Chapter 94: Why Adventurer? Why? (Patreon)

DOCS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tV59CjfVtv9-hAKFE5McmBTnuBtpUke4Ngyqs-ETxco/edit?usp=drive_link

I made it! Aaah. Why do I keep coming up with new idea the day of posting! Damn!

Anyway. Hope you enjoy! And thanks for the continued support!

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A few days later, we were back in the adventurer’s guild. Moonwash went up to the receptionist–a different one today–to obtain her new badge. She signed a few additional pieces of paperwork, and paid another large sum. I was glad I did not have to go through any of this tedium.

“I could have made a better badge.” That was the first thing Moonwash said once she returned to our table after finally becoming an official adventurer. She showed it to us, constructed of silver, with a small stylized depiction of the abilities she’s shown inside some religious circle angel iconography thing. It also had her name etched on the back.

“You can still make one if you want,” I shrugged, looking at my own. I believed mine was meant to show a… generic swordswoman? A fair enough cover story, I suppose.

My girlfriend nodded. “I think I will.”

Granuel ordered some lunch for us, which had me curious about what the cuisine available in the adventurers guild would be like. The results were normal dishes, but always done with exotic monster bits or plants, instead of what came from local domesticated farms. 

It was not far off from what I usually ate. I was already succeeding in this job.

“You know…” I hedged after taking my first bite of a steak. It had just a hint of gaminess from the ingredients used, but I was not very picky, especially after the life I’d led for the past years. “I’ve been wondering about something…”

“Oh no,” they all chorused. Even Moonwash had joined in, though without the same horror in her voice.

“Oh come on! Don’t be like that!” I gestured toward my girlfriend, and she encased us in a privacy bubble, thereby shutting out the bard that had been singing the praises of the party that had hired her. She was just at the part where The Faithblades slaughtered all the bandits in their homes that reeked of sin and filth, unlike the splendor present in the Angelorian towns and cities. The human woman’s voice was honestly way too good for songs as trashy as this, but that was in part due to a higher standard in art present here. Be it because of the culture, or a consequence of our enhanced minds and bodies, the common artists here could equal the best Earth had to offer. 

“So, Haell,” Angerly asked with a suspicious smirk. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Nothing much,” I rolled my eyes. “I was just wondering why we even need to register as adventurers in the first place? Why become an official party? There’s nothing stopping us from working together with or without the guild. We didn’t go through them during our last outing, and Granuel had no problems in selling what we’ve made. Or well, there were problems, but he got it done!”

“Thanks, Haell.” He chuckled, chewing on a piece of ham. “When it comes to selling specific materials, then you’re right! We would likely earn more by selling it ourselves. But not every quest is like that. Some are escort quests, or subjugation quests, and many other types. Those jobs typically go through the guild, and it’d be hard to go around town asking random people about them!”

“I’m most interested in the weirder rewards,” Moonwash chimed in, a few flecks of sauce and gravy on her lips. “Not everything can be bought with money, such as priceless artifacts or rare and forbidden books. I heard that there are quests like those?”

“I’ve seen some!” Berry confirmed after putting down her cutlery. “Though I’ve never actually gotten to participate in any…”

“There’s also name recognition or credibility,” Angerly said. “It’s complicated, but a lot of those esoteric rewards come from personal quests that nobles and the like specifically seek you out for. It’d be nice to get recognized like that, and even if the reward is just more money… that’s a lot of money.”

“Doesn’t sound complicated to me,” I chuckled. “We just need to become infamous enough for it.”

“Famous, Haell,” Therick corrected. “But that’s also why we need to be an official party, instead of only being individual adventurers. The guild will try to consider our teamwork and familiarity with each other when it comes to what quests we’re allowed to take.”

“I’m also after information,” my girlfriend further voiced her desires, and I nodded strongly in support. “The guild has their own libraries for adventurers, and I want to get access to all of them.”

“I’ve tried some of their training courses,” Angerly swallowed great gulps of ale. “They were quite alright. I learned some pretty useful things.”

“Even just the things that are publically available are very informative,” Granuel covered his mouth and burped. “Not that I can’t just visit as a client, but observing the quest boards here can give you valuable information on the current state of things. I’ve managed to sell things for much higher thanks to some of those trends I’ve spotted here!”

“Alright. I’m convinced.” I chuckled, the privacy barrier went down, and we finished the rest of our meals. The clamor of the adventurers reached our ears once more; from religious sort of greetings, practical talks about how to fight and forage, to even some murmuring about me.

“You don’t know? She’s the daughter of Golex the Hero.”

“Really? Her? Doesn’t look anything special.”

“Idiot! Can’t you feel the pressure she exudes?”

