How to Be Funny (Patreon)

 (Sorry, this isn't a guide XD  It's only a oneshot!)

**

“So then I said, ‘well I dunno about that, but I’ve certainly seen butter!’”

When Ruby dissolved into giggles, Weiss glanced over and shook her head.  Yang looked pretty pleased with herself, like she always did when she told a really dumb joke.  Personally, Weiss didn’t find them that funny, but Ruby...Ruby always laughed like they were the funniest things she’d ever heard.

Weiss wasn’t jealous.  Ruby also laughed at the things she said or...did, usually.  Most of those instances had more to do with her being ‘prim’ or ‘proper’ or any of the words Ruby used to describe Weiss’ childhood, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t as funny as Yang.  It just meant...they had different styles of humor.  Yang told jokes - Weiss...behaved the only way she knew how.

“Then he asked me to dance, but I was like, ‘I dunno if you wanna do that.  All I know is the slide.’”

Blake joined in with Ruby’s giggles this time - Blake.  The one who didn’t laugh - laughed at Yang’s joke.

Sure, maybe that was because she was also hopelessly in love with Yang, but that couldn’t be all, right?  There had to be something that Weiss didn’t get.  Something she hadn’t considered yet.

Tearing her gaze away from her notebook, she watched her teammates with a more curious gaze while they chatted and avoided homework.  The way they laughed seemed genuine enough...and the adorable blush on Ruby’s cheeks suggested she was honestly amused by whatever Yang had to say.  Even Blake followed the conversation closely - an open book in her hands but unread for the past few minutes now.

Just looking at them, Weiss couldn’t escape this nagging feeling in the back of her mind - a thought she didn’t want to entertain...but it grew louder the longer this current round of giggles went on for.

What if Yang was actually funny?

Turning back to her desk, Weiss picked up her pen but wrote nothing.  Instead, she stared at the page while her mind raced from the implications of that thought.

It couldn’t be.  If Yang was actually funny then...everything Weiss knew about humor was wrong.  And if everything she knew about humor was wrong...

Now that she thought about it, she didn’t know anything about humor.  Her father thought other people’s misery was funny.  Winter hardly knew how to smile, let alone laugh.  And Whitley...was a little shit, so there was that.

Maybe that was her first mistake.  Maybe she only assumed Yang wasn’t funny because she didn’t understand Yang’s sense of humor.  Maybe if she did understand Yang’s sense of humor, she would laugh with the rest of them.  Even better...maybe she could be the funny one, and Ruby and Blake would laugh at her jokes too.

Setting her pen down and grabbing her scroll, she did what she usually did when she didn’t understand something as well as she needed to - she researched.  In this case, she needed to know everything there was to know about humor and telling jokes.  It couldn’t be innate.  Therefore, it had to be something she could learn.  And she trusted in her ability to learn just about anything.

***

After spending most of the morning in the library, Weiss returned to the room with a sense of anticipation and excitement.  Hours of review had yielded several great pointers that should help her become a funnier person.  All she needed to do was use those pointers and see whether or not they paid any dividends, hopefully in the form of Ruby’s adorable giggles.  A smile from Blake would also be ample reward, but Weiss really wanted those giggles.

So, taking a deep breath, she opened the door to their room and found her teammates exactly where she expected them - lounging on their beds, playing games/reading/reading magazines rather than studying.  With none of them in the midst of anything too thought-consuming, this was the perfect situation to try out her new skills.

“Hey guys,” she greeted them, taking care to keep a casual tone while setting her bag on the floor near her desk.

“Hey Weiss!” Ruby replied from her bed.  Weiss had anticipated that Ruby would reply first, which was good - everything was on track.  And then Ruby would follow up with a question...

“How was studying?”

Perfect.  Just the question Weiss needed.  If she wasn’t in the midst of trying to be a funnier person, she would’ve given Ruby a hug.

“It was good,” she replied with a slow, measured nod.  Yang and Blake were hardly paying attention, but they were probably still listening.  At least, she hoped they were listening.  “I got a lot of work done,” she continued, and paused before her third statement, which she needed to add as flippantly as possible.  “Jaune ran into the library door while I was there, but that was -”  With a wave of her hand - as if that was no big deal - she turned away. 

That’s when she heard Yang’s huff of amusement.  

“He what?”

Maybe this wasn’t as difficult as she thought, especially when her teammates replied exactly how she expected.

“He ran into the door,” she repeated while turning back to the room.  She had everyone’s attention now, and felt very much like she was holding a court of sorts.  Was this how Yang always felt?  “He was chasing Nora out of the room and didn’t even see it.  He just -”  She smacked one hand against her palm to symbolize Jaune hitting the wall, then smiled when she heard Ruby giggle.

It was just as rewarding as she’d imagined.

“Did he really?” Blake asked in her signature dry, disbelieving tone.  But she asked a yes or no question, which was perfect.  They expected her to say yes, which meant... 

“No,” Weiss replied before scoffing and rolling her eyes.  And then she would flip the tables on them.  “Of course he did,” she added.  “It’s Jaune we’re talking about.”

Yang chuckled lightly, Ruby giggled a few more times, and Blake’s lips actually twitched up with a smile.  

To anyone who thought humor couldn’t be carefully planned out and coordinated in advance, they were wrong - this was working.

“I mean, we’ve only seen him do that about -”  Weiss needed a big number - an unrealistically big number.  “A million times,” she concluded.  This time, Yang laughed while nodding along with the hyperbole.

