Mental (Full) (Patreon)

“Awesome, the chemical smell isn’t present when we shower it in baby powder. Let me write down here to tell the prototypers that; maybe we could send them all pre-packaged with powder infused in them.” Natalie thought to herself.

“That’s been a linger problem with these diapers. No one is going to buy them if they smell weird. We knew this was going to be a problem when we infused the chemicals. Looks like a genuine solution here. Thank goodness, it only took until Version 8 to get to a diaper that A. Feels plush and soft B. Doesn’t smell like a chemical bath and C. Looks cute.” Natalie thought, she picked up a pen with her right hand and began writing in a second notebook. The note topics were already pre-designed by her lab assistants.

“Test subject: Dr. Natalie Fredrick. Remarks: I wave my rights and will test these diapers on myself. Primarily to preserve the accuracy of describing the diaper’s effects on the human mind. Cataloging quality assured mental effects are paramount in this study. There was also only a small pool of volunteers who lacked sufficient mental capacity to begin with.” Natalie wrote in the structured notebook.

“Date: 5/07/2035

Location: Mojang Laboratories

Test Subjects Mood: Calm, Focused, Motivated, Good Spirits

Food Ingested Today: Granola, Yogurt, Mint Tea

Diaper Version: #8

Chemicals in Diapers? Y/N, Dosage: Yes, 15 mg

Number of Tests performed by Subject: 0 (First)”

“Alright, pen down. I’m ready for the diaper… It’s outer plastic crinkles loudly to the touch. I think that’s going to play very well with our target AB/DL audience. From the research our team did beforehand, the bulk and sound of the diaper is critical. Hm, a gentle warming touch to the bottom when I lay down on it. That’s new. That must be from the new chemicals. I’ll make a note of that when I get off the floor and fishing taping this diaper on me. The two tapes on each side gives this a tight, yet snug feel around the waist. Great job, design team!” Natalie thought before standing up. She grabbed her pen and started writing down notes of her experience.

“Instant warm sensation to the touch. Sensation changes to a gentle tingling around the diaper area. Likely chemically induced.” Natalie wrote. She placed the pen down next to the structured notebook. Natalie exhaled and placed two hands on her diapered hips. She took in the view around her Lab.

“Who knew, going to university for twelve years, working as a lab assistant for six years, and a lot of ass kissing would land me back in diapers. Heh, is that poetic justice? On my part? I’m not sure if that’s what the expression means. Wait, I thought poetic justice was when the ending of a journey has a fitting end? Or, no I think it might be when like, the actions from before deserve the ending because they weren’t warranted in the first place…. Um. Yes? I think that’s it.” Natalie thought, her face contorted into a curious expression. Her mind went quiet for a few moments after that. Her gaze slowly drifted back down toward her waist.

“Oh wow! Look at this diaper! Did the design team add new colors to it this time? These patterns are suuuper cute!” Natalie exclaimed; her greedy hands shot the front of her diaper. She started grabbing at the pretty designs of bunny rabbits and monkeys.

“They really went all out here! The way the pink flows in with the blue over this way. And then it splashes into all these rainbow colors on the back side… and then this monkey is SUCH a cutie with his banana in his hand. Ugh, I wish I had a banana like him…….. Maybe I could suck on it.” Natalie thought, her mouth suddenly felt vacant. Like something was supposed to be in there, but there annoyingly wasn’t. She felt herself suck the bottom of her lip into her mouth.

“That’s better. Okay so what was I… Oh! That’s right! I’m suppose’ to write about how I’m feeling!” Natalie remembered as she caught a flash of the notebook on the desk. She picked the pen up next to it and started jotting down her thoughts and emotions.

“I feel sooo happy today at school! I’m bubbly and starting to think about that monkey a lot. He had a banana. And I wish I had a banana too. I could just use my thumb though. Is not like people have to know. I’ma try it… Okay I just tried it. HOOKED. I’m not taking it out anymor. I think its more funner in there.” Natalie stopped for a moment while she enjoyed sucking on her thumb. She slurped around her thumbnail while she lazily looked around the lab. Looking at the funny glass beakers and tubes were so silly to Natalie.

“Someone left all their toys out.” She thought before looking back at the notebook. She gripped the pen in her free hand and started writing again.

“Dear Diary,

I been sucking my thumb mor. Iz more fun then it not in mouth. Mommy said that sucking on thumb no good for me. But I love it! Me suck thumb a lot now. And I dont care what momm y says.

Yestordaiy I saws cute boy in the park. He wasnt on the swings, so he kinda lame, but maybe I can tells hims to get on swing wihth me! Might have cooties tho?” Natalie wrote. In the middle of writing a sentence, an intense weight suddenly built in her bladder. It hit Natalie with zero warning. She dropped the pen and placed two hands between her thighs. She began hopping from one foot to the other.

“Oh no… I gottsta go pee pee. I needa pee pee. I don’ wanna pee pee in diaper. Mommy say I’m too big to go pee pee in my diaper. I need… I pee pee… da…. Uh… oh…” Natalie thought. Like water spilling over a damn, she was powerless to stop it. Instead of trying to fight it, Natalie let herself go with the flow.

“Mmmm I go pee…. Peeee in my diaperrr…. Hehe… I use diaper for pee pee!” Natalie squealed around her thumb. Her diaper sagged further down her thighs as it soaked up her accident.

“Need new diapie.” Natalie thought, “Me wet, need to put on new diaper.” She said, letting her hands drop to her sides. “Hmf! Why thumb not in mouth. Ugh!” She thought, grabbing the sides of her tapes. She ripped the off the front of her diaper. The weight of the sodded padding caused it to land with a dull *thud* onto the ground. Natalie was completely naked from the waist down.

“Hehe bye bye diaper! Iz gonna get a new one. Buh first, I need to catch up on thumb sucking!” Natalie thought, shoving her left thumb into her mouth. She couldn’t help it, her eyes closed in pleasure. “Mrmrmm, thuwmby wumby tawstesss sooo goooodddd.” She muttered.

“Thumbwy stways in mouth all da time. Maybe I can gets new pacifier that I keep in my mouth all da time. That way I have free hands. But wha’ about suckin’ mah thumb? I still wanna do dat sometimes. Well, I guess that I’ll keep my thumb in my mouth sometimes still. I don’t have to always have a pacifier in my mouth. Maybe I can split the time? I can use a pacifier in the morning, then switch to sucking my thumb in the afternoon… Yeah… I can still suck my thumb when I want to. If… I want to suck my thumb… that is. I mean… I don’t have to…. Suck my thumb. I can hold off on it sometimes. I’m….. wait… why am I sucking my thumb?!” Natalie thought, letting her thumb pop out of her mouth. Natalie blinked a couple times to get her mind back into reality.

“Woah that was….. I went under instantly! I felt like I was a little girl again! That was insane! I need to look at the notes. What did I say? … Wow, I started writing in it like it was a diary? This stuff is incredibly potent…” Natalie said, looking down at the diaper on the floor.

“Oh my god, it’s YELLOW?! I peed in it! I don’t even remember doing that! I don’t think I even cared? Wow, when the hell did I wet this thing? Haha, I was so under that I didn’t even feel myself go to the bathroom. Crazy. I need to write all of this down!” Natalie said. She began furiously writing the results of her first experiment down on her journal.

“Final Notes After Experiment: Mentally inhibiting chemicals react quickly with the mind. Was under regressed mental state within minutes. Did not notice cognitive decline. Felt like a natural backward decline.

Fixation on oral stimulation. Immense desire to place objects orally into the body. Experienced extreme jealously over beings with ‘suckable objects’ in their possession.  

Colors felt vibrant. Appeared brighter and more ‘colorful.’

Bladder control felt muddled. Experienced a bladder accident and did not feel regret. On the contrary, I think my regressed state enjoyed the wet feeling and lack of control. Occurred within five minutes of wearing the diaper.

Lingering Effects From Previous Diaper Use:”

Natalie stared at the line for a moment. “Lingering effects? I didn’t even think about residual side effects from them these chemicals. They told us that they were non-addictive. Hm. I’ll make sure to take this part seriously. If I notice any mental side effects, I’ll stop the experiment immediately.” She thought, turning back to the paper.

“Linger Effects From Previous Diaper use: None. First Use.”

