Living With This Chapter 2 (Patreon)

The follow story is an account of true events in my life. Only the names and places have been changed to protect the privacy of others. Be aware that there are intense moments of negativity toward our fetish in this chapter. If you are sensitive to this, it occurs during the second flash back. Skip it all together if you’d like.

“Would you say this started with her?” Lisa said while maintaining eye contact with Maggie.

“Um.” Maggie said, breaking eye contact to look up toward the ceiling. Maggie felt herself shuffle subconsciously in her seat. Her freckled pale arms folded into one another. The edges of her lips quivered before she began to respond.

“I… wouldn’t say that. But she certainly was the catalyst that brought it to the level of regret of I have today.” Maggie said before a brief pause. The room was warmer today than Maggie remembered it feeling last time. She let her back sink deeper into the plush couch.  After an exhale she continued, “It was such a rollercoaster with her. She was so positive about it at first. I remember how eager she was to please me. Almost a decade later I still don’t understand what caused her to suddenly flip. I was young, Lisa. I didn’t know any better with my emotions. I’d never been hurt before. I went in headfirst, both with my love for her and my fetish. I don’t even remember how I told her. I remember it was difficult. Well, it’s always been difficult. Even with the closest people in my life. It’s not easy telling someone you love that you have a demanding diaper fetish.” Maggie said. Lisa nodded and didn’t respond initially. Her pen danced across a notebook. The sound of Lisa’s pen scribbling bounced gently off the deep blue walls. A moment later, Lisa looked back up.

“That’s completely valid. Our deepest secrets are normally our strongest insecurities. Now of course, you know by now that any question I ask in this room does not have to be answered. So, feel free to pass on this one: What parts of that relationship, pertaining to your diaper fetish, do you recall the most often?” Lisa asked delicately. Her words fell tenderly on Maggie’s emotions, but even the softest touch of her diaper insecurities felt like they were hit by a baseball bat. Still, Maggie could tell Lisa’s question had a deeper meaning behind it. She felt her arms fall to the sides of her waist as she pushed through her reservations.

“Well, there are a couple. I suppose I’ll start with the first time we ‘tried’ things out…”

***

Warm sticky air wafted in through the open window. The smell of humidity and trees filled the air. It was a lazy late Tuesday afternoon in the dead of summer. It was one of those rare afternoons in the Northeast where it wasn’t too hot for the AC. The perfect time to lay back, pop a bottle of wine, and enjoy a movie. Or get kinky with your girlfriend. All these things were happening at once for two women at Riverside Campground.

“Are you SURE that you’re okay with this?” Maggie said to Melissa. Her heart pounded like thunder in her ears. The adrenaline rushing through her blood stream wasn’t helping either. She couldn’t stop her fingers from shaking, and she could barely feel her body at this point. Melissa smirked before resting the back of her hand onto Maggie’s face.

“Babe. You’re shaking like a leaf. It’s okay. I want to do this for you. I want to make you happy. Stop worrying so much! You’re making me anxious, and I’m not even the one who LIKES diapers!” Melissa said with a chuckle. Hearing that word triggered a rush of blood into Maggie’s cheeks. She looked away bashfully. Melissa’s hand migrated from Maggie’s cheeks to her chin. She gently grasped it and pulled Maggie’s face back into view.

“Hey. Listen to me.” Melissa said seriously. The camper creaked from the weight of the summer breeze outside. The bed underneath them gently swayed. “This is okay. I’m going to do this for you because I love you and I want to make you happy. Just relax…” Melissa said, her hand leaving Maggie’s face, and gently drifting down toward her thighs.

This was almost too much for Maggie. It was actually happening. She’d never felt her body act like this before. The closest she’d ever felt like this before was the first time she got high, but even that didn’t make every cell in her body light on fire. Maggie had read stories online about people having out of body experiences during moments of extreme sexual anticipation. She always thought it was something ‘other’ people experienced. But right now. Maggie was one of those ‘other’ people.

“Enjoy this, Maggie. Enjoy how much I…” Melissa said, her hand poured in between Maggie’s thighs. Her middle finger pressed gently into Maggie’s body.

