Expozine 2017 (Patreon)

This weekend was pretty intense! I shared a table with my friend Sophy at the Montreal Expozine. It was a big test for me, I had to pass two days in a super big crowd! It was not easy, I felt super vulnerable and uncertain about my appearance but I had a lot of comic book and zines making friends to support me. Everything went well and I did not felt judged or weirdly looked upon. 

Saturday night there was a party at my friend's workshop La Maison de la BD, I hesitated a lot but I managed to find the energy to also go there. But during the party I felt super insecure about my appearance and for some reason I looked back at my pictures from the Expozine and I found myself super ugly (especially my face) and my self-esteem plunged to the abysses. I felt super band I left the party early. 

In the morning I was feeling down and it took me a lot of efforts to ready myself for the second day of the exhibition. My skin is super sensible and I was super nervous and I cut myself multiple times while shaving. This is so stupid but it totally discouraged myself. I crashed down and I wanted to remove myself from all of my social circles to never see anyone again. BUT after a time, I don't know how, but I regained my courage and I prepared myself and went to Expozine alone to find back Sophy and our table. 

When I arrived the crowd was super dense and I was in early panic mode, but my friend Sylvie-Anne saw me and gave me a hug and helped me to calm down. After a while I was feeling again and I managed to meet people and to talk with strangers. I even was able to manage enough courage to talk with a friend that I pushed away in the past to make peace with him. It was a emotional roller coaster, but I am proud of myself for finding the courage to come back.  

I sold some Fruit Bizarre, Kosmotron and mini zines. I wish I had some gaming zines with me but I did not had the money to order them. I was afraid of not selling everything and it this is what happened, I only managed to sell half of my stuff. But it was enough to cover my expenses and to buy some zines and comic books for myself. 

Now I have a better understanding of how things work during Expozine and what attract people to the tables. If I participate again next year I will be able to create material that fit better in. :)

I will send my remaining mini-zine to Distroboto so that they can sell them in their network of old cigarettes vending machines. 

I did not really made new contacts because just being there took a lot of my energy but just being present there was a big step for me and I think that next time I will be more confident and more at ease and able to shine more. 

So I did it, the experience was not "magical" but it was overall positive and I was able to face my anxiety and my insecurities, which is a big achievement. :)