Dream Theory - Chapter 8 (Patreon)

Once upon a time, Blake lived a full life - a life where her waking hours were just as good, if not better, than the time she spent exploring the limits of dreams.  Through work, she found personal fulfillment and thought-provoking challenges.  Through Yang, she found an unending stream of love, laughter, and support.

During the time when they were together, dreaming came easy.  Once a lifelong obsession, it became more of a perk, a luxury, and a bit of fun to be had as she and Yang focused on each other.

Now, dreaming was an escape.  Like so many others who dove into Dreamscapes with every bit of their being, Blake craved the sensation of letting go of herself, of her life.  She wanted to be somewhere else - she wanted to be someone else.  The Dreamscape sitting by her bed allowed her to do just that, and, most importantly, it allowed her to connect with a piece of the life she wanted: Yang.

With another day of endless searching coming to a close, she laid in bed and pulled the covers over top of her.  She missed the sheets at home, which always felt cool to the touch yet still kept her comfortably warm.  But maybe it wasn’t the sheets that kept her warm...maybe it was the person who’d once slept beside her.

When longing spiked in her chest, she closed her eyes and sighed.  Every night was the same - the same loneliness, the same heartbreak, the same regret.  But she didn’t want to bring those emotions into the dream with her, not when this was the only time she and Yang could be together.  This was a time they should enjoy - not a time for them to cry over their separation.

Before reaching out to the Dreamscape, Blake took a moment to come up with a scenario for their night.  Contrary to Yang’s insistence that she ‘was just amazing,’ it took a bit of forethought to construct the environment she wanted.  That wasn’t to say she couldn’t build a full-fledged landscape whenever she wanted - she could.  What she’d found, however, was that if she decided in advance, focusing on Yang became that much easier.

That’s what these nights were about - focusing on Yang.  Focusing on each other.  Pretending that this cavernous distance, which only seemed to widen as time progressed, wasn’t keeping them apart.

Yang seemed to enjoy the beach from last night, but that probably had more to do with Blake’s outfit than the scenery.  She wouldn’t mind baring more skin for Yang’s...benefit...but she preferred when the environment supported the clothing choice.  However, she’d willingly wear a bikini in a crowded marketplace if it made Yang happy.

Deciding against that idea for now (she didn’t want to ruin the effect, after all), she thought it would be nice to revisit the park near their apartment instead.  

They used to take a walk through the park every evening after dinner.  It was their chance to catch up on the day while also getting out of the apartment, and it became a cornerstone of their relationship - something they made time for regardless of how busy their day was.  Maybe they could recapture a bit of that feeling tonight, as if this was just another day in which work kept them apart for too long.

With that scenario in mind, she went to sleep far more peacefully than she had earlier in the day.  As her consciousness moved to another plane, she drifted for several moments before finally coming into being.  Her thoughts spread through her mind, jumping from topic-to-topic until she reigned herself in and entered the darkzone.

As calm spread through her subconscious, she searched for Yang amongst the dreamers.  When no sense of familiarity tugged at her mind, however, she brought together a room instead, surrounding herself with four walls and a ceiling before stepping onto the thinly-carpeted floor and looking around.

With time to spare until Yang entered the Dreamscape, Blake continued the memory, filling the room with neatly-arranged chairs that faced a small, raised stage.  A podium stood on the center of the stage, with a thin microphone sitting on top.  To the right of the podium was a slowly-spinning holographic image of a human brain.

The people were gone, the hustle and bustle was gone, but this was it - this was where they met.

Walking to the podium, she tapped the microphone and heard a peel of feedback cut through the silence, just as it had on that day.  Her notes appeared in front of her, arranged in several numerical lists so she wouldn’t get sidetracked from the main points she wanted to make.

The topic was ‘How Dreams Impact the Mind - And Why We Want More of Them,’ and it was the first fully-booked lecture she’d ever hosted.  In the beginning, she was a little nervous, but eventually she settled into the comfort of discussing a subject that meant a great deal to her.  

Dream theory was her life.  Ever since she was a child, diving into daydreams and reading every dreaming book available, she’d wanted to change the world by making dreams come true.  Dreamscape presented the opportunity to fulfill that goal, while also giving her a platform on which to keep learning and advancing their connection with their subconscious.

She wanted everyone to experience their dreams, and she wanted that experience to motivate the dreamer to chase those dreams in real life.

