Conditioned Parts 1, 2, and 3 (Patreon)

Ava haphazardly pushed and pulled the toy car around her on the ground. Its wheels rolled along the matted numbers and letters. She always found this time of the day was the most boring part of her schedule. Any time she had to play with baby toys was a low point in the day. They just didn’t stimulate her. As a 28-year-old adult, she needed more substance to ‘playing’ other than building blocks or a toy that tells you the sounds animals make.

“You need to play with it.” The voice said through the speakers. Ava sighed and nodded. She knew that one was coming. They’d give her a few minutes if she wasn’t fully engaged before reminding her of the task. She gripped the toy car tighter. She got onto her knees and started running the car up and down long swaths of her arm’s range.

“Vrrrooommmm Errooommmmmmm” Ava buzzed her lips to generate the car sound. They always backed off when she added sound to playing. If she was being honest with herself, it made the whole experience more fun. She cracked a little grin. After a few minutes, she subconsciously visualized trees and buildings pop up around the car as it raced along a track. “Oh no, watch out!” She said, before swerving the car away from an accident on the road.

*Ding*

“Ugh, already?” She thought, before looking up at the door to her nursery. No one was likely to walk in, but at this point, it was the force of habit. Ava sighed and put the car to the side. “It always rings JUST as I’m getting into it. I knew it was coming too, I should have brought the car back to its house….” Ava thought as she got onto her knees.

When Ava first started, she could never mess in the allotted time. That wasn’t a problem anymore. They punished that out of her within a week. Now, three months into it, the process was almost automatic. Ava grabbed at the straps of her overalls. She stretched them out to the side of each hip. Her fingers gripped the fabric tight, just as her body initiated a gentle push. There was practically zero resistance. Her diet consisted of baby food. Mushed carrots and squash all day every day. Her mess squished into the seat of her diaper.

Ava’s face looked far away. She was mentally living inside her diaper. As much as she’d hate to admit it, this part of the day had slowly gotten better. She liked the sensation of warm mush piled into her diaper. It set her up for the next part.

*Ding*

Ava’s butt slammed into the ground. The mess quickly spread into any space it could find. She gyrated her hips. This totaled her diaper, but it wasn’t up to her. She had to follow the schedule. “Oh,” Ava said, looking down in surprise. “I’m wet again.” She thought, she noticed the center of her diaper was much warmer than expected. She pressed her hand into the front of her diaper. “Yep, wet. What the hell, why have I been doing that when I mess lately?” She wondered.

“Come to think of it… I pee peed yesterday and I didn’t know. And that time a few days ago… I’m not using them too much, right?” She pondered that thought for a few moments, while her hips slowly stopped playing in her wet and messy diaper. “Nah.” She thought, already starting to crawl over to her easy bake oven before the ding started. “These are trained professionals giving me $80,000 to play baby for a year. They’re not going to let me develop any long-term health problems.” She thought.

*Ding*

Ava’s heart raced. She crawled faster to make it to the easy bake on time

***

*Ding*

“Yesss! This is the bestest part. I love doing draw in my coloring book.” Ava thought, ecstatically. She thoroughly enjoyed scribbling down whatever her brain could imagine. She crawled to her toy box, grabbed the wooden knob, and pulled it open. She remembered exactly where she placed everything yesterday. She snatched the worn coloring book with her left hand and a fistful of crayons with the other.

Ava didn’t register the woman walk in. She came in every day at the same time wearing a white lab coat and face mask. Her white-gloved fingers held a pair of wireless headphones. Ava instinctually cocked her head toward the woman. It saved a couple of seconds getting the headphones on. They contoured perfectly to her head.

Childish conversations started playing over the tone of soft lullaby music. Phrases like: “I went pee pee in my diapie, Mommy. I need changie”, “Mommy, I don’ wan’ water, me want juice.”, “I a’fwaid of da dark.” They were generally the same 500 phrases, with some removed and added each day. Ava didn’t mind wearing the headphones anymore. The mantras used to distract her to the point where it’d become maddening. They didn’t make her feel that way anymore. They seemed to blend into the background when she listened. All the headphones indicated now was the day had changed.

Ava flipped open to a random page in the book. There were some attempts at trying to keep colors inside the dark lines, but there was a rainbow of scribbles drawn over all of them. Ava didn’t care about the drawings anymore. She found it way more fun to free draw. Her fingers traced a bad oval. It was supposed to be the body of a horse. Her low dexterity caused the next line to cross over the oval. She kept drawing. It devolved into a mess as Ava got mentally lost in drawing meaningless scribbles.

Ava shifted her legs uncomfortably. Something in her body didn’t feel right. The inside of her lower torso felt different. It felt like things were moving, but she couldn’t tell what. Instinctually, she checked her diaper. “It doesn’t feel too full… I guess…?” Ava thought. Her diaper was a warm swampy mess. She sat back onto her butt and felt the diaper squelch into her body. She was messy and borderline soaked. She felt frustration drum up quickly.

