Press Your Luck 46 (Patreon)

Lucy finished cleaning the mess her mother had made. ‘No.’ She thought bitterly, ‘It’s my mess.’ She corrected herself as she fixed a cup of tea for her mother. ‘If I had followed up with the doctor maybe I could’ve, like, not involved my mom at all.’ She thought bitterly, casting a glance towards the living room where Oscar sat, talking to Sam, ‘But then, like, they would still be suspicious.’ She hated herself for the amount of pain she was causing her mother, her friends, just to keep herself safe. But the damage had been done and all she could do now was try to ease their suffering. Starting with her mother.

Outside on the back porch, Lucy’s mother sat on one of the reclined metal lawn chairs. Lucy cleared her throat causing a small jump from Samantha. “Sorry, I was, like, trying not to scare you.”

“You’re fine.” She said, “I’m just…on edge.”

Lucy frowned and felt the urge to hug the woman who had raised her her entire life, most of which she had done alone. Instead she said, “I brought tea.” with a forced smile.

“Oh, thank you. But you didn’t have to.” Lucy pouted. “Is that jasmine?” Samantha asked.

“With honey.” Lucy smiled weakly.

“My favorite.” Samantha took the offered cup from Lucy.

“Ah, like, I guessed you might like it.”

Sipping it Samantha felt its warmth spreading through her body, calming her nerves slightly. “Lucky guess.” Feeling the tiniest bit better Samantha gave the redheaded girl a gentle smile and asked, “How do you know my son…or did.” She sipped the tea again. Lucy sat on the identical metal reclined chair beside her mother, “No, wait, you’re Danny’s girlfriend. That’s right. You look…different than the last time I saw you.”

“Oh?” Lucy nervously covered her chest with one arm and pulled anxiously on her hair.

“I just meant you’ve changed. You’re still just as beautiful though.”

Lucy giggled faintly, it was odd to hear her mother call her beautiful. Men constantly called her beautiful or sexy, or some form of both and it always made her happy, but when her mother had called her beautiful it felt different but similar somehow. “Um, like, actually I knew Harlow in high school.”

“You did?” Lucy nodded, happy to see the smile on Samantha’s face. The smile quickly faded however, “I wish I knew him better then. Maybe things would’ve turned out…different.”

“What do you mean, we–he, like, lived with you.” Lucy pouted, “Didn’t he?”

“Oh of course. I knew him as well as any mother can know her son but…well you didn’t tell your mom everything when you were in high school did you?” Lucy frowned and shook her head. “Exactly, me either.” Samantha frowned, “I used to know my little boy inside and out, but when he got older he had secrets like all kids do and I could tell he was going through something, but…I didn’t want to pry.”

“You could’ve asked.”

"You haven't dealt with teenagers have you?"

"I've babysat once or twice. I guess that's, like, not the same?"

Samantha shook her head, “It's not. But, it's not that I didn't try. I'd try and he'd get upset and I was afraid if I kept pushing him I would…I would lose him.” Her voice caught in her throat as she tried to finish the sentence. “I thought maybe he would tell me eventually and all I could do was be there when he was ready to talk about whatever it was. But…he never did. So I just focused on making sure he was safe and happy.” Samantha’s lip quivered as she fought back the new stream of tears, “But I failed him on both accounts.” She shuddered.

“No, you didn’t fail him.” Lucy said, trying to soothe her mother’s pain.

“I did.” Samantha cried, “I left him. He needed me and I left him here!”

“He needed you safe.”

Samantha shook her head, “That wasn’t his job to protect me. I thought I was keeping us safe all these years…and I failed him. I’m a terrible mother.”

“You were a great mom!” Lucy choked, forcing the rock in her throat back down.

“If I was he would still be here.” Samantha sniffed and buried her face in her hand, “I should have done more, been there for him. If I made him talk to me even when he didn’t want to, if I knew more about what was going on in his life I could’ve helped him. He wouldn’t have been so alone. Then…then he would still be a–alive. But I was afraid, if I pushed him I would lose him…and I lost him anyway.”