“That’s true,” she added with a smile.  “I swear, sometimes I think he’s actually blind.”

When Blake scoffed with laughter at the response and Ruby’s giggles amplified, Weiss realized she needed to regain control of the conversation quickly.  Otherwise, Yang would take over and have everyone in stitches in no time.

But not today.  Today was Weiss’ turn to put people in stitches.  The good kind - not the bad kind.  Although she was certainly capable of putting people in the bad kind of stitches if she wanted to.

“That reminds me,” she cut in before Yang could say something else.  “Of a butler we had at home -”  A personal story - the funniest one she’d been able to think of.  

“We were hosting a big party at our house, and he was rushing to the ballroom carrying this huge bowl of spiked punch.”  She motioned with her arms to show how big the bowl had been - way too big for one person to carry on their own.  “He thought someone was holding the door open for him, but they weren’t, so he ran right into it and spilled the punch all over himself and the floor.”

Thinking back on the moment, which looked like a bloodbath on the floor in Schnee manor, Weiss smiled and shook her head.  Now for the finale...

“Guess you could say that party was pretty dry.”

She chuckled at the joke, finding it intelligent while also witty, but trailed off when she noticed her teammates staring at her rather than giving a reaction.  It was supposed to be funny - she thought it was funny - instead, they looked at her like she had three heads.

“Uh...” Yang said, glancing at Ruby as if hoping she would say something.

“Because there was no alcohol at the party?” Weiss elaborated, feeling her control over the situation slip through her grasp.  “Because the punch was spiked so no one had anything to drink?”

“Yeah, we got your punch line,” Yang replied with a fleeting grin.  “But uh...what’re you doing?”

Taken aback by the question, Weiss looked at Blake and Ruby before scoffing.  “What do you mean ‘what am I doing?  I was telling a story.”

“No..” Blake replied from her bed while giving Weiss a thoughtful gaze.  “You were...being Yang.”

Yang nodded at the accusation, but Weiss scoffed again.  Maybe she was trying to tell jokes like Yang did, but they hadn’t even laughed.  If they hadn’t laughed, then clearly she wasn’t ‘being Yang’ at all.  That, or they just didn’t think she was funny, no matter what she did.

“Well if I was Yang, you would’ve laughed,” she snapped before turning on her heel and stalking out of the room.

“Wait, Weiss -” she heard from behind her, but she didn’t stop while hurrying away from their room.  

Stupid jokes.  Stupid humor.  She didn’t understand it, and apparently she never would.  Not even if she  studied it, which was even more frustrating.  How was it that something so inane was also impossible to learn?

“I don’t feel like talking, Ruby,” she said when she felt Ruby’s presence appear by her elbow.

“You don’t have to talk - I’ll talk!”

Realizing she couldn’t get away from Ruby even if she wanted to, she sighed and turned towards her partner.  As usual, Ruby had a way of melting through her frustration, which was both annoying and relieving at the same time.

“What is it?”

“You know we think you’re funny, right?” Ruby came right out and said, but Weiss scoffed and rolled her eyes.  “We do!” Ruby added while reaching out and touching Weiss’ elbow.  “I actually think you’re funnier than Yang, but please don’t tell her that.”

Weiss shook her head at the notion that she was funnier than Yang - clearly untrue - but Ruby nodded.

“Really, you are!  You just have a different sense of humor than she does, which was why it was so weird to see you like...impersonate her.”

“I wasn’t impersonating her,” Weiss grumbled.  “I was just...” Thinking about the situation, she tilted her head back and sighed.  “I just wanted you and Blake to think I was funny like she is.  And to laugh at my jokes like you do for hers.”

Admitting that out loud, she felt rather childish.  Who so desperately sought laughs and attention like that? She did, apparently.  But she cared about what her teammates thought about her...

“Don’t you remember last week, which you gave me a side cramp from laughing so much?”

Weiss remembered - that was the moment that started all of this, to begin with, but it had been an accident.  When she opened her mouth to say as much, however, Ruby held up a hand to stop her.

“And do you remember the time you made Yang spray water all over the table?  Or the time Blake nearly fell off Yang’s bed laughing?  Any of those ring a bell?”

All of them did, but Weiss didn’t want to admit as much.  Ruby already knew, of course - she knew Weiss better than anyone by now.

“You’re funny, Weiss,” she reiterated.  “But you pick your moments - you have like, deadly accuracy with your timing.  No one expects it, then you swoop in with some epic comment that kills us.”

Put that way...Weiss kind of liked how it sounded.  Deadly accuracy - she wasn’t funny all the time, but she was funny when it counted.

“Do you really think so?” she asked anyway, searching for just a bit more reassurance.

“Yes.” Ruby reached out for Weiss’ hands and smiled.  “Seriously, yes.  You don’t need to be like Yang to be funny.  You only need to be you - you’re already plenty funny enough.”

Weiss couldn’t deny that she suddenly felt remarkably better - not when she could see the sincerity in Ruby’s eyes and feel it in her words.  Maybe she didn’t completely understand what made those particular moments so funny or even how to duplicate those effects, but...maybe she should just let it happen naturally.

“Thank you, Ruby,” she said with a gentle squeeze of Ruby’s hands.

“Feeling better now?” Ruby asked while moving back towards their room, silently prompting Weiss to follow.

“Yes.” Glancing over at Ruby, Weiss smiled.  “Now I almost feel bad about shutting that door in Jaune’s face.”

When Ruby immediately dissolved into giggles, Weiss’ smile grew and her heart warmed.

Maybe she was a little funny, after all.