“That should do it.” Natalie thought, closing the notebook for today. “Alright, with the diaper test out of the way, time to look at Agent PCP in the other room.” Natalie thought, she started walking toward the exit. “I was wondering how… hang on.” Natalie said, looking down at the cool breeze between her legs. “Oh.” She thought, looking back at her pants on the lab table, and the wet diaper on the floor. “Ha! Silly me, I forgot to put my pants back on! And that diaper is still on the floor. Jeez, such sloppy lab edicate on my part.” She whispered, before walking back to her clothes. “That isn’t like me to forget like that. Normally I’m super type A about keeping a clean lab.” She thought, as she started putting her pants on. She had to fumble around with the button a couple times before getting right.

“People make mistakes sometimes… No biggie.” Natalie thought, brushing off the mental error. It isn’t that abnormal to walk out of a room without any pants on…

***

“How did it go today?” Maria said from the kitchen sink. Natalie barely looked up from her lean cuisine.

“Hm? Oh, the new diapers we’re testing? You know I can’t tell you anything else about it.” Natalie said, rolling her eyes. “Maria loves to get into my personal business. She’s been doing this more recently. When she first moved in she was never like that. Kept to herself. Typically, just stayed in her room. Granted, she was getting over the divorce of her 10-year husband. So, it makes sense she was reserved for a while. But still, just because she’s feeling better doesn’t mean she has the right to know everything I’m thinking and feeling. Especially when it comes to my work life.” Natalie thought.

“Ha, you’re right. Sorry, it just sounded so interesting when you told me about it a couple weeks ago! A diaper designed for these Adult Baby folk that actually turns them into babies for a short amount of time. I can’t even believe a market like that exists!” She said, scrubbing a pot in the sink.

“Yeah, it’s certainly interesting alright…” Natalie said, sounding uninterested in the conversation. The sound of running water filled the air for a full minute. Neither spoke, until Natalie broke the silence.

“Hey so, I’m not trying to insinuate anything here, you’re my best friend and you can stay here for as long as you like, but-“Natalie said, but Maria cut her off.

“I don’t know, Nat. It’s been tough trying to find work over on this part of the state. I don’t exactly have the savings to get out on my own right now. I’ve got a lot of applications cooking right now. I’m bound to find a new job in the next months TOPS. I won’t be in your hair for much longer!” Maria said, turning toward her friend at the kitchen table.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Maria! You make it sound like you’re a nuisance or something. I was just curious. If you need any help applications, you know I’m a always here to help.” Natalie said. “… That way I can get you out of here sooner…” She thought.

“I know, you’re always been there for me for stuff like that. Even in Highschool you’d let me copy your homework.” Maria said, turning back to her dishes. “It sucks, because all my employers keep asking me why I haven’t worked for the past year, and I haven’t come up with a good answer. I spent the last 6 months getting over my husband, and 6 months before that getting our lives ready to adopt a kid. It sounds fine when I say it out loud to you, but in interviews I come off as lazy.” Maria said.

“Make something up then. You don’t have to tell them you were getting ready for a kid. Say you were divorced a year ago, and you’ve spent the last year recouping. Tell them he was an alcoholic or something. You got to do what you go to do to get these jobs.” Natalie said to both cheer up and offer advice to her friend. Maria nodded.

“I suppose. I’m not that good at lying though. I’ll have to practice in the mirror.” She said, placing the pot on the drying rack. She shrugged her shoulders, “But don’t worry, Nat. I’m trying. Like I said, another month here and I’ll be gone. I promise you.” She said with sincere eyes. Natalie smiled and nodded. The sound of her chair scraped across the kitchen floor

“You’ll make it work.” Natalie said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I need to head to bed though, I’m slated to test the diapers early tomorrow. I’ll see you when I get home if I don’t see you in the morning.” Natalie said.

“Okay, goodnight! And hey, Nat.” Maria said, grabbing Natalie’s arm. “Thank you, again. For everything. You’ve been an amazing friend to me. I owe you big time.” She said.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. You’d do the same for me.” Natalie said, pulling away and ascending up the stairs. “I love her, but damn does she lack motivation to get out of here…” She thought, “Everything she just said was a line of bull. If she’s actually out of here in the next month, I’ll be shocked.” Natalie thought, before turning into her bathroom.

“Grab the toothbrush… toothpaste… start to scrub…. I still can’t believe toothpaste doesn’t do anything for you. Basically, like sucking on a mint. It’s the scrubbing that really cleans your teeth…. Brush in the cup. Spit. Wash my face…. Towel dry… And…” Natalie said, turning her head to the toilet in the corner. She smirked and thought, “The seat I failed to use when I needed to use the bathroom today.” She joked to herself.

“The seat feels frigid tonight. I need to remember to keep this door open, so heat gets into it… Oof, this toilet paper feels rough too. Is this a new brand?... No, it’s Scott. But damn, they must have done something to their formula. This feels like sandpaper down there. Whatever. I’ll pick up a new case tomorrow.” Natalie thought, throwing the paper into the toilet beneath her.

“Alright, PJ pants UP this time. Not walking out without any pants on like I almost did at the lab.” Natalie chuckled to herself, before walking out of the bathroom, and into her bedroom.

“The best part of the day… Ahhh…. The cool silk of these sheets…. So easy to lay down here… And let the day just… *Yawn* uahh… let go….. don’t need……….. to…….. think about……………………… work……………… Just…………………………………. My.................................................mmm...................................... Natalie’s last sleepy thoughts escaped her, as she slipped into sleep. She finished her train of thought in her twilight:

“……. thumb.”

Chapter 2

“The camera will capture everything that happens this time. Just in case I get too lost in it. Okay, the bottle is full, there are ample toys to grab, and I’m ready for my diaper.” Natalie thought, “…Er, my diaper. Sounds like I’m a little kid again. My diaper. Not anyone else’s. This diaper is meant for me, Natalie because I need diapers, and I can’t be trusted by someone smarter and bigger than me to be without them. Otherwise, I’m going to… Haha… okay… I don’t need to keep thinking about it like that. I’m an… Adult!” Natalie thought, she grabbed the neatly folded diaper next to her. The carpet tickled her feet as she slipped the diaper up between her thighs and placed the tapes evenly across her waist.

“Alright, grab my pen. I need to start writing all of this stuff down before I get too loopy. Date, um I think today is the 8th? It might be the um… 9th… I’ll just put 8 and a half and fix it later. Location: Here, duh. Mood, um… I am a happy girl! Yes. That’s perfect. I am always the happiest of happy girls. That’s what Momma tells me. Food… ugh this is getting kind of boring. Um, whatever, stupid words. Wish I didn’t need to think so hard about them. Food today… um… I think I had a banana? How do you spell that one again? I can’t remember all of those… numbers. I mean letters! All of the letters that are in there, they’re so confusing. Which one starts that letter again? It starts like a Buh sound. Buh… buh… buhhhh huhaha…. That funny sound. Buhhh buhh… Hehee…” Natalie thought, her legs sunk to the floor. Her padded butt nestled onto the carpet.

“Buhh… buhhaaa! Hehe that’s a funny sound.” Natalie blurted out, she jostled up and down in a happy buzz.

“Was I doin’ something? Oh! Yes! I was doing something here on the paper. I was… uh… this paper look confusing. Someone scribbled all over it. Huh? Maybe they are drawing on this scrap! Yeah! That make sense. I’ll draw up and down, then left, then through this…” Natalie thought, getting lost into the dancing pen and paper. The pad devolved into a blank ink mess.

Natalie’s face started to droop the longer she drew on the pad. Her fingers grew soft. The tension between them and her body felt severed. She went from drawing vague images with her fingers, to gripping the pen entirely with her fist. Eventually, even that became too difficult to maintain. Her dexterity atrophied into useless stumps. Then pen flopped out of her hand and onto the floor.

“Bwuh?” Natalie uttered in a dull haze. The room looked foggy past a couple of feet. Objects blurred each time she moved her head. A beeping sound emanated from the table above.

“Why is that thing making noise? Am I… Supposed to know what that…. Wait. Is that an alarm? Hey, I think that is… my… beepy noisy thingy…. Some big Mommy put it there when I…. Like the noise. Hehe, beep beep beep. Beep, the wheels going round and round! Round and round, splish splish splish! That’s what the windshield wipers do to the bus. They make the water go woosh!!” Natalie said, throwing her arms and body weight to the side.

