Regret - A Bumblebee Oneshot (Patreon)

It was over.

Only it wasn't. Nothing about this felt 'over.' If anything, there were now more loose ends than there'd been before. There were more enemies, more unanswered questions, countless lives still at stake...

Maybe they'd 'won' this battle, but nothing felt over, resolved, or triumphant in any way.

But it was over...for now.

It was that last caveat that mattered most as she reunited with her team after countless months apart. It was that slim breath of relief that allowed them to, temporarily, pretend that everything was normal. That none of it had ever happened. That they were still four, naive girls pursuing their dreams - not being pursued by nightmares they'd never even imagined.

Sitting there - knowing that they hadn't won, knowing that there would be countless battles to come - she couldn't bring herself to focus on the bigger picture. The resolve and determination that had led her across Remnant had up and dissolved into thin air...and she knew exactly why.

Yang.

Maybe they'd hugged, maybe they'd acted as if everything was fine, but that was just another issue that fit squarely in the 'unresolved' column. As soon as Ruby and Weiss walked off to speak with Qrow, Yang sequestered herself near the edge of the room - everything in her body language shouting that she didn't want to be disturbed right now.

Blake could read it from across the room, and yet...she wanted more than anything to walk over there - to be able to walk over there. She wanted more than anything to be allowed in Yang's space, regardless of the circumstances...to walk right past the 'do not disturb' sign and be accepted with open arms, like she'd once been able to do.

But she knew that she wouldn't be accepted with open arms, so she watched. She watched, and waited, and wished that Yang would look up from the spot on the floor that had captured her complete attention - that she'd glance across the room and catch Blake's eyes, like she'd once been able to do with such ease it had begged the question of who was watching who.

Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours passed, and still Yang sat there.

Several people tried to speak with Blake, but she answered them in nothing more than 'uh huh's or disinterested 'yeah's until they took the hint and went away. In the meantime, she waited...her heart breaking with every second that she and Yang were apart.

All this time, she'd forbidden herself from thinking about Yang. It had been necessary in order to ensure her survival: distractions had no place in the midst of battle. Now that they were in the same space and the battle was over, Blake was free to think all she wanted about Yang - and to look at her, to watch her worry a hole into the floor as her foot slid back and forth, back and forth.

But they couldn't speak. And it was this realization that caused the heartbreak Blake was currently suffering - the weight of past mistakes clawing through her chest.

Suddenly, Yang moved - a motion so abrupt Blake's ears perked in immediate interest. Standing up, careful not to look anywhere but at the ground, Yang headed quickly towards the exit, her long strides purposeful and determined.

Without a second thought, Blake jumped to her feet and followed. She couldn't explain why she felt compelled to follow - only that she was, so she did. It was as if, even though they were maintaining a clear distance, Blake couldn't bear for that distance to grow any larger than it already was.

So she followed, from afar. Keeping to the shadows and using light steps to mask her presence, she carefully padded out of the giant hall and tracked Yang to the exit. With hardly a pause, Yang used both hands to shove the giant door open - the hinges groaning as they released her into the dark forest beyond.

As soon as the door shut with an audible slam, Blake rushed to it and stopped with her hands resting on the handle. Internally, she counted the seconds as they passed - in order to give Yang a buffer, but not too much of a head start. When ten seconds elapsed, Blake moved to push the door open..and stopped.

Yang clearly wanted to be alone. She clearly wanted space. Silence.

She clearly didn't want Blake's company, so why was Blake insisting upon following her?

Pushing the door slowly open so it made as little sound as possible, Blake slipped through the slight opening and held the edge of the door in order to close it silently. Taking a deep breath of cold night air, her eyes and ears immediately searched for sight or sound of Yang - pinpointing heavy footsteps heading into the forest directly in front of her.

Taking another breath, Blake plunged back into the trees. With every step, she searched out and avoided fallen twigs and leaves on the ground that would give away her location. Yang was making no such efforts, which was why Blake could so distinctly hear her walking up ahead.

Maintaining this distance - where she could hear but not see Yang - Blake followed further and further into the thick of the woods. After several long minutes of endless walking, she began to grow worried that they were moving too far from safety - that they were nearing potential dangers that lurked within the darkness. But as soon as those fears appeared in her head, the footsteps ahead of her stopped.

Freezing, Blake remained perfectly still while her ears waited for further sound. But...there was nothing.