“… Love diapers.” Melissa whispered into Maggie’s ear.

Maggie’s mind erupted into a stew of fantasies. She couldn’t help but push her hips into Melissa’s hand.

“I love diapers.” Melissa said, as she began to rhythmically gyrate her fingers. “I love thick wet diapers. I think about us in thick wet diapers all day long. I want to be in wet dripping diapers with you because I LOVE diapers.” She continued. Maggie felt a moan release.

“Ohh ~ ….” Escaped from Maggie’s lips. She couldn’t formulate words right now. The Mount Saint Helens of sexual pleasure was erupting in her body.

“Are you ready for diapers? You better be. Because you’re going to wear them all day every day from now on with me. We’re going to be diaper lovers for the rest of our lives. I love them so much more than anything else in my life. I love diapers more than I love you.” Melissa whispered passionately into Maggie’s ear. All the while, her fingers whirled and spun around the most intimate part of Maggie’s body.

“I’m..... mmm…Melissa….I’m gonna….” Maggie tried to say back, but her body was too high for words. This was the fastest she’d ever felt herself build to climax. Normally she spent hours in front of the computer reading diaper stories. Her mind and body were in a different plane of existence right now. One where every neuron in her brain was firing with intense sexual pleasure. It was impossible to bring herself back down to earth to hold back.

“Do it. Think about diapers when you do. Think about us in diapers. Think about how much I LOVE diapers. I love diapers, Maggie. I will always love diapers, wet diapers, messy diapers, wet and messy diapers. But especially, I love YOUR diapers. I love diapers diapers diapers!!” Melissa said, her voice sexually charged from the euphoric look on Maggie’s face. That last line was the point of no return. Maggie couldn’t back if she tried with all her might. The feeling tipped over, and Maggie felt herself pole vault into sexual oasis.

“M-Melissaaaa….” Maggie uttered, as the eruption of sexual pleasure in her body elevated into a cosmic super nova. Years of pent-up diaper thoughts flooded her mind like a broken dam. The mental barriers holding her back from enjoying her diapered thoughts all broke at once. This was the pinnacle of everything Maggie had ever wanted in life. This moment, as thoughts of diapers and Melissa took control of her mind. It’s all Maggie wanted lived for.

Melissa looked down with a beaming smile at her squirming partner.

“Mmm, you look so happy right now.” Melissa said lovingly, wiggling her butt in joy. She held Maggie’s face as her eyes slowly rolled back from inside her head. Her breathing descended from its rapid pace, as it slowly cooled back down to deep inhales.

Neither of them spoke as Maggie continued to come down from her sexual high. She blinked as she felt the motor control in her hands and feet slowly come back. The tingling sensation on her skin dulled, as a feeling of relaxation began washing over her. Maggie felt lighter. As though that encounter had shaved fifty pounds off her shoulders.

“Melissa that was… incredible. I’ve never felt like that before…” Maggie whispered, after she finished speaking, she began to smack her lips. The inside of her mouth felt extremely dry.

“Well, I’m glad you liked it!” Melissa said, hopping off the bed. Her feet pressed down onto the floor tiles as she walked down the short hallway and toward the sink. She grabbed a cup and filled it with water from the tap. She made the three second journey back to the end of the camper, before handing the glass to Maggie.

“Thank you.” Maggie said, greedily taking a long sip from the cup. “Did you like it?” Maggie said hopefully as she placed the glass down on the side table.

“I like making you happy.” Melissa said back, her smile fading. Maggie pressed the question again.

“Yeah but, did you like that? Did you think what you were saying was hot?” Maggie said again, now fully focused on her partner’s eyes. Melissa’s face looked uneasy, she looked out the window and shrugged.

“I’m… not entirely into it. But again, I’m just glad you liked it. That was hot to me.” She said, looking back at Maggie.

“Would you like to do it again sometime?” Maggie asked. She knew she should have quit while she was ahead two questions ago. Even though she was coming down, her sex drive was still cranked all the way to 100. She couldn’t stop herself from pressing.