“Oh… um.. Why does it feeeel like that? What is that? It feels like, not good.” Natalie thought, rolling her hips from side to side.

“It… it… its feelin’ leakyyy… What was that, it’s getting…. Um… uh… waaarrmmm…. I getting warm… I think, mmm it feels so good to be warm. This is nice. Hehe… if I bounce up… and up… like this… it gets warmer! Hehehe this is fun! Squishy warm!!” Natalie thought, feeling a strange sensation spill out in between her thighs. Hot pee spread through the front of her diaper.

“Wait! I think… I think I know what this is…. I think I’m, potty! I going potty! Mommy said if I know I going potty then I suppose’ to tell her!” Natalie thought, she let the weight of her head fall back. Her neck was too loose to hold her head upright in any direction.

“MOMMMMYYYYY!!!!” Natalie yelled, “I went potty, Mommy! I went potty! I told you! See?! I’m a big girl like you told me I would be!” She exclaimed into the empty room.

“Yeah, I’m such a big girl.” Natalie thought, her face forming into a smug expression.

“I know that I go potty. That big smart. I even know what the potty is. It’s this… um… it’s this room that is… sometimes it’s white. But at school it’s not that w-white. It’s got brown… is that the color? Brown? I don’t know if that’s it. BUT ANYWAYS. It’s got this um, um, a seat in it that you um, Ooo! A bottle. Itz got milk in it! Mmm… it tastes so… goo….gooo …. …. ……” Natalie’s thoughts grew quiet from the bottle. She let out soft muffled coos from behind the nipple. Her gaze glazed into an even further blurry mess. Her vision was like looking through a steamy glass shower. She could make out the color of shapes, but she was lost in the warm wispy sensations drifting through her mind.

“Nuga… Ugnanana…” She thought, her mouth continued to suck on reflex. She couldn’t help herself. She felt control of her mind and body finally slip away. A babyish lost self-identity washed over her. She was nothing before this moment. She felt no connection to the world before drinking this bottle.

“Nruy… Moanana.” Her mind continued, a deep part of her, sandwiched under miles of babyish bedrock, was her decaying adult sense of self. It tried to shake a warning through the growing foundation of her infantile mind, but even if it did reach the surface of her forethought, there was no way Natalie could make sense of it. It was just another tug in the aimless direction of her brain. A dark wispy chamber of emptiness.

“Warm.” Drifted randomly through her mind again. Her body felt brighter. A wet echo of warmth involved her being. Her glossy eyes saw yellow. The wave crested above her vision, before slowly subsiding. She felt an ocean of warmth settle into the core of her existence.

And then, brief moments of warm lucidity, with even more missing moments of amnesia.

***

“Ohhh my head….” Natalie groaned. Her eyes peaked open. She brought a hand up to her forehead. “Ughh I feel like death, my head feels awful.” She thought, sitting up on the carpet. “Wowie, did I just leak through this diaper? The carpet is… Yepp, wet. Wet from my pee pee. Why doesn’t that weird me out as much as it should? It feels almost normal. Jeez, how long was I under like that? Why didn’t the alarm snap me out of it?” Natalie thought, sloppily getting onto her feet. “Balance is… not all there. Woah!” She thought, grabbing onto the lab table, her other hand was still on her head. The diaper sagged heavily between her legs. Drips of pee dropped out from the oversaturated front and middle.

“I need to, get out of this… thing. Erf, the tapes are super hard to get off. It’s like they’re super glued onto there… My fingers can’t even- Uah! There’s one. My fingers feel like jelly. I need to get this off of me, I stayed in it for way too long. My head still feels funny. It’s hard to… pay attention to what I’m doing. I need to write this down, where is my notepad? Did I write anything down? I think I started scribbling. Wait. Natalie, get the other tape off. It’s so haarrdd but I have to… Uah! There’s another, I can’t believe how much I pee peed. I drank that whole bottle of milk. I don’t even remember doing that. It’s so hard to remember… any of what happened after I put the diaper on. It felt, good, though. I know that. It felt so good. So fricken good to be baby. Mm, yeah it did feel good to be a baaaby again. Heh, saying that word makes me feel so much better. Baby, baby, baby. I was a baby. I wanna be a- Woah. Stop. This is the diaper talking. I’m not like this. I’m not one of our target demographic. I don’t like diapers that much. Uah!” Natalie said, pulling apart the third tape. The full diaper slid down her left leg with one tape still attached. It landed with a wet *thud*

“This is like the worst hangover I’ve ever had. My head still feels so weird.” Natalie thought. She was right. Thoughts felt small, they bounced around in her head like beads in a baby rattle.

“Let’s get this all down on paper. Where are my notes? Notes… notes… ah, here it is. A scribbled mess.” Natalie thought, she bent down and picked up the lab notes. She turned around and plopped them on the table. “Well, these are useless. I need to make sure next time I write everything down before I put the diaper on. If… there is a next time. That was intense. I don’t know if I’m going to want to wear another diaper… even if it was… so nice to feel that way. It felt so good. So, pleasurable to forget like that. I need to write this all down.” She put the pen to a separate piece of paper on the table, her handwriting looked like a 2nd grader's because of her weak fingers, “I felt at peace. I was a baby. I lost all sense of self. My life as an adult never existed in my brain. It felt…” Natalie stopped writing her thoughts down for a moment.

“The lab is reviewing these notes. If they see my scribbles, they’ll just think I was regressed and got a hold of the notes. But if I write down that I’m feeling…” Natalie thought, looking down at the wet diaper. Her pupils dilated, “… A pull toward them. They’ll shut down the experiment immediately. They don’t want this to be an addi-“ She thought, closing her eyes to stop the thought process. “No. They’re not addictive. I’m in control. I was in control the whole time. I’m just, feeling it still. I’m feeling the pretty butterflies in my head. They’re going away, my brain is coming back, even if it is…” Natalie said, she involuntarily winced, “Hard to remember and think straight. I just need to wear more diapers. No. I mean. I just need to stop wearing the diapers as much. I need to only wear them sometimes, and I’ll be okay. Momma said the diapers are just for sometimes.” Natalie thought, looking back down at her notes. She felt a little better. Her pen started writing.

“Diapers exhibited regressive effects. Felt brief moments of mild euphoria. Self-recognition altered to an infantile state. Further testing and “ Natalie stopped for a moment.

“You don’t have to write this.” She thought. Her pen hovered over the paper. The tip was shaking. She continued.

“Increased dosage is recommended.” She wrote. She dropped her pen next to the lab notes.

“Screw this, I need to get a drink.” Natalie thought, dropping all the responsibilities around her. “I don’t want this stress right now. All these thoughts are hurting my head.” She thought. She gathered her clothes and pulled them back on properly this time before leaving.

***

“So-“ Maria said, before gulping her beer. “People will actually PISS in the diaper?” She said with a slight slur. Natalie nodded, putting down her fourth martini of the night.

“Mhm! That’s the whooole thing about it for some people. They love getting the diaper on. Drinking a bunch of water or beer or what have you, and then they start pissing all over their diapers. It’s their favorite thing. Our company says we’ll make a whole bunch of money off of it.” Natalie said through slowed speech. She wasn’t sloppy yet, but she was feeling a heavy buzz.

“Keep it together. You still sound coherent. It’s taking everything to keep thoughts on the right track, but don’t get too drunk, it’s going to slip. It’s right there.” Natalie said, feeling new sensations in her mind attempting to push through. They weren’t words contributing to her inner monologue. But rather, strong feelings of desire toward diapers. Her brain relished in each conversation about them.

“I don’t know girl, it’s just crazy to me." Maria said, changing the conversation. "I want a baby so so bad. I thought Mason and I were going to have one. I’m just lost without one. I feel like I have no purpose.” Maria said, the drunk buzz spilling her sober heart.

“I do feel bad for her.” Natalie thought, taking another sip of her drink. “No real career, no serious friends, I’m the one who’s stuck with her all this time. She may suck as a roommate, but she’s a good bestie to have. I should cheer her up.” Natalie thought.

“You good friend.” Natalie said, she shook her head, “Er, I mean you are a good friend. Sorry. Too many martinis.” She said with an uneasy smile.

