Poll Winner: Schrodinger's Cuck (RWBY) (Patreon)

Sorry for the wait. Sex and comedy is an incredibly hard combo to write, but I want to get better at it. Hope you enjoy the silliness.

Schrodinger's Cuck is the principle belief that if you put a hot girl, like Jaune's girlfriend, Pyrrha, in a room with an Alpha Male, like Cardin Winchester, she is both cheating on you and not cheating on you at the same time, until the door is opened. Ruby and Jaune discuss this over hot chocolate. Includes: Parody, NTR

000

Ruby and Jaune enjoyed the quiet winter night inside the former’s room. Her teammates were out, leaving the two team leaders’ to enjoy their time together. They sipped at their hot chocolate, using peppermint sticks to stir the drinks as they watched the snow fall outside.

“It’s a beautiful day today, isn’t it?” Ruby smiled.

“Yeah. Not too much snow, a cool breeze, hot chocolate…” Jaune clinked his cup against Ruby’s as the two sat side by side with one another at the small table. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“No problem. Everyone else was busy, so I had to settle for my fifth closest friend.” Ruby and Jaune laughed at her teasing, gently elbowing her.

“Fifth?”

“Zwei had prior engagements.”

Jaune chuckled at the joke, before he shot back with a friendly barb. “Well, I’m only here cause Pyrrha’s busy. ”

“Really? Busy with what?” Ruby asked, raising her brow.

“She said she was hanging out with Cardin.” There was a moment of silence as Ruby waited for Jaune to reveal that he was just joking around or something. She glanced around her room for a camera, before she looked at Jaune again.

“With Cardin?”

“Yeah.”

“Willingly?”

“I would assume so, yeah.” Ruby nodded her head, before she leaned a little closer. “You okay, Rubes?”

“Well, i-its weird, right? You know Cardin and her don’t seem to really get along…”

“They’ve actually been doing a lot better lately. She hangs out with him after training. She says they’re doing some extra training together or something?”

“So after training they… do more training?” Ruby asked with a confused stare.

“Yeah. Pyrrha’s such a hard worker,” Jaune smiled. “Think she said they do yoga or something together?”

Ruby nodded her head, before popping her lips a couple of times, trying to find the right way to say this. “Jaune, do you think Cardin… knows?” Jaune paused, giving Ruby an equally confused look.

“Knows… what?”

“You know.”

“No, I don’t know.”

Ruby bit her lower lip, before she held up her hands. “Well, you know, it's… What if Cardin knows about your transcript?”

“My transcript?” he asked, before he brought his hot coco to his lips. He blew on it, cooling it down, before he took a swig.

“Your fake transcript? You know, the one you used to get into Beacon?” Ruby asked, and Jaune spat out his hot chocolate. He coughed, choking on the drink as Ruby scratched the back of her head. “Probably should have waited until you were done drinking. My bad.”

“R-Ruby,” he coughed. “H-how do you know about that?!”

“Oh, we all know about that,” Ruby replied.

“W-wait. Who’s all?!” the blonde shouted.

“Everyone,” Ruby explained. “Except for, um…” She thought about it for a moment, before she looked at Jaune with a sheepish grin. “No, everyone.”

“T-they know?! How do they know?! How could they have possibly found out?!”

“Well, it was a little obvious.” Jaune’s jaw hung low as Ruby weakly chuckled. “Jaune, you didn’t know what Aura was. That’s like… introduction level. How could you not know what Aura was?”

“I, uh… I… Was it that obvious?”

“Well, Pyrrha found out when you told her, but we all had our suspicions. Then Cardin overheard you telling Pyrrha, and then I heard it from when I was spying on you-”

“You were what?”

“But I had pretty much already known by then. Weiss figured it out, Blake figured it, Yang figured it out, Nora, Ren, Professor Peach-”

Jaune held up a fan as he tried to breathe.“W-wait, do you think Ozpin knows?” Ruby gave Jaune an almost amused smile, before her smile fell into a frown.