Filling the seats with attendees - substituting the faces with stand-ins because she couldn’t remember everyone there on that day - she smiled as they talked amongst themselves and left the conference room behind.  They seemed excited by the information she’d just provided, which hopefully meant she’d done a good job.

While most of the attendees filed out of the room, she glanced at her notes only to be immediately distracted by a tall, grey-haired gentleman walking up to the podium.

“Very intriguing,” he said, his voice fast and clipped - as if he didn’t have time to speak with her even though he was the one seeking her out.  “Is there a reason you left out the research being done on dreams-as-life?”

“You mean the concept of foregoing real life in favor of living in a dream?” she asked, to which he nodded.  “From what I understand, the ramifications of such extended exposure aren’t fully understood yet, nor will they be for quite some time.”

“But technologically-speaking, it’s possible,” he prodded her.

“It is,” she answered.  “But the Dreamscape isn’t built to simulate an entire life, so the dreamer would have to take the reigns themselves.  Obviously, that type of control requires an above-average dreamer, if anyone even wanted to put that much pressure on themselves.”

“Theoretically though, Dreamscape Industries could program a sequence of dreams to simulate any life the dreamer wanted.”

Understanding that the man - who must be a member of one of those ‘forever dreamer’ groups - wasn’t giving up anytime soon, Blake shook her head.

“We aren’t working on that at the moment,” she told him flatly.  “The science could be there, but first we need to solidify a co-dreamer’s form, don’t you think?”  

Fortunately, he understood from her tone that the conversation was over and gave a forced smile in return.

“Yes, I agree.  Thank you for your time.”

Letting the man disappear shortly before he reached the exit, Blake shook her head and went back to collecting her notes.  Even though she knew what would happen next - even though she controlled what would happen next - her skin prickled with anticipation while she put her belongings into her bag.

“Excuse me.” 

When Blake looked up, she broke from the memory and smiled.  It was hard not to smile though, especially with what came next.

“Yes?” she asked, straightening her posture and smiling again when Yang prepared her line - the first words they would share.

“Sorry to bother you.  But are all dream theorists as gorgeous as you?”

This time, Blake laughed at the question.  In the moment, however, she’d been unimpressed.  She remembered suppressing the urge to roll her eyes, with only manners preventing her from doing so.  But then Yang surprised her - the first of many surprises she would experience over the next few years.

“I mean, I love the point you made about how dreams connect our consciousness and memories in imperfect ways.  Do you think that connection could ever have an application in the field of law, or are we too good at convincing ourselves we’re better than we are?”

At the time, Blake was shocked by the question.  

That wasn’t entirely true.  It was a good question.  What she was most surprised by was the person who asked it.

“As a means of…?”

“Evidence,” Yang replied with a flicker of a smile.  “Proof of intent.  Could we, at some point in the future, have technology advanced enough that arrests can be made based on dreams alone?”

While the dream version of Yang waited for an answer, Blake smiled.  

“This was the moment I knew you were something special,” she whispered, resisting the urge to reach out for Yang’s hand before recalling what she’d said next.  

“That’s a rather big leap...the technology needed to separate fact from fiction could be decades away, if it’s even possible,” she said instead, stepping back into her role and putting Yang back into hers.  “Why do you ask?”

Yang then lifted her hand - displaying the mechanical arm Blake hadn’t noticed yet - and flashed her police badge.  

“I’m a detective, and I’m working on a case that’s...somewhat related.  I came to listen so I could learn as much as possible about Dreamscapes.  Thought I’d ask about the future because...well, gotta stay ahead of the curve, you know?”

Since childhood, Blake had been more curious than most.  That was why she read so much - absorbing every bit of knowledge she could get her hands on.  And now, her curiosity was peaked again.  This time, by a young, attractive detective who seemed more intelligent than her looks portrayed.  

What case was she working on?  How did it relate to dream theory?  And what was the story behind her arm?  Her life?

Besides her rampant curiosity, Blake couldn’t shake the feeling that she shouldn’t just let Yang walk away.  People walked in and out of her life on a daily basis, but something about Yang was different.  Maybe Blake was just fooling herself - maybe she just found Yang attractive and wanted to continue the conversation.  Maybe she, like so many others, was enticed by an authority figure.  

Whatever the reason, she did something she’d never done before, and that she’d never regretted since.

“If you have time, we can grab lunch and discuss in detail?  There’s a nice deli a couple of blocks from here.”

“Tavo’s?” Yang asked before breaking into a bright smile.  “I love that place - and I’d love to have lunch with you.” 

