Flash Fiction (Halloween 2022) (Patreon)

Hi, all!

Had time tonight and did a thing. It isn't perfect, but it is delicious. It takes place after Book 6 but before Book 7.

Enjoy. Happy Halloween, everybody.

Hard and Soft

Ratu stepped through the portal that took her from her lair straight to Naia’s fountain. The water burbled as if in greeting, but the nymph didn’t appear. It was nearly midnight, and the stars had been chased from the sky by the light of the full moon.

“I was starting to think you wouldn’t show.” Yuki was lying in a hammock that Mike had set up at the beginning of summer. It had been a gift to him from Amymone, and one end of it was tied to her tree. The other connected to a steel stake that Asterion had helped Tink set.

Ratu let out a breath. “I almost didn’t, if I’m being honest.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Yuki sat up, her tails briefly dangling over the side of the hammock.

“It’s been many years since I have been away from the protection of the geas. Though it is the same sky, it will feel all the wider for it.” Ratu looked up into the heavens. “And I’m afraid of who might be watching.”

“We don’t have to do this.”

“I fear we must.” Ratu reached into the extraordinary deep pockets of her kimono and withdrew a slip of paper. “For you see, this coupon expires tomorrow.”

A place called Taco Palace had opened across town almost a month ago, and had sent out coupons to everyone in town. The coupon was for something called the Royal Feast, and there was a picture of a dragon around the outside breathing fire. The coupon didn’t actually offer up any sort of discount, but it did give the bearer and the guest of their choice the opportunity to participate in the Royal Feast challenge for a fee.

Yuki laughed. “I find it so funny that you hid yourself away from the world, only to emerge and take on the Taco Palace challenge. What do we get if we win? I forgot.”

Ratu held up the coupon. “The Royal Feast consists of ten hard tacos, ten soft tacos, four King’s burritos, six orders of the Queen’s nachos, six quesadillas, and something called Jester’s Pie. If the meal can be finished in one sitting, then we shall be rewarded with a Taco Palace t-shirt, and…”

“And?” Yuki moved closer.

“Our pictures on the royal wall.” Ratu smirked. “Also, this food is smothered in something called Dragon’s Breath, which is probably a sauce that thinks it’s spicier than it is.”

“Aren’t they all?” Yuki smirked.

“Indeed. Still…it is time. My body has healed, and my mind is…well, let’s just say I’m open to the possibility of seeing the real world once more. Ever since Mike came, I’ve watched the rest of the house come alive with activity, and must admit that I’m a little jealous.”

“I think you meant lonely, but whatever.” Yuki held up a pair of keys. “Ready for some grand theft auto?”

The keys belonged to an old car that had once belonged to a man named Murray. When Mike had purchased the home after the man had died, the car had come with it. It was an old station wagon, and wasn’t much to look at. However, Dana and Tink had fixed it up for the occasional trip into town that didn’t require magical portal rats, dimension hopping through trees, or the worst possibility of all—walking.

Ratu had never driven a car, but Yuki had assured her that it wasn’t too difficult. They got into the station wagon and Yuki correctly started it on the third attempt. The tires screeched as they turned sharply onto the main road, Ratu pressed into her seat by the sudden acceleration of the wagon.

Yuki used the gps on her cellphone to navigate, and it was twenty minutes after midnight by the time they arrived. Taco Palace was open until 2 a.m. and appealed heavily to night owls and anyone who might have midnight munchies. When they pulled up to the restaurant, Ratu stared up at the golden dragon that decorated the roof.

“They don’t really look like that,” she said, getting out and adjusting her kimono. “The head is too big for its body.”

“It’s a taco chain,” Yuki replied. “I’m just hoping they use real beef.”

“Why wouldn’t they cook with beef?”

The kitsune shrugged. “Don’t know. But they advertise it on the windows, so it must be a big deal.”

When they entered the red and gold double doors, Ratu noticed the bandage on Yuki’s arm as she held the door open for both of them.

“What happened there?” she asked.

Yuki rolled her eyes. “Spider bite. The little one got me good.”

Ratu frowned. “Why did she bite you?” There were plenty of concerns surrounding the arachne child in the house, namely that she may not have her mother’s disposition. Traditional arachne children were cold-blooded predators, and Velvet’s daughter wasn’t very snuggly.

Yuki sighed. “We were making faces at each other while I was holding her. I thought it would be funny to go partial fox on her and I scared her. Self defense bite.”

“No venom?”

Yuki shrugged. “Hard to say. Felt a bit drunk for a while, so probably.” They entered the Taco Palace, which had been decorated to look like what Hollywood thought a palace should look like. The velvet lined booths were inlaid with wood that had been painted gold and was already fading in some places. The recently mopped floor had a wet floor sign, and a disinterested teenager stood behind the register, playing a game on his phone.

Rat ran her fingers along the ornamental wood by the entrance, then frowned. “I guess I thought it would be more decadent,” she muttered.

“You need to get out more.” Yuki grabbed Ratu’s hand and walked her up to the register. She slapped the coupon down on the counter and struck a dramatic pose. “One Royal Feast, please.”