“Oh, you’re serious. Y-yeah, he probably knows. I never saw the papers you faked, but-”

000

“Jaune Arc,” Ozpin read, sipping his coffee as he looked at the paper. The crayon marks were a bit peculiar, but the young man clearly had a good resume behind him. There was a picture attached of the student in question. “Nice hoodie. Pumpkin Pete… Probably cost like fifty tokens.”

“Strength: Really strong? Well, that is impressive,” he smiled. “Glynda!” The young woman walked over to Ozpin at his beck and call and he handed her the small stack of papers. “Make sure Jaune Arc gets an acceptance letter. I need his body.”

“Professor, we’ve talked about this. You can’t have sex with the students.”

“What? No, that’s not what this is about this time. It’s just in case I… kick the proverbial bucket,” Ozpin explained. He jabbed a finger against Jaune’s photo. “Look at that jawline. Stunning work. And the hair! I’ve always wanted to be a blonde.”

“Professor, that’s borderline monstrous. You can’t just accept a student depending on how much you want to posses them.”

“What if it wasn’t just one?” he asked, glancing at the papers for Cardin Winchester.

Glynda simply sighed. “Regardless, Professor, this is clearly fake.”

“Glynda, please, don’t be so dismissive of my future body. I mean students.”

“He misspelled Semblance..”

“Well, I’m not accepting him for his mind. Plus look at those eyes. Pools of cerulean those are. I’d love to have them.”

Glynda took another deep breath, before sighing. “Sure. Fine. I don’t care anymore.”

“Happy to hear it, Glynda.”

000

Jaune held up his hands as he took a deep breath. “Hold on. You said Cardin was blackmailing Pyrrha?”

“Yeah! What if he’s like, ‘Hey, Pyrrha! Let’s have sex. If you say no, I’ll tell the school that Jaune faked his way into Beacon!”

“So I’d get in trouble for lying about my grades… But he gets away with sexual extortion? Sextortion?”

“That was clever.”

“Thanks,” Jaune smiled, before he returned to the issue. “But seriously, Cardin would be in so much trouble for trying to coerce another student to having sex with him. That’s a huge scandal. Why wouldn’t Pyrrha just report him?”

“It would be a pretty bonehead move,” Ruby commented. “No one would probably believe a guy like that… But what about Schrodinger’s Cuck?”

“Schrodinger’s what?”

“Schrodinger's Cuck? The principle belief that if you put a hot girl, like Pyrrha, in a room with an Alpha Male, like Cardin Winchester, she is both cheating on you and not cheating on you at the same time, until the door is opened.”

“Cardin’s an Alpha Male?”

“Uhh, a bully who picks one a cute, nice guy who has girls interested in him? I’ve read a lot of doujin, and he’s a total Alpha Male,” Ruby explained.

“What the hell’s a doujin?” Jaune sighed, before another question popped into his mind. “You think I’m cute?”

Ruby’s eyes shot open and her face turned a bright shade of red. She wished she was evaporating water, at least. Hot enough to just melt her and vaporize her into nothingness.

“W-well, uh, c-cute’s a-a word… It’s a little strong.” She noticed Jaune’s smile falling into a frown and she quickly confessed the truth with a sheepish smile. “I-I mean, I think handsome is a little more appropriate.”

“Really? Y-you think I’m handsome?”

“T-that’s not the point I’m trying to make!” Ruby quickly argued. “I’m trying to educate you. Schrodinger’s Cuck is a totally real thing! Didn’t you hear what happened to Russel?”

“Who?”

“The green haired guy on Team CRDL? He imitates his Sonic OC and says it's a fighting style?”

“Oh, right.”

“Well, I heard he’s fucking Miss Goodwitch.”

“I find that highly improbable,” Jaune chuckled. “Where’d you hear that?”

“Blake. She listens to everyone having sex.”

000

The sound of wet flesh smacking against the other spilled out from behind the wooden door. Glynda gasped for air, before she let out a guttural moan as she experienced a sensation foreign to the stoic teacher.