Blake stopped the memory then, with Yang standing in front of her wearing one of those smiles she’d fallen in love with almost immediately.  It was hard not to love that smile, which was genuine and uplifting.  In a world increasingly focused on fabrications and imitations - from holomasks to dreamscapes to the AVR rooms popping up on every block - it was disarming to meet someone so...real.

With a heavy sigh, equal parts longing and sadness, Blake leaned close and rested her forehead against Yang’s chest.  The moment she felt a hand lightly brush her cheek, however, she quickly stepped away and shook her head to regain control of her subconscious.

As much as she wanted Yang’s comfort and reassurance, it felt unfair to pretend this was real.  This wasn’t real - this was Blake fooling herself.  Most of all, it wasn’t fair for her to take comfort in Yang’s embrace when Yang couldn’t do the same.

With her resolve wavering, Blake let Yang fade away - and with it, the temptation to seek more affection and solace.  Left in the empty room, she wrapped her arms around herself and sighed again.

Dreamers couldn’t interact with other dreamers.  At least, not directly.  The boundaries of their minds prevented them from projecting a more corporeal form within the realms of a dream.  It was, without a doubt, the single biggest ‘complaint’ users had about the Dreamscape.  Daydreamer solved the problem through a variety of subconscious workarounds, but it still wasn’t the same as interacting with ‘real’ pieces of the dream environment.

Blake didn’t have access to a Daydreamer - nor would she use one even if she did - but she could project a clone of herself into a dream with Yang.  And - unlike co-dreamers - Yang could interact with a figment of the environment without restriction.

Many times, Blake considered presenting the option but, ultimately, was too jealous to even bring it up.  Too jealous to let Yang have even that level of comfort.  But as time ticked forward and very little progress was made, she might have to learn how to control her jealousy.  It would be her, in a way, even though it wouldn’t be her at the same time.  

She didn’t even know if Yang would consider that an acceptable solution...

The Dreamscape always made her question what was an acceptable alternative to real life.  Could a dream ever substitute for the warmth and comfort of another person?  She used to think so.  She used to believe that the future would have very little social interaction while Dreamscapes took precedence over the day-to-day grind of real life.  

After this separation from Yang, however, she knew she was wrong.  Nothing could replace the reassurance and comfort of being held by the person she loved.  No matter how far technology advanced, no matter how ‘real’ dreams looked or felt, it would never be real.  If she’d never fallen in love, she probably wouldn’t know the difference, but… 

Looking around the room, with its neutral wallpaper interspersed with remarkably-vanilla photographs, she tried to keep her guilt at bay.  

But, ultimately, this was her fault.  

Maybe she should just give Yang more information, if only to dislodge the wedge that secrecy had driven between them.  But information came with danger attached.  If the wrong people discovered that Yang knew something, they’d go after her just like they had Blake.  And while Blake didn’t doubt Yang’s ability to keep a secret, she did doubt Yang’s ability to not look into the matter.  Even now, after months of Blake begging her to let it go, Yang continued searching for whoever was responsible for the explosion at the transit station.

Blake didn’t know the right answer.

With another sigh, she let the conference room fade away and surrounded herself in the darkzone once more.  Elevating Yang to the forefront of her thoughts, she searched for a star that shone brighter than the others.  Her star - the light of her life - was out there somewhere.

At least, she expected Yang to be out there somewhere.  It should be around the right time for them to meet.  Of course, just because they usually met at this time didn’t mean Yang had to be here now.  Maybe she had plans with Ruby again, or maybe she had plans with someone else - Blake had no way of knowing.  

Communicating once a day was better than nothing, but it paled in comparison to what they once had.  Their jobs prevented them from keeping up a never-ending stream of communication, but they still reached out to each other multiple times over the course of the day before spending their entire night together.  

If Yang made plans after work, she would immediately message Blake to let her know.  That way she didn’t worry when Yang wasn’t home on time.  Now, however, the midday message was impossible, which left Blake in the dark more often than not.  Not that she minded the dark, but...sometimes being the last one to know made her question her importance in Yang’s life.  A misguided and self-inflicted problem, she knew, but a problem all the same.

Waiting in the darkness, she lightly touched upon a few other dreamers surrounding her.  Nothing more than a cursory glance - a brief ‘who are you?’ to keep her boredom and curiosity at bay.  After a few more minutes passed - ‘minutes’ being subjective within the Dreamscape - she searched again.  But again, she found nothing.  

Even though she didn’t know the exact time in the real world, she knew that enough time had passed that Yang was now far later than she’d ever been.  

