Star-Crossed - Commentary - Ch. 13-14 (Patreon)

After another short break, we're right back where we started!

The last two weeks were a little rough for me in terms of writing, but I think things are getting better now.  For those of you who don't know, I've been having some issues with my hands - more specifically, they're very, very tired from typing (probably typing too much).  I'm not the best at taking breaks, so it makes sense that eventually it got to a point where I was somewhat forced to take a few days off.

Surprisingly, it was really nice!  I did some stretching and icing to help my hands feel better, and I’ve made a few changes that I hope will help moving forward.  One of those being that I'm trying to write a little less or make better, more efficient use of my writing time.  Another is that, where possible, I'm using one of those voice-to-text programs.

There are some quirks with voice-to-text that, if you’ve ever tried it, I'm sure you already know.  It works really well if you have a blank screen in front of you and are starting basically from scratch. It's not as useful when you already have the majority of a chapter written because it’s less nimble than using a keyboard and mouse.  Also, if you've ever thought about how we talk versus how proper sentence structure looks, you'll know that what ends up on the page is a bit of a mess.

Where I think it will be really helpful, however, is in writing these commentaries!  I'll have to proofread more after getting most of it down, but I think that's a small price to pay for saving my hands a few thousand words every couple of weeks.

With that said, let's begin our latest commentary!

Chapters 12 through 14 could be categorized as Zimon’s saga - from finding him in Chapter 12 to surviving the night in Chapter 13 to getting him off of the Inferno in Chapter 14.

I'm still thinking about what type of story this would have been if Blake and Yang kept him for the rest of the chapters.  But that couldn’t really happen because getting him home doesn't line up with the rest of the plot.

Well, I guess that it could have lined up with the rest of the plot if I really wanted it to.  Someone suggested that maybe Zimon had a link to Ruby.  For example, maybe he makes a comment about crossing paths with Ruby in the past, which would give Yang plenty of reason to keep him around in hopes of tracking Ruby down.

That actually would have been a good story, I think!  Just Blake, Yang, and Zimon trying to survive the cruelties of the universe together.

But, ultimately, Zimon’s presence distracts us from Blake and Yang’s relationship, and I wanted the focus  to revert to them pretty quickly.  Zimon was only supposed to help bring them together, which I think he did splendidly.

In my rush to get back to Blake and Yang's relationship, Chapter 13 didn't even exist in the original outline.  We went right from Chapter 12 , where they found Zimon, to Chapter 14, where they get him off the ship and to Maria.  Then I realized that everyone would want to see how they survived the night!  Isn't that one of the most important parts of any story with a smuggled fugitive?

So, rather than skipping all the good stuff, I realized that this was the perfect opportunity for Yang and Blake to bond.  Because nothing says “emotional bonding” like spending the night aboard a cold, dark shuttle hoping that no one decides to look for them.

Adding a chapter within your original outline can be difficult because you usually only have one great idea or scene to start with.  Unfortunately, one great scene probably isn’t enough to fill a whole chapter.  It depends on what the situation is, of course, but imagine if this entire chapter was just Yang and Blake sitting on the shuttle having a conversation.  While still great, fun, etc., it might also really slow down the story.

This means that, in order to add the chapter, you also need a few smaller events leading up to or surrounding your main event.  In this case, one of those ‘smaller events’ was the perfect opportunity for us to see more of Emerald and Cinder’s backstory.

As luck had it, Emerald already had a good reason to be checking the shuttles at night - she's one of the pilots!  (I love when things unintentionally work out like this.  It saves me a lot of time and effort that would’ve been spent searching for an excuse to get her on the shuttle in a reasonable manner.)

Emerald and Cinder’s story is only a side plot, but I hope that this little interaction was really illuminating even though it doesn't go into super specific details about what happened.  I didn't go into specifics because I thought it would be better for us to fill in the blanks on our own.

From their short conversation, however, we can make a pretty good assumption that Cinder used Emerald and Mercury to get Adam's attention.  I didn’t come up with exactly how this happened, but I imagine Cinder hyped up her little crime family to make herself look more useful in Adam's eyes.  Once Adam let them into the crew, and as soon as she was confident in her position, she dropped the “petty” criminals that got her there to begin with.

Obviously, Emerald isn't happy with that decision, but she's stuck in a situation where she has to just live with it.  Can you imagine how frustrating that would be?  Especially when Emerald looked up to or idolized Cinder in some ways.  One might say that she thought of Cinder in a similar way to how Ret views her.  (Don't ever tell her that though.  She'll probably stab you in the eye.)