“Haha, someone’s getting drunk. How about we take one more for the road? I bet they’ll put it in a sippy cup for you if you ask the bartender nicely, Ms. ‘I wear diapers for a living.’” Maria said teasingly. Natalie went flush red.

“Shut up, Maria! Everyone here is gonna know I’m thinking about diapers…” Natalie thought, looking around herself to make sure they weren’t in earshot. She looked back with a smirk and kicked her friend.

“Be quiet! I don’t want anyone knowing that!” Natalie said through giggles. Maria raised an eyebrow while knocking back her beer.

“Oh? You don’t want people knowing how you test out diapers? You wear Diapers all day. You play Baby in your Diapers all day.” Maria said, emphasizing the childish words.

“Heh, she’s being silly…” Natalie thought, she could feel her infantile feelings from earlier spilling out over the mental barrier with each word from Maria. They splashed into her consciousness. Each delicious thought was too powerful to hold back. Maria could tell her friend was having a visceral reaction to the words. The bashful look down toward her glass. Her teeth chewing down onto her lips. The way she took a long sip after each mention of the word.

“Hey why don’t we get out of here? Maybe head back home and you can tell me more about those diapers?” Maria said Natalie’s eyes lit up.

“She wants to talk about diapers! That’d be so much fun! We could talk about soft ones, super thick ones, or maybe even what happens when they get all warm and mushy. That’d be so much fun to talk about with… No. Wait. Stop. I need to get a hold of myself here. Drinking makes it so much easier for diaper thoughts to come back. I thought I had it under control when I left the lab. I need to write this all down tomorrow. There’s lingering neurological effects. My head feels, floaty. It’s so easy to let diapers come back into my head. Just thinking about them… and how cool they are. They’re like stickers all over my brain.” Natalie thought, she looked again at Maria.

“Haha, no it’s okay. But yeah, let’s get back home. Call up the uber.” Natalie said, Maria held her phone up.

“It’s already here, I called it about ten minutes ago. I could tell you were getting sleepy after that drink. Come on, we don’t want you falling asleep in the car now?” Maria said, getting up out of her chair. Natalie nodded as the two of them got up from the table.

“How nice of her Mommy to think of that…” Natalie thought subconsciously. She was too distracted by the pretty bar lights and conversations to recognize that thought drift through her mind. Maria held her hand as she guided Natalie through the bar and out the door.

Chapter 3

“Ughhh, why is that light so harsh? Someone needs to turn off that window… Normally it’s just getting bright out when I get ready for work….. Wait… Normally…. OH SHIT!” Natalie thought, she threw the covers off, her eyes darted to her alarm clock. “I OVER SLEPT!! Why didn’t my alarm go off? Christ, it’s already 10:30! I need to get ready. I’m so stupid. I haven’t done that since college. Why did I get drunk on a work night? That’s so irresponsible. So childish. So dumb and silly. I need to act like a grown up and get ready for my job.” She thought, walking into the bathroom attached to her bedroom.

“Brush. That’s the first thing. Grab the toothbrush, put the paste on it… Quickly now. Hrm… I need to make a mental note to get better toothpaste. This one is too minty; it’s stinging my tongue. I need to get a flavored one. What flavor do I want? Certainty not mint, or a gentler version of it. I don’t think I’d want a fruity one…. Ooo! What about bubble gum!? Yeah! I’ll get a flavor like that. That one is way gooder than mint. I should get a new brush too. This one is okay, it cleans my teeth, but it doesn’t even sing. It takes soooo long to brush, I need something to entertain me. Actually… Yeah I’m done. I didn’t get them all but this is like watching paint dry. Okay what else do I need to do before… WORK! Oh that’s right! That’s what I was getting ready for! Why did I space out and start thinking about my toothbrush?? It’s fine. Need to get a new one. But it’s fine!” Natalie thought, she spit, washed the bowl, then absently dropped her toothbrush in the sink. Wearing only a bra and a pull-up, Natalie walked down the hall and into her kitchen.

“Well good morning, Sleepy Head!” Maria said, stirring a pan of scrambled eggs.

“Mom- aria. No. Not my Mommy. My friend, Maria. My friend who makes me breakfast sometimes. This is good. I can get ready for work faster if she feeds me. Not, like… She puts the spoon in my mouth. Well actually, that might save even more time. I should ask her if she could do that.” Natalie thought.

“Hey, Maria. I’m running super late for work. Is it okay if you feed me? That might save a lot of time.” Natalie said. Maria turned and looked at her friend.

“Sweetie, you don’t have to go to work today.” Maria said matter-of-factly.

“I don’t?” Natalie said, “That would be sooo sweet.” She thought.

“No. I called out for you! You seemed stressed out at the bar last night. I called them and said you were feeling super sick this morning. They didn’t mind at all. That’s why I let you sleep in.” Maria said, taking a step toward Natalie. “How did you do? Did you stay dry all night?” She said, her hand extended below Natalie’s crotch. She squeezed the padding of her pull-up.

“Nope, my pull-up is all dry!” Natalie said cheerfully. “Wait.” She thought suddenly, “Why am I proud of that? And why am I wearing a pull-up in the first place? Did Maria put me in it? She must have, I don’t remember doing it. I guess it’s fine, but I’m not supposed to wear one. Right? I’m too big to be wearing one to bed… but how would I stay dry just in case? Well… I’d hold it, but then again, how am I supposed to hold it when I’m asleep? What if I have an accident? I wouldn’t be able to stop it. I’d be sleeping, and I’d end up peeing all over my sheets. So, I need to have a pull-up on at night…. Right? Yeah… I think that’s right.” Natalie thought.

“Still dry. Great job!” Maria exclaimed.

“Mmmm, Maria thought I did a good job. That makes me happy!” Natalie thought, unable to stop a bubble of excitement from bursting in her chest.

“We don’t want to waste the pull-up, so I’ll just keep you in it for now. If you can stay dry this morning, we can think about putting you in big girl underwear for the afternoon. Otherwise, you’ll be back in diapers until tomorrow.” Maria said.

“Diapers.” Natalie thought. “She had to say it. Diapers. Would she actually put me back in diapers? I wouldn’t have to worry about holding it. My diaper would take care of it. That’s what my diapers are for. Taking care of me when I need to pee. When I just go pee pee. Sometimes, if I’m not paying attention, I go pee pee. I… What am I thinking? I can hold it like a big girl. I’m big. I am in a pull-up after all.” Natalie thought, feeling herself clench down on an impending accident.

“Do you want to eat these eggs at the table, or on the floor in front of the TV? If you eat at the table, I can feed you like you want, but if you’re on the floor you’re on your own.” She said.

“Hmmm… This is a tough one. It’s fun when Maria feeds me. I don’t have to do anything. She shovels the food in and I just have to crunch. But if I eat on the floor I get to watch TV! I can catch up on Better Call Saul, ehhh… That seems boring honestly. So much talking. It’s hard to follow along with what’s going. I should watch something way funner like Spongebob.” Natalie thought, looking back to Maria, knowing her answer.

“Floor pease!” Natalie said, subconsciously dropping the ‘l’.

“Alright then, go sit yourself down and I’ll bring it to you.” Maria said happily, she took the pan off the burner. She tilted the pan to the side and started pouring the eggs out into a plate.

“Yayyyy! Cartoon day! This is gonna be so much fun! I can watch whateeeever I want. Maybe I can ask Mommy if she can find some fun movies for me. I’m not always the best at using the remote. So many buttons to press. The symbols on it never really made sense to me either.” Natalie thought. She plopped her padded butt down onto the carpet. Her concerns from minutes ago dissolved the moment her eyes hit the screen.

“Here you go, little one! I put extra cheese in them for you. I know how much you love your gooey cheese.” Maria said, placing the plate of eggs down in front of Natalie, along with a sippy cup of juice. She patted her on the head. “Is there anything else you need, Natalie?” Maria said. Natalie gripped the fork on the side of the plate then looked behind her at Maria.

“Nu-uh! I’m good. Thanks, Mommy.” Natalie said. Maria smiled lovingly back down.

“Okay! Munchy time!” Natalie thought, her head swiveling back to the plate. She shoved the fork toward the food. Before it speared the eggs, her hand stopped. Her face became confused.

“What am I doing?” She wondered, staring down at her plate. “Pick up the food with the fork.” Natalie thought, she tried moving the fork closer to the eggs, but her muscles didn’t listen. The tip of the fork gravitated away from the plate. She tried again.

