letting out a loud gasp at both how high in the air his vantage point seemed to be, and the sight of his now-gargantuan feet.  In his shock over his new physique, Scott almost forgot about the changes to his face until he turned and caught sight of his reflection.  His enlarged body turned a deep shade of embarrassed purple when he saw how his larger head only served to magnify and accentuate his jutting ears and the way his prominent front teeth nearly extended over his bottom lip.

That embarrassment only grew when he turned away from the mirror to see his roommate, Adam, staring up at him from a considerably larger bed on the other side of the dorm.  His bed, Scott somehow knew.

“You were already passed out in my bed when I got back last night,” Adam said.  The stocky, dark-haired jock had yawned and stretched casually, as if the sight of Scott’s naked body and hard, massive cock were entirely commonplace.  “I know trying to wake you up is pointless,” he laughed.

“Sorry,” Scott stammered awkwardly.  “Last night’s kind of a blur...I don’t really remember what...I...did…” he trailed off as he stood, his eyes going wide at the way his head nearly reached the ceiling and at the heavy, shaking sensation from his lower back. He knew what he’d find before his hands made contact, but that didn’t lessen the shock when he felt the plump, mountainous, globes.

“No pin the tail on the donkey?” Adam laughed, giving the bare cheeks a slap as he hopped out of Scott’s bed.  At 5’7”, the stocky beefcake was almost eye level with the rotund cheeks.

Scott hated the braying laugh that accompanied Adam’s slap, wondering why he wasn’t blind with fear.  He knew he should have been a panicked, terrified mess.  At the very least he should have been mortified at standing so exposed instead of wearing his usual boxer briefs like Adam, but all he could muster was a slight anxiety that barely pierced his dull contentment.  The voice from the previous day that told him everything was exactly as it should be was magnified as he looked around the room and saw pairs of his giant shoes, and piles of dirty, oversized clothes that clearly belonged to him.

When he grabbed a towel and followed Adam to the showers, still naked and hard, no one they passed seemed to react.  Even as he showered, and his head stuck well above the walls of the stall and gave him a view of the men on either side, his long, paddle-like feet slipping over onto their side, the strongest response he received was a sleepy “mornin’, Jackass.”  Far from being surprised and horrified the way Scott should have been, his neighbors seemed as familiar as Adam with his goofy looks and obscenely large rear.

It was a sentiment shared by everyone on campus.  As he lumbered through the busy halls, constantly stepping on people’s feet or backing into them with his plump, round bumper, Scott was constantly shocked by the way everyone just accepted it.  He kept waiting for the person who’d finally realize his towering frame and exaggerated features weren’t normal, but when it finally happened it didn’t bring the comfort he’d hoped.

He’d been walking back from his third class, still confused at having his regular schedule swapped out for a bunch of remedial classes, when Todd stopped him in the hallway.  He’d seen The Bull on campus before, the broad wall of muscle was hard to miss, but as soon as their eyes met, Scott knew the truth.  He saw a brief flash of Todd as an average jock, similar to the way he’d been before having his picture taken, and the look on Todd’s face told him the hyper-muscled bull saw the same in him.

They’d compared notes over the next several days, but the more he learned, the more trapped Scott felt.  Todd’s experience mirrored his own.  He’d had his picture taken in the booth, and then the world changed around him.  Unfortunately, the burly man couldn’t provide any answers as to how it happened or why, nor did he want to.  He appeared perfectly content in his new life with his bigger muscles, smaller brain, and adoring boyfriend.

Though the Bull seemed happy, Scott wasn’t ready to accept his fate anymore than he was ready to admit that he was now about to go on a double date with Todd and Mike and their friend Aaron.  It was just another of the many changes: the way Scott’s eyes were glued to the small men around him, and the way his oversized cock throbbed at the almost-constant thoughts of them.  It didn’t matter that they made fun of him; he was just desperate to be included, even, and sometimes especially, if that meant them constantly slapping his fattened rear and calling him a jackass.  The fact that this had all started with him trying to get laid by Erin, and now he was in Todd’s dorm getting ready for a date with a man named Aaron, wasn’t lost on even his increasingly distracted faculties

“Don’t know what you’re so upset about...it’s a nice ass,” Todd said, one hand absently kneading the impossible bulge in his shorts as he looked at Scott’s string of pictures.

“No it’s not!” Scott turned and shook the mammoth globes in Todd’s direction, the custom-tailored jeans barely containing the jiggling mounds.  “It’s huge!  Like, TOO huge.”

“Nah...trust me, Aaron’ll love it,” Todd said, dropping the picture and pulling on a draping muscle shirt that left most of his brawny torso exposed.  Where Scott had grown taller, the pierced stud had grown wider, making clothing more of a difficulty.  Not that Todd seemed to mind being so exposed.  “Bro, we’ve been over this.  There’s no going back, so you might as well get used to it.  Why’re you being such a pussy about this, anyway?  You’re dumb and hung?  Who gives a shit?  It’s nice having someone else do all the thinking...I’m speaking from experience.  Even if I could go back and change it, I wouldn’t trade this for anything.”  There was a rare look of clarity in the mountainous man’s eyes as he fixed Scott with his gaze.  “I was weirded out by all the gay stuff at first too, but as soon as a dude goes down on you it stops being important.  Trust me.”