Curious, she continued creeping forward, striving for utter silence now that Yang had stopped walking. Inching around several thickets and tiptoeing through a line of trees, Blake caught sight of Yang up ahead - standing in a small clearing that could only be five feet at its widest point. In the very middle of the space with her back to Blake, Yang was looking up at the sky - perfectly still, unmoving.

When Blake took another step forward - now closer than they'd been since the hug that seemed to have taken place years ago - Yang dropped her gaze from the moon as her back and arms visibly tensed.

"Why are you following me?"

Stunned by the question, Blake froze and didn't respond - maintaining perfect silence just outside of Yang's vision, hidden in the shadows cast by a giant oak tree.

But in silence, Yang sighed - a sound of exasperation.

"Blake," she said, her voice loud and clear. "Why are you following me?"

'How did she know?' was the first question that flew through Blake's mind. But it was followed by answers: maybe she hadn't been as quiet as she could have been, maybe she'd trailed closer than she should have...maybe she'd wanted Yang to hear her, maybe she'd wanted Yang to know she was here.

Giving up the act, Blake stepped out of the shadows and into the space behind Yang - still maintaining as much distance as possible without hiding amongst the trees.

"I just -" Clearing her throat when her voice caught, Blake tried again. "I just...want to make sure you're doing ok."

Finally spinning around, Yang unflinchingly caught Blake's eyes - unapologetic for the unshed tears swimming in her own.

"Do I look ok to you?"

Whether intentional or not, Yang gestured with her right arm - the flash of metal under the moonlight sinking like a knife in Blake's chest.

Unsure of how to respond, Blake merely stood and stared. After enough time passed, Yang finally turned away.

"What do you want?" she asked, staring down at the ground.

What did Blake want? She wanted things to be as they were. She wanted to be the one - the one that Yang always welcomed, always accepted. She wanted to be free of the soul-crushing guilt that was now a permanent resident in her mind and heart.

"I want…" she said, her voice struggling to edge over a whisper. "I want...to say that I'm sorry."

Whatever word she chose would never be enough - whether it be 'sorry' or any other word in existence. How could it ever be enough - one single word to erase the pain she'd caused? One single word to rebuild the bond they'd shared?

'Sorry' wasn't enough - she could see it in the way Yang's eyes steeled, losing the sheen of tears while growing hard with resentment.

"Do you remember what you said," Yang began, her voice just a whisper as she took one step closer. "Do you remember what you said...the night of the dance, when everyone else had gone to sleep?"

Tears immediately sprang into Blake's eyes while Yang stared her down. Unable to respond, she merely nodded - wishing away the emotion that was only beginning to crest within her heart.

"Tell me."

Yang's words were soft, but demanding. Feeling the first tears fall, Blake blinked and tried to keep eye contact - staring into a shade of lilac that was harsher than she'd ever seen.

"Tell me," Yang repeated, taking another step closer. Looking down at Blake, Yang's expression never changed - set in stone. "I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you say it again."

Taking a breath and hearing a sob choke through her chest, Blake shook her head. She couldn't...and Yang knew it. Yang knew it was the one memory that Blake would think back on - the one she'd avoided with all of her might - the one that would break her.

Letting out a small scoff, Yang straightened and looked down at Blake with a disappointed expression. It looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead simply shook her head - shook her head, and walked away.

Hearing Yang step into the woods behind her, Blake raised one shaking hand to her mouth while more and more tears appeared. Still, she spun around - unable to bear the thought of Yang walking away - unable to bear the idea of the two of them being apart once more.

"Isn't it interesting -" she managed to choke out before her tears hijacked her voice. Yang stopped at the words, but didn't turn around. So Blake pushed forward, opening up a memory that burned with searing hot regret.

"Isn't it interesting," she repeated, hurting now more than ever in her life as she tried to do this - this one thing that Yang asked of her. "How partners are...are s-supposed to be 'together...forever.' S-sounds...like...l-like a marriage."

When Yang slowly turned around, she was crying again - her lilac eyes filled with tears, a sight that crushed through the remnants of Blake's resolve.

"I'll always be there for you, Blake," Yang recited, her eyes holding so much pain and sadness that Blake covered her mouth as another giant sob wracked through her body, filling the night forest with sorrow.