What I find fascinating about writing stories like this is that so much can be left up to the reader's imagination - that whole “show don't tell” idea again.  There's no need to spell out everything that happened between Emerald and Cinder.  We don't even want that, really!  All we need are little hints and a few crumbs of information, and we will fill in the rest by ourselves.  It's pretty cool!

Now onto the Bees, where we get even more information and some even cuter interactions.

One of the main reasons Zimon is so young is that his innocence brings out Yang's softer side in a way that only a child can.  I think that most people view Yang as having a very motherly nature because she's an older sister and had to look after Ruby.  I also see her this way, and I saw Zimon’s presence as a great way to show Blake that Yang isn't a Blackguard through and through.

If you think about Yang's experience through these three chapters, Chapter 12 is shock and horror at realizing that she would leave a child behind.  In chapter 13, I like to think that her maternal instincts have awakened.  It might not be super obvious, but she wants Zimon to like her and is disappointed when it seems like he's afraid of her instead.

At this point, she's probably remembering how easy it used to be for her to be around kids, or around Ruby.  Now that she's confronted with a child again, she’s grappling with how much she's changed.  This makes her feel awkward, uncomfortable, and insecure about how to treat Zimon or interpret his behavior towards her.  In this sense, the shock from Chapter 12 hasn't really ended for her.

In Chapter 14, she gets a bit of her mojo back.  Zimon was never really scared of her, but she can see that now too.  I think one of the cutest things is that they don't even speak the same language, but Yang  found a way to communicate with him regardless.  And that's when the super sweet side of her starts to show.

Before we get into Chapter 14, let's go through the rest of Chapter 13!  More specifically, after Zimon goes to sleep and Blake and Yang are granted some nice, uninterrupted quiet time.

I really liked this segment because I feel like it was another opportunity for them to connect.  They’re even able to laugh about their current predicament and how Blake got them into it.

I only realized while proofreading that there was a bit of a disconnect between how Blake reacted to Zimon and how she reacted to the people left aboard the ship all the way back in Chapter 7.  In that chapter, she messaged ISA and asked them to send someone to check for survivors.  Why wouldn't she do that with Zimon?

Well, thankfully, I can think of a couple good reasons why she wouldn't.  The first is that she might not know exactly where they are like she did in Chapter 7.  How can she direct ISA to Zimon if she has no idea where the ship even is?

The best explanation is that Zimon’s age and the derelict state of the ship made her react less rationally than in Chapter 7.  That always seems to happen when kids are involved, and there was the added time pressure that life support on Zimon’s ship might not last long enough for help to arrive.

So, even though I didn't think of that specific question while writing, some logical explanations were miraculously available to us!  Love it when that happens too.

In addition to learning about Emerald and Cinder’s backstory, Chapter 13 also enlightens us with Yang's story and Blake's fake backstory.  I'll admit that I felt a little guilty about killing off Yang's dad, but that seemed like the only option considering Yang's sole focus on finding Ruby.

Now that I think about it...I guess she could have been looking for her dad and Ruby.  But, as I've mentioned in the past, parents don't play a large role in any of my stories so...sorry Tai.  You’ll be missed.

I thought that one of the most interesting parts about Yang's story was that she went to ISA for help, and they turned her away.  For the past twelve chapters, Blake has been telling us how great ISA is and how good they are for the universe.  Yang’s experience suggests that ISA isn’t all great, and that's a wake-up call for Blake.

I included a little “what if” scenario in their conversation, which I think is really interesting to ponder.

What if Blake had been the one Yang talked to when she was trying to get help finding Ruby?  Can you imagine what type of story that might have been?  (I'm trying not to think about it too much because otherwise I'll be writing an alternate timeline for this universe.)

I could see it happening though.  Because Blake was a trainee at that time, she probably would have been given all of the lowest or most grunt-like tasks.  This could have included talking to the people who came in to report various crimes - i.e. Yang.

That's basically the worst position for Blake to be in considering she’s such a bleeding heart.  Yang would need to be the very first person to walk through the door, otherwise Blake would already be off on a crusade helping someone else.

But let's say that they did connect.  I can totally see Blake ruffling some feathers trying to get someone to help.  When that doesn't work, she would probably drop everything and join Yang for the search.  She would see it as her duty to help - and if they fell in love in the process, no big deal.

In that alternate timeline, would the two of them have joined the Blackguards together?  That would be interesting...then both of them would be working with Adam from the beginning while also trying to find Ruby.  Even more interesting, you could still have an ISA agent come on board later, and the two of them would work together to figure out whether or not that person was a friend or foe.

Can you imagine how their relationship would blossom under that type of situation?  They would both be the bad guys, in that case, versus good and evil as it stands now.