“Come on, fork do this!” She thought, trying once more to get the fork into the food. She tried nose diving it into the eggs. Like a forcefield, the fork inevitably bounced away from the food and into the air.

“I know what I’m supposed to do. I have to take the fork, then put it…. Um.. I’m supposed to put it somewhere near the plate. It’s supposed to help me eat the food, but how? This is really confusing. Why do people even use these? How are they at all better than my hands? That’s what I should use. I need to use my hands to eat food! Yeah! That much better idea! Oooo, eggies feel funny. They squishy… hehe is fun to squish eggies.” Natalie thought.

“Don’t play with your food, Natalie! You’re supposed to eat it. Come on, be a big girl. I know you can do it.” She said, tapping her on the shoulder.

“Me big girl!” Natalie thought, with egg covered hands, she went back into her plate. “I gots dis! Grab some eggs, yes just like that. Then… Mmmmm…..” Natalie thought as a fistful of eggs entered her mouth. She chewed loudly on them with her mouth wide open.

It was then the screen in front of Natalie’s eyes changed. Illuminating from a dark screen, to the Netflix logo. A moment later, Maria navigated to The Fairly OddParents.

“OddParents, Fairly OddParents!...” The theme song played from the TV speakers.

“Woah… Dis is good show…” Natalie thought, bits of egg stuck to her lips and chin. She didn’t pay attention to the mountain of crumbles building below her on the floor.

“The colors are so bright. They make this show so easy to watch. I don’t even have to think about it. I don’t need to think about anything. I don’t think about a lot of things. I… I forget a lot of things. I forget about being big sometimes. More than I want to. I forget what it’s like to use the potty too. When I think about the p-…. Po…. I don’t remember what I was thinking about. Something about using my diaper? I think? That’s how I go pee pee. I use my diaper. I’m using my diaper right now… Mmmm… Iz so waarrmmm. When I pee, it all gets so war-“ Natalie stopped her train of thought from a sudden shout from behind.

“Hey! I know what happens when you stop bouncing like that. Are you peeing in your pants, Natalie?” Maria said.

“Wha? Oh shoot! I am peeing! What am I doing!? I didn’t even know I had to go… Oh my god this is… This is not good. Poopy, something isn’t right. I seriously just zoned out about the bathroom, then I just pissed myself. Even… even then just thinking about…. The bathroom. It’s hard to keep it all together. The meaning behind it… It feels faded. The diapers from work are screwing with my head. I-I need to figure this out. I’m experiencing serious side effects. We need to stop testing on the diapers…” Natalie thought.

She couldn’t help it. The word brought a crashing sensation of bliss. Her head cocked to the side, and her mind went backwards.

“Diiaappperrssss…..” Natalie thought again, feeling her head swim in a golden warm pool. Her thoughts grew disjointed. Constructing a meaningful sentence in her inner monologue didn’t matter anymore.

“I.. diaper… poopy…neh….. Show…. Toy………bibib…… soft……… Mommy.”

“Hello??? Anyone in there?” Maria said, she knocked on Natalie’s head.

“Huh?” Natalie said in a daze. She turned around; drips of drool spilled down from her chin.

“Well that’s the last time I let you watch cartoons without a diaper on. You just peed right through your pull-up! You didn’t even try to stop it. Is that what someone who’s potty trained does? Hm? Do they go pee pee in their pants and don’t say anything about it?” Maria said, she sounded teasing, yet joking at the same time. Natalie’s eyes winced in confusion.

“…Potty…. Trained?” Natalie said back slowly.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back. You keep watching your show. I’ll just diaper you on the floor. I don’t want you leaking all over the house.” She said, getting up quickly and fast walking out of the room.

“Mommy is getting me diapers.” Natalie thought, her face turning back to the show. She felt a pleasurable sensation ripple through her mushy padding. She felt her hand snake in between her thighs.

“My Mommy is getting me diapers because I can’t hold it.” She thought, “Ohh…” Escaped her lips. She couldn’t control her thoughts if she tried. She pushed her pelvis into her hand. The pressure dumped another wave of ecstasy through her. She started grinding her hand.

“Mmm…. Dumb diapy. I jus’ dumb and need my diapey. Mmmm…. This… .This feel good. This feel real real real good. I feel gooder when I think dumber. I think dumb. I try… I try do mafs. Was… Was one plus….. One…. I….. I don’t know what numba is. What… What was I thinking bout? Numbas? Mommy say… I… Mmmmm… I not weady for numbas. When I stop… I stop… I don’t do thinkies…. I go pimpidy… I didinty…. Pih… pihn nu….. pinhubwumbaaa….. Nuhhaaaa….. ……. ……. ……………..” Natalie felt her thoughts succeed from her brain. There weren’t words floating around anymore. Only sensations. Simple, easy to visualize, baby sensations. Warmth, spreading out again from the front and back of her pull-up. They made her head feel numb. She wasn’t just helpless in feeling this way. She wanted to go further. The deepest desires in her brain wanted to feel blank.

Her face looked vacant. If she could comprehend what expression was, she’d feel her face had become droopy, and her mouth slacked open. Her lips did nothing to stop her tongue from sticking out as she continued to grind. She babbled incoherently as she approached the end point of her grind. The lightbulbs in her brain hadn’t just gone dark, she was smashing them for good. Each pump did permanent damage to her brain.

Natalie could feel it. And she wanted more.

“Buah…. Buaby…buaabbbyyy…. BUAABBYYYYYY… I BABBYYYY!!!” She squealed, feeling the crescendo reach it’s max. The energy in her brain clocked into overdrive. Each cell in her body erupted into a wildfire of nirvana. She felt her existence melt into blinding pleasure.

All her memories, her self-identity, it dissolved into babyish nothing. She was mentally, barely even a second old.

“GUhuanhuah!” She yelled, collapsing onto the floor. The power of her climax shut down her brain. It discharged into nothing. Natalie lost her consciousness and collapsed onto the floor in a heap.

Maria walked in a minute later, holding a folded adult diaper. She took one look at Natalie, dropped the diaper, and rushed over to her side.

“Natalie! Oh my god, are you okay!!” She said, bending down onto her knees. Her kneecaps felt the cool wet spot of Natalie’s accidents. She flipped Natalie around onto her back. She was breathing, but still had her eyes closed.

“Natalie, come on. Wake up, Natalie. You’re safe, I will take care of everything. Mommy is here.” She said, shaking her to wake the girl up. Natalie’s eyelids peaked open. A small sliver of pupils was visible.

“M-….Mo…” Natalie whispered.

“What! What is it, Baby?” Maria said, she leaned in closer, almost pressing her ear to Natalie’s lips.

“Mo-mmy.” She said, her arm wiggled around on the floor. Slowly, it flopped toward her head. She barely curled her fingers inward, except her index. It pointed toward her purse on a side table.

“W-wab. Get hewp from wab…K-key card….” She said. Her body relaxed; using her last bit of strength to deliver that message, Natalie passed out again.

She looked over at the purse sitting on the table. She knew what Natalie was trying to say. Her access card could get her into the lab, and from there she could find help. She knew she could get Natalie out of this mess and get her off this blossoming diaper addiction.

“Yeah, I can help you, Baby.” Maria said.

With a wicked smile on her face.

Chapter 4

“Ermm…” Natalie muttered restlessly.

“Head feel hurty. Itz… Its dark. Hard to make eyes go up. I need, I need help with them. Maybe if I try just one eye… Thas not bad. Ughh, I feel like I just drank fiv- fffiivv- um, a lot of bottles of, whats that stuff called again? Mommy drinks it sometimes. I.. I don’t rememba’. Wait, did I just call Meredith… Mommy? That’s not her name, Meredith. It’s Mommy. Wait. Stop that. I keep thinking silly things. Everything is so… loose now. My head feel funny. Someone put a bunch of cotton balls in it. Did Mommy do that? Did I do that? Who put all of these cotton balls in my head?” Natalie thought, she perched herself up onto her elbows. She used her hands to push herself up and sit upright on the floor. She looked down at the wet mess pooled around her overused pull-up. Natalie grimaced in embarrassment.

