The Making of Under Lock & Key, part 15 - the chapter that wasn't! (Patreon)

Don't bother looking for part 14! There kinda isn't one.
I started with Part 1, which was what I refer to as the COVER image.
Then part 2 was actually page 1.
Counting on, it means part 14 was page 13.
So this makes part 15. We all on the same page again? Gooooood! ^_^ 

So.... Peculiar Changeling wrote this story a few years ago called "Under Lock & Key", and when I read it, I wanted to turn it into a comic. I loved it! 

Well.... I loved MOST of it, and when I discussed my few misgivings with Pecu, it turned out he AGREED with most of my misgivings. But he had started on a certain course of events, and they required him to follow through in a certain manner. But if we were to do this comic, we could do them differently, and change the things we didn't like! 

This chapter is the start of the main change from the original story. Here's a summary of Pecu's chapter 6. Or, if you want to read it in full, you can do so here!

Jenny, after being released by the mall cop Josh in chapter 5 (well, actually, in HIS version that happens in chapter 6!), gets home. She needs to get her laundry, and get her groceries up. When she gets into the laundry room though, it's chuck full of people! Including a mother and her little girl.
Jenny tries to be inconspicuous, get her laundry and get out of there. But then someone smells her diaper... The mommy thinks it's her little girl, but the little girl immediately gets that it's the lady in the weird outfit.
Jenny panics when the accusation gets thrown at her, backs up and trips, hurting her hand on the hot pipes, and hurting her other hand all over again in the fall. The chapter ends with the little girl proudly stating that "See? It wasn't me!", as Jenny's diaper and outfit are now exposed...

So. When the time came to write this chapter, Pecu was busy, so I started on the script. And this summary was what I was keeping to.
Here's the script, for as far as I had gotten:

Page 1: See above, I think it's self explanatory. It's the only one I really made to look presentable. By the time I finished this, I was so much in doubt over the remainder of the pages, I only did them roughly, or not at all, before explaining to Pecu why I thought this wouldn't work.

Page 2:
Jenny parks into the garage. No one's in the garage luckily, but then.... Crap! She'll need her laundry!

Page 3:
Jenny talks some courage into herself before entering the laundry room. When she does, there's people there! An old granny, a mother and her daughter! She didn't count on THAT!

Page 4:
Jenny doubts a lot, but decides to go for it, get it over with, and get the heck out of there! Let's just hope nobody notices the sme..... "What do I smell? Let me check your diaper!"

Page 5: (on the left)
Lucky for Jenny, these words aren't spoken to HER, but to the little girl. The little girl denies everything, and blames the weirdly dressed lady. Great.... That's the LAST thing Jenny wanted! More attention! When the little girl's diaper gets checked, she turns out to be clean. But then.... who?...... Jenny's face burns with shame.

Page 6: (on the right)
Jenny panics. She stands up and walks out, or tries to. The door opens and trips her up. In walks Delilah! But Jenny can't hold her balance, and tries to steady herself by grabbing.... the hot pipes!

Page 7: (on the left)
As she backs away, she trips over the laundry basket, and lands on her already very hurt hand!

Page 8: (on the right)
Jenny lands on the floor, in bad pain, while the little girl points at jenny's diaper and proudly exclaims "See mommy? I told you it was her!".....
END OF CHAPTER 6

Still with me? Okay then! ^_^

So...... why DIDN'T we go this way?

Well, for several reasons, really. 

1: Length. The chapter would have been a mere 8 pages long. That's.... not an awful lot.

2: Repetition: We've already seen Jenny get humiliated by being exposed to bystanders. Do we need to see it again? 

3: Age: I don't think we saw this as an issue when we worked on this (I wrote this version of the script well over a year ago), but in the meantime I've come to the decision to just not want to feature ANY children in kink art. This would have featured a little girl. I'm SO glad we scrapped this... I would have been incredibly uncomfortable with this in hindsight! 

4: Lack of Delilah. We already knew Delilah was going to be more involved in the next chapter, yet all we've seen of her so far is 2 little cameos, and this would have been nothing more than a third little cameo. Wouldn't it be a good idea to get to know her a little before she officially met Jenny?....

5: Lack of a dramatic ending. This felt like a great way to end the chapter, with the little girl wisecracking, but we needed Jenny to storm out of the room. That ALSO would have been a perfect ending. But to just add that to what we had felt very forced...

So.... When I had gotten to this point, I contacted Pecu and explained my doubts. We started brainstorming, and we came up with the idea of giving Delilah her own chapter. It would definitely mean faaaaar less time to spend with Jenny, but it would pay off in the next chapter! 

Reading back this first version of the script, I must say it had some nice things. I kinda regret losing the little girl, since she would have made for a fun parallel with Jenny, and her wisecracking would have made the chapter far less dramatic and far more fun. But... we didn't want to go for fun. We wanted to amp up the dramatics, and... well, doing Chapter 6 the way we eventually did it was the way to go! 

So, what do you think? Would you have preferred this version of Chapter 6? I mean... probably, yes. It features more kinky antics. But.... maybe you can see our way of thinking a little?.....

That's all for this series of Making-Ofs. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm not sure I'll do more for future chapters. It just felt right to do it this chapter, and I enjoyed doing it. Do you want to see more like this in the future? Leave a comment, let me know! 

Thanks so much for loving this comic as much as I do!!! <3