“We’ll see, maybe.” Melissa said, seemingly finished with answering questions. She hopped off the bed and began walking back down the hallway. “Come on, let’s finish watching Titanic!” She yelled joyfully across the hallway.

Maggie smiled, letting herself sink into the bed for a moment, relishing in what just happened.

The sound of the summer breeze filled her ears.

***

“I remember thinking to myself. ‘I might have something here! I have a partner who’s okay with diapers. She’s going to indulge me on a regular basis. I’ve done it! Thousands of people in the online community live their whole lives without even telling their partner they’re into diapers. Yet, here I am, with the ‘love of my life’, and she’s totally cool with it!’ I think part of it was I wanted her to love diapers just as much as I did. I thought the more we kept introducing diaper play into the bedroom, she’d become more comfortable with it overtime, and eventually it’d be the center of our sex life.” Maggie said to Lisa. Lisa nodded, listening intently to Maggie’s words.

“Was this the last sexual encounter you two had with diapers?” Lisa asked.

“No.” Maggie said, looking away to the bookcase. Lisa didn’t respond, she let Maggie find her words after a few moments. “Our relationship was mostly long distance. We’d only see each other during the summers when we both camped at the same campground. We had a lot of phone sex in between. I’d have to ask for a couple weeks before she’d finally crack and indulge my fetish. She mostly made up stories for me. Long drawn out scenarios where she’d have accidents in public or she decided to wear diapers that day. It’d typically go on for like 15-20 minutes.” Maggie said, taking another pause for breath.

“For example, one time she made up a story about how she was on a beach and had to ‘use the potty really bad.’ So instead of finding a bathroom she just wet herself on the beach in front of everyone. People laughed at her and asked if she needed diapers. Another story was she was in the middle of class and started having an accident in her chair without knowing. Those are the only two stories I could think of off the top of my head. I’d give her tips on what I thought was hot in those stories after she was done. She wouldn’t like talking about it after I already came. I want to point out by the way that I wasn’t weird about this. I’d only ask her a couple times a month if she wanted to try things; and as it became apparent, she didn’t particularly like talking about it diapers, that became once or twice a year, and eventually not at all.” Maggie said, feeling weight begin to form in her tear ducts. Lisa nodded and cleared her throat.

“These were normal feelings for you to have, Maggie. Having a partner means that you two are sexually intertwined with one another. In your personal sex life, diapers are critical. There’s nothing wrong with that, enjoying diapers isn’t hurting anyone or yourself. She wasn’t the person for you sexually. Neither you nor she is at fault for that. If she wasn’t attracted to diapers, there wasn’t anything you could have done about that. What matters in a relationship was how supportive she was about your fetish, regardless of whether she finds it attractive or not.” Lisa said, Maggie snorted and shook her head in response.

“Well, she didn’t support me at the end, I’ll tell you that.” Maggie said, feeling anger surface. Lisa shifted her head to the side.

“What happened between you two in the end?” Lisa asked.

***

Maggie felt another hot tear roll down her blush red cheek.

“Why are you saying this to me? Do you understand how much this hurts me?” Maggie said desperately into the receiver.

“This isn’t right, Maggie. It’s borderline sick if you ask me. I’ve tried entertaining this ‘fetish’ of yours for the past year and a half, and it just disgusts me. Everything you say about it. Everything I’VE said to you about it. I feel like I need to take a shower anytime I even mention the word ‘diaper’ in front of you.” Melissa said, her words full of hate as they slithered out between her teeth. Maggie felt another wave of tears gush through her eyes.

“You’ve told me you’re okay with it I the past. We don’t have to do anything ever again, Melissa. I’ve told you that from the start. I can just look at stuff online to fulfill my needs. We never have to talk about my fetish again.” Maggie said tearfully. She felt like she was sinking. The most sensitive part of her was being ripped out and stomped on. The salt in the wound was that it was coming from the person she loved the most.

“Just thinking about you doing that gives me the creeps. I’m not going to stay with you unless you fix this. You need help. You need to go see a therapist to get this corrected. Normal people don’t have this problem, Maggie. Regular people don’t get off to people pissing and shitting themselves in diapers. Do you even understand how weird that is?!” Melissa yelled into the phone.

