Femdom in media and power dynamics (Patreon)

When I found out about femdom I used to hunt down a lot of manga and webtoons about role reversal, but I dropped most of them because they had the same dynamics over and over again: some evil woman being mean to a nervous man.

And yes, I love being mean to men, and I love mean dommes, but their quirky personalities were just them being mean in an abusive way. A lot of these stories were full of dubcon/noncon sex, and although I think there's nothing wrong with dark themes being portrayed in media, I feel uncomfortable when most femdom stories are portrayed only in that way.

Comics classified as soft femdom were basically about a sub guy who tops and a domme girl who bottoms. And that’s a completely normal piece of media, but I don’t consume these stories because I prefer, well, the man being fucked. And that’s where things get strange.

The not-so-soft femdom has a whole other vibe: the domme is forceful towards the male character; he is humiliated, and sometimes abused, because he likes to get pegged (sometimes he doesn’t even consent to being penetrated), and so on.

And there are comics where the protagonist is a top domme, but the male character takes over (against her consent, obviously), and that's it, that's the sexy scene.

Wow, I love seeing a random dubcon sex scene in a story I thought would be about boys getting wrecked but it's just some terribly written porn (sarcasm).

It's frustrating enough when I’m trying to read a supposed femdom comic and the supposed sub simply decides to top the supposed domme when she tries to be bold, and the rest of the comic is just the guy flipping over her. A woman with attitude is not automatically a domme, this is just a switch couple or something!

Just to be clear: I’m not against dark themes in media, and I know this is what happens in most porn movies, where consent is not even asked and things just happen, the dominant person is aggressive, and blah blah blah. But media that portrays any kind of dark theme puts a little warning for those who don’t want to consume this, and I haven't seen these warnings in any comics I’ve read, which suggests that that’s how people see a relationship where a woman is dominant.

And this is what makes me uncomfortable.

Some people think the only way a woman can dominate a man is by treating him like men —from a toxic masculinity point of view— treat other women. It's by being forceful, using violence, and belittling that person.

Because some women have vaginas, penetration is seen as humiliating, and if a man likes to be penetrated, he's made fun of for being "fucked like a girl". Femininity, or what society considers feminine, is still seen as something weak, inferior, and naturally submissive.

I like degradation kink, feminization, and other stuff like that, and it’s totally ok if you like it as well! But there’s a fine line between when the sub/bottom person is humiliated for being a (sometimes feminine) horny mess and when they’re humiliated for “being in the place of a woman”.

I could talk a lot more about what I think about femininity and masculinity and the aspects I like to implement in my art, but this is a whole new subject I’ll explore another day.

Stay safe, and take care.

♡