Fan Fiction from Today's Episode (Patreon)

Here's the text of all the stories from today's fanfic episode.

Fear Factor X by DarkEmergencyX

The moon was shining on the black harbor, dimly, yet bright. A ship on the horizon could be heard blowing its loud horn. The wind was cold and blowing under the cold bright moon. Only the waves could be heard, save for the howling winds.

Leon could feel a chill run up his spine and pulled his collar up with both of his hands, with fingerless gloves upon them. He had been here before, four years ago when him and Jill were still together... That's all over now though. After all he had been through, all of the psychopathic shit Leon had seen, it still bothered him most that he didn't say goodbye. Not the way he wanted to anyway. Now all he had was himself, himself and his gun. Even when you save the ones you love, everyone leaves you in the end he thought. Well fuck it, at least I have my mission. Win the game, trace the money, find who stole Jill away from him.

As he approached the bright lights ahead, Leon could see the set crew scrambling like bugs. Massive cranes hung over above them like metal monstrosities. Cameras were everywhere and microphones. It was like a movie set. Just past the crew he could see some of the other competitors, some he could recognize, some not.  Ah, there's Tracer, Liquid Snake, Sasuke, Lankey Kong. He then heard a loud motor approaching from opposite the direction he came. Emerging from the darkness into the light and greeted by several crew members was a familiar face, Axel from Twisted Metal. Heh, it's a party now, Leon thought. I wonder who else is in this shit?

“Well, well, well. if it isn't the sweetheart of Racoon City himself. How are you, cowboy?” A cherry from a cigarette glowed in the dark shadows and then moved at Leon like a small demon. Rouge the Bat. He should have known she'd get her paws into this mess too.”

“Rouge... Brave of you to hang around here. You're not planning on being on camera are you?”

“Easy tiger, I'm not playing the game. I'm lead producer on this deal. “

“Son of a fucking bitch, Leon thought to himself. With her pulling the strings, the mission might be completely turbofucked. “

“What's the matter, Leon? Bat got your tongue?”

“I'm just a bit surprised. You look good, Rouge. Really. ‘“‘

“Sweet. You always were, Leon. Too bad we couldn't have been different back when we were on patrol together. “

“That was a long time ago” Leon replied.

“Not THAT long, you're making me feel old, Leon. And you know that's my greatest fear. Ha, I supposed they would know how to get to me on this stupid show.”

“You call your own TV show stupid? Some producer you are.”

“It’s all money, honey. And plus, you can’t really think this is cool right? Even Joe knows it’s dumb as fuck.”

“I don’t think one thing or another. But you’re right, it is all about money in the end.”

“Which has me curious, why are you after it? Got yourself in a pinch, Leon? You know you could have come to me.”

“And sell my soul? No chance. I’ll earn it honestly, on a reality game show.”

“A show that makes you face your greatest fears.” Rouge smirked.

“Mine aren’t anything you can manifest on a camera. You know what I’ve seen, this will be kindergarten for preschoolers.”

“Indeed. Well welcome, dear. Please enjoy the refreshments and if you need anything at all, I’ll be in my trailer.”

With the clop of her heels Rouge strutted towards a pink trailer and disappeared inside.

Alone again, Leon thought. Well, let’s get this shit over with.

Leon walked into the bright lights of the set of Fear Factor. All of the crew were still moving to and fro, like a ship crew in a crazy ass storm. The other contestants were fraternizing with one another and he could see Samus Aran arrive with her best friend, one of the Sims. Leon didn’t know her name, but he could see the green diamond above her head. \

Tough competition, he said to himself.

He saw another figure walk onto the set, wearing one of the coolest jackets Leon had ever seen. Holy fuck, that’s Joe Rogan.

He immediately made his way over to Leon. “What’s up, dude? Welcome to the show. I’m Joe.”

He put out his hand to shake Leon’s and gave him the firmest grip he had ever felt. “This is a man who knows who he is.” Leon thought.

“Thanks for having me”  Leon said with a smile. He could tell Joe was ripped.

“Why don’t we go meet everyone else and start the show?” Joe said. The two went and joined the rest of the group.

After all the introductions were made, it was time to start shooting the episode of Fear Factor.

All cameras were in place, makeup was finished, the sound was ready to go and the lighting was perfect.

Joe stood on a gravel path across from the seven contestants, apparently the Sim was not here to compete but cheer on Samus.

