Sneak Peak: Julia and Cindy (Patreon)

First draft of Julia's visit to Cindy's apartment after the return from the Clinic.  Warning: explicit details!  

As always with a sneak peak, this is first-draft stuff and liable to change.  Originally, I hadn't planned on anything happening between them, but the scene played out differently as I wrote it.  I -think- it works this way, though I'll have to revisit it during the final edit.  What do you think?

***

“I didn’t go to the Clinic for—this,” I said, and waved a hand in the general direction of the prosthetic. “It was… unexpected.”

I wasn’t sure what to expect; it certainly wasn’t laughter. She threw her head back and laughed, and when she looked back at me her mouth split in a wide grin. “You didn’t want this?”

“Of course not!” I answered, indignant.

“Oh, David,” she said. “My God, what have they done to you?”
 “They said it would help,” I answered. “Make the next six months easier. Make my disguise more convincing.”

“You think?” she said. She stepped closer, uncomfortably so, and I shivered in my nakedness as she brushed up against me, her suit unexpectedly prickly against bare skin. “I mean, they’re right. I can’t see any trace of the man I knew.”

I stepped away from her. “You know I don’t want any of this. You know I hate this.”

“I do,” she said, advancing slowly as I backed away. “And you know I love the idea of David Saunders squirming somewhere inside this female flesh.” I winced and stepped back and she smiled and stepped forward. “That under all this softness, this angry little bundle of toxic masculinity is going absolutely batshit crazy forced to live all cute and pretty and demure.” My naked bottom bumped up against the wall. She had me pinned there and lit from behind her shadow fell over me.

“I’ve loved torturing you these past few months, David. Watching you prance around at work in whatever outfit I’ve picked out for you. Seeing you sink ever deeper into this… disguise.” She all but sneered. “And look at you: you’re more feminine than I’ll ever be; God, you’re such a fucking girl now, aren’t you? All soft and sweet and pretty.”

“I’m still a man,” I insisted.

She laughed. I nearly shook with suppressed anger. “Tell that to Dan.”

Memories of that night crowded in—trembling nervously in lingerie before a man, sinking to my knees between his legs, curling slender fingers around his erect penis until he came into my stocking—and then I thought of Chad—his firm hands on my tits, grabbing my ass, the happy flutter in my belly and again, falling to my knees and pulling out his cock, lips wet in anticipation.

“Please,” I said. “Stop.”

“Payback,” she said. “For what you did to me.”

“I know,” I whispered.

“No, you don’t.” She titled her head to once side. “You have no idea how much I hated you, David. How badly you hurt me. How… long, it took me to put myself back together after you fucked me and dumped me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I am. I’ve said it so many times and I’ll say it again. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did.” She reached out and I flinched, but her touch was gentle as she stroked my cheek. “Did you know I tried switching teams after you left? After I recovered enough to even consider a relationship with anyone ever again.”

I hadn’t known, though I’d guessed. From the very start she’d been comfortable with my femaleness, with tits pressing up against hers, long hair mingling and the taste of makeup on each others’ lips.

Her eyes were shadowed as she continued. “I thought I was done with guys. So I tried girls for a bit. And it was…” She trailed off, momentarily lost in thought. “Just as shitty as with men, to be honest. But not all of it, and never as bad as it got with you. There was this one girl, Ayesha, we dated for a few months and….” She trailed off again, smiling a sad little smile. “It didn’t work in the end.”

I had no idea why she was telling me this. Her hand continued to idly stroke my cheek, and her closeness and her soft touch aroused distinctly uncomfortable feelings. “Why not?” I asked.

“I was still too broken,” Julia answered. “And I couldn’t trust her, not as she deserved. It would take me years to learn to trust anyone again.” Her hand drifted from my cheek to touch an earlobe and the small dangling earring she found there, then drifted down to my shoulder. “But mostly because it never felt—right. I tried, I dated a bunch of women, but even at its best—with Ayesha—petting, kissing… sex….” She sighed and shook her head. “When it was good, it was good; I enjoyed it. But it always felt like something was missing.”