“He wasn’t alone.” Lucy said, placing her hand on Samantha’s arm.

“He wasn’t?”

“Even when he thought, like, he was all alone, he had friends.” Lucy thought of Danny. “They helped him when no one else could.”

Samantha glanced back to the sliding doors. “I’m glad he wasn’t totally alone.” She said, wiping tears from her eyes.

Lucy nodded. “He was…also confused.”

“Confused about what?”

Lucy bit her lip, she knew she shouldn’t tell her mother anything more, she should change the subject, but the pained look on her mother’s face, just knowing how much she blamed herself for…everything, she wanted to ease her pain even if just by a little. “It…it took him, like, forever to figure out that, like, he…liked someone…someone he, like, shouldn’t. Someone he thought he shouldn’t.”–She corrected–“And it confused the heck out of him.”

“Who?”

“His best friend.” Lucy whispered.

Samantha’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know that?”

“He uh, like, told me.” Lucy licked her lips before continuing, “And he was so, like, scared. He thought…talked about you, a lot. How you, like, might react. He thought…you might hate him if he told you how he was feeling.” Lucy’s heart pounded in her ears. This was a conversation Harlow never wished to have with his mom, the one that woke him up nights in a cold sweat since junior high, and now Lucy had come closer to telling her mother the truth than she ever thought possible. “He didn’t want to lose you.” Tears welled up in Lucy’s eyes and she could feel her heart in her throat, threatening to asphyxiate her if she kept talking.

Samantha sat silently for an eternity before speaking. “You’re a liar!” She hissed.

“What?” Lucy’s heart dropped out of her feet and shattered on the ground.

“My son…” She said as she stood up, “My son knew better than that! There was nothing he could do, no one he could love, nothing in this world that would stop me from loving him! I may have failed at a lot of things as a mother but I always made sure he knew I loved him! So you and your tea can go to hell!”

“I love you too, mom!” With tears of happiness and relief in her eyes Lucy leapt to her feet and threw her arms around her mother’s neck

The act caught Samantha by surprise and it was a moment before she could react, “Get off me!” she said, pushing Lucy away.

“Mom.” Lucy whispered, “It’s me, Harlow.”

“Do you think this is funny?!”

“No. I just–” Lucy paused and forced her voice with considerable effort to sound like Harlow’s, “It’s not a joke.” His mother stared at him, wide-eyed with shock and confusion, “Oh, like, I called you a couple weeks ago. You said I sounded strange?”

Samantha stared at this strange woman who sounded like a bad impression of her son, “What did we talk about?”

Harlow licked his lips, “We talked about dad.”

“What about him?”

“How he didn’t…how he, like, didn’t die when I was little.” He whispered.

“Anyone could guess that.” She said, only half believing it herself.

“...He used to, like, call me his lucky charm when he played poker.”

Samantha stared at the…woman in front of her claiming to be her dead son. She had to be lying. None of this could be real. She was cracked in the head from her grief. “Montana.”

Harlow laughed, though it lacked all sense of humor, “Means you were, like, sending someone to pick me up from school. Usually Danny’s mom.”

She knew that was a lucky guess anyone could have made. “Five by five.”

“Send help immediately.” Harlow licked his lips.

Another lucky guess. She knew it. Anyone paranoid enough to have multiple codewords would not go with the obvious.“Dinner’s on the stove.”

“Someone’s watching the house. Don’t come home.” Harlow shook his head, majority of the time it turned out to be some repairman or worker for the city and his mom would call back in a few hours later to give him the all clear signal.

Samantha held back her tears. She had to be certain. As much as she wanted to believe it was real, as much as this woman’s eyes reminded her of her son’s, she knew she had to be sure. This could not be real. She knew. She knew she wanted it too much to be real. Her son was gone. “Potluck.”

“You’re not coming home for, like, a couple days.” Harlow smiled faintly at his mother, “You would usually text it tho cause, like, you were on a roll at the casino. We can go through all thirty-five of our codes but, like, I still remember all of the phrases. I barely remember how to do fractions, but, like, I still remember those.”

“Har– is it really you?” She pleaded with new tears in her eyes. “Is this real?! What was in my tea?!”