“Welcome contestants to Fear Factor, the show that will make you face your greatest fears in the chance to win $50,000. Seven of you have come here today but only one will remain by the time we’re finished. There will be 3 challenges in 3 days. So without further ado, let’s see who’s a fraidy cat.”

Leon felt the energy of the others standing next to him, tense and ready to begin, wondering what the first challenge will be.

“For the first challenge, you will be brought to the top of one of these cranes. Once on top you will have to make a jump to the other crane in order to get a flag. You will then have to make a second jump back to the first crane and place the flag in the holder. The person with the slowest time will be eliminated. So who’s first?”

Lanky Kong immediately puked all over the ground as he was terrified of heights.

“I’m used to standing on top of big metal things” Liquid laughed “I’ll do it.”

Liquid and everyone else basically had no problems doing the challenge. Lanky Kong was seen by the medic team and given gatorade. Unfortunately he was eliminated for not even trying the challenge. Tracer was also eliminated because she teleported and Joe said she was cheating and the person with the fastest time was amazingly Axel, who was very fast despite his size.

Lanky Kong said “I’m disappointed in myself for making a big mess, but I had no idea this show was going to be this scary.”

Tracer was more ticked and said “You know I’m glad I put myself out there, but they didn’t say anything about teleporting. Oh well, haters gonna hate.”

Axel cheered himself “Hell yeah mother fuckers, I’m taking it all home. He began doing donuts and making a huge dust tornado. “

Joe congratulated everyone. All right guys, good job. You made it. First challenge down, but tomorrow is going to be a little bit different, so get some sleep and be ready.

The next day they had Leon and the others gather in what looked like a mummies tomb. On the table was silver platters, covered.

Joe stood next to the table with a devious smile. “Welcome back everybody, how are we feeling today?”

Liquid rubbed his shoulder he hit during a jump “Sore!”

Well, today you wont be running or jumping or climbing, today you’ll be eating.

Leon was on edge, this was always the worst round of the show. They always make them eat some fucked up shit like worms or testicles. What horrible nasty thing does Rouge have in store for him?

I hope you guys are hungry because today is a very special episode of Fear Factor, I hope none of you baby out because today you have to eat:

As Joe lifted the platter lids Leon’s stomach dropped, what would it be? Would it kill him? Will he have to eat a guy? There’s no way way he would do that fucking shit, not in a million fucking years. Whatever this is going to be, Leon knew he would have to eat it, to get the money, to save her. To complete his mission.

He nearly fainted when he heard Joe say “Dirty diapers”

To be continued.

The Best Friend Adventure Series by Tom Gad

The Big Brothers And The Stone Secret

Josh Gad stirs awake,  “Where are we?” he says, wiping the sleep from his eyes.  “About 10 minutes from the city” answers his Big Brother Tom Gad who was driving both of them in the convertible they shared. “Woo hoo!” Josh yelled as he raised his arms into the sky, hitting the roof of the car and letting out a painful squeal “ouuuu!”.  “Tops up” Tom said slyly as Josh looks over and answers “Thanks for telling me. Appppreciate it.”

Tom pulls the car up to Manhattan, “Hey Big Bro” they are each others Big Brothers “be on the lookout for the place we’re staying, its called the Eyrie Building”. “Yea yea yea, I know what I’m looking for, its the huge building that the billionaire David Xanatos built and also put an old Scottish castle on the top of, right?” Josh said.  Tom replied “Yup, Castle Wyvern, oh wait I think i see it!”  The car pulls up to massive building, stepping out of the car Tom wearing A Grey Nike Ohio State Buckeyes Shirt And Black Tiros 21s And Black Pippins and Josh wearing A Red Nike Miami Heat Shirt And Black Tiros 21s And Black Pippins. And They Are Each Others Big Brothers And They Are The Man.

