Star-Crossed - Chapter 23 (Patreon)

“Please state your identification.”

“Badge one-six-five-eight,” Blake replied in one long sigh.  The numbers appeared on the screen in front of her before the system matched them with her facial scan and displayed her badge.

“Welcome, Lieutenant.  You’ll be connected to the meeting shortly.”

When her badge disappeared and the screens in the room sprang to life, she did her best to stand at attention like she’d been taught in the Academy.  Her ribs made it impossible to stand perfectly straight without causing herself pain, but she still did her best.  Always at attention, especially for commanding officers.  Always on her best behavior, especially for commanding officers.

They had offered her time to heal before scheduling this meeting, but she refused.  She didn’t care if her ribs were broken - she had a bone to pick with them.

‘Them’ meaning the twenty-five representatives of the twenty-five planets comprising the Intergalactic Space Alliance.  The men and women tasked with making decisions affecting millions of lives.  The men and women who issued Blake’s orders without having her best interests at heart.

“Welcome back, Lieutenant,” one of the generals said as the rest of the room murmured soft greetings.  “It sounds like your mission didn’t go as planned, but we were told that you have an update for us.”

“I do.”  Just seeing their faces reminded Blake of her frustration, but she took a deep breath before speaking.  She couldn’t lose her cool so quickly.

“First,” she began, locking gazes with the man in front of her.  “Why wasn’t I told that Adam Taurus used to be an ISA officer?”

That was one of the few questions she couldn’t get out of her head, and the only one that made her angry rather than heartbreakingly sad.  So she focused on it, stewed on it, and now she wanted an answer.

“The information wasn’t pertinent to your mission.”

That one sentence - that one piece of bureaucratic bullshit - unleashed the boiling anger she’d held back the past few days.

“How is that not pertinent??” she demanded, sweeping her gaze across the collection of leaders surrounding her.  “He recognized my fighting style,” she elaborated when the room remained silent.  “My cover was blown because you didn’t tell me -”

“Adam Taurus’ history with ISA had nothing to do with this mission,” someone interrupted.

“I deserved to know!” she shouted back as her frustration flared to life.  “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?  Because of you, my cover was blown.  Because of you, he identified me.  Because of you, I almost died, and someone else probably did die saving my life.  How the hell is that not important?!”

“You’re out of line, Lieutenant.”

Hearing the scolding tone, she clenched her jaw and fell silent.  Internally, her mind recoiled at their response and their cavalier use of her life.  Foolishly, she’d expected an apology for some clerical oversight resulting in the information never making it to her.  Instead, they thought it wasn’t her place to know.  Even though she was the one risking her life while they sat behind their screens and played games with everyone else’s lives.

“Tell us what their goal is,” someone prodded her after she stood in silence for too long.  “What are they searching for?”

She didn’t want to tell them anything, but she didn’t have a choice.

Again, she didn’t have a choice.  And...what she hadn’t realized until now was that she had just as little power in this room as she did with the Blackguards.  She was powerless, and her life mattered just as little.  She was their pawn, their grunt, and they expected her to behave as such.  With the Blackguards, she obeyed or faced death.  With ISA, she obeyed or faced prison.

She was so tired of following orders...

“They’re looking for Valerian steel,” she answered through clenched teeth, knowing she wasn’t leaving without giving them an answer.

“Valerian steel?” one of the commanders muttered.  “It’s nothing more than a legend.”

“They found the location of the mines,” Blake elaborated.  “Adam thinks he can open them and, once he does, start making weapons unlike anything we’ve seen before.  He’ll use those to make the Blackguards stronger - bigger - then he’ll take down the Alliance and create a new force with him in charge.”

Murmurs swept the room at that potential future, but no one jumped to their feet or pounded their fists on the table like she thought they would.  No one expressed any outrage at all.

“The Valerians went to great efforts hiding their fabled mines.”

The voice drew Blake’s full attention, and she turned towards an elderly woman from Suna.

“They feared what would happen if such a powerful material fell into the wrong hands.  They set their entire civilization back to the dark ages rather than risk destruction of the universe - it was the ultimate act of self-sacrifice.”

Even though Blake had never seen an ounce of Valerian steel, she wholeheartedly agreed.  The rest of the room, however, twittered with amusement.

“A likely story,” someone replied.  “An excuse for losing the war.  They would have won had they not protected us from this great evil.”

“Sounds like a child’s lie,” someone else added with a chuckle.

“Or a wise commander’s,” another offered.  “If you have a thousand soldiers, say you have ten thousand - see who attacks you still.”