The teenager dropped his phone into the pocket of his apron with a well practiced movement, then paused as his fingers hit the touch screen. “Royal Feast?” he asked, taking the two of them in. “Nice costumes, by the way.”

“These aren’t costumes. We’re royalty,” Ratu asserted. “And we demand a Royal Feast.”

“You…you do realize it’s a challenge, not a meal, yeah?” He placed his hands on the side of the register. “It’s a lot of food.”

Yuki flipped the coupon over to reveal a picture of the Royal Feast. She tapped on it with a long fingernail.

“I plan on putting this inside me,” she declared.

The teenagers face turned red as he touched the screen. “Tik Tokers are so weird,” he muttered under his breath.

“That sounded dirty,” Ratu whispered.

“You’re right, it did.” Yuki smirked, her lips elongating. Ever since her dramatic transformation at the North Pole, she seemed more fox-like and had more control over her shape shifting.

The teenager handed them a pair of cups for soda and informed them it would be at least a ten minute wait. The two of them skipped the sodas entirely and found a booth in the back of the nearly empty restaurant. Ratu produced a teapot and cups from the pockets of her kimono, and the two of them waited for their meal.

“So I’ve always wondered,” Yuki began. “Just how far have you gotten with Mike?”

“I guess I don’t understand the question.” Ratu frowned.

“Americans are fond of their sports metaphors. How many bases have you gone?” Yuki grabbed the teapot and poured some hot tea for both of them. “What all have you done?”

Ratu stared at Yuki and sighed. “Not enough. My injuries ensured our relationship was puritanical in nature. Upon recovery, my remaining options for intimacy have been limited. But I can unhinge my jaw, so I like to think that I’m better at some things than the others.”

Yuki’s eyes sparkled. “Indeed. We all have our special tricks, don’t we?”

The fox sat there grinning for a while, so Ratu took the bait. “How many bases have you gone with him?”

Yuki chuckled. “At least sixth.”

“I thought there were only four?” Ratu tilted her head to one side.

“There are, if you’re playing the boring version of the game.”

Ratu didn’t bother asking what sixth base meant. She was sure it would come up the next time they split some wine or sake.

Several minutes passed as they spoke noncommittally about the house. Eventually the teenager showed up, carrying a massive tray of food.

“So do you know the rules of the Royal Feast?” he asked.

“Pretend we don’t.” Yuki licked her lips.

“If you can eat all of it in one sitting, no bathroom breaks, you get shirts and your picture on the wall.” He gestured over to a bulletin board by the registers. Rat realized a single picture was already up there.

“Is the challenge really that hard?” she asked.

Their server nodded. “It’s the hot sauce,” he said. “It does everyone in. The owner is from India, and the dude knows about his hot sauces.”

Yuki laughed. “And he opened a taco place?”

The server nodded with a grin. “Yeah, he did. Weird, right? He tells us all the time that good food transcends culture, but I don’t think he wanted to compete with Nepal and All down the road.”

“Nepal and All?” Ratu rolled her eyes. “That name kind of sucks.”

“Yeah it does. But their food is pretty good. Went there before prom a couple years back. Broke up with the girl after, she went to the west coast for college.”

Ratu nodded in sympathy, then surveyed the feast that had been placed before them. “I’m guessing the owner has a special version of his sauce for the feast, right?”

The boy chuckled. “I shall admit nothing. But yeah, opening the jar makes my eyes water.”

“Good.” She licked her lips in anticipation. “Thank you.”

He was about to leave when he noticed that they had a tea set at the table. “Uh…” he began.

“It’s just tea,” Yuki said, raising the cup to her lips. “So don’t worry about it.”

It looked like he might worry about it, but he just shrugged and left. Whatever the boy was paid, it probably wasn’t enough to argue with them over it.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to this.” Yuki smacked her lips and started arranging her food on a separate plate.

“Sofia’s made you tacos before.”

“She has, but this is different. There’s a magical place where cheap ingredients and shitty food overlap, somehow elevating it to another plane of existence. It is the greasy burger after a long day, or cheap pizza at a drive-in movie.”

“When have you ever gone to a drive-in movie?” Ratu grabbed the burritos and a quesadilla. She didn’t load up her plate like Yuki did—it wasn’t a race, and they had more than an hour.

Yuki paused, then sighed. “Emily took me to one, once.”

“What movie?”

“No idea. We didn’t actually watch the movie.” She stared sadly at her food for a moment, then picked up a crunchy taco. “I’m gonna fuck this thing up,” she declared, then elongated her jaw and ate most of it in one bite.

“Oh, we’re allowed to do that, are we?” Ratu unhinged her jaw and shoved one of the burritos in, feeling it slide over her tongue while depositing a thick layer of Dragon’s Breath along her gums. The sauce was spicy, but she could breathe fire when she wanted, so it didn’t matter.

“That’s quite the party trick,” Yuki said with a grin, then crammed an entire soft taco into her face.

Ratu belched, then tapped her sternum with a fist. “A little bit spicy,” she declared, then picked up part of the Jester’s Pie. “No problems with teh Dragon’s Breath?”