Her fingers curled into my shoulder. Her other hand reached for my flank but pulled back when I recoiled. I looked up at Julia. The hardness in her eyes softened. Instead, there was a desperate yearning there, and a desperate sadness, too. So I reached up to her in return, cupping her cheek in my palm, and she leaned into it, and sighed.

“I missed—you, David.” Tears beaded in the corner of her eyes.

What could I say? That I hadn’t thought of her at all over the intervening decade? That I all but forgot of her after that final night with Tom and me, until she found me ten years later, three months ago drunk and puking in the toilet stall of a nightclub? No.

“I hate myself for it,” she continued, touching me fleetingly her and there, soft preses at my breast, a hip, the shoulder. Her words and her touch and her tears especially brought a tingle to my tummy and it was all I could to not squirm with the renewed sensation of dampness between my legs.  “God, I hate myself for wanting you.”

“I want you too,” I murmured, and it was true, fuck how I wanted to tear those trousers from her, bend her over the sofa and thrust myself deep into her familiar cunt. The yearning I felt was qualitatively different than when I’d worn a prosthetic before. That one I’d only worn for a few weeks; it’d been attached hastily, painfully; and the sensation it transmitted, though initially baffling faded quickly until for the final week it was nothing more than a dull, heavy weight trapping my genitals.

But now—God!—the confused and conflicting signals this damned thing attached to my crotch sent to my brain left me confused, weak in the knee, desperate. It was—how to explain?—like I still felt the phantom ache of balls, somewhere inside, that physical build up of need that bordered on painful demanding release. And I swear there were—twitches—ghost sensations of hardness, vibrations along invisible wires that jolted my hips forward to impale her on something absent. But that same jerking wasn’t just a pushing out, it was a drawing in, and I felt—

God, I felt—

“Have you—tried it, yet?” In my distracted state she’d drawn closer, her arm snaking around my naked waist, pulling me to her.

“Tried—” I started. “No!”

“Really?”  She sounded genuinely baffled by my answer. “Why not?” I felt fingers drift closer, sliding gently across my thigh as they crept towards that hot, wet place between my legs. “You haven’t been tempted?”

“No,” I whispered. I laid my hand over hers. “Please,” I said. “I—don’t want—”

A wicked smile lit up her face. Julia pulled her hand free, pushed mine aside. Her arm around my waist suddenly tightened, drew me closer, and her leg was suddenly thrust between mine, and my crotch rubbed up against her thigh, and—

A low, shuddering groan from between cherry lips.
 I could hear the smile in her voice as I sagged against her. “Sure sounds like you want it.” She sniffed. “Smells like it, too.”

A shuddering breath as my hips twitched, confused, caught between wanting to impale and be impaled, push out and draw in. There was a—need—still unmet; but the touch of her textured trousers only added to the heat she’d already lit in me with her fleeting touches of breast, hip, and cheek.

I squirmed in the circle of her arm, which only served to rub tight nipples against the cool silk of her work shirt and the soft swell of her own breasts and I bit down on my lip to stifle another moan. She shifted her stance; her thigh rubbed up against the pussy again; my legs went weak.

“Tell me to stop,” she whispered.

“Please.” My breath hissed between clenched teeth.

“I’m not doing anything,” she said. “I’m not touching you.”

And it was true; she wasn’t. She kept me close, trapped against the wall, her leg thrust between mine—but she wasn’t moving, and it was me, my own needs betraying me as I rubbed myself back and forth along her thigh, trousers stained wet with my arousal.

I was so fucking turned on, and from her flushed face and heavy breathing knew she was as well. The temptation to keep going, to rub myself up against her a little more and feed the heat between my legs and see just how high the inferno could grow was nearly overwhelming. I felt the arousal in my groin and in my tits and my whole body thrummed with desire.

But. I didn’t want this, and unlike Julia it’d only been a few days since I’d last gotten my rocks off. If Chad hadn’t gone down on me just a few days ago, I don’t think I could’ve resisted her. Instead, with a sound halfway between a whimper and a groan, I shoved Julia away from me.

She stumbled back, looking hurt that I’d pushed her back.

“No,” I said.

