What Defines Us - Chapter 1 (Patreon)

This time of year the ground was hard.  The top layer of dirt was still frozen through with frost as if refusing to accept the end of winter.  Whatever blades of grass there were to be found crunched loudly underfoot, making it impossible to walk quietly, but also difficult to be caught by surprise.

She’d always enjoyed the winter weather as the onset of spring began to announce its presence through tiny shoots of green peeking out from the brown.  The visible clouds that escaped her mouth with every exhale, the chill that snuck into her bones no matter how many layers she wore, the way ice and frost slowly released their holds on the dormant land…this was the end of winter in Atlas, which stubbornly lingered for as long as possible rather than slipping wordlessly into spring.

This was the weather she’d grown up with.  This was the weather she was accustomed to.  But, if she was completely honest, she’d be forced to admit that she missed the warm springtime of Vale - where winter disappeared with nothing but a whisper of white amongst a sea of green, purple, red, pink, and every color in between...where the sun’s rays were enough to thaw away any last breath of cold.

But being nostalgic at this moment served her no purpose.  She wasn’t in Vale.  She wasn’t even in Atlas right now.  She was out in the middle of nowhere where the city lights ceased to exist and wilderness claimed every bit of space surrounding her.

Alone.  Just like she wanted to be.

If there was any benefit to this weather, it was that it was perfect for hunting.  Twigs and branches snapped easily as Grimm passed through the trees.  The frozen ground wouldn’t allow the creatures to dig their giant claws into it, removing a small advantage of speed and agility that the terrain normally afforded them.  These two factors would certainly play into the outcome of the night, when she tested her skills against the worst the forest had to offer.  

The test would begin soon - as the pack of Beowolves trailing her had become almost obnoxiously loud while she led them deeper into the woods.  There was no good reason for pushing further into Grimm-infested territory, yet she pressed on.  Her pace was steady and controlled while she ducked under branches and dodged around thorn bushes.  Even as her pulse began to accelerate, she didn’t allow her pace to creep up from the combination of adrenaline and apprehension.  Her current speed would be enough to keep the Grimm behind her - for now.

Her eyes and training led her in the direction of a patch of trees which appeared only moderately lighter than the others.  Following that invisible path, the forest grew thinner and thinner as the trees spread apart and suddenly fell away into an open clearing. 

It was a decent sized space and likely existed only to serve the small pond set within the ring of trees.  The banks were muddy and she would wager that the water would be icy cold if dipped into.  The rest of the clearing was a mixture of compacted dirt and the first efforts of grass to return to the area.  Bumpy, with some old debris strewn about, it would serve her purpose.

Racing to the edge of the pond, which would act as a natural barrier behind her, she skidded to a stop right before the dirt turned into a sticky mud.  Raising Myrtenaster in her left hand, she spun to face her pursuers as they crashed out of the tree line on her heels. 

A surge of adrenaline swept through her veins as she readied for battle, yet sight of the Beowolves was mildly disappointing.  It was only a group of ten, which wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle on her own.  The purpose of traveling this far was not to find an easy battle - it was to find a struggle that might be out of her reach.

Disappointment fell into action as the Beowolves rushed across the clearing towards her.  Her eyes instantly pinpointed the howler - the one Beowolf left behind to call any Grimm in the vicinity to the battle at hand.  Every combat strategy she’d ever been taught began and ended with eliminating the howler as quickly as possible.  Cutting off their call would keep the fight contained to the local level and prevent it from potentially snowballing out of hand.

But there were only ten…

Eyes shifting away from the howler and to the nearest Beowolf, she surged forward with a glyph under her feet.  The slight jolt of Myrtenaster contacting skin and bone sent another kick of adrenaline racing through her veins as the creature collapsed to the earth behind her, only to fade into black ash and drift away on the breeze.

One.

The next two lined up for her perfectly, allowing her to dash into the space between them and swipe left and right to dispatch them in succession.  Immediately ducking as a set of claws sailed over her head, she skated backwards several steps to reevaluate the remaining Grimm.  There were eleven now - four more joining the fight in the time she’d spent destroying the first of them.  

This section of woods must be densely populated for them to be showing up so quickly...

Another howl cut through the air while numbers four, five, and six rushed her all at once from different directions.  In the time she had before they reached her, she summoned glyphs behind each of them before shooting through in rapid succession - taking their hearts with her.  If Grimm had hearts, which she was certain they did not.

Growls and snarls filled the air now - that and her own breathing as her heart raced with energy.  The pounding was exhilarating - proving to her in no uncertain terms that she was absolutely not one of the creatures she sought to slay.  Somewhere, deep down, she was still human - living, breathing, with a soul.