“Do ah luk lik probem?” Yuki spoke around her soft taco. Ratu laughed, then paused to pour them both some more tea.

Occasionally, the cashier would wander the floor and check on them, to see how they were doing. Yuki was careful to hide her shapeshifting, but the teen had walked up on Ratu deepthroating another burrito and now had a noticeable stammer when addressing her.

The two of them laughed and shared stories. Most of Yuki’s involved the latest additions to the home while Ratu’s were about research, Opal, and the stupid shit the fairies did.

They were nearing the end of their meal when Yuki hit her with one she hadn’t been expecting.

“So why the Labyrinth?” she asked, leaning back in her seat and patting her belly. “And don’t bullshit me. You could have done your research anywhere, but you hid yourself away where nobody in the world could find you. Why?”

Ratu grimaced and stared at one of her remaining tacos. “It’s a long story, and I don’t know that I have the energy to tell it.”

“Boring.” Yuki stuck her fingers in the nacho cheese and got a large glob on her fingertip. She sucked it off, then rolled her eyes in delight. “I have no idea why shitty cheese tastes so good.”

“Agreed.” Ratu smiled weakly. “But before you ask any more, yes, I was hiding from someone.”

“Ooo.” Yuki leaned forward in interest. “Family? Rival? Love interest?”

“Ugh.” Ratu realized she had cheese stuck in her hair and tried to wipe it out. “All three.”

“What? And you’re just telling me this now?” Yuki’s tails trembled behind her, and she paused to pull them in front of her like a pillow and hug them. “I demand to know more.”

“Maybe some other time.” Ratu looked at the clock on the wall. “They close in forty minutes.”

The two of them made a concerted effort to devour the remaining food. Ratu’s unique metabolism meant that she just stored the excess food and would slowly digest it over the weeks ahead. She had no idea where Yuki was putting all that food, but was guessing it was yet another unique feature of her shape-shifting morphology.

Finished with their meal, Ratu sat back and pulled out her pipe. She lit the end with her finger and puffed on it a few times, her lungs filling with the taste of gutkha. She offered it to Yuki, but the kitsune declined.

“Hey!” The cashier came shuffling over. “You can’t smoke that in here.”

Ratu frowned and made a hand gesture. A pulse of magic hit the cashier and his eyes went blank.

“You can’t see my pipe,” she declared. The cashier stared for a moment longer, then relaxed and scratched the back of his head, as if lost. Seeing the empty trays in front of them, he started gathering up their trash.

“I didn’t think you two would manage,” he informed them. “What size t-shirts do you want?”

“Medium,” Yuki said. “And we want up on the wall.”

“Yeah, of course.” He wandered off and returned a few minutes later with the shirts and the camera. Ratu put her pipe away and inspected the shirt. It was 100% cotton, way larger than medium, and would make a fine sleep shirt.

“Did you want to wear the shirts for the picture?” he asked.

“Nah.” Yuki tucked her shirt away. “Just the picture, please.”

The guy had them pose in front of their empty tray, then ran off to print their photo. While they waited, Ratu leaned against a nearby counter and sighed. Tonight had been simple enough, just two friends sneaking out for a bite to eat. Still, it had been hard. The moment she had left the safety of the geas, it was as if a giant target had been planted on her back.

The world was a big place. It would take a colossally bad stroke of luck for anyone from her old life to find her.

“Hey.” Yuki held up her phone. “It’s girl’s night, and I want a picture. Say taco.”

Ratu remained silent, but smiled as Yuki snapped the picture. She took the camera from Yuki and snapped a photo, then they took one together.

“What are you going to do with these?” she asked.

“Same thing most people do,” Yuki replied. “Put cute stickers on them, and then nothing. I’m too hot for social media.”

Ratu laughed. Yuki slid her arm around Ratu’s waist and gave her a hug. “If you ever want to talk about whatever, you’ll know I’ll listen.”

“I do.” Ratu saw the cashier coming out with two pieces of photo paper in his hands. He gave them their copy, featuring the two of them sitting above the vanquished meal.

“Damn, we look good for a couple of old ladies.” Yuki grinned, showing all of her teeth. “Way better than whoever else is up on the board.”

“That’s not hard, actually.” The cashier walked over to the wall of fame. “This guy came in with his kid, it was the night of that big anime convention, I forgot its name. Costumes were cool, but this was the best picture we could get of them. Dad kept coming out all fuzzy.”

Curious, Ratu moved in for a better look, with Yuki by her side.

“You’ve gotta be fucking joking,” Yuki muttered, then turned away in a huff. Ratu watched her friend leave Taco Palace then let out a laugh before turning back to watch the cashier slide their picture in behind the protective glass.

“Well, congratulations. Have a good night.” He walked back behind the counter and started wiping down the counter. Outside the restaurant, Yuki honked the car horn impatiently.

Ratu smiled and touched the glass, right above her picture. “At least we’re in good company,” she said, her eyes sliding up to the picture above theirs. It was Tink and Death, both of them smeared in hot sauce and grinning ear to ear.

With a chuckle, she headed out to the car and got in. Yuki made the tires of the station wagon squeal as they turned onto the main road and headed home.

---