Julia’s hands balled into fists. “Why not?” She was red in the face, breathing hard. “Why the fuck not?”

“I’m not—” Standing there in nothing more than a flimsy bra and thigh highs, I shivered, and hugged myself. “Ready, Julia, not for that, not yet.” I saw the frustration, the anger and disappointment at being rejected, and so I hastened to add: “But if I was—” and I smiled weakly—“Believe me, there’s no one else I’d want to, you know….” My hand made a vague gesture in the vicinity of those genitals. “Do stuff.”

She smiled feebly. “Stuff?”

I nodded and offered a tentative smile.

Julia stared at me a long time before finally releasing a deep breath. She stepped away from me and collapsed heavily into the chair, sitting legs spread, head thrown back, staring at the ceiling. “Jesus Christ, David,” she said, and groaned. “You make it difficult.”

It wasn’t entirely clear to me what ‘it’ was, but I shrugged. “Sorry.”

She glanced at me before returning to her gaze to the ceiling. “Do you have any idea how fucking horny I am right now?”

“Sorry,” I repeated, padding closer.

“Two weeks,” she said. “God, I was really looking forward to a good, solid fucking tonight.”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry sorry sorry,” she parroted.

With a whisper of stocking against stocking, I dropped to my knees and laid my hand on her thigh. “I can still make you feel good, Jules. It’s not what you wanted, I know, and I wish I could fuck you the way you want, I really do, but….” I smiled and licked my lips, sliding closer between her legs. “I’d still like to make you happy.”

She looked down at me. “Like you did Dan?”

“Fuck you, Jules,” I snapped and pulled back.

But she held me close, hand on my head, fingers curling into my hair. She winced, took a deep breath, and smiled. “Sorry,” she said, and smiling wryly, she chuckled. “So many apologies tonight.”

I reached for her waist. “Nothing happened, you know,” I said, as I undid the slender belt and unfastened her buttons. “I didn’t go down on Dan.” With a sharp tug, her trousers were down to her knees. “I tried. Drank myself half-blind trying to get there.” Her panties were gorgeous, pale blue and sheer, with elaborate ivory lace in a floral pattern, and she wore a matching suspender belt clipped to satin and gold garters at her thighs. “But I couldn’t do it.” I gently drew one long fingernail across the bulge of lips beneath gossamer fabric and elicited a sigh from her.

“But this?” I smiled up at her. “This I can do.”

Before long, we moved to the bedroom. I ate her out, and used my fingers, and she came—I don’t know, half a dozen times. It was easy; I knew her body and played it like a familiar instrument, strumming and fretting her secret chords and drew from her those beautiful sounds, the gasps and screams, the drawn out cry and shuddering moan. The music of her pleasure was exquisite.

Julia softened, melted under my touch and tongue. Eventually we finished, sitting naked on the bed together.

She cradled me in her arms as I leaned into the soft comfort of her chest. She rested her chin on my head and held me possessively between her legs. Eventually, she began kissing the back of my neck, her hand rested possessively over one boob, idly stroking, occasionally flicking the nipple. Holding me, she spoke softly into the mess of my hair. “Mmm, thank you. I needed that.”
 “Always a pleasure.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” she said, her breath tickling my neck. She cupped my tits with both hands, gently squeezing. “Are these bigger? They feel bigger.”

I sighed. “C-cup,” I said. “But they’ve stopped growing.”

“I like them this way,” she said. “They’re perfect.”

She continued massaging my tits. I hummed with pleasure, leaning back into her. “That feels nice,” I said.

Julia nuzzled my neck. “There’s more if you want it.” One hand abandoned the breast to trail down my abdomen.

“No.” I rested my hand over hers.

“Doesn’t seem fair,” she said. “The pleasure’s really been all mine. I feel guilty.” She ignored my touch and her hand drifted past my waist. “I don’t like feeling guilty. Especially to you.”

“It’s just—”

“I’ve got a dildo in my purse,” she said. “We could use that.”

I stiffened in her arms. “Excuse me?”
 I could hear the laughter in her voice, though the mocking edge was absent. “I brought it as a gift,” she said. “You know—to practice on. After your night with Dan.”

