Stories from YA Authors E2 (Patreon)

Someone on Discord asked for written copies of the stories from the last E2. But Branson deleted his because he is not professional. So here are Charles and Andrew's stories at least. We can try to post these more often in the future if people want.

The Life of a Teenage Swordsman

"The sound of seagulls screeching could be heard nearby, the way they can be heard most of the time, due to the beaches. Lucian rode swiftly on his Huffy, cruising past the pool which was jam packed with families having a weekend blast. The lifeguard, Rachel Calabasas lowers her sunglasses and calls out "Lucian, there's a huge sword on your back." "Thanks Rach." Lucian replies as he his a small jump and does a sick handlebars spin and continues to fly down the sidewalk with speed. Upon seeing this, Rachel smirks at his insane bike trick. "Straight out of the X-games" she says to herself, then goes back to reading her Cosmo and ignoring the kids in the deep end. 

Lucian takes out his smartphone as he rides to check the time, as in these days people do not need to wear watches anymore, since their phone has a clock on it. 12:55. 5 minutes is all he has to make it on time to Abigails beach birthday party, if not, BRADSTER might get to her first. Dammit. Lucian curses himself. (authors note it is ok to say this and some other swear words like ass and even shit). "Dammit. I'm so screwed, Abby is 100% going think I'm loser with a little shrimp, she wont even believe my grapes have dropped. And if BRADSTER shows up before me, man, I think this could get ugly. He has a gun.

As he crests the hilll, Lucian can finally see his destination below, right before him. Yankee Doodle Beach, the nicest beach in town and the spot for Abigail Monterays big birthday bash. Lucian looks at his phone once more 12:59 PM. A minute to spare. He also sees that he has an unread text message from his best friend, Poon. Sorry pal, I'll read that later, Lucian thinks. 

Just before Lucian pulls into the birthday party, he had incredible speed from the large hill. Suddenly, a woman pushing a stroller came out from behind an ice cream truck, nearly killing Lucian. "Whoa whoa whoa!" Lucian cried out. Using his wild maneuverability, Lucian jukes the stroller lady, hits a ramp and does a full back flip on the bike before landly directly into the party. Everyone sees it and it's quite clear how tight it was. Huffing and puffing and feeling his heart may explode, Lucian looks up to the apple of his eye, Abigail Monteray. With her blonde ponytail and baby blues and the best smile in the world. "H-hey, hey Abby, happy birthday" Lucian says out of breath. "Lucian! Are you alright? You could have gotten hurt. And you aren't wearing your NoFear swim trunks you always love to wear while swimming." "Sorry, I was actually afraid I'd be late, Lucian replied. "Well you made it, I'm so glad." 

At this moment a loud rumble of an engine can be heard, the famous sound of a jeep wrangler. That can mean just one thing. BRADSTER. "Hey dickless." a voice yelled out, assumingly towards Lucian. BRADSTER and 6 other dudes hop out of the Jeep Wrangler that is lifted and has no door, the classic beach kind. They are all in swim trunks, but are still wearing their letterman varsity jackets. BRADSTER, the 6 foot giant with a little bit of acne but a solid jaw approaches with a massive stuffed teddy bear with a bow tied to it. "Happy Birthday Abby, sweetheart. I love the bikini, but don't you know you're supposed to wear your birthday suit on today?" "You bastard." Lucian sneers. BRADSTER laughs. "Basketball is for the city, the football players are here now, pumpkin. No run along and go play dress up your friend Pussy or whatever his name is." "His name is Poon and it's not dress up. This whole town is under attack, but it's not like you give a crap." said Lucian. "Well you got me there." replies BRADSTER. "But I do care about partying, so why don't you **** off." "No shot." Lucian says before drawing the enormous blade from his back.

The Properly Preposterous Misadventures of Timothy Thompson Worthingtonshire: The Teenage Years

Book 74 Chapter 1

Even though Timothy Thompson Worthingtonshire was a relatively well known wizard in Terre Haute, having won the greased pig contest 3 years in a row and gaining some measure of renown among the local humans, he was still forced to live in a suitcase by his mean uncle.

"Man I'm so sick of living in this damn suitcase," said the 16 year old Timothy. "Good thing I have my drivers license and some wheels now. I want to go for a ride."

He called up his school chums, the red headed teen Geezer Hamswallow and the teen girl Serena Smokeshow Thimbleworth. Then they got into his car and started driving around and listening to "Bad to the Bone," by whoever made that song.

"Haha, feels so good to be a teen!" said Geezer.