“I’m not going to talk to you if you’re going to yell at me like this. I don’t deserve this. I can’t control it, Melissa. It’s a part of me.” Maggie said back, unable to keep a hateful tone from cropping up through her words.

“Yeah well, like I said. You either get rid of this or find someone else to be with. You’re sick, Maggie. You need help. It’s not normal to have a diaper fetish.” Melissa said, holding zero regard of Maggie’s emotional wellbeing. Maggie didn’t respond.

The phone call ended with a *click*

***

“The first thing is, what she said to you is completely and emphatically wrong. She had no place to speak to you like that. No one does, it doesn’t matter if she’s your patterner or not. Especially when she’s trying to weaponize your fetish against you. That is incredibly manipulative and cruel. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing and enjoying diapers. Hundreds of thousands of people share this fetish with you. You’re not “sick” it’s not “wrong” to have a diaper fetish. There’s nothing that needs to be “corrected” about you, Maggie. This part of you is what makes you, you!” Lisa said in positive forward tone. Maggie, whipping away tears with a tissue from a box she got from Lisa, nodded in between sniffles.

“No, I know. I know that now. And I’m not consciously affected by what she said to me that day anymore. But I believe that’s where most of my ‘subconscious’ guilt started and has festered to this day. Ever since that argument I’ve felt like everyone knows I have a diaper fetish. It’s as if I have a tattoo on my forehead that reads, ‘I’m a diaper lover.’ Again, I know all of this is ridiculous, and I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s hard, Lisa. It’s really hard to undue the damage that someone has done to you.” Maggie said as she regained her composure.

“The first step is acknowledging those feelings. It’s difficult but try to identify the negative triggers you have. Process them, try to trace back where those triggers originated from. Typically, they’re not rational; however, some people respond well to logically processing what spawns guilt in their lives. Identifying why you feel this way can allow you to think: ‘I know that I’m feeling this way because of Melissa, and what she said to me in the past. Now I know that’s not correct, and that I’m allowed to feel this way.’ Again, not everyone responds to this type of treatment, but you should try it in between our next session. If you don’t think that works for you, then we can talk about that next time and try other tools to process your guilt.” Lisa said.

“Thank you, Lisa. That’s excellent advice. I’ll try it out this week.” Maggie said, feeling her emotions finally slot back into their normal place. She placed the tissue box next to her on the couch.

“Was that the last of you and Melissa after that encounter?” Lisa asked.

“We broke up shortly after. I carried the weight of that conversation with me for a long time. Right into my relationship with… Amy.” Maggie said, hesitating at the end.

“Amy?” Lisa said quizzically.

“She was the person I dated after Melissa. She was so much better about my fetish than Melissa was. We still had some problems, but they were more manageable. We…” Maggie said, before taking a glance down at her watch. “Oh, maybe we can save this one for next session?”

Lisa looked up at the clock on the wall, her eyes lit up in surprise. It was fifteen minutes past their session.

“Oh! Yes, sorry. I always hate this part, but yes. Let’s hit pause on this conversation and pick up right where we left off last time. Write it down if you’d like that way you won’t forget any points you’d like to make.” Lisa said, as she closed her notebook and got to her feet. Maggie did the same.

“Don’t you worry, I won’t…” Maggie said, trailing off for a moment. She zoned out for a split second as a feeling of relief washed over her. “I… sorry… I won’t forget anything. It’s pretty much locked in my head.” Maggie said with a lighthearted chuckled. Lisa smiled back.

“You’re a good person, Maggie. I’m sorry these things have happened to you. You don’t deserve it. No one with your fetish does, for that matter.” Lisa said, as Maggie shuffled her way across the room. Her hand gripped the doorknob as she turned her head around.

“I know…. Most days I know that.” Maggie said, “I’ll see you next week!” she finished, before opening the door. Lisa waved goodbye as she left the room.

“Amy next week…” Maggie thought. The laces of her blue converses flopped rhythmically in time with her footsteps. “… I wonder if I should tell her about the shower diaper?”