Both Brothers noticed one thing about this huge building, at the very top there were large ornate sculptures. “Wow Tom look at those!” Josh Said.  “Those are crazy looking Josh, almost like they could be real haha.” Said Tom. And Both Brothers laughed about how silly that was.  Tom and Josh were greeted at the door by the concierge who took them to their room, right at the top of the Eyrie Building. Their room overlooked the whole city and was surrounded by the giant gargoyles statues.  “Now that Im even closer, these statues really do look real!” “Yup, almost like theyre are staring at me.”  The sun began to set and the Brothers each the Big Brother began unpacking their clothes.  A great rumble was heard and the boys ran to the window to look out but could see nothing “I heard a loud noise and came to check but dont see anything, how strange. Whats even stranger is that now I definitely feel like these gargoyles are staring at me haha.” “T-t-t-tom, thats cause they are!” yelled out Josh.  Tom turns around and sees 5 MONSTROUS creatures that exactly resemble the gargoyles that were just outside the window.  All 5 swoop in to the room from an open window and stand before Josh and Tom. “It is alright human, I am Goliath” said the large grey one “and we are the Gargoyles who defend this city, we are familiar with your adventures the Best Friend Adventures and it was us who called you to arrive here.”  “Now Ive seen everything!” Josh exclaims.  Tom continues “Um ok hello Goliath was it? See my Big Brother and I who is also his Big Brother we thought we were just coming to New York City for vacation, plus what could we do that giant 9 feet gargoyles creatures such as your self couldnt do?”  “Well” Goliath muttered “as you said we are quite large and do not blend in, so we need two excellent adventurers such as yourself to infiltrate a City Council meeting. We have evidence that several members of the organization are actually Imposters and we need your help to Sus them out.”

2 Be Continued

The Big Brothers Justified

Josh looks nervously into the rear view mirror and sees flashing lights, blue and red “Oh what could we have done wrong?? I was going the speed limit!” “Well uh you know how I was supposed to get the tags renewed?” Tom says sheepishly “Uh huh” Josh looks over frustrated “Well what would you say if I just oh I dunno, didnt do that?” “Well id say this is all your fault!” Josh yells, crumpling his Grey Nike Quarterzip And Black Jeans And White Nike Air Force 1s and Tom sinks a bit into his seat wearing Black Nike Brooklyn Nets Kyrie Irving Jersey And Black Nike Dazzler Basketball Shorts And Black And White And Pink Lebron 18 Low And They Are Big Brothers And They Are The Man. “I think were really in trouble now.”

Up from the rear view, the Big Brothers, each other the big brother of each other saw the police officer walking up, tall, skinny, and wearing a cowboy hat. He approached the drivers window “Well howdy boys, Im guessing you know why I pulled you over.” “The tags?” Tom asked. “Nope, well Ill give it to you straight, Im familiar with your work and my names Raylan Givens and I need you to infiltrate a criminal empire. Thats right, this time I need you to be the Imposters.” Tom and Josh look at each other, shocked!

2 be continued

Deadpool and the Fun Spaceship by TheRakishRaconteur

The year? 2024. Everyone on earth was dead. A deadly disease named war had killed everyone on earth and made the earth unable to live on because all that was green is now brown. Space was now the home of mankind. Because of the war there was a lot of cleaning up everyone had to do but since they cleaned up most of it, all the humans that lived in an apartment in space finally had some time to rest.

There was no rest for Commander Shepherd, however. He had been in the Mass Effect galaxy for so long that the sight of a destroyed earth didn’t even bother him. In fact, it looked kind of cool now that the planet was brown instead of green. The problem that Commander Shepherd had back on earth was now that there weren’t any good people to be crew on his spaceship that he runs. It was a problem that bothered him a lot and kept him awake at night. The biggest problem that he had was that one member on his new spaceship crew was a little bit kooky.

“Shut the fuck up!” Deadpool said, walking into the room, smiling. was always telling jokes like that. One joke that Deadpool had told once was to tell Commander Shepherd to talk to the hand because the face wasn’t listening. Commander Shepherd hated that joke. Shepherd cared about order and loyalty, not in your face antics. Deadpool was also wearing an Assassin’s Creed hood.

“Eh, whats up doc,” Deadpool said, eating a carrot in front of Shepherd.

“There’s no eating on the space ship,” Shepherd said, frowning.

“More like a space shit,” Deadpool said, and everyone laughed and he paused for the laughter. “No seriously, Shep, this looks like a space shit. Fuck you!”

“Not everything is a joke, Deadpool,” Shepherd said, looking at Deadpool with his big blue eyes. In my game Shepherd was a guy.

“You know what is a joke,” Deadpool said, smiling, “What if I took a big sloppy shit on the floor and rolled around in it?”

“Oh come on, Deadpool,” Shepherd said, frustratedly, “Stop telling your great jokes and get to work. Running a spaceship isn’t all fun and games.”

“More like a space shit,” Deadpool said, and then he also said “Fuck off!”

“Deadpool, can you take this more seriously? You’re going to get all the crew laughing too much to do their jobs.

“I can handle it just fine,” chimed in the ship’s engineer, Ted Kaczynski.