“I didn’t—” I nearly shouted, then realised she was trying to get a rise out of me and took a calming breath. More quietly, I added, “I don’t need practice.”

I felt her laugh as a vibration through my back. “How long have you been living as a girl now? Three months—four? And you still haven’t done it on with a guy.”

“Does kissing and heavy petting count?”

She shook with silent laughter. “No.”

I felt no need to tell her about Chad. “Don’t forget, underneath all this I’m still a man.”

“So? Seems a wasted opportunity.”

“I’m not gay.”

“David, you’ve got tits and a pussy. At this point, whatever you get up to is going to fall out of traditional classification.”

“Not interested.”

“Not even a little?” She gave my shoulder a gentle kiss. “Not tempted at all?”

She continued massaging my breast during this exchange, squeezing and then gently rolling my nipple between forefinger and thumb. Once, this kind of attention would’ve been unpleasantly toe-curling; I wouldn’t have put up with it. Now? It felt—good—uncomfortably so; and her touch and her kisses and her hair and smell were doing a lot to excite me. I would’ve squeezed my thighs together if her hand hadn’t already been there between them.

“I—” I bit my lip against a tremor of nervousness that ran through me. “Of course I’m tempted,” I said.

Her hand now lay gently over my furred mound. She must’ve felt the heat there as a palpable thing, the wetness I felt. She pressed her palm down. “Are you sure this is a prosthetic?” There was wonder in her voice. “It feels….”

“Yeah.” I’d gone stiff in her embrace. “Very real.”

She kissed my neck, my ear. Her hand pressed down more firmly. “You can feel this?”

I jerked my head in confirmation.

“What about—this?”

Very gently, she curled one finger inwards. The tip of her finger parted those feminine lips and slipped—

No—

“Relax,” she whispered in my ear. She shifted her hand very slightly, finger dipping deeper—

“Please,” I whined.

“Okay,” she murmured and then—she was inside of me, finger buried up to the knuckle, and it felt—she was inside me, and—fuck—I didn’t even know how to process the feeling, but some instinct kicked in and…

“Oh, you like this, don’t you?” Julia said. “I can feel you clamping down.”

“It’s not—” I gasped. “Me.”

“You’re so fucking wet,” she said. “You little slut.” Her hand at my tit grew more firmer, more aggressive as she pinched and pulled at the nipple—but instead of hurting, the burn there felt like an echo of the heat down below, growing and adding to it. “Tell me to stop.”

With muscles I didn’t even know I had, I clenched down on the finger invading me. “St-stop,” I whimpered and then, “Don’t.”

“Dirty girl,” she purred, and licked my ear, and half withdrew her finger and then thrust it back in again. And it felt—oh, so very good—as she continued, finger-fucking my cunt with a steady rhythm. And with each thrust I felt something growing inside, a—rising wave that felt both familiar and utterly alien—a pressure deep down where I imagined my balls were—a desperate need for release—but instead the pressure grew—and the sound, the wet slick sound of it—and I was panting with wanting, mewling with the need for it to end—"feels good, doesn’t it?”—but also wanting that wave to grow ever larger, the promise of something truly spectacular—“my horny little slut”—but it was too much—

“Stop!” I yelped.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need—” I yanked myself from her embrace and scrambled from the bed. “Need to piss!”

Later, I sat shame-faced in a thin robe watching Julia get dressed. We’ d finished off the last of the Champagne, and the buzz of it did a little to comfort my embarrassment. She was still laughing at me. “Idiot,” she said.

“I told you I wasn’t ready.”

“How many girls have you fucked, David?” She buttoned up her blouse. “That was your orgasm,” she said. “You were about to cum.”

“Felt like I was going to piss myself.” I drew the robe around my more tightly, feeling petulant and frustrated. “It felt weird.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, welcome to the club.” She shrugged, pulling on her socks. “It can also feel—fantastic.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”
 She raised an eyebrow. “I seriously hope you’ll do more than that.” Slipping into her work jacket, she leveled an unexpectedly serious look at me. “You’ve got that thing on for the next three months, right? You ever go three months without release?” She shook her head. “You’ll go nuts. And if that prosthetic’s as responsive as it seems—why the hell wouldn’t you make good use of it?”