There was no time to count Beowolves now because her entire focus needed to remain on those that were on the cusp of attacking her...but there were a great deal more than when the fight had begun.  Every second there was a claw slashing through her vision as they charged from every direction but from behind her.  The pond had, thankfully, given her only 180 degrees that she needed to defend.  Almost as if it was her -

Taking a quick step out of the way of another attack, her foot unexpectedly caught a divot in the ground and sent her pitching forward.  Correcting into a tumble, she jumped to her feet as fast as she could while swinging Myrtenaster blindly for protection.  Catching an arm and causing the Beowolf to howl in anger, she sketched a path between the Grimm to another bend of the lake.  As she flew through them, she slashed and stabbed constantly - trying in vain to thin their ranks.  New enemies were arriving faster than she’d anticipated, lining the edge of the forest in black with glowing red eyes.

Reaching a clearer patch of land, she planted her feet before being swept instantly back into the fray.  Her temporary escape had been nothing more than a momentary reprieve that had bought her maybe two seconds of additional damage done.  Considering the howls ripping through the night and the constant flash of black and red crossing her vision, she needed much more than two seconds to tilt the scales in her favor.

A dot of concern pricked the back of her mind.  If there had been more time to adequately analyze the situation it might have been a flash of fear, but there was no opportunity to analyze anything.  There was only time to breath, react, and survive.  

Summoning a greater portion of her power, she drew a large glyph on the ground before using considerable energy to thrust it forward - throwing half of the beasts backwards with one flick.  Some of them howled as they slammed into the trees before falling to the hardened ground and struggling back to their feet.  

It wasn’t enough to kill them, but it was enough to give her a little breathing room and hopefully prevent her from having to concede anymore ground to the onslaught.  The swarm of Beowolves in the clearing was forcing her steadily backward, inch by inch.  Already she could feel the slight gumminess in her shoes as the ground grew more and more saturated by water.  She couldn’t let them push her too far back - 

Ripping her weapon out of the nearest Grimm, the black dust was still swirling in the air as a giant claw swung through it.  Jumping backwards, she then burst forward to run the Beowulf through with Myrtenaster.  The creature to his left fell immediately after as she slashed in a circle and ducked another claw from further to the left.

The second her eyes lost sight of the rightmost portion of her semicircle what felt like a freight train slammed into her side - knocking her to the ground and filling her nostrils with the stench of Grimm.  A glyph tore the creature off of her before it could attack, but another heavy body pinned her ankle before a searing pain cut across her right elbow.  

The unexpected burning spurred a burst of icicles shooting from her in every direction like shrapnel, clearing out the area in her vicinity and allowing her to regain her footing just as another Beowolf lunged through the air towards her.  Cutting it down before it had retouched the ground, she retreated to the edge of the pond and fell back to the basics to clear the wave of enemies.

Always moving, always fighting.

Breathing.  Heart beating.

Tearing Myrtenaster to one side, she caught a glimpse of the trail of red running freely down her right arm.  The wound was burning, but hardly enough to draw her attention away from the battle that was consuming all of her energy.

It was a scratch.  Just a scratch.

Planting Myrtenaster into a Beowolf’s chest, she then kicked off of a glyph with both feet to catapult herself over the heads of the pair that had collapsed behind her.  It was when she’d landed several paces away that she heard it - the skittering sound of too many feet interspersed with the loud clacking of powerful claws closing around nothing but air.  The sound forced her heart into her throat as the Death Stalker burst into the clearing an instant later.

Groaning, snapping, cracking trees willingly allowed the creature through as it falsely navigated through the foliage in order to join the fray.  Once in the clearing, it charged directly towards her - forcing Beowolves to jump out of its armored way or risk being bowled over themselves.

Mere sight of the Death Stalker turned her blood to a roiling boil in an instant.  As another Beowolf fell, she watched the incoming tank out of the corner of her eye.  Death Stalkers were surprisingly fast for having to operate so many legs in unison...or maybe it was their outsized appearance which made any amount of speed seem terrifying.

Not that she was scared of it in the slightest.  Instead, she was filled with a visceral need to destroy the creature.  To snuff out its very existence in a flash of ferocity.

As it drew nearer, she once again decided to go against the training that was telling her she needed to conserve as much energy as possible.  Efficiency of attacks - defend, defend, defend - use as little movement as possible.  That wasn’t going to happen today.  Not with the Death Stalker headed her way.

Focusing her mind, she began drawing her semblance together - the feeling akin to some larger force tugging on all of her body at once.  It had taken years of practice to perfect the ability and even longer to figure out how to keep fighting while concentrating so closely, but today it came more naturally to her than ever before.  Although it still rapidly drained her strength...   

Beheading a Beowolf with Myrtenaster before slicing the arm off another, she could see the tip of a giant sword materializing above her head while a portion of her mind fixated upon the image.  Connected to the sword came an arm, shoulders, helmet - down to the torso, legs, and chained boots.  A small gasp of effort slipped past her lips as the soldier solidified into a fighting force and stepped over her head.