“I think Mr. Deadpool is great,” said the ships pilot, Jerry Lewis. And then Jerry Lewis slipped a bunch and fell down on the ground and then he got up off the ground and tried to pretend like nothing happened. Then he put his hand on his face and his face slipped and hit his pilots controls.

“Be that as it may,” Commander Shepherd said, “one day Deadpool, something is going to happen to you that is going to be bad and it is going to make you realize that this isn’t all fun and games.”

“What if the reason I act like this is because something bad already happened to me? Maybe I’m just sick and fucked up because I’m just coping with tragedy,” Deadpool said.

“I never thought about it that way,” Commander Shepherd said, “Can I give you a hug?”

“No way!” Deadpool said “You’re being gay!”

Everyone on the ship laughed. A butterfly landed on Jerry Lewis’ nose and he went cross eyed. Also he flew the ship around badly for a minute but he’s okay now.

“Shut the fuck up!” Deadpool said.

“I didn’t say anything,” Shepherd said.

“And keep it that way! Eat my shorts!”

“Hold on,” Commander Shepherd said, “We are about to enter a battle.”

The battle went on for a long time. For a while, the bad guys were winning but then Jerry Lewis shot them with the guns on the ship and also Deadpool shot at the ship from on top of the spaceship with his gun. He had on a helmet to give him air to breathe.

“Whoa,” Commander Shepherd said, “that was close. But it’s a good day to win a battle.”

“Hold on!” Ted Kaczynski screamed, “They are coming back for another battle!”

The second battle was easier than the first because everyone was ready this time. Earth was fighting a lot of battles against different aliens who had come from all over the galaxy to try to finish the job of killing the humans.

“You’ll never win!” The aliens screamed over a message they sent to the spaceship.

“Shut the fuck up and suck my fucking cock!” Deadpool screamed back and everyone laughed.

“Hey Deadpool,” Jerry Lewis said, “You think they’ll suck my cock too?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Deadpool said again.

“Another rough day of fighting aliens,” Commander Shepherd said, “Let’s head back to the apartments and get some rest and relaxation. Let’s go get a drink.”

“I’m going to order something GAY, like a Pina Colada!” Deadpool said, laughing. It was honestly insane how crazy Deadpool’s mind was. He just thought of stuff like that constantly.

Deadpool ran to the bar after the space ship docked. He was acting funny and silly and at one point he was wearing a French maid costume just because. Jerry Lewis and Ted Kaczynski were laughing really hard. At one point, Jerry slipped on a banana peel and it made him fly into an escape pod. Deadpool saw the escape pod go by a window in the space station and Jerry Lewis’ face was pressed into the glass in a funny way.

“Shut the fuck up!” Deadpool said.

Deadpool was at the bar telling everyone to shut the fuck up. Commander Shepherd came and sat down next to him.

“You did a good job fighting today,” Shepherd said to Deadpool, “But I’m worried about you. You don’t have to be tough all of the time.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Deadpool said, “what are you trying to do right now, rail my ass and get me pregnant? Shut the fuck up again.”

“No, Deadpool, I’m serious. You’re always telling great jokes, telling everyone to shut up, telling people to suck your dick. It’s funny, but sometimes I wish you would just relax. There’s got to be someone you can talk to.”

“Commander Shepherd, the only person I need to talk to isn’t a person at all. It’s a bottle of whiskey and instead of talking to it, I drink it until I’m drunk. Suck my dick,” Deadpool said, doing a jacking off motion with his hand.

“Fine, whatever. I just want you to know Deadpool that you are a respected member of my crew, and that I love you.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Deadpool said, “but thanks Shepherd. Thanks for being a pussy, that is.”

“Take it easy tonight, Deadpool,” Shepherd said. Don’t get too wasted and epic again.

Shepherd got up and headed out of the bar. Deadpool sat alone, drinking his beer and his whiskey. It was at about this time that Commander Shepherd noticed a super hot girl in the corner batting him the ‘fuck me’ eyelashes.

“Damn!” Deadpool said, “Those aren’t just ‘fuck me’ eyelash bats, that is a ‘fuck me and cum on my dumb face’ type of look! Mama mia, it’s time for Deadpool to fuck fuck fuck!”

Deadpool ordered a girls drink for the girl. It was pink or something and he brought it over to her for her to drink.

“Usually when I meet people, I tell them to shut the fuck up,” Deadpool said, walking up to her. “But for you, I’ll restrain myself. I’ll only tell you to suck my dick instead.”