“It’s very real.” Harlow said.

“Harlow.” Samantha cried again, pulling her feminized son into her arms. She decided, if she had finally gone insane, it was at least the good kind of insane.

“I’m sorry. So, so, sorry.” Harlow cried, hugging her back. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I had a plan. I was going to,like, wait to tell you. But I couldn’t…the…you were so, like, sad, and I just couldn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Shh. Shh. You’re alive. That’s all that matters. I love you, baby.”

“I love you too!” Harlow cried into his mother’s chest.

After a moment they both broke apart and Samantha took in the sight of the girl in front of her for the first time. It was hard to believe that the redheaded coed wearing a tight black dress was actually her son. “Is this what you meant when you said you would look different?” Harlow nodded with tears in his eyes. “And you were afraid to tell me all of these years? That you’re a woman…and you love Danny?” ‘Did I do this to him somehow?’ The thought had appeared in her mind before she could banish it away.

Harlow nodded with a nervous giggle in his voice. “I do. I’m sorry.” His voice was already slipping back to the breathy voice she had become accustomed to. Lucy’s happiness that her mother didn’t hate her after all drowned out all other thoughts of correcting her assumption.

Samantha shook her head, “No. No. You’ve done nothing wrong.” She hushed him, her and spoke as soothingly as she could, “I’m happy for you and Danny. He’s a good man, and handsome to boot.” Lucy nodded happily even as the tears still rolled down her face. “Is he treating you right?”

Lucy bit her lip, “We broke up.”

“What did that bum do?!” Samantha snapped her head to the side scanning what she could see of the inside of the house, searching for Danny.

“It was my fault, mom.” Lucy said, shaking her head, “I messed up so bad.”

“No, so-baby. I’m sure that’s not true. Why don’t you sit down and tell momma about it.” Samantha sat her new daughter beside her on the metal chair and held Lucy’s hand as the girl told her what had happened between her and Danny. Harlow had never spoken about his love life with her before. She had assumed it was due to it being more of a father/son topic. But perhaps it really was because he was afraid to tell her he was gay. ‘Or…is it straight?’ She wondered, but sent the thought away for another time. Now she was just happy to have her son…her daughter, back no matter what made it possible.

Harlow had a few flings, a few girls he thought might be something special, and when those fell apart it hurt but he buried the pain and went about his life until the next one. Never before had he talked to his mother about his love life. And as Samantha listened and hugged Lucy she couldn’t help but feel unburdened and the hollow space Lucy had felt in all these weeks since she and Danny had broken up filled a little bit. Lucy was only just aware of her phone ringing enough to decline the call. If it was important they’d call back. Carl already knew she had taken the night off to attend a friend’s memorial service. She would have to work a double the next night if she wanted to make up the difference. But the loss of tips and a night of ass grabbing and flirting all paled in comparison at the moment as she spoke honestly with her mother like she never had before.

Across the way, in the quiet road, Danny and Marcus stared at each other as Lucy’s voice cheered out of the phone. “Hiya! This is Lucy, if you’re hearing this I’m, like, probably at work or sleeping! Text me if it’s super important! Or, like, leave your name and number if you’re cute.” She giggled and the voicemail beeped.

Marcus hung up the phone and placed it back in his pocket, “Kinda strange Lucy called Harlow’s mom and a week later he turns up dead, don’t ya think?”

“No.” Danny tried to keep the grit out of his voice as he spoke. “Mrs–Samantha, has always been close with our family.”

“Because of Harlow.”

Danny nodded. “You know what they say, if your kids are friends the parents have to be friends.”

“Sure.” Marcus shrugged. “So…Lucy fits in how?” Without much thought he pulled his jacket back just slightly enough to give him better access to his gun.

“She met Lucy about a year ago and they just hit it off”–Danny licked his lips–“and what with Lucy’s parents both being…deceased. I think Lucy probably saw her as a second mom.”

“Right.” Marcus nodded. “I can see that happening.” He lied.

“I don’t know if you heard but, Lucy…we broke up recently.”