With one swing, the giant sword cleared all the Grimm from her immediate vicinity, cutting the creatures cleanly through the middle as easily as sliding a hot knife through butter.  Another swing emptied the space to her right and sent the remaining Beowolves skittering towards the edge of the clearing in both confusion and caution.  

Breathing room granted, only then did she turn her full attention to the Death Stalker.  The foolish creature hadn’t ceased its rapid approach even in the face of this new enemy.  She directed the soldier out in front of her to greet the Grimm - his large boots taking enormous, running strides away from her.  The Death Stalker attacked first, shooting its tail forward like a shot out of a cannon.  The sword raised and deflected the tail just in time, allowing it to sail past the soldier’s head harmlessly.  When a pincher followed it was knocked downwards as the soldier brought the sword back towards his side.  

The stinger darted forward again, only to be separated from the creature in a black haze that disappeared into the sky.  In that moment of weakness, her warrior brought his sword quickly above his head before slamming it down through the Death Stalker’s back - ignoring the thick, protective plating entirely.  The creature struggled for several seconds in vain, pinned to the ground and unable to free itself.  Before it could fade to ash, her conjuring pulled out his sword and grabbed the remainder of the beast’s stinger in his free hand.  In one fluid motion, he swung in a circle before letting go, casting the Grimm out over the treetops...where it burst into a cloud of black dust in front of the rising moon.

The clearing fell oddly silent - the Beowolves being far more wary than the Death Stalker and skirting away from this new foe.  Unperturbed, the soldier put his sword on his back and dusted his hands off as he walked calmly back to her.  It was purely showmanship on her part - he had no feelings of vindication of his own, but she relayed her own through his actions.

Ronnie.

The giant stumbled and disappeared when the name flashed through her mind, causing her to suck in a strangled gasp of breath.  Clutching her chest as pain hooked into her heart, she hastily scanned the treeline.  There were red eyes peeking out behind every tree - each creature waiting for the opportune time to resume their assault.  They wouldn’t wait much longer.

Using her conjuring had drained much of the stamina she’d had remaining and left her panting heavily from exertion.  A small cloud of air billowed out in front of her in the cold evening air.  Myrtenaster felt like a sack of bricks in her hand.  The howls of Grimm were echoing in the distance, growing closer and closer with each passing second.  In a few moments, the forest would be bearing down on her.

She may have won the first battle, but she’d declared war on this tiny section of the world.  By herself.

The Beowolves were emerging from the trees again, approaching her carefully - crawling on all fours.  Trees were toppling in the distance as something big and powerful barrelled her way.

And she was exhausted.

There was a line somewhere...the line between life and death...and she’d missed it.  The pounding of adrenaline and her heart had carried her right over it.  All of the times she’d come out here by herself trying to push that boundary...and she’d finally done it.  She’d pushed herself too far - too hard - all for the chance to feel alive again.  All for the chance to feel...something.

Glancing down, she noticed droplets glistening on the ground by her foot.  Closer inspection revealed that it was blood - her blood - dripping from the gash running from her right elbow down to her wrist.  She hated the way blood looked when it got on her clothing...such a stark contrast to white that it made her heart race.

Watching another drop appear, and another, her breathing hitched in her lungs when the color spread across the ground and covered the bottoms of her boots in the thick liquid.  It wasn’t all from her.  It was someone else’s blood...on her hands, her skirt, her everything.  Her palm slipped against Myrtenaster’s hilt when she tried to clutch her weapon tightly - the red refusing her grip.  Wiping her hand on her side did nothing to remove the stain.  And why would it, when it was scarred across her heart.

Hearing a loud hissing, her eyes found the King Taijitu as it emerged from the forest directly in front of her.  One of the heads bit the top off of a nearby tree, spitting malice in every direction while sliding swiftly towards her.  The Beowolves decided that it was safe to continue with the addition of the monster snake - charging as a pack one last time.  

Myrtenaster was shaking in her hand.  The sweat pooling in her palms slid too easily across the grip.  Her semblance, which normally burned like a candle in her chest, felt faint - nearly extinguished.  Her mind, which refused to slow down regardless of how tired her body felt, knew that the exit was behind her - across the pond.  

But she refused to run.  That’s all she’d been doing for the past year...and look where it had gotten her.  

You can’t just leave her!  Ruby needs you now!

Tears sprang into her eyes as her mind began to shift and crumble like grains of sand.  The voice was so clear, so lifelike - it was growing impossible to hold herself together.  Not anymore.  Not after all this time.  She was done fighting.  It was time for her to atone for her mistakes - she would not run again.

Facing the advancing Grimm, who were only her temporary enemies compared to what lived inside her mind, she fell to her knees and dropped Myrtenaster onto the ground beside her.  The clang of metal hitting hard ground sent a tremor through her skin.  It was the sound of defeat.  Surrender.