Her haughty nature was broken down with each thrust, her mind slowly unraveled to the pleasures of flesh she had long denied herself. Her nails clawed at the wall as her breasts were pressed against it, dragging against the cool surface as she gasped.

“Ahh!”

“Not so tough now, are you?” Russel growled, sinking his teeth into Glynda’s neck, leaving a scarlet mark on her fair skin as he continued to buck his hips, fucking her tight cunt faster.

His hands were on her breasts, squeezing and playing with them, letting his fingers sink into the soft flesh as Glynda’s moans filled the closet. He pinched her nipples, rolling them between her fingers as her vision blurred with tears in her eyes.

The sound of their wet fucking filled the closet and echoed outside as Glynda felt her heart succumbing to corruption. The sins of the flesh. Her pussy betrayed her heart and mind as a man half her age continued to fuck her tight, wet pus-

“Glynda.” The blonde gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth as she heard Ozpin’s voice outside. “Are you in there? I need your help with something.”

Glynda wanted to say nothing and just keep enjoying the pleasure, but it was then, out of all times, that Russel’s tip pressed against her G-spot. She moaned loudly as she heard Ozpin knocking on the door.

“Glynda, I know you’re in there. I need your signature. Do you mind?”

“I-I’m kind of, ahh! B-busy, Ozpin!” She glared at Russel, who gave her a smug grin as he continued to plow her pussy. “C-can it wait?”

“Nonsense, Glynda. I really need your signature. Here, I will just casually slide them under the door. Please sign them for me?” True to his word, he slipped the items under the door and Russel raised his brow. He was shocked, while Glynda was exasperated, groaning as she picked up the items.

“Ahh, fine!”

She slammed the paper against the door, holding the pen in her other hand as she began to scribble on the paper. Russel, of course, didn’t stop, leaving her penmanship rather poor. She moaned loudly, trembling as his cock throbbed inside of her.

“Ahhh, fuuuck!”

“I know, I know, budget cuts, but that’s just the way it is,” Ozpin replied from the other side of the door. “I’m taking most of it out of Port’s paycheck. Don’t tell him.”

“Fuck, haa, you’re treating me like a slut,” Glynda whimpered.

“Oh, I thought I was being rather reasonable,” Ozpin frowned. “I apologize if I offended you, Glynda.”

“Ahh!” Glynda growled, dropping the paper and pen to the ground, before she kicked it out of the closet. “Here! Take it! Now leave me alone!”

“Thank you… Brothers above, Glynda, your handwriting is atrocious!”

“Ahhh!” Glynda trembled as she felt the cock inside of her throbbing, pressing against the entrance to her womb as she drooled onto her large, firm tits. “Fuck, that feels so good, Master…”

There was a long moment of silence, besides Glynda’s moans and the clapping of their bodies, obviously, and Russel thought Ozpin had finally left, only for his voice to call out to her. “Glynda, you’re not having sex with a student in there, are you?”

“...”

“...”

“No?”

“Oh, good. Carry on with whoever you’re having sex with then.”

000

“And that’s how it happened?”

“Would Blake lie?”

“I mean, isn’t the entire foundation of your relationship with her built on a lie?”

“Only a little.,” Ruby avoided his gaze as her face turned a bright shade of re again.. “But my point still stands. Pyrrha could be cheating on you and you wouldn’t even know it. Her heart stolen and corrupted by an ugly bastard!”

Jaune nodded his head, before he brought a finger to his lip. “Well,  only one way to find out.”

000

Ruby and Jaune left their drinks behind as the former took the man by his hand and led him to Team CRDL’s room. The two approached the wooden door, pressing their ears against the door as they listened quietly.

“Cardin, c-careful, ahh…” Pyrrha’s voice was quiet, her breath a warm whisper. “Oh, my. It’s bigger than I expected.”

“You think this is big?” Cardin chuckled. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“Ah, careful where you put that white stuff, Cardin… You’re getting it all over my foot.”

“Cardin has a foot fetish?” Ruby whispered, before she looked at Jaune.