The woman laughed. “How do you think of such clever jokes?” She said.

“Maybe my life is a charade. Maybe that’s the only way I can live with such pain,” Deadpool said.

“I had no idea you were so deep, Deadpool,” she said.

“What is your name,” Deadpool said.

“My name isn’t important,” she said, “what is important is that I’m the hottest girl in school.”

“Awesome,” Deadpool said.

“Tell me Deadpool,” she said, “Where did you get such pain?”

“From my fucked up life. Probably the most fucked up life of all time. Basically, no one cared. No one gave a fuck!” Deadpool said, screaming. He punched a hole in the wall right then and the girl wasn’t scared because deep down she knew Deadpool would never hurt her.

“You need to be fixed right now! I will fix you!” She yelled at Deadpool.

“Fix me right now!” Deadpool yelled back!

“I will make you whole again!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Deadpool yelled. He continued, “See? That’s what I do! I just push people away! I’m so fucking stupid!”

Deadpool yelled and punched another hole in the wall. It was fucking huge because he is so strong.

“You can let your guard down, Deadpool,” she said, “I’m a woman and I’m here for you.”

“Everythings so fucked up right now! I’m so fucked up in the head! Kurt Cobain was right to do what he did! He was fucking right! I have so much pain in my heart, but the only thing people want to hear is my great jokes. I’m always telling people to suck my dick and shut the fuck up. I’m always acting gay and calling people gay and being homophobic. That’s all people want from me. They don’t want to hear about my pain. It’s all bullshit!”

Deadpool calms down a bit and slinks in his chair. The girl touches his arm. He doesn’t pull away.

“I heard this story about a clown who goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him to go see himself perform because he is sad. I don’t get the point of the story, but it’s tradition. But sometimes I listen to that story and I realize…. That doctor is me. Do you understand?”

“I think so,” she said. She was very beautiful and had many other traits, both physically and personally.

“Whatever…” Deadpool said. “It’s all bullshit.”

“No, Deadpool, it isn’t bullshit. It isn’t all bullshit.”

“It’s… it’s not?” Deadpool said.

“No. Deadpool, I know what you are missing. I know what can help,” she said.

“What?”

“Love,” she said.

“Love?” Deadpool said.

“Yes, love. You’ve just never been shown it before. Deadpool, let me love you.”

“Can I tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before?” Deadpool asked.

“Of course, anything,” she said.

“Baby… I’ve never told anyone this before but…. Don’t shut the fuck up. Never shut the fuck up ever again.”

Deadpool leaned into kiss the girl and she kissed him back. He reached around and grabbed her butt when he was kissing her. She was into him grabbing her butt and she shook her butt around as he grabbed it. He grabbed the butt with both hands and kissed her and he also took his hands off of her butt sometimes to touch her boobs. They were big boobs and when he held them they felt awesome. Deadpool kissed her and grabbed her butt and boobs and most of the other good parts of her. She was super hot and Deadpool was getting horny as fuck as he grabbed her cool butt and her awesome boobs. He was about to ask her to come back to his apartment so that they could fuck when he saw Jerry Lewis walk in with a worried facial expression.

“Deadpool! Aliens are attacking and we need—”

“Shut the fuck up, Jerry Lewis! I’m trying to score here!”

“No, Deadpool, go,” the hot woman said, “This is what you are made for. Go save us all, Deadpool.”

“How will I find you again?” Deadpool said, pleading.

“I’m going to wait for you in your apartment wearing cat ears and thigh highs and a thong hiked up my big butt. You’re going to see my big boobs. I’m going to read anime and play video games until you get back. I’m going to fill our bed, it’s our bed because I’m your girlfriend now, I’m going to fill it with stuffed animals and they are going to watch us pork. We are going to screw each other hard. We are going to hump like a couple of wild animals and do you know what is going to happen at the end? You are going to bust like a dog,” she said.

“Wowza! What a woman!” Jerry Lewis said.

“Shut the fuck up!” Deadpool said, “That’s my woman!”

Deadpool punched Jerry Lewis in the face and he fell to the ground looking like a pussy. Deadpool ran off to the spaceship to help Commander Shepherd fight with it. As he runs off, Jerry Lewis looks at the woman.

“Hey Lady… take good care of Deadpool. He’s so funny, but most of all, he’s a good guy. Take care of him… for me.”

Jerry Lewis passes away on the ground. The woman looks at Deadpool running off to save the world and smiles. Also, the woman is an Asari by the way.