Please think about what you’re doing…

“I can’t,” she whispered, closing her eyes to block out the charging Grimm.

She’s your partner.

“She’s better off without me…”

No one asked you to leave.

“They didn’t want me to stay.”  

It was cruel humor that it was in this moment that she found herself wishing for what she’d been running from this whole time.  One more glance, one more hug.  The opportunity to say goodbye.  If she could go back in time...there were many things she would do differently, but one of them would be to say goodbye.  Even if it didn’t matter.

That’s when, above the growls, she heard the voice she really didn’t want to hear.

Weiss, what are you doing?

It was upbeat and chipper, but she’d never heard the question any other way.  So filled with innocence and blissful happiness...it tore at her heart in her last seconds of life.

“I’m tired of living like this...I’m tired of living without you...”

The Beowolves were close enough that she could smell them - the scent of a dirty dog that had spent its life living in garbage.  But she didn’t get up.  She waited for the voice to come back to her, just one more time.  She wanted to apologize - to beg for forgiveness.  

‘Please come back,’ she silently begged.  ‘Please don’t leave me alone at the end.’  

“Weiss!” 

“Weiss!  What are you doing??”

Her eyes flew open when someone grabbed her shoulder and shook roughly.  Looking around in confusion, a minigun started firing right beside her - the sound loud enough to temporarily deafen her left ear.  Velvet was pressing Myrtenaster into her hand and dragging her to her feet, fingers digging roughly into her shoulder in urgency.  

“Get up!” Velvet yelled over the sound of the gun.  “We have to get out of here!”

Dazed by the turn of events, Weiss grasped Myrtenaster and nodded her head numbly.  Coco was laying down fire all around them - mowing down the Beowolves like blades of grass while the King Taijitu still slithered forward.  Its dual heads hissed in unison at the incoming bullets, weaving in an attempt to dodge the attacks.  Velvet’s eyes were jumping from point to point, searching for a way through the Grimm and away from this place.

“The pond -” Weiss managed to say before stumbling a few steps back through the mud and plunging the tip of her saber into the water.  Searching for the thread of her semblance, a patch of ice began to appear at her feet - growing quickly and spreading until there was a thin ice bridge crossing the surface of the pond.

Velvet didn’t need instruction to race across the ice, grabbing Weiss’ elbow to drag her along while Coco brought up the rear.  Her muscles were screaming from overuse and exhaustion was beginning to spread like an infection in her mind, but Weiss continued on anyway - allowing Velvet to pull her away from the reality she’d just begun to accept.

The forest on the other side of the pond was relatively clear, but more Beowolves were racing around the outer edge in an attempt to cut off their retreat.  The ones that tried to follow across the ice bridge were plunged into the water when Coco slammed one heel down and crushed it into splinters before catapulting to join Weiss and Velvet on solid ground.

Grouped together, the three of them tore into the trees at a full sprint with an army of Grimm on their tails.  While they raced blindly away from the scene of the battle, Velvet never let go of Weiss’ elbow - providing support whenever Weiss stumbled across a tree root or was snagged by a low branch in their path.  Every part of her physical being burned.  Every part of her hurt, but Velvet’s fingers were strong and unrelenting in their firm grasp.

For the longest time, she had no idea where they were headed - they just ran and ran while hoping that the Grimm would surrender their noisy pursuit.  It wasn’t until the trees thinned and the ground tilted to an incline that she found her bearings in the form of a wall of rock to their left.

“That ridge -” she huffed to Velvet between giant gasps for breath.  Unable to say more, she simply pointed up at the plateau she’d descended earlier that day.  Her companions didn’t need further explanation before altering their path to meet the towering cliffside as quickly as possible.  It wasn’t far, if they could make it.

Twigs were scratching at her face and pulling at her arms as they pushed recklessly through.  The uphill race was pushing her to her very limit, depriving her of oxygen while she tried to coax more strength from her depleted muscles.  When the forest finally began to thin at the base of the cliff wall, she lined the ridge with glyphs to be used for a rapid ascent and flinched when the ground shook as a resounding boom filled the air.

The Grimm were close - destroying the forest piece-by-piece in their pursuit.

Velvet finally released Weiss’ arm and bounded up the wall effortlessly - using tiny outcroppings of rock like stepping stones to propel herself upward.  That left Weiss and Coco to use the remaining glyphs and the very last of Weiss’ semblance.

Flying up the side of the ridge with Coco right behind her, Weiss glanced down only after she reached the top.  The forest floor below them was alive - teeming with blackened beasts racing through the trees.  Most of the Grimm had momentarily paused their pursuit, but several were already attempting the steep climb to reach them.  Instinctively, her eyes scanned the horizon for Nevermores that might be able to reach them.  There were several, but they were so far in the distance they wouldn’t be a threat anytime soon.

