Being Honest with Myself (Patreon)

Howdy everyone. It’s long overdue that I sorta let y’all in a bit more with what’s going on with me. I’m sure y’all have noticed my greatly decreased productivity, and possibly even my decreasing activity in the server on the whole as well. I’d like to sort of address that, and everything else that’s going on as well.

Work. The rewards from the Patreon, commissions, planning for cons, putting merch together, filling online shop orders, even drawing the comic. It’s all been very difficult for me as of late. I’ve been slowing down with what I’m capable of putting out for y’all and the greater public, and it’s taken a toll on me. From the early parts of this year things started feeling off. Getting harder. I struggled to keep up with my normal productivity- promises to y’all about certain supporter rewards, and even keeping up with my normal commission production. 

The reality I’m grappling with, and it’s not easy to type this out, is that I’ve fallen into a  depression. In fact, I feel incredibly guilty that it’s come to this, and I really wish things could just be fine, but they aren’t. I’m struggling more with my day to day life things, and even the things I love aren’t igniting the usual spark. I can still joke around and have a good time every now and then, but I’ve hit a low I’ve not experienced before. At least not quite like this. The last time I felt anything close was the time leading up to me quitting my last day job to go full-time with what I do now. I’m seeing a counselor, and have been for some time. But the first one that I saw for over a year stopped doing clinical work, so I’ve only recently transitioned to a new one. And rebuilding that rapport is hard. And slow. I’m considering asking for a psychiatrist referral if things aren’t able to improve, but I’m not sure yet. 

The truth is, I need to make some sort of change until I can feel better and hopefully return to the state I was in last year. I know I still owe a June Pinup exclusive piece that’s sat unfinished in my files for over a month, and I'm still working on Summer of Sin. But I never did a poll for this month, barely put out any normal work, and have been struggling to keep up with the comic (which really extra sucks because I love the comic and I want to get it out for y’all as quickly as I can). I’m going to try to take a step back in August, focus on trying to let myself heal. I’m working with my counselor and will hopefully get through this struggle. I probably won’t really take on any commission work. I’ll still fulfill Racc Attacc rewards, and I’ll try and keep drawing as much as I can for fun and stuff. But sorta similar to the burnout break I took in December of 2022, I might need another. If anyone wants to cancel or pause their subscriptions or Patreon support, I understand and appreciate the support y’all have given me already. I’m truly lucky to have a community like this, and really hate feeling like I’m letting you all down. I know I can do better. I know I can be better. But I need time to get there again. 

I’m putting this out tonight, in case anyone wants to stop their pledge before it rolls over into August and they get charged for a month that might look real similar to this one. If you do, I hope you still enjoyed your time here, and I hope you’ll consider returning someday, but most of all, thank you for your support. It truly means the world to me. 

-Starr