“Woah… I, I very wet. This pull-up is soaked.” She thought, she prodded at the swollen padding. It squished completely under the force. There was no more structural integrity to it. It was completely saturated to a pliable mush. “Did me really go pee pee that much? When did it happen? Is so… fuzzy to rememba’ when I went to the potty. Do I go to the potty? I don’t think Mommy said I was ready for that yet. But me used to use the potty. I use the potty all the time when I’m a big kid. But…” Natalie trailed off, a sinking feeling took over as the weight of her reality took hold. It brought a brief moment of lucidity with it.

“I’m not talking right. I’m peeing myself, and I don’t remember when or how it happened. I’m fricken covered in my piss. The carpet is just as wet as my pull-up. Why the heck am I even in one of these?? What is happening to me!? I’m not part of the target demographic. I don’t do this. Why am I not at work right now?? I... I think I'm losing it. The diapers are messing with my head. I need to stop. I need to call… someone. I don’t know who… or exactly how to use a phone, but I need to do something. I have to get out of here. I- I need to call 911.” Natalie thought, she held onto her adult thoughts with dear life. She shifted her weight up onto her knees. She pushed with her legs up off the ground and stood up. Her pull-up swayed from the momentum shift. It caused Natalie to look down again.

“Ohh… it’s practically to my kneecaps. How did I even wet this much? I don’t remember peeing when I was watching… Oh my god. I just blacked out watching a children’s show. Pissed during it, then I pissed myself in my sleep, and soaked through to the floor… This is insane. I need help. I don’t need 911, I need to call the lab. They’ll know what to do. The chemi… chemis…. The smart people there will know what to do.” Natalie thought, she walked away from the dark stain on the floor and started looking for her phone around the room. She didn’t find it there but found it in the adjacent room on the kitchen table. She snatched it and brought the screen toward her face.

When she flicked the screen open. She heard the faint sound of keys rustling into the front door.

“Meredith. She can’t see me like this.” Natalie thought. Without thinking about it, she dropped her phone onto the nearest surface. Which happened to be the sink. It was half full with soapy dishwater. The phone dropped in with a little splash. Natalie, having little object permanence now, didn’t even realize it. Her mind was too busy focusing on getting her pull-up off.

“Hrmff… come on,” She whined, “how do you DO THIS!!” She yelled, feeling anger build in her mind. She couldn’t stop it. Her emotions easily took over. “I know this. Yous supposed to do this… then um… You push right… here? No. That’s not it. UGH! My fingers aren’t doing what I’m telling them to do… This is STUPID! Why do they make these so hard to get off!!?? I am potty training, er. If you wear these then you’re potty training. They… Should…. Come off…… Easy…. OH COME ON!!” Natalie yelled, letting her frustration take over. She stomped a foot onto the floor, then let out a frustrated sigh.

“Hello!? Nat? Where are you, Baby?” Meredith’s voice sang out from the front door. Terror gripped Natalie. She settled on her last resort. She pulled her numb fingers into two open hands. She quickly set them on the waistband of her pull-up. With all her might, she clamped down onto the stretched lining. In one swift motion, she pulled the band apart. The garment ripped along the edge, finally freeing her from the pee-soaked prison. The swollen pull-up flopped open.

“Ew…” Natalie said, she held her underwear up. The inside was swollen to capacity and a deep shade of yellow. Natalie’s heroics were in vain. Meredith walked in just as Natalie turned to throw it away.

“Nat? What are you doing with that? Are you throwing it away like a good girl?” Meredith asked, her stern tone caused Natalie to stop in her tracks, then turn to face her.

“Uh… Yes… Mommy.” Natalie said. “No, wait. She’s not… Mommy… She’s…. ugh.. NO stop… stop doing that. Don’t get baby again. Don’… Don… Baby bad bad. I big girl… Nooo….” Natalie thought, she felt her adult self starting to slip away like sand through her fingers. Her body image felt like it was shrinking. She crossed her legs, hid her hands and pull-up behind her back, then looked away bashfully.

“Natalie? What are you doing? Throw your pull-up away. Then I can get you into one of your special diapers!” Meredith said, wearing rubber gloves, she held up one of the diapers from the lab.

“Oh. My. God. That’s… a..” Natalie thought, she dropped the pull-up in her hand. It fell in a wet heap onto the floor behind her. Her gaze transfixed onto the folded diaper in Meredith's hands. She took a few zombie steps toward the diaper but stopped halfway.

“Come on. I don’t want you making little puddles all over the house. You know you love wearing these. What’s one more trip to baby land? You won’t have to worry about anything anymore. Mommy will be right here to take care of you.” Meredith said, she extended the diaper closer toward Natalie. She was about six feet away from it. The last of Natalie gave one more mental push.

“I.. I not baby. I big girl. I needa be big. I hafta stay big. I getting too little. I thinking not right. I shoulda told the smart people me getting too baby. I still can… How can I stop Mommy? She gonna make me wear it. What if I never grow up to be a big kid again? The diapers are so nice. They make me feel so funny. I start thinking about drinking Mommy’s milk… which is always so yummy. She’s so warm. I can maybe wear it for a little…. Er no! I big! I big girl! Mommy being bad!” Natalie thought with the remaining adult neurons she had left. “I big girl.” Natalie thought, using her lucid momentum. She took one last step toward Meredith. She stretched her hands out to the diaper. Her shaky fingers gripped each side of the diaper and unfolded it. She felt the familiar warm buzz from the chemicals in her fingertips. She knew it wouldn't be long before it reached her brain.

“Great job, Nat. Why don’t you be a good girl and hold onto that while we- OOF!” Meredith yelled out at the end. Suddenly, Natalie shoved the inside of the diaper directly into Meredith’s face. Meredith jerked her head to the side to get away from it, but Natalie adjusted and tried to hold it in place for as long as she could. Meredith threw her hands up to the diaper. She grabbed at it and began wrestling with Natalie for control. Meredith tried her best not to breathe in, but in the moment, she felt chemical dust puff off the diaper and into her nose.

Natalie knew she wouldn’t win the battle for long. Meredith was taller and stronger than her. Natalie threw the strongest shove she could into the diaper. It knocked Meredith off her balance for a moment, she regained it by taking staggered steps back. Natalie knew it was the only window of opportunity she was going to get. Lightning quick, she turned around and booked it straight out of the kitchen.

“Ugh you dumb baby! You shouldn’t have done that!” Meredith yelled, she started after Natalie. As Natalie ran, zero part of her brain could run in fear and hold her bladder at the same time. Dribbles of pee jetted out of Natalie. They splattered on her thighs then jumped down with each crash of her foot. She left a broken trail of pee stains behind her.

“GO. RUN!! I NO BABY. Not out the front door. She too close!! I needa run up da stairs. QUICK! If I fast, I can close door and go out window!! Ahhh!! Upstairs. She still right dere! I hafta… I…. My room? NOW! Come on, grab the door, and- NO!” Natalie thought, she turned into her room and behind the door. She tried throwing her weight into it, so it’d close as quickly as possible. Just before the door clicked shut, Meredith slammed her own body into the door. The sudden jerk forced the door open almost enough for Meredith to slip in, but not quite. Natalie knew she had mere seconds.

“You’re being the worstest baby, Natalie! I am going to give you so many spankies before you into this diapee!” Meredith screamed.

“I can’t lose. I have to PUUUSH! She’s…. ugh…too… strong.” Natalie thought, the door was slowly widening. Natalie only had an inch or two left before Meredith could spin around the door. Natalie turned her head back. “Window. Jump out da window.” Natalie thought, it was a split-second decision. She let all her weight off the door. With Meredith pushing her entire body onto the door, it blew open. It caught Meredith by surprise, forcing her off balance and onto her knees.

“GO!!!” Natalie thought. She made the distance to her window. Her hands desperately grabbed at the lip. She pulled up.

…

“Locked.” Natalie whispered, knowing her fate was sealed. All of her adrenaline and confidence deflated. The same sinking terror from before came back even stronger.

“ENOUGH!” Meredith yelled, she grabbed Natalie’s shoulder, and forcibly spun her around. Natalie’s body language shrank. She crossed her legs and arms inward. Her head looked straight down toward the floor. In defeat, a trickle of pee spilled out between her thighs. It was the only warmth she could feel in the moment. Meredith took the unfolded diaper in her hand, then forcibly shoved it up between Natalie’s thighs. Her accident started absorbing into the padding.