One strong hand on her shoulder turned her away from the ledge and pushed her onward.  There was more running to do.  

Velvet was waiting for them - and once they caught up they resumed their retreat through the woods, albeit this time with the sound of Grimm slowly breaking up and fading into the distance.  The ascent up the ridge might have been enough to convince most of the Grimm to search for easier meals tonight...meaning that now they could move at a fast jog instead of an all-out sprint.

Regardless, Weiss’ breathing was labored as her lungs struggled to recover enough oxygen to fully operate.  Coco and Velvet were also breathing quickly, though they didn’t seem to be in as bad of condition as Weiss was currently in.

“I have a transport,” she managed to get out between breaths.  “Waiting -”

Neither of them spoke while following her up the path she’d taken into the forest earlier that night.  Velvet remained by Weiss’ side like glue, while Coco brought up the rear of their small hunting party.

It was only a few moments later, when they could no longer hear the sound of beasts howling through the woods, that Coco slowed to a stop and called out, “Hold up.”

Immediately coming to a stop with heavy feet, Weiss sucked in air while Coco lowered her glasses and scanned the skies and forest around them.  Satisfied with what she found, or the lack thereof, a curt nod said that it would be acceptable to walk from here.

Putting one hand softly on Weiss’ shoulder, Velvet sighed as they fall back in line towards the ship.

“I’m so glad we found you in time,” she said, her tone filled with relief.  “When we heard the Grimm moving away from us, we figured someone was in trouble.”

Turning towards Velvet, Weiss found concerned, warm eyes directed her way.  She tried to smile in return, but she doubted it came out convincingly.

“Thank you...for coming to help.”

That had been the end for her, she’d been sure of it.  Instead, she was panting for air while returning to her transport with two well-heeled guardians at her side.  There would be another day, another battle, another struggle.

And more regrets.

In relative silence, they picked their way carefully through the trees.  Navigating the growing darkness was becoming increasingly difficult with her mediocre vision, but, thankfully, they were close.

“What were you doing - kneeling on the ground like that?” 

Coco’s question broke the quiet and announced that Weiss’ actions hadn’t gone unobserved by her old schoolmates. 

“I was...baiting them.”

“Really?  Because it looked like you were -”

Coco’s words abruptly ended when Velvet threw one pointed look towards her leader.

“What are you doing out here?” Velvet asked instead, her soft accent dispelling any hint of suspicion in the question.

“On assignment.”

“All the way out here?”  Velvet’s voice was incredulous at Weiss’ lie and she shared a glance with Coco before turning back to Weiss.  “I didn’t know they had solo hunts this deep in Grimm territory.”

Keeping her eyes forward and focusing on regaining her breath, Weiss avoided saying anything in response. 

Maybe she wasn’t on an official hunt.  Maybe she hadn’t taken a mission in over a year now.  So what was she doing out here?  When she lied to herself, she said that she came out here to ‘clear her mind,’ but in actuality it was to feel alive.  And the only time she felt alive these days was when she was out here flirting with death.  She liked to see how far she could push that boundary...and maybe a small part of her wished that it would push back.

But she didn’t feel the need to explain herself to the two who had just saved her life.  Not right now.

“There it is,” she said instead, pointing through a line of trees to the small transport ship waiting to take them back to the edge of Atlas.  The pilot had been instructed to wait for her return and, if she wasn’t back by midnight, to return on his own.  The ship was well-hidden and he’d stayed inside the entire time, prepared to lift off immediately in case of an attack.  It was a risky proposition, but that’s why Weiss was paying him extraordinarily well.  Fortunately, it looked like everything had remained quiet in this part of the woods.

“Do you want a ride back to the city?” she offered as they grew close.  Velvet and Coco looked at each other for a second before nodding in unison.

“I could use a good night’s sleep,” Coco answered with an easygoing grin.  “And a shower.” 

As soon as the pilot saw them, the hatch lowered so they could walk aboard and liftoff.  Their shoes clanged against the metal steps into the small ship as the engines quickly spurred to life.  No sooner had Coco made it into the cabin did the door close and the ship’s engines grow even louder as liftoff became imminent.  

Dropping Myrtenaster onto an empty seat, Weiss quickly found the first aid kit and began pulling out supplies.

“I can help you,” Velvet offered as the ship took to the air so quickly it made Weiss’ stomach drop.  After their altitude had stabilized, Velvet stepped closer and gestured towards Weiss’ still bleeding arm.

“I can do it.”  Weiss pulled the supplies out of Velvet’s reach like a greedy child before taking a deep breath and adding, in a much calmer voice, “Thank you, but I can do it myself.”