As Yang waited, Blake knew what she was supposed to say next - she knew it, and knew it would tear off the bandaid that had held her heart together all this time. With her eyes, she pleaded with Yang to not make her say it - she begged to leave those words in the past, but Yang refused to relent. She stared at Blake through her tears, her squared jaw and clenched fists demanding that this be the way forward - by shoving them forcefully into an all-too painful past.

"A-and…" Nearly gasping for breath at this point, Blake ran a hand across her eyes and did her best to meet Yang's - even as they immediately swam with tears again.

"A-and I'll...I'll always be…"

Unable to say anything more, she shook her head - one painful sob quickly followed by another as Yang turned and walked away. Sinking to her knees, her ears flattened in anguish, Blake covered her face with her hands as all the agony she'd tried to outrun finally caught up to her - as her regret finally reached her heart...and tore it apart.

Promises made in private were promises still, and Blake had failed to keep hers.

******

She thought she would feel better. She thought it would be a relief. After everything she'd been through, she thought it would feel good to see Blake cry - to make her cry, to make her feel an ounce of what Yang had dealt with in her absence.

She thought she'd feel better. Instead, she felt infinitely worse.

Through blurry, watery eyes, she stumbled through the dark forest without paying much attention to where she was going. Branches grabbed at her clothes and scratched her skin. Thorn bushes clawed at her legs. But she pressed on - heading nowhere except for 'away.' Away from everything. From Blake. From her mom. From Ruby and Qrow and Weiss and the whole, messed up world that was even more messed up now than before. From the bad guys who didn't care who they killed. From the good guys who didn't care who they left behind.

She was tired of being someone else's pawn. She was tired of being someone else's tool. She was tired of being someone else's castaway.

That went doubly for Blake, who thought she could just show back up - who thought she could just say 'sorry' and everything would be ok. And everything would go back to normal. Like Yang would forget.

She would never forget.

Catching a glimmer of lights in the distance and knowing that Haven was nearby, she finally stopped walking and sat down on a small boulder nearby. Hugging her knees to her chest, she buried her head in her arms and cried.

This was supposed to feel better. Making Blake cry - and being the one who got to walk away for once - was supposed to make Yang feel better. It wasn't supposed to blast a hole through her chest.

Maybe it was her turn to leave, for good. Maybe it was her turn to disappear without a word, without a trace, and let everyone else deal with the aftermath. Maybe it was her turn to make everyone else know what it felt like to be left behind.

Abandoned. Discarded. Forgotten, like a child's broken toy.

How badly she wished she could do it - that she could just leave, like her mom. That she could just run, like Blake. That she could head for the farthest corners of Remnant and never look back. But she knew that she couldn't. She could never leave Ruby. She could never leave her dad, Uncle Qrow, Weiss, Jaune, Nora, Ren, any of the people she cared about.

Maybe that was part of the reason she was so angry - because that option wasn't an option to her. Because she was stuck here when everyone else got to leave her instead. Because she would never leave...and therefore she was left.

Maybe one day she'd get used to it.

As a string of calm ran through her, she latched onto the feeling and waited for her tears to stop - for the sound of the forest to come back to her. The night breeze rustling through the leaves, some crickets playing their far off song, and…

And the feeling of being watched, observed, by eyes hoping to remain hidden.

Stiffening at the extra presence, she struggled to find her anger. It was always there, smoldering under the surface, but right now it was extinguished - doused by her tears. Anger was her defense, her shield. Without it…

One hesitant footstep crunched loudly on a fallen leaf, the action so blatant that Yang pushed herself back to her feet. Her pulse was climbing as more tears sprang into her eyes. She wanted to walk away, but her heart made her stay - the same heart that made her believe that her mom really meant it...when she'd said she was sorry.

The same heart that made her believe that Blake really meant it too.

Another footstep, this one announcing presence just as loudly as the last. Another one, one more - and then, nothing. Nothing but silence - the breeze, the crickets, and the inescapable knowledge that the person she'd spent the last few months alternatively cursing and missing was now standing right behind her.

"And I'll...always be there for you."

Hearing the softly spoken words, Yang closed her eyes and felt another tear roll down her cheek. The memory had once made her so angry, but now...now she felt nothing but the raw, untouched anguish of regret.

What could she have done differently? What could she have changed? What could she have said...to make Blake stay?

