Staying in the family 6 (Patreon)

Shaun entered the brownstone with an angry sigh as he slammed the door behind him. These people just didn't get him. He was smarter than any of these morons who interviewed him, and unlike them he could take a joke. Walking into the kitchen he grabbed a beer out of the fridge and used the counter to pop the top free. “Shaun?” Emma yelled from somewhere in the house.

“Great.” He muttered, already annoyed by his perfect little sister, “In the kitchen.” He yelled back before chugging his beer as fast as possible.

Emma swung open the kitchen door just as he gulped down the last of the beer nearly a minute later. “Really?” She asked with disgust, “Hitting the bottle already?”

Shaun shrugged, “It’s five o’clock somewhere.” He burped, throwing the bottle into the box for the paper recycling. Recycling was another one of Emma’s little projects that she did to convince everyone else she was better than him.

“I take it the interview didn’t go well.”

“Actually, it went splendid. This is me celebrating.” He huffed as he took another beer out of the refrigerator and popped another top in the same way as the first, “Cheers.” He raised the bottle before chugging it down.

“Ma’s asked you not to do that to the counter. We have a bottle opener not two feet away!” She sighed annoyed as she scooped the bottle caps into the small bucket of other bottle caps under the opener installed beside the fridge. Picking the glass bottle out of the paper recycling and placing it in the proper box she caught sight of Shaun giving her the finger. “With wit like that I can’t imagine why you’re having trouble finding a job.” ‘God why is every man Ma knows just an insufferable dick?!’ 

Shaun finished the beer with another loud burp and tossed the bottle into the paper bin once again. Smirking at the annoyed look on Emma’s face, “Everyone’s too damn sensitive these days.” He burped again and grabbed another bottle, “Especially these damn diversity hires.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“What?! What else do you call it when you hire someone just because they have a nice pair of tits rather than a competent employee?”

“You so sure that’s you?”

“Please.” He gestured at himself confidently, “I finished top of my class.”

“Eight out of thirty-two.” She corrected him.

He coughed, choking on his third beer. “And how’s your grades?”

“Top five out of forty-three.” she smiled smugly.

Shaun rolled his eyes, “Yeah well, I can’t take the same positions you can.” He took another drink from the bottle.

Emma’s face burned red with rage and she could tell he was waiting for her to continue their fight. Instead she stopped, and took a deep breath to calm herself. They had done this for as long as she could remember, he would say or do something to get a rise out of her and she would fall for it every time, and the only thing it ever accomplished was her being pissed and storming off to her room while he sat there with a satisfied smirk on his stupid face. Not this time though. She had a better solution that would kill two birds with one stone. 

Emma took out her phone and opened up a picture before showing it to Shaun, “Do you think she’s pretty?”

Shaun sipped on his beer as he looked at the series of photos of a skinny girl in a purple sweater and skinny jeans running her hands through her long blonde hair with a seductive, almost angry glare. Emma swiped to the next photo of the same girl in a pink halter top pulling the shoulder down, exposing her smooth bare shoulder. The next she lifted the pink top with her left hand to expose her flat stomach while she bit the finger of her right hand. The last photo  was in black and white and showed the same girl now sitting on the edge of a bed. Her legs now bare; one foot planted firmly on the floor while her other leg was crossed over her knee, her heel dangling and barely hanging on to her foot while the blonde woman looked down at the camera with a hungry expression. What she lacked in breast size she made up for in presence. Her dark eyeliner and blonde hair falling over her face sent a tingle through to the depths of Shaun’s pants.

He took another sip of his beer to hide the fact he had started to drool, “Yeah, she looks good.” He cleared his throat and took another swallow of his drink.

Emma smirked, not missing the moronic look on her drooling brother’s face. “Her name is Natalie. If I set the two of you up, do you think we could put all this bullshit behind us?"

"Umm yeah. Ahh sure, yeah.” He scoffed, “You set me up with your friend and yeah, whatever, sure."

“I’m serious.” Emma stated flatly, “We’ve done this stupid little dance all our lives.”

“That’s cause you-”

“No.” Emma cut him off, “I’m tired of doing this with you. If I set you up with her, we’re done. We let bygones be bygones and we start with a clean slate. Got it?”

“Yeah…maybe” he frowned, setting down his beer, “What’s the catch?” He asked quickly, “She pregnant? She got VD? A monkey tail? She got a dick? Pregnant with VD, dick, and a monkey tail?!"

Emma covered her mouth, not wanting to let him know his childish jokes still made her laugh. “There is a catch. You have to be nice to her. Think you can do that?”

“Sure.”

"Good because she is staying with us, and I figured both you and her would have more fun staying in your bedroom than mine."

“Seriously?” He asked suspiciously.

“Look, despite what you think I have school so I got homework and I gotta study. Natalie is…a bit of a party girl and I can’t deal with that distraction right now. She is lonely and I can’t really be going out to a club tonight. You are a semi-decent example of a male, so you will do." 

“Really?” He cocked an eyebrow and gave her a cocky smile.

“When you’re not being a dick.”

Shaun laughed loudly and picked up his beer again, “So you want me to just take her on a date?”

“That’s all.” She smiled. Shaun nodded, sipping his drink without breaking eye contact with Emma, "There is one more catch though."

" Of course there is."

"Compliments.” She said firmly, “you need to shower her with them. She is feeling low right now."

“Why?”

“You care?” She asked in surprise.

“Well yeah! I don’t want some disgruntled ex-boyfriend trying to start shit with me.”

“Nothing like that…she’s had a bit of a dry spell for the last couple of months and…she flunked out of school so she had to move out of her dorm. Which is why she’s staying with us. Until she finds her own place.”

“Alright, I can cheer her up.” He downed the rest of his beer.  Shaun had stopped listening as soon as Emma said Natalie hit a dry spell. ‘No ex to worry about and she’s definitely eager to please!’ He thought eagerly. ‘Fuck those pics were hot.’

“So we’re good now?” She asked, offering her hand for him to shake, “Clean slate, yeah?”

Shaun smiled and shook her hand, “Clean slate.”

“That’s great.” Emma smiled, “I’ll go tell her the good news and help her get ready for your guys’ date. You should too.”

Shaun shrugged, “Couldn’t hurt.” He tossed the empty bottle in the glass recycling bin before walking out of the kitchen.

"Oh and Shaun.” Emma said, catching the swinging door,  “Yesterday, remember when I asked you to put your clothes in the hamper because I didn't want to touch your things. And you called me an authoritarian bitch? Well I'm sure you were just having a bad day, but I ate your leftover veal parm, it was good. I thought it was something an authoritarian bitch would do."

“What the hell, Em! What kind of a bi-”

“Hey!” She shouted over her brother, “That was yesterday. Clean slate, remember?”

Shaun growled inwardly, “Fine. Since we have a clean slate and I’m already down one meal…you won’t mind coughing up some dough so I can feed your friend, right?”

Emma grumbled, she had been making up the plan without even thinking what she said next and realized too late what she had said out of reflex just to annoy her brother. “Fine.” She agreed, needing to play along for now, “Ma left a card somewhere for essentials, I’m sure this can qualify this one time.”

“Great.” ‘Ma left a card?’

“But the next time you take her out you’re paying for it.”

“She’s hot but not that hot.”

“She’s already staying in your room and you think she’s hot. If you are skipping right to third date territory the least you could do is go on more than one or two dates."