It was abundantly clear that Velvet still wanted to help, but she reluctantly nodded and went to sit beside to Coco on the opposite side of the small ship.  Ignoring their gazes, Weiss sprayed the healing gel down her arm before gritting her teeth and scrunching her eyes closed in pain.  The stuff stung like Grimm, but it would clean the wound, slow the bleeding, and stimulate her aura to do the rest.  It wasn’t that bad - if you enjoyed injecting yourself with snake venom and then taking an Ursa punch to the gut.

Taking slow, deep breaths through her nose, she kept her arm as motionless as possible until the pain began to fade away.  Once it had reached a steady, dull roar, she was able to continue the process of piecing herself back together.  Picking up a roll of bandages in one hand, she wrapped it slowly and tightly around her arm, grimacing when the first layer touched the open cut.  After the wound was fully wrapped in a good layer of protection, she tore the end between her teeth and stuck it into place so it wouldn’t unravel.

Over time she’d gotten pretty good at taking care of her injuries by herself.  Although she wasn’t necessarily sure if that was a good or bad thing.

“What are you doing in Atlas?” Velvet asked curiously while Weiss stowed the first aid supplies underneath her seat.

“Working for my family’s company.”

“Couldn’t you do that anywhere?”

“I suppose, but our headquarters are in Atlas.”

The lie was easy because it was rational.  Her family owned the largest Dust company in Remnant.  She was one of the next in line to take over management and, as such, needed as much experience as possible in preparation.  What better way to gain that experience than at the headquarters in Atlas, where the majority of her family also happened to live?  

No one needed to know that experience wasn’t really necessary for the position she was set take over.  Or that the company practically ran itself these days, especially with the addition of the artificial intelligence that had recently been completed.

“Why don’t you go home, Weiss?”

The question was unexpected and, for the briefest of moments, filled her with confusion.  They were currently headed back to Atlas, but Velvet’s kind eyes implied that she wasn’t talking about the large mansion Weiss had been staying in for the past year.

‘Why don’t you go home?’ 

It sounded so easy when Velvet asked it like that.  But go home to what?  Weiss had left that life in ruins.  Or maybe it was more appropriate to say that she’d ruined that life.  She stayed in Atlas because...because there was a part of her that truly believed this was what she deserved.  Second chances were for the fortunate, and that certainly wasn’t her.

“I can’t.”

A disbelieving huff left Coco’s lips.

“Never took you for a quitter.”

“I’m not a quitter,” Weiss shot back, indignation bursting through her chest at the perceived slight.  But Coco merely shrugged, not affected in the least by Weiss’ attitude.  

“Not what it looked like to me.”  

Narrowing her eyes, an assortment of retorts stepped onto Weiss’ tongue but failed to make it into existence.  Coco never said anything as an attempt to insult - she said what she observed.  It was pointless to argue or retaliate against someone who was merely speaking what they saw as truth.  They would only take the reaction to be confirmation of what they’d already observed.  

Lack of argument didn’t mean Weiss was willing to agree that Coco’s words were true.  She wasn’t a quitter.  But...she was tired and worn down.

Deep down Weiss had always envied Coco, although she was too proud to ever admit that aloud.  Coco had been raised in a wealthy family, similar to Weiss’.  Maybe not quite as wealthy, but Coco surely never wanted for anything.  And yet, while Weiss was seen as the spoiled ‘princess,’ Coco was respected, well-liked, and popular.

If only Weiss could borrow some of Coco’s natural poise and confidence.  Maybe then she could fix some of her mistakes...  

“Vale isn’t for me anymore,” she mumbled, hoping that the sound of the engines would drown out her words.  Of course, Velvet’s ears were far more powerful than ordinary hearing for that to happen.

“How could Vale be worse than this?” Velvet asked while gesturing out the window at the expanse of forest that stretched for endless miles in every direction.  The land had been untouched by humans for generations, left to the Grimm and the spirits that haunted there.

They didn’t understand.  How could they?  Vale could be much, much worse than this.  Sure, Weiss might not be in a life threatening situation back there (although she wouldn’t bet on that anymore), but the psychological torture…it was just better to stay where she was.

“It just is,” she replied before grabbing her scroll out of the bag she’d stashed earlier in order to avoid anymore questions.  Unlocking the device, she found several missed calls and two messages left by her sister.

“I tried to catch you at the office, but you were already gone for the day.  Let’s have dinner tonight?  I’ll bring your favorite.”

Then another after that:

“I just stopped by your place and was told you never returned home tonight.  You went into the forest again, didn’t you?  For Grimm’s sake, Weiss.  If I don’t hear back from you soon I’m bringing an army out to find you.”

Glancing at the time, Weiss immediately typed out a message in hopes of avoiding the threatened outcome.

I’m fine.  Be back in a bit.

Not a half second passed before she received a response, letting her know that Winter must have been waiting by the scroll.

You need to take better care of yourself.

Even through text the words carried a heavy weight of scolding in them - enough that Weiss knew exactly what expression her sister was wearing at that moment, glaring at the screen while clutching the scroll too tightly.

