Jan 2022: Where to go from here? (Patreon)

Hello everyone.

Do forgive my rather severe lack of energy lately. My most recent posts were somewhat lacking, I know. I've not had a good January, and I keep putting myself down for a lack of productivity... in spite of recent events. Do allow me to explain if you're new here.

I do not like the December season (hell, I hate Christmas), and the aftermath that follows. With a few highlights, it was a long tiring slog, and I was struggling financially every single week (not that I'm alone of course). Those watching my deviantArt page may have noticed the occasional Emergency Sketch Commissions. With the limited time I had in December due to frequent visits, and the mind-numbing, irritating, and draining task of socialising, that was the only work I could mainly accept. Again I am not alone, I realise this.

It did keep things afloat during December, but when the New Year passed, and that small bit of hell passed, I took time to think, and was later accosted by more troubles. A leaking kitchen, a severe case of burnout after a very nice start (Indeed I'm quite proud of "A Suite Invitation", and later on the Drawing Exercise), and constant depression, but this latest thinking has had me realising some things... My goals have shifted, after being able to get some nice new things relating to my job - drawing tablets, a new computer and a bit of software or two, now I've been focused on making a living. Just making enough to get by. 

Truthfully, you've been an immensely great contributor, in helping me, and those I care for, get by, just barely, day by day. I am honored and thankful for your support.

Again you saw the Emergency Sketches as one example, but I've considered making other changes - making the goal higher this time; originally 700 was my highest. 1000 will be my newest high goal. I've no confidence I'll meet it, but something to aim for, I suppose.

My current dilemma now, is what to offer in exchange for asking a little more from you, the Patrons who have lent your support of your own accord. I mean, adding more features seems tempting doesn't it? A forum here, a perk there. But it sounds far less exciting now, more exhausting, at least to my current sleep-deprived mind; it all just means more and more effort for what seems to be just enough.

Maybe I should change the Open Channel, from suggestions for Poll Characters and Themes, to a wider suggestion box. A place to give your ideas and thoughts.

I dunno what else to do, maybe show more WIPs, I'm not really public as much here, so I should be more comfortable in showing my work. Behind The Scenes have not worked as well, because making documents was more work than expected, so WIPs will have to do. Maybe more sketchbook. Not like most are interested. Then again, I shouldn't worry about the numbers. Likes, comments, whatever. Just thinking about those again is exhausting. Indeed, as I wind down on this blog, I'm feeling worse and worse.

Hell, I am immensely ashamed right now, at least I get to stay home and work whenever I like. Not everyone here has this luxury. I don't deserve this. I know there's some things you'd likely want me to do, but shame on me, I just don't have the patience for some complex-ly designed things. No wonder I draw so fast, I just don't have enough of patience, and now I'm hitting that barrier.

Perhaps my well being should come before 'productivity' and 'content'. Bleurgh.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'll actually make it this year.

Where to go from here, indeed.

~MFS