“Erghh I said stop going potty in diaper all the time!” Ava yelled at herself. “I big kid, I know how to go to the potty!” She reminded herself. This accident hurt her psyche. She didn’t remember going once in the last two diapers. The more she thought about it, she remembered far more diaper changes than explicit times she felt the need to go. She felt her existence shrink inside.

*Ding*

She heard it through the headphones. Ava’s demeanor relaxed. Her eyes grew lost and far away. She sat on the balls of her feet. Her kneecaps pressed into the foamed floor. Ava robotically pushed out the contents of her bladder. Pee gushed into her orange dinosaur print diaper. The pee flowed frictionless into the growing puddle inside her diaper. The warm pool quickly rose and splashed over the leak guards. Streams of the forced accident spilled out the side.

The emotion punched her in the chest. Ava had figured out recently if she whined long or hard enough, they’d change her diaper even if it wasn’t scheduled. She wanted out of this one. She channeled the embarrassment of her accident into blustery tears. It was surprisingly easy.

“I WAN DIAPIE *Sniff* CHANGE NOW!!” She screamed at her loudest possible decibel. Her fists pounded off the rubber padding. A woman came in shortly after and escorted Ava to the changing table

***

Ava sucked her thumb in the corner as they placed the last toy on top of her pink boxes. Ava’s mother, Sandra, tried again in vain to get the attention of the men. They remained silent as they finished setting up Ava's corner. Transitioning Ava back to the real world was complete. One of them handed Sandra a check for $80,000.

“She doesn’t need the money anymore.” He said to Sandra, then turned and walked out the door. Sandra remained bewildered. She didn’t bother fighting them about it anymore. Ava was back, after disappearing off the face of the Earth for a year. Sandra looked across the room at her daughter. She had a dog happy smile on her face. Thumb bobbing in and out of her mouth. She had on a rusty orange tank top, and a crinkly white diaper.

“Ava… w-what did they do to you??” Sandra stammered through her shock. Ava cocked her head to the side and furrowed her brow.

“Watcha mean, Mommy? Me good Girl!” She said, taking her thumb out to beam back an ear-to-ear smile. Sandra still couldn’t comprehend how her daughter’s vocabulary and speech had deteriorated back to a toddler level.

*Ding*

Ava’s eyes went wide. There wasn’t a bell; however, Ava still heard it. The sound played at the same time every day. She didn’t need it anymore. Her mind knew what time it was.

“Ugh, Ava. I’m sorry. And you know how rarely I use this word. But this is fucking insane.” She said, her finger pointed down at Ava’s crotch.

“Hm?” Ava wondered. She subconsciously pulled at her tank top to get a better look. Her hand nervously brushed through her hair. She thought there was a chance her body wouldn’t automatically release at the same time of day. But when you do the same thing repeatedly for a year. It becomes engrained. Ava didn’t even feel it. She just watched her diaper grow heavier and fade to bright yellow.

“They un-potty trained you? What the hell did you sign up for!? You’re a toddler now, Ava!” Sandra lambasted Ava. Ava felt her emotions instinctually burst. She’d been rewarded for breaking down her control. Her frustration slipped out with almost zero resistance.

“I not Baby, Mommy! I know how be big kid!! I jus’ have accident. My diaper protect me. That’s what it there for. Don’t be mean stupid head!” She said matter-of-factly. She stood up off the floor and stomped her foot to emphasize how serious she was.

*Ding*

Ava pivoted toward the couch. She dropped onto all fours and crawled over to the couch. Her mind was locked on getting the remote. Sandra watched Ava navigate to the armrest where the clicker was. Ava snatched it and turned on the TV. Her fingers robotically navigated to infantile channels. The moment she got to it, her fingers dropped the remote and went into her mouth instead. Ava softly babbled between chewy fingers. She did nothing to contain drool from spilling out of her lips.

“Ava. AVA!” Sandra screamed to get her daughter’s attention. Nothing. The whole sequence of events scared Sandra. Ava wasn’t responding to her after randomly getting up and turning on childish cartoons. Whatever they did to her daughter, it was deep neurological damage.

*Ding*

Ava lay on the floor. She continued chewing on her hand. In the back of her mind, she registered mush pushing into her diaper, but she didn’t care. The process was instinctual. Like how her body maintained its heartbeat. It decided when and where to dump into her diaper. Ava had no say in the matter anymore. There was limited space in the diaper because she was laying on the floor. It pushed into any space it could find.

*Ding*

Ava’s face lit up. She got up from the floor. She let out excited giggles while she positioned her butt. Ava leaned back, letting her body fall back onto her full diaper. Her butt made an impact on the ground. The mess exploded into every inch of the diaper. Instinctually, she started moving her hips. She let her brain drift on the intense feelings of ecstasy.

She continued playing in her wet and messy diaper. Ava looked over at her mother. Eyes fluttering with pleasure chin covered in drool. “I went pee pee in my diapie, Mommy. I need changie.” She said, then turned back to her show.

Sandra didn’t speak. Her jaw was completely unhinged. She realized then, her daughter mindlessly playing in a full diaper, that she was staring at her Ava’s second babyhood.

One that she’d likely never grow out of.