"That's right," said Serena, "Humans can't understand what it's like for us wizards. And parents can't understand us teens. But we can still cruise around and get wild."

"Hey, speaking of," said Timothy, "Pass me one of those wizard beers, even though I am currently operating a motor vehicle."

"OK my teenage judgment tells me to just do it," said Geezer, who then did it, by which I mean tossing a beer to Timothy.

"Hahaha I feel so alive," said Timothy behind the wheel. "But oh shit! Look up ahead! It's the dean of our wizard school, Chipdezziwick Flortwalder! We better play it cool!"

At the next red light, Timothy stops the car, right next to Dean Flortwalder's car. And both cars have their windows down making it easy to talk to each other.

"Helllloo Mr Thompson Worthingtonshire. Drinking and driving again I see. As a wizard myself, I understand that it is not dangerous for you to do that. Wizards have exceptionally high alcohol tolerance compared to humans and we can drink however much we want and get behind the wheel. But there's one thing. And you know it. We are subject to the human laws of Terre Haute, Indiana. You must obey the laws timothy!"

"Aww man," said Timothy. "This is why me—and my teen friends—all support Wizzexit. We're tired of these stupid human government laws governing what we do! I want proper wizard laws. Mate. Every wizard knows you should be allowed to drive your age in BAC. I'm 16 so i'm cool to drive at .16 BAC. And you know it too!"

"I know that Timothy, but if you want laws that reflect wizards, you must take part in the governance of this town and run for city council or whatever and do all that shit and change it and work together with humans and whatnot."

"Man fuck you old man! I don't give a fuck haha I'm a teen wizard and I'm really good at catching greased pigs at the county fair! I use my magical spell that degreases mammals, and the humans are powerless to compete. I can do whatever I want. Eat my dust, dean!" said Timothy, and then he hit the gas pedal of the car and sped off at the green light and kept drinking his wizard beer.

Teen Santa: Missing the Mistletoe

My name, is Old Saint Nick the 2nd. I'm just like your average teenager who you hear about. I go to school. I do some of my shit. And I talk to girls—well, I try to! Anyway, there is one thing that makes me a little different. My dad is Old Saint Nick himself, the famous Santa Claus! Yeah. So I guess I'm not so normal after all. Well actually. 364 days a year are pretty normal. But if anyone wants to hang out right before Christmas, I can't do it! Cause I have to work for my dad in the family business, delivering toys to all of the Christian boys and girls of the world!

You might think this isn't a big deal but well. Just wait till you hear how my sophomore year is going. Sophia Sophia, the most popular cheerleader in sophomore year with over 300 followers on her social media, was walking down the hall. And I was at my locker to get my books. Books like, Science 101, Math 101, English 101, and Santa Claus Studies 404 Advanced. I'm just some guy, right? But guess what. Sophia Sophia was walking right up to me! I fumbled the Santa Claus Studies book awkwardly into my bag. So lame, right? Who would want to study that but a nerd!

"Hey," said Sophia Sophia. "Have you heard about the big Christmas dance coming up? All the Christian kids are talking about it."

"Yeah. Maybe I heard a little about it," I said. "But well, I'm not sure I believe in Christmas anymore. Or Christianity. I'm exploring my faith in the holiday and the religion. I'm kind of mixed up and confused and willing to try a lot of things."

"Well," she said, putting her finger out and touching me with it, in a flirting way where she rubs it on my shirt or whatever, "Maybe I can convince you. To be a Christian. And do a lot of things. Cause it's gonna be……… wild. At that party."

"Wow," I said.

"Yeah," she said. "And I heard… There's gonna be some mistletoe there… Who knows what might happen underneath it when two young co-eds go underneath it, ha-HAH!"

"Wow," I said. That's awesome and crazy but… Well what night is it on?"

"Well of course it's on December 24th Christmas night. The night of Christmas. They should really have a name for that. Anyway that's when it is."

"Aww fuck! That's the only time when I'm busy! Being teen Santa is so hard!"

"Ok well. Maybe next year?"

"Nah I think they're gonna have Christmas that year too."

"Ok then," she said. "I guess we'll just never be together," and she walked away with her school pals.

"Great," I mumbled to myself. "Another Christmas loading toys onto the sleigh and violently whipping the skin off Rudoph's back, flaying his flesh, in an attempt to make him go faster. Maybe if I push him to go real fast, I can finish work early and see Sophia Sophia at the party. It might kill Rudolph but that's a risk I'll have to take."

I pulled my reindeer whip from my locker and headed to Social Studies 101 class.