Blushing a little, I stared at the floor. “I’ll take your advice under consideration.”

She padded over to me and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Listen. I’m being serious here. Yes, I get a thrill seeing you trapped all girl-like like this and yes, I think you deserve it for being such a dick in the past. But…,” and here she took a deep breath, “Things have changed. You’ve changed. You’re not the same guy I once knew.”

I gave a dry laugh. “No shit.”

“I mean it, you’ve changed. And so have I. I—care for you, David. And I think you’ll go nuts if you don’t take advantage of that thing down there.”

“So, what, I should spread my legs for the next guy I see?”

“Why not?” She shrugged. “You might be surprised at how much you enjoy it.”

I shook my head. Instead, I took her hand in mine. “What about… us?”

She smiled, a little sadly. “Tonight was fun. Unexpected, but fun. But… no. Maybe on occasion. But like I said—with a girl—I enjoy it, but I need something more.” Her hand touched my long hair and smooth cheek, my slender shoulder, the swell of my breasts. “And right now, you’ll all girl. At least where it counts.”

Her words hurt. “I see,” I answered, still petulant, still frustrated.

She glared balefully at her shoes before slipping back into her heels. “Let’s meet up tomorrow. You’re back at work on Monday? You’ll need some help getting your shit ready—believe me.” She gathered her belongings together as she spoke but paused and looked back at me still sat in the chair.

Julia smiled. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out the dildo she’d earlier mentioned. “I meant this a bit of a joke,” she mused, turning it over in her hand. “But now, I’m thinking you might get some good use of it.” She passed it to me and I accepted it wordlessly, gingerly as though it’s touch might burn.

The quality of the thing belied her comment about it being a joke: it was an impressive replica, covered in synthetic flesh that felt real and room-temperature to touch, veiny with balls and little prickly hairs. I lacked the shopping experience but imagined it was an expensive item—not super-expensive like an AI-enable, responsive sex-toy, but still an extravagance for a simple joke. The colour was a near match to Dan’s penis, the size a little larger—more Chad’s girth, perhaps. I suddenly felt a little sick to the stomach and forced a smile for Julia’s sake.

“You can thank me later.” Julia laughed. “Let me know how you get on with it.”

She slipped on her jacket and picked up her briefcase and walked over to the door, heels loud on the cheap laminate flooring.

At the doorway she hesitated.

“Why’d you disappear to that Clinic for two weeks?” Her voice was strangely neutral. “You didn’t go to get that prosthetic attached,” she added. “So why’d you go?”

I was still contemplating the dildo in my hand, and maybe that’s why I wasn’t more careful in my answer.

“To see if was ready,” I said. The detail was impressive, I had to admit. The smoothness of the glans, the feel of the shaft under my fingers—just holding it brought back memories of kneeling between Dan’s legs, or at Chad’s feet. It felt surprisingly real to the touch, even the wrinkly and hairy skin at the scrotum.  Wetting my lips, I wondered whether I really could put this thing in my mouth.

“Ready for what?”

“To stop being Cindy.” I said. Very deliberately, I put the dildo down on the end table. It’s not like I needed it: Cindy already had a slender vibrator buried at the back of a dresser drawer. “To go back to being a man. Start a new life in witness protection.” On the other hand, it was a hell of a lot more intimidating, this life-sized artificial cock, compared to simplicity of the other sex toy.  “I didn’t really expect to come back.”

“You were going to just disappear?”

Julia’s voice was dangerously quiet.

Only then did I focus on her. “I—” Too late I saw the sadness and betrayal in her eyes, the gathering storm of her anger.

“You selfish prick,” she said. “You haven’t changed at all.”

She didn’t shout or slam the door. She just stared at me for a long moment, as though casting me to memory. Then she turned away and left.

We didn’t meet up the next day, as planned. In fact, Julia didn’t speak to me for a full month. 

***

At this point, we switch back to the present narrative frame.  A little discussion between Cindy and Julia, and then onwards to the next story.  The second part of Julia's story's been moved to the end of the chapter.