“I think you’re just making shit up.”

“I heard she never goes to church.”

“She made a scene when she was just a baby! I was there!”

“What about her party?”

“They’re The Harvesters.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of them before!”

“I don’t like them. They’re not faithful enough.”

“Whoa. Where’s that coming from? I know most of them are kind of descended from The Piss Hunters in some way.”

“That’s exactly the problem! The Piss Hunters. We are a proud and holy guild. Why are they allowed to keep such a nonsensical and disrespectful name!?”

“Yeah. Well, at least they don’t take after their parents…”

I listened to their bickering, feeling smug at some and genuinely getting angry at others, but I showed just as little reaction either way. 

~~~

Our group went over to the quest boards, and I smiled at the cute little illustrations that came with every poster. From cartoonish drawings of herbs, to chibi-like renditions of powerful and terrifying monsters, it was a delight. The postings were neatly organized, going from the lowest-ranked quests at the bottom, to the highest-ranked ones at the top. They were also separated by category, such as collection, delivery, escort, subjugation, and more.

“Ah, this one,” Granuel said, and I looked at the piece of paper he was pointing at. It had a low-effort drawing of a wagon, and the title ‘Orila Escort Quest.’ My friend wanted to join some sort of caravan or even just a few wagons as some sort of rehearsal or proof of concept for our own continental tour. I did want to see more of Varyala, so I was all for it. Except for my need to keep a low profile, but one quest should be fine. It would be a neat thing to experience at least once, and it was a good idea to learn from others in the field before we made our own private wagon with no one else around.

“Oh,” Berry said. “That’s… my hometown.”

Granuel glanced at her. “Do you want to visit? Or we can choose someplace else. It’s no problem!”

Berry shook her head, which took her entire body with it. “No. It’s fine. I do want to see them and how they’re doing… even if I’m also scared. I need to tell them about Billy’s death at some point…”

“Oh. Well, it’s good to reconnect with your family! But are you sure? I’m going to submit this now. Last chance.”

“I’m sure.” Berry’s mouth and mandibles curled up into the crustecar equivalent of a smile.

“Okay!” Granuel went up to a nearby clerk, and then pointed her to the quest we wanted. She checked some documents, pulled the poster off the board, then gave us some papers to sign which indicated that the quest was ours. 

Granuel thanked her, and then we all went back to our table to get drunk. I’d found out that I just had to pace myself properly, because my regen heart gradually neutralizes the alcohol in my system, if it were even strong enough to affect my currènt constitution. 

Alcohol like that wasn’t exactly super rare, but it was definitely expensive.

~~~

"Hey mom," I said as I rolled the dice on the Hegemony Board, "Why is the name 'Piss Hunters’ so punk?"

"Uggggghhhhhhh...!" She groaned, smushing her face on the table, but totally not because she was losing the game. I was currently in our living room with my parents and Moonwash, and we were just hanging out. "Did you have to bring that up? Again!?"

"We heard some people talk about it," Moonwash clarified. It was just us four and my grandfather in the house today, as even Elfrafim was gone. She'd fucked off somewhere during our last outing, and hasn't been back since. "They were very amazed at how you really stuck it to those angels by naming yourselves the Piss Hunters. Angelo is still bleeding from that to this day. What a blow."

"Aaaccckkk!!" Mom groaned again, leaning back on the couch, then cradling her staff. "This is bullying, you know? I don’t know what punk is, but it's bullying!"

"No," my father shook his head. "I can attest that when we submitted our papers to the guild, the sky suddenly opened up, and Angelo fell down crying from the heavens."

"Oh come on Rallem! Not you too! Why is everyone picking on me today?"

I laughed. "If we just named ourselves the Shit Hunters then the Empire would be dead by now!"

"Exactly," Dad folded his arms and nodded. "So close."

"You are all conspiring against me," Mom complained. "Can we please talk about something else!"

"Okay, okay," I giggled, deciding to extend an olive branch to my mother. "I heard you can mix elements, right Mom?" I summoned fire and wrath magic to my palm, but they just annihilated each other until only a small bit of fire was left, like usual.

"Yes! Yes, absolutely."

“Can you show me? Pleeease???” I looked at her pleadingly with my Evil Eyes.

"Sure." My mom snorted, then focused and brought forth fire... and probably earth mana from her staff. She worked on it for an entire minute, forehead furrowing, until finally, a small sphere of dim lava floated in front of her. "Tada! It's... it's not very impressive. Not my best work. I'm honestly not very good at it. I only picked up the skill because I thought it was cool, only to spend wayyy too much time on it, just to be able to do something so small. But it's here, see!? I can do it! And I do feel cool!"