Sonic the Detective (Season 1): A Murder Most Deadly by DarkNarutoX

DISCLAIMER: Please note that I only own my original characters. I DO NOT OWN Sonic the Hedgehog or anything related to the copyrighted material. That honor belongs to Sega, its employees, and—following a 1999 lawsuit to take a 25% stake in his own IP rights—Sonic the Hedgehog himself.

Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to finish this story. A lot of things in life got in the way. A new Final Fantasy XIV expansion, high school, and working 4 hours a week at CostCo. Anyway, sorry if you don't like it. Please do not read unless you are at least in 7th grade. Some of the themes in this story are mature and some bad words are used.

Sonic the Detective (Season 1): A Murder Most Deadly—Can Sonic Avenge a Gruesome Murder?

Tom the Hedgehog has been found dead in Miami. When it comes to pissing people off, this hedgehog had done it all. Minotaurs, vampires, anipals, referees, guys who retain, guys who cum, guys who eat, guys who want to be eaten… Basically every freak on earth had a motive to do it, and a town like Miami knows how to keep its secrets.

Sonic the Hedgehog flicked his half-smoked Wesson's brown cigarette to the ground and lit up another one.

"Poor bastard. Heh. It's just another day in Miami when someone ends up dead and shot. But it's just a part of my job to deal with it. Man. Being a really fast hedgehog who's also a detective is really hard work," Sonic the Hedgehog uttered while puffing on his Wessons cigarette which by the way is brown.

"Hey sonic! Another dead bastard just washed up huh?" said the girl from Inuyasha.

"Yeah. They found his body in Miami Lake. I'm glad that you're my sidekick though, I know we'll find the bastard who did this and lock them up for good. Or kill them legally on the spot with the license we inherited from our deceased friend James Bond."

"Do we have any clues?" exclaimed the girl from Inuyasha.

"Yeah. Just one. There's a note on the corpse that says 'Arr shiver me timbers. If the culprit ye seek, feast yer eyes upon yonder mast of yonder pirate ship.'"

"What do you think it means?" murmured the girl from Inuyasha.

"Damned if I known. But let's go take us a look." exclaimed Sonic the Hedgehog while fiddling with his cigarette.

They headed for the pirate ship that was out there on Miami Lake. But they couldn't figure out how to get there, so they stopped in a bar on the way there and pushed their way through the classic saloon doors.

"Heh. Bunch of lowlife drunks in here," growled Sonic. "I don't know what they think they're looking for at the bottom of that bottle, but I can tell you for damn sure that it's not an Extra Life."

Behind the bar was the locally known bartender, Sam Malone the Hedgehog.

"Hey Sonic," remarked Sam the Hedgehog. "What'll you have? The usual?"

"Yeah. A shot of Old Crow, neat, with a double shot of information. What do you know about last night's murder Sam the Hedgehog?"

"Nuthin'," he opined while washing a dusty pint glass.

"Well, do you know how we can reach the pirate ship out there on Miami Lake?"

Before Sam the Hedgehog had a chance to respond, a bar patron sitting next to Sonic spoke up. It was Frasier the Hedgehog.

"I say Sonic, might I have a word with you?" bellowed Frasier the Hedgehog. "I know exactly how to get to that pirate ship. My dad's dog, Eddie the Hedgehog, can take you there. He knows how to swim. Plus my dad was on the police force so he taught the dog how to be tough and shoot guns."

"Wow Frasier the Hedgehog, that's really helpful. Is that the dog sitting right next to you? Okay this will be really convenient," contended Sonic. "By this way, this is the girl from Inuyasha. She's my sidekick and she wears one of those schoolgirl uniforms. By we've got to get going, come on, Eddie the Hedgehog!"

"Okay, just have him back by tonight," exclaimed Frasier the Hedgehog. "I'm moving to Seattle tomorrow to start my own spinoff where I work at the radio station there."

"Heh, maybe you can have me as a guest sometime," quipped Sonic, before he ran out of there really fast, with Eddie the Hedgehog and the girl from Inuyasha trailing him.

The three heroes/companions walked right to the water's edge of Miami Lake. The pirate flag of the pirate ship billowed in the distance. On it there was a skull and crossbones.

FLASHBACK

We see Sonic the Hedgehog in a field of flowers, with also cherry blossom trees there, and there's like a lens flare thing happening. Off in the distance, we see the girl from Inuyasha running her hand through her hair as the sunlight glistens on it.

"She's… she's beautiful…."