Winter had been chiding Weiss quite often recently, but none of it seemed to be doing any good.  Her actions had only grown more and more imprudent...a trend that hadn’t gone unnoticed, given Winter’s growing agitation.  But no matter how much Weiss wanted to listen to well intentioned advice, she couldn’t seem to rein herself in.  She couldn’t bring herself back together.  She was like a piece of shattered glass and the only glue that made her feel even partially whole was being out here in the middle of nowhere - just her, the trees, and the Grimm.

It wasn’t something she’d been able to explain to Winter.  Instead of attempting that feat via scrolls, she typed a quick response that she hoped would be somewhat reassuring.

I’m trying.

As soon as the message sent, she set her scroll down on the seat beside her so she wouldn’t hear a reply even if she got one.  Leaning her head against the headrest, she closed her eyes and sighed.  How long could she do this before she slipped up?  She’d been lucky today.  If Coco and Velvet hadn’t been out there…

“She’s better now, you know.”

Her eyes snapped open at the comment, finding Velvet watching carefully from across the cabin.  It was a calculated expression, one that was analyzing every piece of information Weiss gave in return.

Her first response was consternation, replaced quickly by realization.

“Blake.”

Even after all this time, her teammate’s name burned the tip of her tongue.  And when Velvet nodded, something akin to anger and resentment stirred in Weiss’ chest.  

Blake was sending Velvet updates?  It made rational sense since the two were friends, but Weiss didn’t appreciate that Velvet knew more than she did.  That Velvet was kept in the loop while Weiss remained in isolation.  Self-imposed or not, didn’t she deserve to know?  And if she refused the information, why should anyone else have it?

“Actually,” Velvet continued, scrambling around in her pockets before pulling out her own scroll.  “She sent this to me a few weeks ago.”

After tapping several buttons, Velvet turned the screen and Weiss instantly closed her eyes and turned away - biting her bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

It was a picture - she’d caught just a glimpse before looking away.  There was no way she could look at that picture and hold herself together right now.  In it was everything she’d avoided so diligently for months.  If she looked...

“That’s...great to hear...” she replied quietly, the sentence broken by the inescapable feeling of sobs growing in her chest.  Only when Velvet retracted the scroll did Weiss dare glance back, greeted by sad eyes.  Rather than receive the sympathy, she closed her eyes again - preventing her tears from slipping out.

What are you doing?

The question played over and over again in her mind, flashing behind her eyes while she struggled to find an answer.  It used to be so easy to answer that question.  In a matter of seconds she’d been able to fire off a handful of fallacies that made perfect sense of her actions.  But with time, and with the experience of tonight, those reasons had faded away.  Time had eroded her certainty and hopelessness had frayed her resolve.  She’d been left with nothing but guilt, regret, remorse...  

What are you doing?

Running.  Hiding.  Because it had been her fault.  Because she’d made a mistake.  Several, actually.  Because when everything had been taken from her, she’d felt there was no reason to stay.

Weiss.

For the remainder of the ride she listened to the voice say her name and question her decisions over and over again.  It was a salve and sandpaper on her wounds...and by the time the transport was preparing to land she was feeling appropriately worn down by the day.

When the ship had settled down on the landing pad built in the back of the large house she would never call home, they all stood and stretched their legs before hopping down to solid ground below.  Clutching her injured arm to her chest, Weiss made sure to descend from the ship carefully - trying not to jar it too much while it was still healing.

Now that the adrenaline of battle had left her system, she was beginning to realize how long it had been since she’d spent time with anyone from her days at Beacon.  Shuffling her feet and giving Myrtenaster a small shake, she hoped it didn't feel as uncomfortable to her companions as it did to her.

“I can have a car take you wherever you need to go,” she offered as they stood outside the airship. 

“You really don’t have to -”

Waving off the nicety, she said, “It’s the least I can do,” while beckoning one of the drivers who’d appeared upon seeing the transport.  There was always at least one driver on the grounds at any given moment ready to whisk her off to some important meeting or another.  Most of the time the subtle company was welcome - far better than being completely alone.

“Guess we could use the lift,” Coco replied as the driver raced to the garages beside the airship landing.  When a sleek black car pulled to a stop in front of them a few moments later, she turned to Weiss with a small smile.

“You’re still one hell of a fighter,” Coco said, giving Weiss a gentle knock on the shoulder before heading towards the passenger door and disappearing inside the vehicle.  It was as much of a compliment as Weiss had ever heard Coco utter.

Moving to follow her leader, Velvet paused and turned back to Weiss with one of those shy smiles she was famous for.  One tall ear bent forward and the next second Velvet pulled Weiss into a warm hug, being careful to avoid jostling her injured arm.  Unaccustomed to any type of physical contact, she stiffened while Velvet leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“It’s not our mistakes that define us, Weiss...”

