.why. (Patreon)

im writing this from a mcdonalds parking lot. if you think you know the one im at- your wrong. even drunk im not that fucking stupid. 

i just... i dont get it. i dont get YOU. i dont get how any human could do this to another person... you must not know what this feels like. that is the only conceivable way the person i once knew would be okay with doing this...

you must not know, so let me enlighten you. 

every single breath i take burns like the hottest fire. it scorches in my mouth, down my throat, and into my stomach. there it settles and festers. the discomfort and pain are a constant reminder of your absence in my life. alcohol is the only thing that gives me a short reprieve from this eternal damnation. 

im not angry at you anymore. 

actually thats a lie, im still very pissed. but im more confused? i feel so lost. i am only whole in your gaze. you, you, you, and only you... god i wish it was anyone else. im a very attractive girl. to find someone to warm your spot would take me one word, one question, one message. 

but i think we both know that while they would be a fun distraction for a short while... they could never replace you. i will truly live with them. i would still be in this... this limbo. 

and why? why would you do this to me? you shone and shared your divine light only to cruelly take it away the moment i became dependent on it. the withdraws from you, or should i say the lack of. i never took you for a sadist, but this proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt. and WHY?!

why why why why why why why
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why why why why why why why
why why why why why why why

it went so well, that first date. why is that the memory i hold onto?

it wasent always like this between us... why cant we just go back to how they were before?