What if she didn’t show up tonight?  What if she was so frustrated by Blake’s continued secrets that she skipped the Dreamscape altogether, forcing Blake to wait another day for a chance to talk?

She wanted to say that Yang would never do that.  That, no matter how frustrated she was, she’d still show up because she knew how much their time together meant.  She’d never stay away without at least giving Blake a warning - a quick ‘I don’t want to talk tonight’ or something of the sort.

Searching again and finding nothing, Blake’s thoughts spun to worse explanations while worry grew in her mind.

Maybe Yang went out after work with her coworkers.  Maybe they stayed out later than expected.  Maybe they were still out partying right now, drinking and having a merry time while Blake waited here.

The thought annoyed her more than she expected.  But why?  Yang could spend her free time as she wished.  But Blake knew that certain members of the department were interested in Yang as more than friends.  Of course they were - Yang was beautiful, smart, funny, and compassionate.  As far as Blake was concerned, there wasn’t another person like Yang in the world - she was perfect.  

Or, worse than that, what if something happened at work today?  What if Yang was hurt?  What if she was in the hospital right now?  It wasn’t as if anyone would call Blake to inform her - she didn’t even have a working phone anymore.  

Maybe she should look for Ruby…

Before Blake altered her search, a star popped up near her, glowing with a familiar light she would never grow tired of seeing.  Relieved that the wait was over, she wasted no time focusing on that particular dream, watching it grow clearer as it received more and more of her concentration.  Eventually, it absorbed her reality and became her reality.

As soon as she stepped into this new world, however, she knew something was wrong.

Yang was using a prefab.  She never used prefabs - she was needlessly prideful in that way, determined to create the environment on her own.

And, even though this was Yang’s dream, Blake didn’t see her anywhere.

“Yang?”

Taking a step forward, Blake looked around the scan of the downtown library.  The bookshelves, checkout counters, tables and reading chairs were all where they should be - a perfect replica of the giant building boasting one of the world’s largest selections of historical books.  The paperbacks and hardcovers couldn’t be borrowed anymore, but patrons could still read them within the building.  Mostly, people just came to marvel at the sheer amount of paper and ink that went into creating each little tome.

Blake had no interest in the shelves of books, however.  Instead, she tried to figure out where Yang was.  It wasn’t like her to hide, but maybe she wanted to see how long it took for Blake to find her.  

Seeing as how this environment was easily manipulated, it wouldn’t take long at all.

Expanding her thoughts, Blake grabbed ahold of every corner in the library and lifted up.  The effect was simple, raising every bookshelf and piece of furniture into the air.  With the furniture out of the way, she easily spotted Yang standing in the far corner of the library, near the water fountains and meeting rooms.  The floating bookshelves caught her attention and she turned towards Blake, only to turn away as soon as their eyes met.

The reaction was the opposite of what Blake expected.  On a typical night, Yang broke into a warm, loving smile whenever they laid eyes on each other.  The smile always sent Blake’s heart stampeding through her chest while she silently rejoiced in their reunitement.

Her heart didn’t stampede tonight.  Instead, she frowned and made her way across the library.  Passing underneath the bookcases and furniture, she lowered everything back into place once she walked by, letting the Dreamscape regain control over those items so she didn’t have to think about them anymore.

“Yang?” she called out when she was closer, but Yang didn’t acknowledge her name.  Instead, she squared her shoulders and walked away.

“Yang?” Blake asked again.  When she still didn’t receive a response, confusion swirled in her chest, and she picked up the pace to catch up.

Did Yang want to show her something or...what?  It didn’t make sense for her to walk away without so much as a greeting first…

Making it to the wide staircase leading upstairs, Yang jogged up the steps without looking back.  She had to know Blake was following her - that’s why she kept her eyes trained straight forward - yet did nothing to acknowledge Blake’s presence.

“Yang.”  

Foregoing the stairs, Blake created a disc of wood underneath her feet and raised herself to the second floor of the library.  This level looked more like a ‘typical’ library, with learning stations, holoscreens, and e-readers filling the space.  Rotating holoscreens near the walkways advertised the newest books available for instant download.  In the middle of the level was a large, circular help desk that Yang was nearly past already.

“Yang, what are you doing?” 

This behavior wasn’t like Yang at all.  If she was mad at Blake, she would say she was mad.  If she was hurt, disappointed - any of the emotions she might be feeling - she would let Blake know before acting like this. 