“Actually, I’ve never, uh, even with a girl...I haven’t…” the door opened before Scott could finish, and the awkward giant felt his stomach flutter as he looked down at the lean, handsome ginger standing next to Mike.  He’d always had a thing for redheads, but only when they were attached to a nice ass and a big pair of tits.  He never imagined himself feeling so nervous and bashful in front of another guy, but he’d also never imagined himself going on a date with one, so it was just another in a long list of new experiences.

Fortunately Mike was quick with introductions as he made sure Todd was put together enough to go out in public, and it wasn’t long before the group was making their way across campus.  Normally confident and charming, Scott had to make an effort to keep his hands from shaking as he did his best to appear casual.  He kept catching Aaron checking him out as they walked, with the shorter man’s eyes constantly drifting to the oversized rear that was bouncing and shifting next to his torso.  Scott was surprised to find himself doing the same, noting how Aaron was built the way he should have been and wondering how deep the similarities went once the other man’s clothes came off.

As the night wore on, the muscled giant was more embarrassed than ever at his loud, jarring laugh, but Aaron didn’t seem to mind.  The taller stud wasn’t used to seeing anything but condescending amusement in people’s eyes when they heard him, but Aaron’s expression was entirely different as the handsome ginger looked at Scott’s goofy grin and Dumbo ears with what seemed to be genuine affection.

“Sorry...I know that’s loud,” Scott said sheepishly after a particularly loud burst of laughter.  The group was wandering around after dinner, enjoying the evening air while a growing tension settled over them.

“Don’t apologize...I think you’re adorable,” Aaron said, slipping his hand into Scott’s large mitt.  The towering blonde grabbed it reflexively, turning a bashful shade of red at the compliment.  “Especially when you do that,” Aaron laughed.

“So, uh, I think we’re gonna call it a night,” Mike said abruptly, giving Aaron a knowing wink.  “You two good?”

“Yeah, they’re good,” Todd answered for them, slapping Scott on a thick arm.  “Remember what I said.”

“Um, sure, I will,” Scott stammered, his heart racing and his cock throbbing at the thought of being alone with Aaron.

“So my roommate’s gone for the weekend if you want to come back to my room,” Aaron said after they’d waved the other two off.  “I mean, if you’re interested…”

“Of course!” Scott said quickly, giving the other man’s hand a squeeze.

Aaron looked up at him with a wry grin as they walked, leaning against Scott’s solid girder of a body.  “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You seem a little nervous.”

“Oh, I want to,” Scott said without thinking.  “I mean...shit...sorry,” he stammered, turning an even deeper shade of red.  “My body moves quicker than my brain sometimes.”

Aaron reached over and gave Scott’s ample bottom a squeeze, smiling at the quick, braying laugh it elicited.  “God I love that sound.”

“Really?  Most people just make fun of me for itmmph…!”  Scott’s eyes went wide when Aaron came to a sudden stop and grabbed his shirt to pull him down for a long, deep kiss.

“Most people are idiots,” Aaron purred, stroking one of Scott’s large ears.

There wasn’t much conversation after that as they practically ran back to Aaron’s dorm.  Scott was trembling with excitement the whole way, letting the other man call the shots when he shoved him down on the bed and climbed on top.

“Let me get a look at you,” Aaron said between kisses, tugging at the bottom of Scott’s shirt.  The bashful blonde raised his long arms and let Aaron pull the tight t-shirt free, letting out a loud gasp when the thirsty ginger tweaked the tiny nipples on his slab of a chest.  “Holy god you’re hot…” Aaron whistled, his eyes wide as he took in the map of definition on his giant friend’s torso.

“Not...not really…” Scott stammered and tensed as Aaron started to undo his jeans, expecting the other man to suddenly realize he’d made a mistake when he got a look at his freakish cock and oversized rear.

“Does this feel like I’m lying,” Aaron asked, guiding one of Scott’s hands to the solid bulge in his pants.  The big man felt a thrill as he gave it a squeeze, surprised to find how much he enjoyed the sensation of another man’s dick against his palm.  “Just relax.  You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, man.  You need to own it.”

“Yeah?” Scott grinned and lifted himself up to let Aaron pull his jeans and briefs free, relieved to see the hungry look in the ginger’s eyes when his massive cock sprang free.

“Fuck...now I’M nervous,” Aaron laughed.  Before the other man could work his pants down any further Scott lunged forward, his big hands stripping Aaron’s shirt free as they glided over the chiseled torso underneath.  “Hey...I’m supposed to be getting a look at you,” the smaller man laughed as Scott’s hands fumbled with his pants.  He sat back and let the giant blonde pull them free, his eyes traveling back and forth between his own six-inch pole and Scott’s footlong monster.  “Looks like someone’s finally relaxing,” he said as he reached over and gave the massive pole a stroke.