“There. Now you’ll stop pretending to be a big kid.” Meredith said.

“Nooo…. Stay big. Don’t be baby. You can do this. Its okay. I’ma be big. No baby… I thought I could make it… I thought I could be big… I wanted to be big again. I want to be an adult. Me no want to be baby. I wanna be a smart big kid that can… That… What do um… Was a big kid do again? They big kids. They don’t hafta wear diapies. Am I a big kid? Wha’ was I talkin about? I thought I could make it? But.. me didn’t. I go potty in my diapie. I jus… Heheh… I go potty. Me going big potties in my diapieee. Hehehe, iz so squishy! Spishy spishy! I don’ know potty. I wanna diapie. Pee pee diapeee ahehe!” Natalie thought.

“Momma, I bo bee pee!” Natalie said through loose lips. She articulated her ‘b’ too hard. It forced a sprinkle of drool to spray out of her mouth. Some of it lingered on her chin and lips. Her jaw slacked and allowing her lips to gape open as her flow strengthened into a torrid of to pee. Drool started pooling around the back of her mouth. Meredith smiled and started to gently pet Natalie’s head.

“Yes, there you go. You’re done being a big girl. You’re going back into these diapees full-time now. You’re gonna be my dumb-dumb. Isn’t dat right?” Meredith said. Natalie slowly bobbed her head up and down. “Here, let’s finish taping you up. That way you can make all the messes you want.” She said. She guided Natalie from the window to her bed a few feet away. She gently pushed the girl down onto the bed.

“You think you so smart. Trying to get away from Mommy. But you not smawt wike me. Iw know aw wot abowt bweing a bwig kiwd.” Meredith said. With her free hand, she grabbed the front of Natalie’s pee-stained diaper. She pulled it up with one hand. She paused, trying to reason out how to tape on this diaper.

“Hehehe.” Natalie giggled, she pointed up at Meredith.

“Whawt?” Meredith asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Moma Bawby!” Natalie said, she devolved into a fit of drool splattering giggles. Meredith cocked her head and shot a confused look down at Natalie.

“Huh?” She wondered. Her gaze looked down as low as it could. Her thumb was planted directly in her mouth. She didn’t even realize she’d been sucking on it. Immediately, Meredith popped it out.

“What the heck? Why did I do that? It’s not like I’m a little kid. It felt really good, and it… was relaxing…. but. No. Big kids don’t do that. I’m the Mommy. I’m not supposed to do baby things like that. That’s what Natalie does. She is da baby. And me Mommy. I change her diapies an-and make them no stinky no mo.’ Wait. Is… diapie making me…” Meredith thought, she trailed off, choosing not to finish that train of thought. She decided to remind Natalie of who was in charge instead.

“I’m the big kid. And you are da baby! Down’t laugh at Mommy. I give you spankies!” Meredith said seriously. Natalie didn’t seem phased. Her eyes wandered around the room while she continued to shove more of her fist into her mouth.

“I dun dun… bub nuwb…. Bowb….bub….” She babbled both through her mind, and out her mouth. The chemicals from the diaper leached into the core of Natalie’s brain. They systematically dissolved the tissue that dealt with cognitive thinking and gross motor skills. She’d played too far with the substance. Natalie lost the ability to think. The only thing her brain did was light up with pleasure at the feeling of a warm mess settling into her diaper. She couldn’t physically control it anymore. Her brain didn’t receive any signals from any part of her body, let alone her bladder and bowels. She atrophied into mush. Physically, and mentally. Natalie permanently regressed herself back to absolute zero.

Meredith smiled down at her newborn.

“Now that you good baby, me gonna get you toys I gots you at the store!! Come on, down on tha floor.” Meredith said, she heaved Natalie up off the bed, then guided her down to the floor. On her back, Natalie aimlessly kicked and wiggled her arms. She continued to spill nonsense and drool from her mouth. Meredith walked out of the room and into the hallway. She skipped happily down the hall, humming Old McDonald on the way. She grabbed the bag of baby toys she’d left at the front door.

“She’s gonna LOVE these. I picked them out myself!” Meredith thought, feeling an odd sense of pride for doing something so big as buying something at the store. She latched onto the feeling. It was proof she wasn’t the baby Natalie thought she was. Her legs skipped back up into Natalie’s nursery.

“Here ya go, baby. Playtime!!” Meredith said cheerfully. Instead of handing the toys to Natalie, she dumped them onto the floor. They each bounced then scattered onto the ground. Meredith beamed happily knowing she was doing an excellent job as Mommy.

“Iz da best Mommy ever.” Meredith thought. She sat down on Natalie’s bed. She looked down and watched the girl mindlessly squirm around. Natalie didn’t pick up any of the baby toys. She didn’t understand what they were in the first place. Meredith didn’t help play either. Her eyes were locked on Natalie’s now wet and messy diaper.

“Mhm… I’m a really…… good……” She thought, getting lost in her words. Her mind went quiet. She sat there for five minutes, just staring.

Suddenly, she stood up and walked out of the room.

Chapter 5

“Stop. What are you doing?” Meredith thought to herself. She leaned up against the hallway, then put her forehead in her hands.

“No, this isn’t happening. Fuck that little bitch. If she hadn’t shoved that diaper into my face, I wouldn’t be thinking like this. I keep wanting to think about… diapers. But I know that’s no good. I am a big girl. I am not little girl like Nat. I have to stay big kid. I know how to do that! I do smart adult things every day. Yeah, this is no problem at all. I will go make some coffee and watch the news….” Meredith thought. She pushed herself off the wall then started making her way down the kitchen. She grimaced before continuing in her head.

“…Jeez that sounds so boring. Why do big kids do such lame things? It’d be so much gooder to watch something fun… like Ben 10… or, or, um, code name kids next door!! I- MEREDITH. STOP. NO. I cannot think like this!! Ugh!! I’m not as little as Natalie. The drugs they put in that diaper. It’ll work itself out. Everything in the body works itself out eventually.” Meredith thought, she rounded the corner into the kitchen.

“This is seriously screwed up. I… I don’t want to become like her. Am I going to become like her? I don’t want to go back into diapers. Me no want to go pee pee in them. I.. I have to think straight. It’s so hard to keep all of my thoughts… together. They’re slipping. They’re so hard to remember. What I was… doing? I was making something. I was getting something for a big kid? What big kids are in this house? It’s only me and Natalie. Shoot, I need to check up on her again. That’s what the Mommy does. Yeah… I’m the Mommy. I am Natalie’s Mommy!” Meredith chuckled, she felt herself loosen up at the situation. She began taking the Whole Milk out of the fridge. The chocolate syrup was next.

“I am… making chocolate milk. Oh no. I didn’t want to make this, didn’t I? I’m second-guessing everything. Crap. I should lock myself up until the diapers go bye bye in my head. Um, yeah. I don’t want to think about diapers all the time. I only want to think about them some of the times. Like, how nice they are to wear in the summer. I can play outside all I want. Is boring to go potty. I just want to go in my….” Meredith stopped what she was doing. She quietly placed the gallon of milk back down onto the countertop. The glass was only half-filled with milk. Her worried eyes stared up at the wall.

“Meredith.” She said to herself. “Leave this house immediately. Call for help. If I stay like this, I’m going to become like Natalie. I need to call 911 right now.” She thought, she walked away from the milk and towards the front door. That’s where she’d dropped her stuff when she first walked in. She saw her keys, wallet, and phone in the bowl next to the door; as well as the two packs of diapers from the lab she’d left before chasing down Natalie.

“Diapies.” She thought lazily, her lips grew into a small grin, before she shook her head. “Be a big girl. Big. GIRL. I no use those diapers. I get different ones. Those ones will make me too silly. I needa call my Mommy. Er, wasn’t I suppose to call… someone else? I think Mommy won’t help… but she is in charge. She smart and know what to do. Yeah, I’ll call Mommy and she can helps me.” Meredith thought, she leaned in toward the bowl, doing her best not to look at the diapers while doing so. She grabbed her phone, then walked toward the couch. She plopped herself into the middle, before flicking her phone screen open.