Tired of the chase, Blake raised a brick wall in Yang’s path while hurrying to catch up.  When Yang turned to the right to move around it, Blake formed a second wall - and then a third when Yang turned to the left.  With her escape blocked, she turned and stared at the wall rather than look at Blake.

Yang’s clear avoidance of her hurt, but Blake was far more determined to figure out what was going on than to feel hurt at the moment.  She heard Yang muttering something under her breath, but it wasn’t until she was closer that she could make out the words.

“She’s not real, she’s not real, she’s not real -”

“What are you doing?” Blake asked again.

“What does it look like?” Yang directed towards the wall.  “I’m ignoring you.”

That was the obvious answer - what wasn’t obvious was why.

“What did I do?”

“You know exactly what you did.”

Taking a step away, Blake felt a shudder run through her.  

Yang couldn’t know, could she?  Had she found out somehow?  Had she investigated Dreamscape further?  Had she somehow stumbled across Blake’s secret?  That didn’t seem possible but...what if it was?

“Won’t you let me explain?” she asked as desperation clawed within her.  “I can explain.”

When she moved the wall and tried to step in front of Yang - trying to meet Yang’s eyes - Yang again turned away.

“She’s not real,” Yang whispered.  And something about the way she said that sent a chill down Blake’s spine.  

Of course Blake wasn’t ‘real’ in a typical sense - the Dreamscape only mirrored her subconscious and allowed her to project an image of herself in an imaginary realm.  But she was real in the sense that she still had her own thoughts, her memories, her free will.

Yang knew this.

“Yang…what do you mean I’m not real?”

“You’re not real,” Yang repeated more forcefully this time.  “You’re not real.  You aren’t Blake.  None of this is real.”

Shocked by the response and confused as to what was happening, Blake didn’t move a muscle while Yang prowled back and forth in front of her, looking very much like a lion trying to get out of its cage.  

Something wasn’t right.  This wasn’t Yang.  It was, but it wasn’t.  It looked exactly like her, but everything about her persona was wrong.  Her behavior was...hostile and distrusting.

“Yang,” Blake tried again, hearing the pleading edge in her voice.  “I know it’s not real - it’s a dream, remember?  We’re in the Dreamscape?”

Thinking that the confinement was agitating Yang, Blake let the walls fall away and held up her hands in surrender, still hoping Yang would look at her.

“Yang, it’s a dream, but...I’m really confused, so can you please tell me what’s going on?  Whatever you’re upset about, just tell me.  I promise I won’t care what it is.”

For several long seconds, Yang said nothing - she just stood there, her fists clenched while her jaw worked back and forth.  After what felt like too long had passed, Blake crept closer, trying to close the distance between them.

“Yang -”

“Leave me alone!” Yang shouted, turning on Blake with a wave of fury.  Blake stepped away from the anger, her eyes widening when she saw the red seeping into Yang’s.

“What?  Yang -”  On instinct, Blake reached out for Yang’s hand, but Yang jerked away from her.

“Don’t touch me,” she snapped at the same time, the words causing Blake even more confusion.

Yang knew that Blake couldn’t touch her in a dream.  She knew that Blake only did it out of habit and the desire to be closer.  Dreamers could only interact with elements created within the Dreamscape - Yang knew that...

“Yang?”  Blake inched forward but stopped when their proximity only made Yang more upset.  Alarm bells rang in Blake’s mind now, screaming at her that something was very wrong.  

“Yang, tell me what’s going on -”

“I won’t tell you anything,” Yang snarled back at her, hostility coming out into the open while her eyes blazed red.  “You’re a lie.”

The words hurt, but Blake tried to let them go.  Something else was going on here, and she needed to figure that out first.

“What do you mean?” she prodded.  When Yang began pacing again, Blake felt her worry grow.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Yang muttered towards the floor while shaking her head.

“I...don’t though.”

Yang looked Blake right in the eyes then - with a look of fury unlike anything she’d seen before.  It was a look so powerful and loathing, Blake shrank away from it.

“Get out of my head.  Let - me - go.”

Ice flowed through Blake’s veins, and the words froze her to that spot on the library floor.  Her heart pounded in her ears, and she suddenly found it difficult to speak, but she knew she needed to say something.

“Yang, I -”

Her words cut off the instant she felt something that shouldn’t be there - a third presence in a dream built just for two.  Eyes widening, she looked at Yang and tried to figure out what the feeling was.

“Did you let someone else in?” she asked right before the presence lashed out at her.  