The lava dripped at that very moment, and landed on her foot. "Ah! Hot!" It then dripped on the tiled floor, and my mom panicked. "Ah, fuck fuck!" She tossed the lava away... to a nearby wall! “AAAHH! The house is on fire!” 

My mom waved her staff, and suddenly, separate streams of fire doused all the flames. This included the lava on her foot, where she then ripped out some of the obsidian. Her skin was inflamed and torn underneath, but the injury was honestly not very severe.

"See?" she asked. "It's not very strong. Not for someone who's supposed to be my level!”

"I get it," I agreed. "But can you teach me what you know anyway? I feel like I should be able to combine my wrath and infernal magic. They synergize really well... for better or for worse. But I just can't do it!"

"Well, it's such a rare skill that the few people who know it like to treat it as some exclusive premium thing, but I’m willing to teach you... for a hundred dollars."

"...Dollars? What do you need that for? We're in Varayala!"

"Well, what if I want to buy something from Earth?"

"We don't even know how to get there, if it still exists, or what!"

"That's why it's a what-if! You don’t know what will happen.”

“But I don’t have dollars. How can I possibly get some here?”

“That’s not my problem.” She huffed. “I didn’t know you were poor.”

“Moooom!” I whined. 

We both stared at each other. Seconds passed as we waited. Until finally, neither of us could hold it in any longer and we burst out laughing with such energy that we just flipped over anything within reach.

Dad cracked a smile, and Moonwash changed not her expression.

"Alright, fine," Mom said eventually, after we'd gotten it all out of our system. "I'll teach you. Come here."

I moved over and sat next to her on the couch. I held her staff, and we did joint casting, just like we used to when I was a child and she was first teaching me how to use magic. My mom connected to the staff, and I was just here as an observer as she took the two types of mana out of their respective repositories.

Fire mana floated in front of me, as well as earth that I could hardly feel. The former was energetic and ready to burst in any and all directions, meanwhile the latter was rigid, slow, and relatively still.

Mom guided them together. The fire mana liked to splash against the sides and envelop the other, while the earth mana sought to not let the foreign mana inside of it, resulting in cracks of pseudo-red.

Mom entered a deep state of focus, and she swirled the elements around each other, until they began to change and be influenced by the connection. The fire moved slower, more ponderous, and the earth became more free, willing to break into smaller pieces that flowed independently of each other. In the end, they became almost as one, flowing like lava, bubbling hot, yet sticky like ooze.

But they were not actually one, they only operated as such. I could feel that they were still separate, with sections of red, and vague parts of brown, all acting in the same way.

My mother took a deep breath, and the magic manifested upon her command. Lava formed, in far smaller quantities than the amount of mana used would suggest, and then it dripped down onto the floor and our feet.

"Ow ow!" My mother cursed. I just laughed and pried away the lava that had quickly dried painfully on my own skin.