“Ookay… What was I doin? I was going to call my Mommy… I need to um, which ones do I do with the buttons? I… uh-oh… All these letters are really hard to read. They look too small. There’s so many of them next to each other. How am I suppose’ to read dese!? They suppose to go A, B, C, then D, and they suppose’ to be really really big. Ugh, how do I change it to be a number line. That a lot easier to know. Nuts, we just did this in school. What did Ms. Katie say to do? S-sound it out. Yeah! That’s all me have to do. Okay. I need to call my Mommy. Call. That starts with a ‘kuh’ sound. C…. Then I hear a “aahh” sound after the ‘kuh.’ Ca…. Um. What is the ‘lllll’ part? That goes after the ‘A’ right? Or… um. Wow… I should know this. I should know how to spell Call. That word is so easy. I can’t… spell. I… I really can’t spell this word? I.. I don’t know how to read. Me not big girl. I…!” Meredith thought. She had incredibly weak control with her emotions. She threw her phone across the room in a burst of anger. “I’m stupid baby!” She wanted to be a big kid, but failing at the most simple reading task didn’t make her feel big at all. She felt herself give up in frustration.

“Being big kid hard. Stupid. Make me feel bad. I not gonna learn how to read. It’s too stupid and hard.” She thought, feeling content with that line of reasoning. While Meredith was working on her phone, she didn’t notice the TV was still on from before. A commercial playing softly in the background caught her attention.

“We will remodel your bathroom for NO MONEY DOWN! That’s right! Get the bathroom of your dreams for as little as…” The commercial droned. Meredith dazed at the screen bewildered.

“The… bathroom? What is that? Where is it? Is that something we have? It looks… like Mommy has been in there before. She take me there… Oh! That where the scary shower is! Mommy make me go in there for shower, and me no like it. I wanna bath. That’s what the bathroom does. Or.. Um…” Meredith thought, she wracked her brain for any memories. She could see distant faded images of herself sitting down on a white seat, but that was the extent of it. She couldn’t put any physical meaning on the chair. If she looked down at herself in the memory, there was nothing. The toilet seat was just that, something for her to sit on. It served no other function in her mind.

“I needa pee pee.” She thought, suddenly feeling a strong urge to urinate overcome her. Instinctively she stood up, but that’s as far as her mind would take her. She did her best to tighten her muscles. She didn’t feel confident in her control. The pressure from an ocean of heavy pee pushed down onto her.

“Oohh..” She groaned, she twisted her legs in between one another. Her hands instinctively snaked between them, they pressed up into her body in a feeble attempt at exerting control. “I hafta to do something. I… I need to go somewhere. Mommy said something about this. Where do I go pee pee?” Meredith thought, but she couldn’t think of anything. Her mind didn’t have an answer for feeling this pain. It just happened. It was a sensation that came and went naturally.

“Ahh” Meredith whispered, as the pain suddenly started to alleviate itself. The feeling of letting go felt good. Meredith was rewarded with a pleasant feeling of warm pee gushing into her pants. The wetness cascaded down her pants in the form of wide dark stains. It warmed the inside of her legs. Meredith felt herself get lost in the sensation of pissing herself. Her thoughts melted from an inner monologue to blissful thoughts of soft random dribble. Warm wet blankets wrapped around her brain. The feeling of being wet was familiar. It felt commonplace. Her legs weren’t normally dry. Cold wet sheets around her hips. Drenched clothing tugging heavy between her legs. The dense wet mess of a diaper was all she knew.

“I… I’m peeing myself.” Meredith thought calmly. It was like saying a fly had landed on her arm. She looked down at herself, then instantly waved it off as no big deal. “I had an accident! Why me no wearin’ a diapie?” She thought, her mind zeroed in on the diapers instantly. The need to wear a diaper commanded all of her mind’s attention. She snapped to the package of diapers. She grabbed at the base of one with two hands. She lifted up the package, then held it in place as she started walking across the room. Her mind felt happiness buzz through her thoughts, knowing she was about to go back into diapers.

“I wear diapers all the time, but why am me not wearing a diaper now? I thought I always wearing diaper. It… I don’t rememba’ wearing one today, or… erm.. it’s hard to think that far. Mommy wants me to wear diapers, or she get mad. I get pee pee pants like this! Heheh, I had an accident. I don’ know why diapie not on. I could keep playing. Who care if diapie get warm.” Meredith thought, leaving her phone and milk behind. She slowed down before approaching the hallway. Her head looked back. Something about the room felt important.

“I was suppose to do something in there? Me thinks. I was at the door way, and I was going to do something really important. I was…” Meredith thought, feeling her adult self try desperately to regain control of her brain. It was hard to concentrate.

She gets lucid again, realizes what she’s doing.

“I can’t stop myself. I am walking into this room. I am not stopping. I’m going to become like Natalie. Wow, I didn’t know this is how it’d end. I thought she was going to be my little. I don’t even like diapers. Is that true? I can’t think of a time I didn’t like wearing diapers. They’re just so soft… and warm… and they make me feel safe… and…” Meredith thought, trailing off as she approached the nursery.

“Is this a bad way for my life to end? I don’t think so. I guess it could be a lot worse. At least I won’t know that I’m dumb. I’ll be too dumb to know…. That’s… Hm.” Meredith thought, she crossed through the doorway and into the room. Natalie was still there. She was laying on her back down on the floor. She wasn’t babbling this time. Instead, the only noises that came out of her mouth were low tones. Her lips were too numb to move anymore. Her face was covered in her own drool. The diaper around her waist was starting to look heavily used.

“I… think it’ll be okay. Everything will all be okay.” Meredith tried to reassure herself, as she dropped the package of diapers onto the bed. She dug a nail into the plastic, then ripped it open. “I will be able to make new friends. They’ll be super nice I bet. We can do fun things together like sing and play with toys. That sounds like really good fun times. Maybe being a baby won’t be too bad. I get to wear diapers! That’s a plus. I no have to worry about potty anymore. I nevah have to think about it again.” She reasoned, her hand quickly grabbed a folded diaper out of the pack. Her brain lit up with bright excitement.

“I need to wear these diapers.” Rushed through her mind, she didn’t want that to be true. Meredith still wanted to be an adult. There were plenty of negatives to it, but for the most part, she didn’t want to be a baby again. She knew the power of these drugs though. She’d seen it work firsthand on Natalie. Her addiction was already so deep, she was willing to trade her life away for wet diapers and drool after just one hit.

“I can still try…” Meredith thought, before unfolding a diaper. The sweet smell of the powder wafted into her nose. It broke the last of her adult mind.

“… To get this so wet! I gonna make my diapie more wet then youuu!!” Meredith said, pointing down at Natalie. She chuckled confidently. “I gonna show you I the big kid by going pee pee more. I have bigger diapers, because I taller than you. You just go a little. I da big sister.” She thought, with her freehand, she undid her jeans button, then shimmied down her pants. She stepped in between the diaper, then paused. She looked into Natalie’s eyes.

“I didn’t want it to come to this.” She whispered. Deep down, she knew the right thing to do. She didn’t fight it, because she knew it was already too strong. Her hands wouldn’t take that diaper away even if she tried. Meredith smiled and said, “I’m ready to be a baby again.” The diaper slid up between her legs, and stopped firmly in groin. With haste, she tapped herself in before her fingers got too loose.

“Ooo yes! The diapie feels soo gooooddd… I feel so good in my diapie.” She thought, her face started to droop to one side. “Why was I playing big kid? Is so much better being little. I can get to plaayyyy oof!” Meredith squealed, feeling the weight of her body collapse onto the ground. The thick padding stopped her butt from landing too hard. Soft happy tones bubbled out of her mouth.

“I.. I nun gun be biwg. I gunna be baby. I pee pee… I don’ know. I don’t know stop it. I love going. I jump up and down, make it go out faster! Ye ye ye… it gets squishier. Is squishy. Diapie. Squishy…. I don pishy….. I fumb…num num bum…” Meredith thought, the meaning behind words dissolved. She didn’t know what they were anymore. Vocally, she uttered nonsensical grunts. Her eyes drifted randomly around the room. Suddenly, her mouth felt full, and her thumb felt warm and moist in between her teeth. Sucking soothed her mind further. It quieted into dim nothing. She didn’t control her thoughts anymore. All she experienced were bright or dark sensations.

They were found days later after they were nearly out of lab diapers. They couldn’t answer the investigator’s questions, they didn’t understand what they were saying in the first place. They didn’t understand anything anymore. It’s what the lab diapers wanted.

It’s what they wanted.

MC

2021