“I showed you the maps,” Blake interjected.  “Those maps are real and lead to something -”

“An elaborate ruse, perhaps…”

“Adam needs to be stopped,” Blake added more forcefully.  “If Valerian steel is real and he gets his hands on it, he’ll destroy ISA.  Everything we’ve worked for, everything we’ve built is in danger - not to mention the innocent lives that will be lost in the bloodshed.  We have to stop them now before they become something worse than just a mercenary group.”

“If they can open the mines.”

“Are you not listening??”  Hearing the frustration in her voice, she paused and took a deep breath before continuing.  “They already have the location -”

“Aren’t these mines guarded by some all-powerful being?” someone asked, and a couple of the other generals chuckled.  The casual dismissal only made Blake more frustrated, but she bit her tongue and shook her head.

They weren’t taking this seriously.  And if they didn’t take this seriously, Adam would have all the Valerian weapons in the universe at his disposal before ISA decided to act.

“But Valerian steel could be dangerous…” someone finally mused, and Blake immediately latched onto the shred of hope.  “Maybe we should send a recon ship to check the location.  If, by chance, the mines are actually there, we can set up a quarantine and ensure it remains undisturbed.”

“A recon ship?” Blake repeated in dismay before shaking her head at the horrible idea.

“The metal doesn’t matter.  The most important thing is bringing the Blackguard leaders to justice,” a woman from Losyria interrupted.  “Adam Taurus, Cinder Fall, Yang Xiao Long - capturing the three of them will send a strong message to the rest of the galaxy.”

The rest of the room murmured their agreement, but Blake shook her head.

“Yang isn’t like Adam or Cinder.  She’s only there because she needed Adam’s help.”

“Is she or isn’t she a criminal?” the woman asked in return.  “If she didn’t want to be there, she could leave.”

“That’s not an option.  Adam would kill her.”  Sensing the disbelief of everyone around her, Blake raised her hands before letting them drop to her sides.  “She’ll testify against them,” she added.  “But we need to bring her in - her life’s in danger.”

Hearing someone laugh, Blake frowned at the man from Meccov.

“I imagine as a leading Blackguard, her life is always in danger.”

“She’s not like them,” Blake reiterated while several others joined his laughter.  She hated that they were lumping Yang in with Adam and Cinder.  Yang wasn’t like them.  She might have broken the law, but she wasn’t a criminal.

“She saved my life,” Blake added.  “I watched her save others across the galaxy too.  Just because she’s learned how to survive doesn’t mean she’s like them - you just need to give her a chance and she’ll help us.  She can help us take down the rest of them, but we need to get her off that ship -”

“We’ll take your words under advisement, Lieutenant,” the man in front of her interrupted.  Understanding the conversation was over, she clenched her jaw and fell silent.  “For now, get your rest and write up your report.  Once we have that, we’ll decide what to do with the Blackguards.”

She opened her mouth to argue that they didn’t have time for that - they needed to act now.  Faced with the man’s vaguely bored, vaguely amused expression, however, she realized that arguing was pointless.

“Thank you,” she clipped before spinning on her heel and storming out of the room.  Someone fell into step by her side before the door even closed behind her, but she didn’t bother slowing down and even turning to acknowledge Sun.

She was mad.  Beyond mad - she was livid.  Livid, sad, scared, and extremely, extremely worried about Yang.  ISA branding Yang as a criminal didn’t matter if she was already dead.  And if she was already dead…

This wasn’t supposed to happen.  The mission was never supposed to be easy, but it wasn’t supposed to be this hard either.  Infiltrate the Blackguards, learn their systems and their hierarchy, bring them to justice.

This wasn’t what Blake signed up for.  Gone was her certainty in arresting every single one of them.  Gone was her belief that the suit they wore branded them as the worst kinds of criminals.

Yang wasn’t a bad person.  She was a good person who’d done some bad things, all in the name of finding her sister.

But Command didn’t care about that.  They didn’t care who Yang was or what motivated her to join the Blackguards.  They didn’t care that she saved people who would have died without her interference.  All they cared about was fixing their mistake without anyone finding out.  They created a monster, and now they didn’t want to take responsibility.

The worst part was that they just proved Adam right.  ISA lacked a true leader and, without one, lacked a direction.  Command had grown too large.  Each planet had their own objectives, values, and way of handling conflict.  Bringing them all together...giving them all a voice...was the right thing to do.  But, at a certain point, someone needed to take charge and make a decision, especially in matters of urgency.

They didn’t consider this matter urgent so would do nothing.  They would wait for Blake to write a report detailing everything she’d witnessed throughout her time with the Blackguards.  They would add that report to a stack of them and get around to reading the entire thing eventually.  Then, who knows how many days or weeks or months from now, they would meet again and make a decision - whichever decision made them look best.