That would have been a lot worse if I wasn't a demon.

~~~

A week later, I found myself marching through the streets of Latarus with a purpose. I was with my friends, and all six of us were dressed in our full regalia, carrying large packs on our backs, but not the largest we had available. We walked northwards, crossing through the big central bridge, past the upper district, and then we passed near a massive… farming compound? That certainly wasn’t there before, the last time I was in this part of the city. Then again, this area would have still been dominated by the tree wall back then.

The farm was strange, with ranches like what I’d presume, and animals that looked reminiscent of the cows and chickens of Earth, but just a bit more violent. My household really preferred to eat stuff from the wild, so I didn’t eat beefalos and chikils as much as other people did growing up. 

The animals were packed tight, because this all had to be squeezed inside one city, and the plants they grew were packed even tighter. There were these weird sort of trees, that grew fruits and nuts and even wheat throughout much of the surface of their bark, and had a familiar kind of fruit growing along their branches. 

“Hey Granuel. What’s up with those trees again?” I asked as I watched a belfegor woman swinging from the branches and using her nature magic to help with the process… somehow. 

“Oh. Well, that’s a blandarine tree. The fruit is incredibly bland, but high yield, and will expand if you boil it. And then it’s also built with these feelers along their bark meant to achieve symbiosis with other plants and help them grow. The result isn’t as good as just having big farms, in both yield and quality, but it works. We didn’t use to have one here, instead relying on some of the nearby villages that did, and of course the exports from the Centorian Plains.”

“Huh. Neat.” We went past the farms, up the ramp, past the first northern gate, through the bridge that ran between the tree wall, and then past the next gate and ramp.

We exited the city along with a small stream of people, then found ourselves within the massive empty barren space that surrounded the city. The earth had actually been hardened here, to make it harder for the plantlife to retake it.

“Look over there!" Angerly exclaimed, and we all turned. There were a bunch of wagons nearby, workers of varying species were organizing cratefuls of things, and a bunch of other people were going towards the place. For some reason most of them were fountans.

We followed them there, and the two adventurer parties already present greeted us.

“Hello!”

"A blessed morning to you. We’re the Pious Protectors.”

"Good morning. We’re The Harvesters.” Therick greeted them back, and then we settled in to wait.

“Hey Haell,” Angerly struck up a conversation, which was apparently secretive because Moonwash manifested her sound barrier.

“What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you’re sure you want to be here. You could always just sit this quest out.”

“Rude.” I snorted. 

“Not like that! But I mean it’s dangerous, right? You’re trying to stay all sneaky like a spy.”

“Yes. That’s true. But, I want to go with you guys. And I do want to experience this at least once. Otherwise, I would’ve already left instead of staying in enemy territory like this.”

“Oh. But what will you do if you somehow get exposed?”

“It'll be fine. I'll hold back, I'll keep my secret, and if something comes along that does force me to reveal myself… No offense but holy shit, it'd be a good thing I'm there because one of you would have died otherwise. And I do not want that.”

“What if you still do get exposed though?” Therick asked. “If something does force your hand. Would you kill all witnesses?” He then panicked. “Uh, no offense meant! I was just wondering…”

“Of course I won’t kill them,” I sighed, letting the rage ebb and flow through me. “Unless if it was their fault of course. Well, there’d be too many innocent witnesses who I won’t just kill either way. But maybe I’m vindictive enough to kill the ones responsible even if it doesn’t change the ultimate result.”

“Yeah… I really hope no one does anything like that. But what about us though? You do know we’re likely to get implicated if you do that. Especially if you kill a bunch of important people. You know, socially speaking.”

“...Shit. I didn’t actually consider that. Can’t you like, just claim that you didn’t know? Or I was a human whenever you’ve seen me, but then I suddenly transformed!”

Therick chuckled. “They might actually buy that.” His smile fell. “But they might not. We don’t even know how big of a deal people would make out of it exactly. But it would likely be troublesome no matter what.”

“That’s true. I do actually have a contingency plan if I get discovered though.”

“Oh?” Granuel perked up, interested.

“I’ll run the fuck away,” I answered simply.

He thought that over for way too long, before finally asking. “...That’s it?”

“I’m very fast.”

“You are… but do you plan on just being on the run forever?”

“Of course not.” I rolled my eyes. “I can always go someplace else. Maybe to New Grandera. They’ll… well shit, they’re in an open conflict. I don’t know what choices they’ll make. But I could go further beyond, and see whatever the dwarves and harpies are up to. Then there are the elves! They sound fucking awesome, although my information is coming from exactly one biased source. I definitely have to see it for myself someday.”

“Wow. I like it. It sounds like a nice plan when you put it that way!”

“Right!?” I huffed pridefully. “You guys could come too! If it ever happens. We can see even more of the world, places untouched by the empire!”

“Hell yeah! Well… I have my business, and I don’t want to abandon that, as much as traveling sounds super nice…”

“Traveling does sound great.” Angerly agreed. “But I don’t like the idea of never showing my face here again either.”

“Going someplace that isn’t here does sound tempting though,” Berry admitted. “I’ve always been interested in the crustecar kingdoms of the deep…”

“I’ll always go with you,” Moonwash asserted, looking at me as she maintained her silence spell. “I suggest the mountains or the grandest forest though. Rather, we need to visit those places even if we ultimately decide to settle down somewhere else.”

“Of course,” I laughed. “We have a long time ahead of us. And I don’t know if I’ll ever really settle down!”

“That’s true. We can’t find new and interesting things to work with if we only stay in one place.”

Therick watched us converse. He opened his mouth, then closed it, unsure if he should say what was on his mind, but ultimately decided to speak.

“I… I think I want to stay here, no matter what. I understand that there are so many problems and vile things about this place. And maybe that means I should just be trying to abandon it too... but this is my home, you know? I’ve been here all my life. I don’t really… I don’t want to leave it all behind.”

“Hey… I understand.” My expression softened, though it could not be seen. “I’m not forcing any of you. And if you’d rather that I not be here to mess things up… I really could just go someplace else.”

“No, no!” he said after a startled pause. “That’s not what I meant!”

“We all like you being here!”

“Yeah! Even if you’re scary, it’s a very cool scary!”

“True. You still have to adventure with us so much more. Even if we might end up being a burden…”

“I will not leave you.”

They all assured me that I was not unwanted. They loved me being here, for all the problems it might bring. It was not my fault–it was not a fault–that I was a demon.

I took off my mask and gave them a brilliant smile in return, but it was blastedly human.