Star-Crossed - Commentary - Ch. 9-10 (Patreon)

Welcome back to another few minutes of me aimlessly typing my thoughts!  Actually, these commentaries take me a few hours to write, but I’m sure people are reading them in a few minutes or less.  Some people are so fast at reading!  I used to think I was a fast reader, and maybe I once was, but I’ve slowed down over time.

Not because of age!  At least, I don’t think it’s because of age (my eyesight is poorer now though…).  But whenever I read these days, I get bogged down in analyzing sentence and paragraph structure.  I’m sure that sounds incredibly lame, but I like seeing how other people write and which words they chose!  I imagine that maybe artists feel the same way when looking at other artwork.  Like, “Oh, they used that type of paint brush - that’s cool, I should try that.”

There is, however, the issue of getting new ideas while reading...which is part of the reason I stopped reading fanfics!  I was having like three new story ideas from every story I read - a potential health hazard, basically.  It’s pretty natural though to have other ideas spring to mind when in the midst of another universe like that, I think, but I didn’t want to be drowning in unfinished ideas.  Plus, there’s the issue of unintentionally mimicking what you’ve read in your writing, which I didn’t want to accidentally get wrapped up in.

I promise I’ll get to the story eventually, but I have another side note to share!  One of the great things about all this writing practice is that I’ve become a better communicator in all written forms.  This includes work, as I send lots of emails.  I can craft better emails now though!  (Imagine me using my gay fanfic skills in a professional setting…)  

BUT.  Recently, I’ve noticed one little drawback to all of this practice. 

Sentence structure is an elusive thing, especially in more casual, laidback correspondence.  I’ve probably made at least a dozen mistakes in this commentary already because how we think and talk isn’t necessarily very clear (or following the rules).  After learning some of those rules, however, I’ve discovered that I’m second-guessing other people’s intentions more often.  Do they mean what I think they mean, or do they mean what they wrote?

I can’t think of an example off the top of my head, but I hope you understand what I mean!  Just imagine me reading and re-reading emails trying to figure out if the sender understood the right writing rules.  I’m pretty sure we all do this every once in a while, but it’s happening to me far more often than ever before!

Now that you’re in the perfect mindset - meaning prepared to overanalyze every word I write - let’s talk about some stories!

Updating on my current writing...I’m still chugging away at the Bees to Lovers story.  I’ve finished 5 of 21 chapters and crossed 70,000 words for the story overall.  120k or bust?  I thought the chapters would be in the 4-5k range, but they’ve been around 6k so far.  I wish I could say I was surprised or something, but by this point...I’m resigned to the fact that this is just who I am.  

I don’t want to rush the feelings though!  I want to relish in them...

Anyway, let’s get to our current story!  Otherwise, I’m liable to just keep rambling on and on forever.  Wordy Writer Syndrome (see above for example).

Chapter 9’s purpose was mostly just progressing the Bees’ relationship, but we also got a couple of revelations thrown into the mix.  The first of these doesn’t have anything to do with Yang or Blake, but involves our favorite trio of side characters - Emerald, Mercury, and Ret!

As I mentioned earlier, Emerald and Mercury originally weren’t in the story.  When I swapped them in for some outside characters, I also had to layer in a plausible explanation for why they’re not Cinder’s cronies (like in canon).  I told you that this wasn’t incredibly difficult - definitely not what I planned on doing, but not as time-consuming as one would think.  

Well, Chapter 9 provides just a touch of background with these two sentences:

“Maybe now we know how Cinder felt about us...” Mercury mused.

“Please.  We’re actually useful.”

See?  I added two lines, and it hints at this great big backstory that we missed out on.  That’s ok though, right?  We don’t need to see everything - that’s what our imaginations are for.  Keep an eye out for more of Emerald, Mercury, and Cinder’s history.  It’s nothing incredibly detailed, but we’ll have a better understanding of what happened by the end of the story.

As for Ret’s revelation...it’s not a revelation more as explaining a particular trait of his.  Emerald spells it out pretty clearly (and sarcastically) for us:

“He literally turns blue when he thinks about lying.”