“Blake?” Sun finally asked after several minutes in silence.

“Not now, Sun…” she said while heading back to her room.

Though he fell silent at the request, he didn’t leave her side.  He’d hardly left her side since they returned from Gautov.  He’d waited outside the medical center while they patched up her injuries.  He’d followed her from meeting to meeting while ISA reintegrated her into the Alliance way of life.  He’d accompanied her to every meal.  He’d even managed to get himself stationed in the room next to hers.

Even though his own injuries had yet to heal, he was far more worried about her.  Fortunately, his injuries were minor enough that she didn’t need to worry about him in return.  Considering how bad it could have been, he got off easy - a few stitches for the gash on his cheek, some balm to bring down the swelling of his split lip, and lingering red marks around his neck that would heal with time.

If she had anything to be grateful for, it was that he would make a full recovery.  She was also grateful for his company, which was why she left the door open after walking into her room.  While he closed it behind him and settled into his spot perched upon her desk, she sat on the bed and stared at her hands.

Her emotions were in disarray, and that meeting hadn’t helped.  Never before had she felt like such a cog in a machine.  Command wanted her feedback and observations but had no use for her recommendations.  They brushed aside her worries and ignored her concerns.  They used her information to push forward their own agendas.  From their plush seats in their golden castles, they would never understand what it was like to fight for their lives or be trapped in a horrible situation.  She hadn’t understood either...not until she walked onto the Inferno.

When Sun’s comm softly buzzed from across the room, she didn’t even look up while he read the message.

“Hey, maybe this will cheer you up.”  When she finally raised her gaze, he handed the device to her.  “That little boy you asked me to track?” he explained while she stared at the screen.  “He just made it home - safe and sound.”

On any other day, she would be elated by the news.  Today, however, tears stung at her eyes while she looked at the picture of Zimon hugging a young woman who looked just like him.

Whoever sent the photograph didn’t go into much detail in their message, which simply said ‘reunited with family - saved from renegades by freelance pilot.’  Apparently, that was the story Maria used...and Blake could just barely make her out in the background, soaking in the attention from the rest of the family.

At least that chapter had a happy conclusion.  Zimon might have lost his parents, but he made it back to his family.  He had a bright future ahead of him, especially if his resiliency helped him heal like she expected it to.  She just wished she could share the good news with Yang...

“That’s great...” she whispered.  After handing the device back to Sun, she put her head in her hands and fought the urge to cry.  It felt like she’d been on the verge of tears ever since she got back.  She probably had been...since Yang never left her thoughts.

When Sun sat beside her and gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders, those tears grew more pressing.

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.  I’m not gonna like...judge you or anything...”

His acceptance of her, and anything she might have done while with the Blackguards, made her feel better and worse at the same time.  In the flurry of activity following her return to Alliance domain, she hadn’t said a word about her relationship with Yang.  She couldn’t - not without risking immediate termination and losing access to the only agency with the power and resources to possibly bring closure.

Over the last couple of days, she had learned what it was like to feel powerless and need someone else for help.  Right now, she could honestly say that she would do anything to convince Command to find the Blackguards and Yang.  But they wouldn’t listen to her, and they didn’t care about her personal heartaches.

Now, she understood why Yang made the decisions that she did.  If Blake was alone right now, she would have to join a group to have any hope of finding Yang again.  There would be no other option.  As a sole person in this vast, dangerous universe, she was nothing.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Sun added after several minutes of silence.  “I mean, if you want to.  You don’t have to or anything…”

He was willing to leave it at that, but...he was her best friend.  He deserved to know what was bothering her.  And, more importantly, she needed to tell someone.  To hear the words out loud and confirm that what she felt was real.

“If I tell you something...” she began softly, clutching her hands in her lap.  “Will you keep it a secret?”

“Of course.”

“Even if it would get you fired?”

Frowning at the question, he leaned away and gave her a long, searching look.

“Blake...we’ve been friends for years now.  You’re the only reason I made it through basic training, so if you’re asking me where my loyalties lie...”  After pausing to think about it, he scoffed and shook his head.  “It’s not even a question.  I’d quit right now if you asked me to.”

The sweet response assured her that he wouldn’t flip out, but she still took a deep breath before voicing this secret.  Part of her was embarrassed.  Part of her wanted to keep it to herself.  But the biggest part of her was just...too heartbroken to deal with this alone.

“What’s the cardinal rule of going undercover?” she finally asked.

“Don’t get caught.”  He chuckled at the joke but grew more serious when she gave him a look.  “Uh...don’t hook up,” he tried again.  “Or no - don’t fall in love.  But you’d never...do...that...”