A DIFFERENT FLASHBACK

"What's… What's your name?"

"Me? Heh. I'm Sonic the Hedgehog."

ANOTHER FLASHBACK

"Hey… Do you uhh… Do you think you'd ever date a hedgehog?"

"He he. Oh Sonic, you ask such silly questions sometimes."

PRESENT DAY

"Eddie the Hedgehog," Sonic the Hedgehog commented. "Now is your chance to shine. Jump in the water and do your doggy paddle, we'll stand on your back."

"Ruff ruff ruff!" contended Eddie the Hedgehog, who just to be clear is a dog.

"Oh no," intoned the girl from Inuyasha. "I'm afraid of the water. I forgot to mention it."

"Heh," said Sonic casually. "Just hold onto me. I'll make sure you're safe."

The three of the heroes went across the glistening water and finally got to the wooden pirate ship. They climbed aboard and Eddie the hedgehog did the dog thing where he shakes all the water off. Then Sonic, comically, did the same thing. Then even more comically than that, the girl from Inuyasha also did it.

"I was friends with a guy who was basically a dog, in a different series. Or maybe he was kind of a demon too, I don't remember anymore," she explained.

Just when she was explaining, a loud and commanding voice came from the elevated deck of the wooden pirate ship.

"Who goes there!?" the voice yelled.

"Your worst nightmare!" asserted Sonic the Hedgehog.

"Oh yeah?" said the voice confidently. "What makes you so sure? I might have had other nightmares before you met me that were a lot worse."

"Because I'm here to kill you! You're the guy who murdered Tom the Hedgehog, aren't you!?" uttered Sonic.

The guy staggered for a moment. Then he came out from the shadow, that he was standing in the whole time, by the way. It turned out that this guy was Captain Jack Sparrow's nephew, Pete Sparrow.

"My uncle lent me this pirate ship," said Pete Sparrow unsolicited. "But anyway, I'm not actually the one who did the murder. I'm just giving the real villain a place to crash while he waits for the heat to die down. But there's nothing you can do to stop him!"

"Where is he? Let me at the bastard!" remarked Sonic.

"No!" scoffed Pete Sparrow. "He's my friend, and the guy he killed was annoying everybody and had it coming!"

"Annoying everybody, you say?" questioned Sonic. "Tell that to his best friend Josh Gad, who will no longer have a best friend to hang out with."

Sonic spit on the dirty deck of the wooden ship in anger and pulled out a spherical Wessons cigarette from his pocket and lit it with his red lighter.

"Bastards like you make me sick," Sonic muttered while lighting with his lighter.

Just then, Sonic's black phone started ringing.

"Crap," he opined. " I wonder who's calling me at a time like this. This is Sonic the Hedgehog, Wazzup?" he said while picking up.

"It's me, Goku," divulged Goku. "I felt your power level rising and I wanted to give you a call and warn you. This guy you're up against is bad news. He's very strong. And I'm saying this as a guy who easily defeated Superman when we fought one time."

"My friends were actually debating recently whether you could beat superman," uttered Sonic.

"I definitely can and did. So the next time your friends bring it up, you can let them know definitively," retorted Goku.

"Okay good to know. But anyway I think I need to kill this guy now for what he did, and I can't put it off. Sorry but the pride of a hedgehog is too great," explained Sonic.

"Us Saiyans know a thing or two about pride," Goku remarked. "But. Well. If you have to do it, just remember, do what I would do if I was in your shoes. Of course, I could never fill your shoes, because you're very fast. But you know what I mean. Anyway, I have to go get my driver's license now. Later!"

Goku hung up his phone rapidly. Sonic started down Pete Sparrow and took a drag of his brown cigarette, which put the smell of smoke into the air.

"Heh. OK. Looks like it's time to fight," Sonic suggested.

"If my uncle was here, he would shoot you," retorted Pete Sparrow.

While he said this simple phrase, Sonic had quickly appeared behind him using his super fast speed and then punched him so hard that he went slamming into the deck.

"Looks like the timbers of the wooden deck are shivering, which is similar to that pirate phrase 'shiver me timbers,'" Sonic quipped and explained.

"You bastard!" Pete Sparrow said loudly.

Just then, another figure appeared from the shadows, directly behind Sonic.

"Heh heh heh. Are you here to avenge the death of Tom the Hedgehog? Well you'll never escape alive I'm afraid," said the voice menacingly.

Then he came forward from the shadows and everyone was surprised about who it was, even Eddie the Hedgehog.