This is kind of unclear, I just realized, because Ret’s skin is light-blue all the time.  What I meant here is that he turns a darker shade of blue.

You might recall back in Chapter 6 that Yang walks into the recreation room while the rest of them are playing cards, and Emerald and Mercury tell Ret that she’s going to ‘notice.’  Well, now that we know he turns darker blue when he lies (or thinks about lying), we can imagine that they’re worried he’ll give away a lie to Yang, who probably knows this particular trait as well as the rest of the crew does.

This also, in a way, makes him even more of a misfit in the Blackguards.  A dumb kid who can’t even think about lying without visibly giving it away?  How useful could he really be in such an environment?

The rest of this chapter revolves around Blake helping Yang, and I hope you could tell how unwilling/unaccustomed Yang is to accepting any help.  She literally stalks back to her room by herself rather than ask anyone to look at the gash in her arm.

Which, by the way, I didn’t come up with a specific story for what Adam did that got Yang hurt/almost killed.  I imagine one of those TV meetings between two rival gangs, where the tension is incredibly high but they’re trying to exchange drugs/guns/money without anyone getting an itchy trigger finger.  But, Adam being Adam, he decides that he’d rather not pay for something he believes already belongs to him.

A firefight ensues, but his group comes out on top so he thinks he’s a genius.  No, as Yang tells him pretty flatout, he’s just a cocky, violent jerk.

The middle part of this chapter, where Blake takes care of Yang’s arm, reminds me of that scene in Beauty and the Beast where Belle does the same.  Yang’s being a cranky baby about it, but Blake’s not pulling any punches.

One of the things I like most about Blake in this story is that she has a pretty firm backbone.  In many respects, she’s way out of her depth at the moment, but she’ll still snap back when pushed too far.  I think it’s those moments that Yang also enjoys the most - or Yang just likes that someone’s got the nerve to call her a baby to her face.  She’s probably punched people for less. 

But she would never punch Blake!  Right…?  

In this moment of...let’s call it a moment of vulnerability for Yang considering she just survived a firefight and got bitten by what I can only imagine is a giant flea with fangs...she actually lets down her guard and surrenders some information. 

First, she tells Blake how she lost her arm.  Pretty sarcastically, I might add, but at least the information got out there!

Second, she unintentionally tells Blake who she’s searching for.

I think most people guessed that it was Ruby, but Raven or Summer are also good guesses.  At the end of the day, I feel like Ruby would be a stronger driver for Yang than Raven or Summer.  I mean, she’s helping Adam...that’s how badly she wants to find her sister.

Now that that cat’s out of the bag, Blake and Yang can become closer than ever!  It might also help that their alone time together is increasing chapter by chapter.  As we move on to Chapter 10, we learn that Yang has been having Blake change those bandages for her.

I think of this as Yang’s way of trying to spend time with Blake, just like how Blake was searching for reasons for them to spend time together in Chapter 9.  Yang can’t exactly just say “Hey, let’s hang out.”  I guess she could, but that would probably throw up all kinds of red flags for everyone.  Instead, she says, “Change these bandages, grunt.”  (insert growly/scowly face here)

I love these little moments between them though!  Especially as Yang’s personality starts slipping out more and more.  Her sense of humor is a little dark - definitely darker than in my other stories - but Blake finds it funny, and that’s all that matters!

There’s another revelation in the beginning of Chapter 10, which solves the mystery of Yang’s perpetually-red eyes.  I honestly didn’t think as many people would comment as there has been, but I did want it to be moderately important!  The answer is essentially the Hulk route - “I’m always angry.”  (insert growly/scowly face here too)

But also - Yang’s not human!  It is a space story, after all, so she doesn’t have to be.  She can look human, but I can give her some nifty ‘alien’ traits too.  In this case, I gave her eyes that change color and magnetism.

Animas were notoriously magnetic, making them great leaders but, alternatively, all-consuming muses.  