When Velvet pulled away with a small smile, she tapped her scroll on top of Weiss’ - which emitted a soft beep alerting her to an incoming message.  

“Our reactions to them do,” Velvet finished before hurrying over to the car and ducking inside to join Coco.  

Completely stunned, Weiss could feel her legs shaking while watching the vehicle pull out of the drive and smoothly disappear down the quiet, dark street.  Her hand gripped her scroll tightly, but she forced her gaze away from the device as tears of anger burned the edges of her eyes.  

How dare she...how dare Velvet throw that quote at Weiss like that?  And to leave her with a photo that she didn’t want to see - that she couldn’t see without tearing apart whatever semblance of a life she’d been able to craft for herself.  What gave Velvet the right to talk to Weiss about something only she had had the misfortune to experience?

The only way Weiss was ever making it back to Vale was if she somehow found the courage to do so.  But courage wasn’t in her - it was in the person whose photo was resting in the palm of her hand.  It was in the soul of someone who gave selflessly without regard for their own wellbeing.  It was in the person who sacrificed everything for someone unworthy.

Scrunching her eyes shut and letting out a loud exhale, Weiss stuffed her scroll into the bottom of her bag and walked towards the front entrance.  Immediately upon entering the house, there was an installed weapons locker where she stored Myrtenaster away for the evening.  From there, she continued upstairs to her room and carefully peeled away her destroyed clothing before tossing it unceremoniously on the floor.  The house cleaners would throw the garments away, as usual.

Once in a pair of fresh clothes, she sat on her bed and gingerly scooted back with one hand until she was leaning against the headboard.  Holding her injured arm carefully across her chest, she closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath, but it hitched in the middle with the beginnings of a sob.

Why was she doing this?  It was so hard to remember now.  It had been so long, yet the pain had never faded away like she’d expected.  Instead it had crept into every aspect of her life and taken over.  It had become a disease that had infected every cell in her being.

Tonight, she’d glimpsed what end Atlas had in store for her.  It would be solitary, and it would be soon.  Knowing this, the only question was...what was she supposed to do now?  She wasn’t strong enough to go back, but she wasn’t strong enough to remain here either.  

Could she really accept this ending without saying goodbye?

Slowly opening her eyes, her gaze drifted to the bag lying on the floor by the bedroom door.

She might as well, right?  

Standing, she walked over and fished her scroll from the bag with her left hand and turned it on before she could second guess herself.  Velvet’s picture took up the entire screen, the photo bringing with it a wave of agony that was unlike any physical injury Weiss had ever received.  The image blurred as tears instantly flooded her eyes and she covered her mouth with her free hand, ignoring the twinge of pain that accompanied the motion.

Ruby…

All this time Weiss had managed to prevent any new information of Ruby from coming into her possession.  It had taken quite a bit of self-restraint to do that much, but now here she was, grasping onto a singular photograph like it was the only thing tying her to this life.

But...it was, wasn’t it?  Ruby had always been Weiss’ lifeline.  Their severed connection had led Weiss to this place, where she willingly risked her life for no reason other than to feel something in the absence of everything.

Standing in the doorway, she tried to collect herself - wiping away tears while her mind raced in a million directions at once.  All the while her eyes remained glued to her scroll while she soaked up every miniscule detail to be found.  The smile was still there - the liveliness was still there - the vitality was still there.  All of the things that had since left Weiss were still there - visibly living on through Ruby.  

Why was she doing this?

Right now, she couldn’t say why.  All she knew was that every corner of her mind was screaming at her to get back to Ruby as quickly as possible.  Because she was there - she was happy, she was alive.

And Weiss needed to see her.

Before she had a chance to think through her decision, she was racing downstairs and flying out the front door to wave down the second driver on the property.  The instant he’d pulled the car around she jumped into the vehicle and slammed the door shut.  Her hands were shaking and her teeth were chattering together as a tidal wave of anxiety washed over her, but if she was going to do this, she was going to do this right now.  If she gave herself time to think it through she was positive that she would convince herself out of it.

Maybe this was it.  Maybe this photograph was the short boost of bravery that Weiss had needed to help her accomplish her last mission.

Distance was supposed to make the pain go away, but no matter how she’d been injured, or how close she’d come to never coming back, she’d failed to earn a single shred of forgiveness for what she’d done.  The guilt in her heart had never loosened and the harsh reality had never eased away.  If there was nothing for her here, then there was nothing left for her at all.  And with nothing left, maybe it was time to make one last, drastic decision - because the next punishment could very well be her last.

Could Vale be worse than this?  

Yes, it could be.  But when she’d already found the bottom there wasn’t any further left to dig.

“Take me to the airship station,” she ordered the driver before focusing her gaze back on the scroll clasped in her hands.

At least now she could say goodbye.