"I—It's you!" the girl from Inuyasha pronounced. "Josh Gad!"

"That's right," explained Josh Gad. "It's me, Josh Gad. But why? you might be wondering. Why would Tom the Hedgehog's best friend in the world kill him in red blood? Well, the answer is that I actually think he's really annoying and he's not my friend at all. And I got tired of him saying it online and tagging me on Twitter and stuff."

"You bastard!!!" said Sonic, charging at him with a fury. The two exchanged furious blows on the deck of the wooden pirate ship.

"Fuck you!!!" Sonic intoned.

Then kept running at each other and blocking each other's very fast punches and kicks. Sonic even did that one move where he turns into a ball and spins, but it was to no avail.

The fight was completely even. Then Sonic remembered what his friend Goku told him. He said, "do what I would do," or something along those lines. Sonic realized thta Goku would go super saiyan, which is basically the same thing as when sonic turns into the golden hedgehog.

"Hah. I'll admit, you're pretty tough. But you're not ready for this," Sonic said proudly and confidently. "Haaaaaahhhh!!!"

All the air around Sonic started going crazy and the sky had furious lightning in it. All his fur turned golden and even his cigarette changed to be golden.

"Hah. Bet you think that's pretty clever," observed Josh Gad. "But wait till you get a load of this. It will be my finest role yet."

Josh Gad started powering up and yelling a lot, and then furious lightning and wind was all around him and he turned into a Super Saiyan.

"This is my ultimate form. You won't be leaving this pirate ship that Pete Sparrow's uncle has so generously lent to me for the summer," Super Saiyan Josh Gad explained.

"You keep talking about this guy who lent you the boat. Well that's in the past now. Why don't you just let the past DIE!! You bastard!!!!" said Sonic passionately.

Then Sonic lunged at Josh Gad and the two of them hurtled into the air and started to punch and kick even faster than before. Their power was making the waves of Lake Miami ripple a lot and all the floating boats were shaking in the blue lake.

Kyle Lowry and Jimmy Butler of the Miami Heat were on an adjacent boat, and they remarked about how it was rocking too much, and they wished the action would stop so they could enjoy hanging out together.

Then Sonic jabbed Josh Gad in the face with his elbow, and Josh Gad shot an energy beam at sonic and hit him in the shoulder. Then Sonic got an idea.

"Heh," he vowed, "Maybe I should shoot an energy beam of my own too."

Sonic went even higher up into the air, and pointed both his hands at Super Saiyan Josh Gad.

"This is a technique that my friend Goku's friend Vegeta taught me. Here we go!"

Then he shot a big energy beam at Josh Gad, evaporating him instantly.

"Aaaaggghhhhh! Fuck yooouuuuu!!" said the actor as he died.

Then something happened that Sonic did not expect. The energy beam shot a huge hole in the boat and it started to sink!"

"Uncle Jack is gonna kill me," expressed Pete Sparrow.

"I wish I could enjoy a leisurely boat ride," divulged Kyle Lowry.

"Sonic! I'm in trouble!" said the girl from Inuyasha worriedly, as she was sinking in to the ocean. "Remember how I don't like the water!"

"OK! I'll save you!" said the golden Hedgehog who was glistening.

Sonic swooped down and picked up the girl from Inuyasha, and flew her back to the dock.

"Thank you so much for saving me Sonic," she remarked nicely. "But… But Eddie the Hedgehog… He… He didn't make it."

"No, look there," said Sonic excitedly, "He's there on the dock waiting for us safe and sound!"

"Ruff ruff ruff!" explained Eddie the Hedgehog.

Frasier the Hedgehog came out from the bar and was really happy that his dog was OK. He said goodbye to Sonic and said he could visit him anytime in Seattle. Now Sonic and the girl from Inuyasha were alone on the dock.

"Sonic, you… You were so powerful back there… I can't believe you saved me," she said shyly.

"Well it's all in a day's work for me," said Sonic while sheepishly running his hand through his hedgehog hair.

As the sunset began to set, and everything looked as golden as Sonic when he was fighting his evil enemy earlier, the girl from Inuyasha leaned in with her pink lips and gave Sonic a kiss on his hedgehog lips.

"Sonic-senpai," she said meekly. "I have always been in love with you. Ever since we met in the flower field."

"Me too," he said honestly, as they embraced each other in the sunset on the dock of Miami Lake.

"I am embarrassed to say," she said embarrassedly, "that I am still a virgin," she said.

THE END