Too many stories, not enough time…

Moving on to Chapter 14, which is the end of Zimon’s saga (for now).

Yang's short interaction with Cinder while they're leaving the ship was probably the second or third idea I had for the story.  Literally, it was something like, “Blake’s with the good guys, Yang’s with the bad guys, and this happens.”

“Get a fucking room,” she snapped while shoving past Yang.

“A fucking room sounds great.  Maybe we’ll recommission yours.”

I found it so amusing that I knew I had to fit it in somewhere.  I had to write the chapter around that moment and make sure everything lined up, but I think it was worth it.  It sums up Yang's character in this story pretty perfectly - she's learned to be harder and doesn't hold anything back when it comes to Cinder.

Fortunately, Cinder is the only real obstacle they have to overcome to get Zimon off the ship.

As a continuation of the theme, Yang has grown quite attached to Zimon already.  I love that she's the one who thinks to ask if he's okay first after they carried him off the ship in what's essentially an oversized duffle bag.  Blake’s attitude was along the lines of “he’s fine - the fabric is pretty breathable.”

In case anyone forgot that there's a grander mystery in the background, I slipped in some information about what Adam’s looking for.  (I wouldn't blame you for forgetting all about the maps that Blake has been deciphering, especially with everything that's been going on with Zimon.)

Valerian steel!  What is it and why is Adam after it?  All good questions, which Yang gives us some partial answers to.  I couldn't give away all the answers right now, of course.  Besides, that's not the focus of this chapter - Zimon is!

Valerian steel is, unsurprisingly, metal.  But good metal.  More on that will come later...once we’ve finished the mini-arc with Zimon.

Now, be honest - were you expecting to see Maria in this story?

Considering I've never seen the volumes that include her, I think her presence should come as a bit of a surprise!  I'm operating off of what little I've seen of her in adding her here - she's the sassy older lady type, isn't she?

She felt like the perfect person to use for this scene.  Someone who we identify as good, but could also fit in a rough-and-tumble environment like Drideter.  And her giant glasses - seriously, she's wearing binoculars on her face - provided an opportunity to give her a mysterious skill that's never fully explained.

Basically, what I was thinking is that those glasses let her see the true characters or motivations of the people around her.  That's why she’s so teasing to Yang, who pretends to be cold and detached but is actually soft at heart.

From how Yang treats her, however, we can tell that Maria's comments hit a little too close to home.  But Yang must also get the sense that Maria is, at her core, a decent person.  Otherwise, Yang would never leave Zimon with her.

I couldn't make Maria all good, however.  She does live on a pretty shady planet, and probably has a pretty shady past.  How else would her and Yang have met?  So she's the kind old grandmother who just so happens to like making up stories to boost her street cred.  I imagined her like Maz from the new Star Wars movies - good with some shady acquaintances.

But she'll take Zimon home, at least.  And take credit for saving him but, in a way, she is saving him because Yang and Blake can't take him home themselves.

That poor, sweet little boy...he's been through so much!

His departure from their lives isn't played out too much, but Blake and Yang are both sad about it.  Yang obviously doesn't want anyone to see that she's upset, but it shows in how quickly she leaves the house.  Blake is more honest with us about her feelings, but she doesn't let Yang see them.

In the end, they're both sad - and I'm sad - that Zimon is no longer with them.  But we can imagine his adventures with Maria from here on out - I'm sure she's a hoot to spend time with.

Now that he's gone, however, our main characters somewhat reluctantly return to their prior missions.  For Yang this means following more potential leads on Ruby.  For Blake, this means meeting up with ISA  to exchange information on what she's learned about the Blackguards so far.

But! Yang kind of asked Blake out.  Very subtly - and shyly! - but they now have plans to meet up after Blake’s meeting with ISA.  That's something we can all look forward to, right?  I know I certainly am.  After what they just went through, they should be even closer than before.  And what might happen now that they’ve shared these experiences and secrets together?  Only time will tell!

Before signing off, can you imagine Yang from this story as a mom or a girlfriend?  She would be such a badass and so intimidating.  But she would spoil her kids rotten, so they would see her as a pushover that gives them whatever they asked for.  When she meets their friends, however, they probably wonder why everyone looks at her with such wide eyes.

As for Blake...well, I would say that Yang would be intimidating if anyone ever tried to flirt with Blake in front of her.  But we all know that Yang will turn into a marshmallow as soon as she feels secure in their relationship.  I’ve never imagined her as a super jealous type, but…

But now I am.

That’s all from me for now!  I’m going to try not to start a Jealous Yang story...even though that would probably be a lot of fun.

Too many stories, not enough time!

Until next time,

Miko