Yanking herself out of the dream, she woke with a gasp and sat straight up in bed.  The cold air of her apartment made her shiver, but she was already bolting out of bed.

“Save dream sequence?”

“Yes!” she shouted, impatiently waiting for the file before grabbing it and running into the other room.  Her fingers shook as she dropped the sequence onto her tablet and pressed play as soon as it was ready.  The library, Yang walking away, refusing to look at Blake.  

Rotating the view on the video, Blake focused on Yang’s expressions and demeanor - the way her eyes flitted around the environment as if looking for an escape.  Once trapped, the way her eyes changed color rapidly, broadcasting a flurry of emotions ranging from anger and fear to confusion and betrayal.

‘Don’t touch me.’

‘Get out of my head.’

‘Let me go.’

The words made no sense.  They only made sense if - 

Her pulse rose while a sense of foreboding crept through her.  She watched the end of the sequence and searched for the presence - the third dreamer.  With every second that passed and she found nothing in the environment - no one on the first floor, no one on the second, no one on the third - her fear grew wildly.  She scanned every inch of the library and saw nothing - nothing - suggesting someone else entered the dream.

She felt it.  She knew someone was there.  But if she couldn’t find them, that meant...whoever it was, they were skilled enough to mask themselves into the environment.  And she only knew a handful of theorists that skilled.

Putting her head in both hands, she yelled as fear and pain tore through her.  

She didn’t want to be right - she needed to find something, anything, that proved her wrong.  But after watching the video a second time, she slammed her hand on the table and resisted the urge to throw the tablet across the room.  Standing up instead, she turned and shoved her useless research onto the floor before holding the back of the chair to keep herself upright.

Breathing was difficult.  Thinking was difficult.

All of this was to keep Yang safe.  And she’d failed - that was the only explanation.  That was the only explanation for the sequence - Yang’s reluctance to make eye contact, her combative nature, her belief that everything Blake said was a lie, that Blake herself wasn’t real.

Tears springing into her eyes, Blake raised a hand to cover her mouth as nothing but gasps for air came out.  Crouching down, she put one hand on the floor to hold herself steady while pain and sorrow wracked through her.  She could see it clearly now - the signs of paranoia and suspicion that came with being emotionally manipulated.  Yang didn’t believe that Blake was real because...because other versions of Blake had already been used against her.

This was Blake’s worst nightmare, and it just came true.  

Before she thought about what she was doing, she gathered the notes scattered across the floor.  Once she had those and her tablet, she raced into the bedroom and shoved everything into a bag along with some other essentials.

Her mind was in turmoil.  Part of her shouted that she couldn’t go back - doing so risked everything she’d worked on all this time.  Another part of her - a much larger part of her - screamed that none of that mattered anymore.  The only thing that mattered was Yang, and Yang needed her help.

What if it was a trick?  What if this was some master plan concocted just to bring her home?  Yang knew Blake would react this way - she had to know that.  Maybe she decided that she no longer wanted to stay in the dark.

No sooner had the idea popped into Blake’s mind did she dismiss it.  While Yang loved a good prank, she wouldn’t make Blake needlessly worry.  And right now...she was far past worry.  She was panicked.

Once her bag was packed, she grabbed her well-used holomask and fixed it behind her ear while throwing open the door.  In her haste to leave, she nearly ran into one of the boys exiting the apartment across the hall.

“Woah there!” he said, raising his hands before flashing a smile.  “Someone’s in a hurry - important mission?”

“Yes.”

She only briefly caught his shock as she flew towards the stairwell and shoved the door open so hard that it banged against the wall.  The inhabitant in the corner apartment started yelling at the noise, but she paid no attention to him while racing down the stairs and out into the low evening light.  Without a second glance towards the building that had served as her home for the past few months, she hurried towards the transit terminal.

The shadow of a life she’d built for herself no longer mattered.  She thought she had more time, but everything was different now.  She couldn’t stay here and continue her slow, methodical quest.  She couldn’t wait for a miracle - she had to take action now.

As soon as the next train arrived, she hurried on board and took the seat nearest to the exit.  Once the doors closed - sealing her into this decision - she exhaled a long breath and tried to still her jittering knee.

Yang was her weakness.  Yang was the only thing she was willing to go home for.  And Yang needed help.  The longer this went on, the worse it would be - the harder it would be to bring her back.

Blake wouldn’t let that happen.  This was her fault and her responsibility to bear.

These were her demons, and it was time to face them head-on.