Scott gasped and arched his back, overwhelmed by the sight of Aaron’s naked, athletic frame.  He’d seen plenty of similar guys in the showers at the gym over the years, but none of them had ever made him feel like this.  “I should probably tell you...I’ve...I’ve never…”

“Really?  No wonder you’re so nervous,” Aaron winked, hopping off the bed and tugging Scott’s pants free.  “Don’t worry, I’ll walk you through it,” he said, giving one of Scott’s gargantuan feet a stroke.  Scott gasped again, a similar jolt shooting through him as when Aaron’s hand had been wrapped around his cock.  “Ohhh...someone likes that,” Aaron grinned, leaning down to suck on one of the large toes.

“UUNnnhhheeeiiigghhh…” Scott let out a deep, braying grunt as Aaron’s mouth traveled from toe to toe, his hand stroking along the other foot.  The addled blonde had never even thought about his feet in relationship to the bedroom, but now the oversized extremities were antennae for pleasure.  He curled his toes as best he could around the other man’s cock when Aaron began grinding it against his sole, his own rigid club beginning to ooze in earnest.

“You make THE BEST faces,” Aaron said, sliding up just long enough to plant a quick kiss before dropping back down to Scott’s waist.  “I wonder what’ll happen when I do this…”

Scott brayed and spasmed, his vision blurring when Aaron slowly ran his tongue along the underside of his thick shaft before licking around the leaking, bulbous head.  The farthest Scott had ever gone with a girl was a surprise handjob he’d received under the bleachers, but it didn’t even come close to what he was feeling now.  His long arms and big hands were all over Aaron’s tapering back as the other man swallowed as much of him as he could, loving instead of dreading the feeling of solid, masculine flesh.  “Oh...oh fuck…” Scott panted, his pillowy cheeks flexing as he pumped his hips.

“Seems like you want to,” Aaron laughed as he watched Scott’s throbbing beast hump the air.  “Do you?”  He sat back and turned around, grinding his perky bubble against the bigger man’s aching organ.

“Ye..yes…” Scott nodded, wide eyed.

Aaron pulled away, a look of mock disappointment on his face.  “Come on...you can do better than that.  You’re fuckin’ hot and I’m more than willing.  Tell me how you really feel,” he egged on.

“I’m gonna bust that wide open,” he blurted, a surge of lustful confidence washing over him.  There was a sudden shift in the air, a surreal haze he hadn’t felt since waking up the first morning in his new body.  He was on the verge of a precipice, and he could sense someone coming up from behind to push him over.

“Ohhh, there he is,” Aaron smiled.  “Well?  Are you just gonna talk about it or are you gooohhh!”

The smaller redhead was cut off when Scott shifted and draped himself over Aaron’s back, his heavy cock resting against the other man’s tight rear.  The panting blonde was starting to feel like a passenger in his own body, his world narrowing to nothing but the sensation of Aaron’s warm, naked body against his torso.  “Say it...say you wanna get fucked by a jackass,” Scott grunted.  He was mortified at the strange words leaving his mouth, but even as he heard them they made his cock throb.

Aaron was all too happy to play along.  He gave Scott a puzzled look over his shoulder but grinned when he saw the bigger man’s eager smile.  “Come on, jackass.  What’re you waiting for?”  Scott’s neighing moan drowned out Aaron’s whimper when he plunged inside.  He was torn between humiliation and ecstasy at the sensation of his ample cheeks bouncing and shaking with each thrust, and the way his braying groans bounced off the walls.

But with each plunge, Scott felt himself settling into his role.  Aaron took him like a pro, his ecstatic moans gradually transitioning to variations of “fuck me harder jackass.”  A throb of pleasure shot through Scott whenever he heard his new name, and the bucking giant happily complied.  Though it was the first time he’d ever had sex of any kind, there was a growing sense of familiarity to their actions that kept Scott’s panic at bay.  A confusing fog had wafted into his mind, and he couldn’t help but remember what Todd said about letting someone else do all the thinking.

He focused instead on how Todd said he’d never want to go back as he pumped away, surprised by his complete lack of embarrassment at the bellowing neighing sound when he finally came.  The loud braying seemed to push Aaron over the edge as he joined in the chorus with a scream of his own.

“Fu...fuck, babe...what’d I ever do before we met?”  Aaron sighed, stretching contentedly when Scott pulled his softening hose free.

The bigger man looked around, momentarily confused by the photobooth pictures of the two of them together on Aaron’s nightstand, complete with Scott’s goofy new grin and protruding ears.  There was a moment of panic as he thought back to another string of pictures from a photobooth, but even as he had the thought, Scott felt ridiculous, wondering how he could possibly forget that he and Aaron had been together for the past two years.  He blamed it on the difficulty he had thinking in general and bent down to wrap Aaron in his muscled, lanky arms.

“Beats me,” he said, nuzzling Aaron’s neck with his toothy grin.  “Just means we need to make up for lost time.”