“Toes are weirdly sexy.” The shorter woman nodded her head in agreement, before the two stood up. Ruby gave the man a sympathetic frown as she sighed. “I’m really sorry you had to find out like this. Told the horrible news by your best friend who would do anything to make you feel better.”

“Found out what?”

“That… That Pyrrha’s cheating on you with Cardin. White stuff? Remember?” she asked, pointing to the door with her thumb.

“Lots of things are white. Mayonnaise,” he suggested.

“What’s more likely? That Pyrrha’s cheating on you or that Cardin’s putting mayonnaise on her foot?”

“How well do you know, Pyrrha?” Jaune countered, and Ruby had to admit that she didn’t know Pyrrha well enough to know if that was her kink or not.

No judgment.

“Besides, Pyrrha and I aren’t even dating.”

“Y-you’re not?” Ruby blinked. “So we’re just listening to your friend and your bully have sex?” she asked, glancing at the door as they listened to Pyrrha’s moans.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Pretty sure we could get arrested for that.”

“We should walk away from this door then.”

The two inched away from the door, before they scurried off to avoid being caught. They didn’t get far, though, as Ruby placed a hand on Jaune’s chest and pulled him to a stop.

“Wait, hold on. You and Pyrrha aren’t dating?!”

“Yeah.” He placed a hand on Ruby’s shoulder and the young woman felt her pussy juices sliding down her thighs. Jaune leaned in close, and she felt his breath stroking her skin. “I’m more into the cute, socially awkward, silver-eyed type.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Neither said anything for a moment as Ruby felt his fingers gently caressing her cheek. Her hand was still on his chest, stroking his armor as a puddle formed under her.

“A-are you going to fuck my brains out now?” she squeaked.

“Do you want me to fuck your brains out?”

“Yes.”

Ruby lifted up her hands and grabbed his collar, pulling him down into a bruising kiss. Their lips met as Jaune pushed Ruby against the wall behind her. He held her there, pressing his body into hers as they kissed.

Her lips tasted sweet, like strawberries. He found the taste intoxicating, and he wanted more. He wanted more of her, and she surrendered herself to him. She opened his mouth to his and soon their tongues danced and wrestled with one another.

Neither was sure for how long they were kissing in the hallway. Time faded away, a forgotten concept. All there was was one another and that was all they needed. Seconds to minutes and minutes to hours. At least that's how it felt in their minds. In reality they were only kissing for a few minutes, before finally pulling apart.

There was a trail of saliva linking their two mouths together. It fell apart between them as Jaune looked at a nearby closet. His eyes met Ruby's, and neither said anything before walking closer to the closet, opening it and stepping inside together.

Her skirt fell to the ground. Her nails tore his armor apart. He laid on the ground, moaning and grunted as Ruby pounced onto him, riding his cock with loud moans.

“Ahh!” Her nails dug into his chest as he consumed her. She was delicious to the young man, and he was divine to the young beauty.

She lifted herself up and down, bouncing on his cock as she felt his cock pounding her insides. Her pussy felt like it was destined for his cock. She felt no pain, only pleasure as he filled her and left her walls smeared with his precum.

The sex was amazing, but what could one expect from an Alpha Male and his hottie?

000

“Ahh, you got more of it on me,” Pyrrha sighed, watching as Cardin painted her toes.

“I wouldn’t get it on you, if you stopped moving,” he sighed.

“Sorry. I’m ticklish.” Cardin rolled his eyes as Pyrrha stared at her shimmering toenails. Each of them was painted white, and she giggled with glee. “This is so exciting! I’ve never gotten my nails painted before.”

“Yeah, well… No problem,” Cardin replied with a subtle blush on his face.

“Ahhh! Fuck me! I’m your little slut! Yes, yes!” Cardin and Pyrrha turned their heads to the door, listening to Ruby’s cries.

“Huh. About time,” Cardin muttered. “You want pink or red for your nails?”

“Put your baby batter in me!”

“Hmm… Red, I think.”

“Give me your cum chowder, Jaune! Your cock’s so fucking huge!”

“Red nails. You got it,” Cardin replied, both of them ignoring the sound of sexual euphoria coming from down the hall.