"And I'll always be there for you," Blake repeated, her voice growing stronger - a silent plea for Yang to turn around.

It was everything Yang wanted to hear, but words were often lies. Words held no value - actions did. Yet...she still turned around at the sound of them.

Blake's eyes were red - from crying tears Yang had purposefully spilled out of anger and spite. They were filled with pain and sadness, but also determination - enough determination that she'd sought Yang out a second time.

"You have quite a way of showing it," Yang said, her voice hollow and impassive as her heart suffered through more turmoil. When Blake took a step closer, Yang clenched her fists - hoping the physical cue would keep Blake away. Away from her fragile heart, which couldn't take much more pain.

"I'm not perfect," Blake replied, coming to a stop several feet in front of Yang and keeping her distance. "When you got hurt, I…"

Closing her eyes as an expression of anguish crossed her face, Blake reopened them only after the emotion passed - leaving nothing but regret filling seas of amber.

"I'm not perfect," she repeated, so plaintively it sounded like she was begging for Yang to acknowledge that fact.

"I never thought you were -"

Left off the end of that sentence, dangling in the wind, were all of the 'buts' Yang had spoken in her dreams. 'But you were supposed to stay.' 'But you were supposed to be my partner.'

'But you promised.'

Hesitantly, Blake took a step closer - moving close enough that they could reach out and touch if they wanted to. Tilting her head up, Blake's eyes began to fill with more tears.

"I missed you so much."

The words were nothing more than a whisper, but Yang heard them as loudly as if they'd just been shouted into her ear. Tears stung at her own eyes while she stared down into Blake's - trying to play the words over and over again in her mind.

All this time, all she'd wanted...was for Blake to miss her too.

Choked up, Yang closed her eyes and felt fresh tears fall to the ground as she grappled with her feelings - struggling against every warning that told her this was just another lie, just another set of words that would amount to nothing when push came to shove.

But she believed them. She believed Blake - as foolish as that might be.

When Yang opened her eyes, Blake attempted a smile - one that was nearly too weak to use the term. Yang tried to smile in return, but her own lips seemed to spurn the notion - giving her nothing more the a tiny upward twitch. But from the way Blake's ears twitched, she'd noticed the attempt at a peaceful reconciliation. Taking one step closer, Blake reached towards Yang's right arm, but Yang jerked away on instinct - tucking the metal monstrosity out of reach.

Undeterred, Blake tried again - this time telling Yang with her eyes what she was going to do. Reaching slowly forward, Blake gently touched Yang at the wrist - the feeling distant and strange. As Yang's heart beat wildly in her chest, Blake trailed her hand down the metal plating before intertwining her fingers in Yang's. Reaching out with her other arm, Blake repeated the motion until she had both of Yang's hands held in her own.

The feeling was so familiar yet so foreign that Yang looked down in surprise - finding her normal hand on the left...and her not-so-normal hand on the right. Blake was holding both, her fingers woven into Yang's as if...as if nothing had changed.

Looking into Blake's eyes, Yang struggled to find the words she wanted to say as emotion after emotion flitted through her mind. Deep down, she worried that...that she was too broken. That she would never recover. That the person she'd fallen in love with would look at her and see...someone less than human. A charity case. A freak.

"I will always be there for you," Blake whispered, squeezing both of Yang's hands as more tears rushed to both of their eyes. "From right now, from this very second, until forever. I'll be here for you. I'm not going anywhere."

Looking again at their hands, Yang found that she completely believed the words Blake said. Even though words weren't worth anything...even though words were often lies…

But actions, no matter how small, could speak volumes.

"I missed you too," Yang choked out, releasing Blake's hands only in favor of wrapping her in a tight hug and pulling her close. "I missed you too."

Burying her face in soft hair that would catch her tears, Yang felt another sob slip out when Blake returned the embrace - her own strong arms pulling them as close as they could possibly be.

"I'm not going anywhere," Blake said again, a soft murmur that went straight from Yang's ear to her heart. "I promise...I'm not going anywhere…"

As Blake whispered the assurance over and over again, Yang held her partner close and allowed every word to breathe life back into her veins while her tears washed away the sorrow she'd held onto for so long.

In the depths of despair, Yang had thought it was over...that what the two of them had shared was gone - lost forever. But it wasn't. Maybe it was broken, and maybe they'd need to spend time picking up the pieces...

But it wasn't over.