Reading her expression, he trailed off and looked briefly shocked, then confused, before settling upon muted surprise.

“Oh.”

“I know it’s stupid,” she replied, more than willing to talk now that it was out in the open.  “And I know I shouldn’t have - I know that.  But she’s...kind-hearted, and gentle, and just...doing whatever she can to survive.  I connected with her more than with anyone I’ve ever met before, but now…”  Feeling her lip quiver, she paused and took a deep breath.  “But now, I don’t know what happened to her...I don’t know if she’s alive or dead...and that hurts...so much…”

The explanation probably didn’t make much sense, but it was all she could get out before her voice broke with the onset of tears.  Fortunately, Sun didn’t bombard her with questions.  Instead, he just nodded, as if she somehow made sense even though she couldn’t have, and asked a soft, “Which one?”

“The one who ‘stabbed’ you…” she answered before burying her face in her hands to hide her tears.  She heard him sigh at the answer before gently patting her back.

“She saved my life.”

“She saved mine too…” Blake whispered before they fell silent and ruminated on those memories.

Sun wouldn’t have made it off Drideter without Yang’s intervention.  Blake wouldn’t have made it off the Inferno without her help either.  And what did Yang get for saving their lives?  Left to Adam and Cinder’s fury.

Having witnessed the atrocities Adam was capable of, Blake didn’t hold much hope that Yang was still alive.  If he thought Yang betrayed him, he would kill her.  And she most certainly betrayed him...for Blake.

The worst part was that there was no way of knowing.  Blake might spend the rest of her life not knowing, which, to her, sounded like a fate worse than death.  If she went by the knots in her stomach and the fist clenched around her heart...then Yang was already gone.  Yang sacrificed her life even though this was Blake’s fault.

That hurt the most.  It was Blake’s fault, but Yang saved her anyway.

Not long ago, Blake wouldn’t have made the same decision - she couldn’t have when obedience to the greater good had been drilled into her veins.  But Yang just showed her that there was always another way.  There was always a choice.  There was always the opportunity to save a life, but sometimes...sometimes those opportunities involved sacrifices.  In this case, the ultimate sacrifice.

If Yang, the Blackguard commander who Blake was once determined to put in prison, could make such a sacrifice...then so could she.

“I’m going to find her.”

As soon as the words left her lips, she knew that’s what she had to do.  She couldn’t live with herself otherwise.

“I’m going to find her,” she repeated, clenching her fists and standing up.  “If she’s still alive, I’m finding her, and I’m going to save her.”

“Blake…”

“No, Sun.”  Before he tried to talk her out of it, she shook her head.  “I don’t care how stupid or dangerous it is.  I don’t care what Command thinks - they don’t care what happens to me anyway.”

Feeling the sting of tears in her eyes, she paused and took a deep breath.

“I care that she saved my life,” she said while meeting his gaze.  “I care that, even though I put her in that situation, she didn’t hesitate to save me.  Or you.  Or Zimon.  That’s what I care about - not what the talking heads say.”

When she motioned in the general direction of Command’s meeting room, Sun stood up and slowly shook his head.

“I wasn’t going to tell you not to go...I was going to ask how I can help.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking,” he stated plainly.  Sensing her reticence, he set his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.  “How important is she to you?”

Just thinking about Yang made Blake’s heart clench, which was more than enough of an answer.  It might not make sense for her to care so deeply about someone she once viewed as irredeemable, but she couldn’t deny that she did.

“Very,” she whispered without shying away from his gaze, and he nodded in return.

“Then we’re going to save her.  We both owe her that much.”

The conviction in his words and his eyes made her feel like crying again - this time out of relief rather than sadness.  Because she wasn’t alone.  She had an ally.  She had help.  And she knew exactly what she had to do.

Command just proved that their agenda didn’t account for her wellbeing, so she was done with them.  She was taking back control.  She wouldn’t be someone else’s pawn - her life was hers to live, and hers to give.

From here on out, she made her own orders.  If that got her into trouble, as it so often did, then at least she knew her motivation and objectives were pure.  But if she was putting herself in harm’s way, it would be for something or someone that she believed in.  Then at least she knew she was following her heart, not the whims of some distant authority figure.

Besides...she’d been trained to be a force of nature - why should she stand idly by while evil ran amok?  Why wouldn’t she take matters into her own hands and fight for someone she cared about?  Yang had done it for her...and she could do the same for Yang.

“Where do we start?” Sun eventually asked, drawing Blake’s gaze as a semblance of a plan began to form.

“First...we’re going to need a ship.”