Two reasons why I chose this for her.  One, it’s further explanation for why the other Blackguards look up to her so much - she’s a leader by nature.  Two, it gives a subtle reason for Blake being inexplicably drawn to Yang - in the physical sense, at least.  

Of course, I immediately discounted that by having Blake point out that the things about Yang that interest her most have nothing to do with appearance.  But, if they were to jump into bed together right now, I gave a plausible explanation!

Who else might be drawn in by Yang’s charm though...maybe a cold-hearted villain or two?  (It’s definitely not working on Cinder though, so we know it’s not foolproof.)

With this revelation, however, Blake understands Yang that much better.  Blake’s actually pretty good at reading people, I think.  She’s definitely read Adam and Cinder correctly, and her understanding of Yang grows each chapter.  Or, as Yang put it, her ‘psychoanalyzing’ of Yang grows each chapter.  

Yang isn’t the only one being psychoanalyzed though, as Blake is being subjected to the same.  I like that Yang has gone from saving Blake to dismissing her, then to sizing her up, and now to trying to figure her out too.  ‘Different’ makes another appearance here (much to Blake’s trepidation), but Yang doesn’t consider ‘different’ to be a bad thing.  Maybe because she, herself, is different from the rest of the Blackguards?  If she knows that she’s different, how must it feel to find someone else who’s the same?  (‘The same’ meaning different.)

Basically, they’re both interested in learning more about each other, which is great because that’s what we want to see anyway.  Unfortunately, Adam shows up and ruins the moment like usual.  I swear, that guy is such a buzzkill sometimes (buzzkill, get it?).

But our plot must move on!  And, unfortunately, our plot is not ‘Bees get it on while space crimes happen in a galaxy far, far away.’  Although maybe it should have been...

Anyway, the greater part of this chapter takes place on some hostile, watery planet.  Blake misses most of the action because the author didn’t want to write more action scenes - I mean, because Yang tells Blake to stay on the ship.  There are a couple of possible reasons why Yang did this.  Because she knew the resistance they would face and truly didn’t think Blake was ready?  Because she didn’t want to get hurt?  She didn’t want Blake involved in the destruction?  She didn’t want Blake to see her involvement in the destruction?  Or because I just really didn’t want to write another action scene?

Honestly, it’s some of all of the above.  Action sequences can be bleh, and this would have been a doozy.  Also important though - I didn’t want to write anything that might negatively impact Blake’s view of Yang at this point.  They’re doing so well, now’s not the time to mess it all up!  Plus, I didn’t want to write any more death scenes at the moment...although there were still two deaths that Blake witnesses, and nearly a third (her own).

Our big plot point comes up in this chapter with the Blackguards finding the old maps they’ve been looking for.  Valerian Steel was another title I considered, but I thought it was a little too much of a spoiler.  

What are the Blackguards searching for?  Maybe the term we’ve never heard before that’s also the title of the story.  

I like a little bit of mystery, and that was not very mysterious!  Of course, Blake still has no idea what Valerian Steel is, but we’ll learn more as the story progresses.  Always in the dark, always a few steps behind - our poor, rookie ISA agent is having a pretty rough go of it right now.

You have to give her props for not giving up though.  She had the perfect out in this chapter.  Adam nearly just killed her, and all she had to do was fall behind and wait for ISA to arrive at the facility.  They would pick her up, and she’d be on her way home.  She is, however, exceedingly stubborn and refuses to accept failure.  Even though she’s scared and not enjoying this mission in the slightest, she feels like it’s her responsibility to complete it.  (It kind of is since she’s the one who accepted it…)

You kind of can’t help but root for her.  She might be getting beat up about every other chapter, but she refuses to give up.  Is it courageous or stupid to stay when she’s out of her depth?

Let’s go with courageous for now, with a possible downgrade to stupidity in the future.  It depends on what happens next, doesn’t it?  Well, that is an answer we’ll learn in just a few days!

We have 2/3rds of the story left, so still plenty of mystery to unravel and Bee-hijinks to enjoy.  I know I say this a lot, but I’m really excited for you to see what comes next!

Until next time, 

Miko