“Really?!” Marcus’ eyes widened. “I didn’t know that.” Danny nodded, “I’m sorry to hear that man. But she’s here now. So she must still care about you, right?” Marcus eyed Danny intently.

Danny hazard a sidelong glance at Lucy who sat with Samantha still. “I…It doesn’t matter.” He admitted, “If things go well I’ll be out of here.”

“Too right, pros get a lot of road trim. You’ll find hundreds of girls like her just throwing themselves at you.” Marcus noticed Oscar standing on the front porch.

“That’s not what I–” Marcus made a quick motion of his left arm which caused Danny to snap into action and grab both of Marcus’ wrists.

“Chill, man!” Marcus laughed emphatically. “I was just checking the time.” 

While Danny was taller and physically larger than Marcus’ stocky build that by no means meant that Marcus lacked comparative physical power. Danny had intended to push the man’s arms down and pin them to his side. But the man’s arms barely budged. Even beneath the thick leather of his jacket he could feel Marcus’ muscles were like spun steel, tempered, folded, and hidden behind a deceptive layer of fat. Reluctantly Danny slowly released Marcus’ wrists.

“So jumpy.” Marcus teased with his trademark smirk. “Ah, we got…a thing we need to get to.” Marcus smirked at the taller man, “You’ll give our condolences to Lucy’s mom, I hope.”

“Sure.” Danny could feel his muscles tightening once again.

Marcus started to reach into his jacket again but stopped, “You’re not gonna jump me if I get another cigarette are ya?”

Danny shook his head. “I’m sorry about that. I’m just under a lot of stress lately.

“I hear ya. That’s why I smoke.” Marcus chuckled and took out a pack of cigarettes and lit them. He took a deep inhale, holding it for a second in his lungs before blowing it out like a steam engine. “Wanna hit?” He offered the lit cigarette to the taller man.

For a moment Danny considered it, but the taste of vomit after his dad made him smoke fifty packs in one sitting after catching him when he was sixteen still lingered. “I’m good.”

“Smart.” Marcus said, pointing a finger at Danny. “You can’t win superbowls if you’re hacking up a lung, huh?” He took another drag and slapped Danny’s shoulder, “And try not to be so jumpy, man.” The smoke escaping his mouth as he spoke, “That’ll cost you on the field too, ya know.” Marcus chuckled as he walked away.

‘God damn!’ Marcus screamed internally as he stood beside his car, no longer able to keep his left hand from visibly throbbing from the pain, ‘I think the giant bastard broke my wrist!’

“What he say?” Oscar asked as he sat in the passenger seat.

Marcus stamped out the cigarette before getting into the car. His trademark smirk instantly fading into a hard line now that they were alone in his car. “Harlow’s here.”

“Where?” Oscar now scanned the street for any sign of the blonde man he might have missed.Marcus watched the giant of a man as he walked back into his house. Danny’s story sounded believable enough that he might have believed him if it weren’t for the tells a blind man could have seen from space. “He’s in the box, man.” Marcus laughed, slapping his partner’s chest with the back of his hand. Despite Danny’s shifty attitude and terrible poker face, there was a certain sense to what he had said. If he brought up his suspicions, however, it would mean more time watching the house. Specifically watching Lucy. Waiting for her to slip and reveal herself as really a man, and then they would have to prove he was Harlow. ‘And really,’ Marcus thought with a chuckle, ‘if he’s already cut his dick off what more could we do to torture the guy?’

“What box?” Oscar asked with no sense of the intended joke.

“The…the urn…it’s a joke.”

“Oh.” He said flatly.

Marcus sighed and started the car, “Why do I even talk to you?”

“Don’t blame me man,”–Oscar held his hands up in mock surrender–“you’re just not funny.”

“I’ll have you know I’m very funny.”

“We’re not talking about looks here.”

“Hey,” Marcus snapped, “the joke is funny and I wouldn’t talk about looks while you lookin’ like a discount store Mr. Bean!”

“Whatever you say, man. Stop wasting gas.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m wasted on you anyway.” Marcus put the car in gear with a derisive snort and drove away from the Sanders home for the last time.