Damned if I Do: Chapter 18 (Patreon)

Chapter 18: The Void is Filled with Many Whispers

There was, of course, a grand ball.

If I thought the splendor of the Menethil Palace was awe inspiring, I would have been struck dumb by the all-encompasing elegance of Sunfury’s grand ball room. The ceilings were high, and vaulted with thin filigree scaffolds pretending to be buttresses, but set so that there could be no doubt that it was magic holding the tower aloft. The lights seemed to be at once sourceless yet omnipresent, filling the room from floor to rafters with a gentle, evanescent glow.

The ball room itself was filled with such riotous dresses and robes that the servants had taken one look at my own ‘dress robes’ before declaring them unfit to be in the presence of the king. A seamstress had been called, my measurements taken, and even Jaina’s own Kul Tiran wardrobe had not escaped unscathed.

She was now dancing happily with Arthas, clad in a light green evening gown that came up over one of her shoulders like a cresting wave, with lace decoration that evoked the sea foam. It barely resembled the dress Jaina had originally planned to wear. Somehow, the seamstress had even deepened the seafoam green color from a pale approximation of the sea into a hue that captured it in truth.

Really, she looked stunning in it, and that was just from a purely aesthetic point of view. Arthas looked practically floored when he saw her the first time.

I had not been consulted on my own dress, not that I could really complain. While I wasn’t wearing a physical manifestation of the sea, like the Admiral’s daughter, well, perhaps I should just skip to the good part.

My dress was a high neck sheath that hugged my form like a lover’s embrace, baring my shoulders even as it covered me from ankle to chin. The only concession it gave for mobility was a slit over my left thigh, framed with elegant patterns that rippled every time I took a step. When I kept my stride level, it almost seemed to flare around my feet like a cloud, and made it seem like I was gliding across the floor.

And the color. The body of the dress was such a deep blue as to be almost black, lightening as it rose up my body like night giving away to dawn, with a splash of gold on the collar at my throat like a torc. But even in the near-black fabric below the waist, there were glimmers of light, like stars that twinkled every time I moved.

It was the perfect mix of light and dark, made only better because no one had asked for my input. Really, it was almost a shame to see it wasted on me, but at least I didn’t look out of place.

“I see that Aele’rein did an excellent job as always.”

I turned at the voice to see Prince Kael’thas approaching me from the direction of the throne. I saw King Anasterian next to Ranger-General Sylvanas watching him, before the crowd closed to fill the gap left by Kael’thas’ passing.

I’d hoped we’d have gotten a bit more work on the actual political side of things, but Kael’thas was taking point, and from what I’d learned so far, elves did nothing fast if they could help it.

Thus, here we were, having a literal ball before talks would formally begin tomorrow. So, I put on a smile, giving Kael’thas my best curtsy. “I should have known you sent her when she wouldn’t take payment.”

“Please.” Kael’thas sniffed, handing me a flute of some elven champaign. “Even if I hadn’t said a word, the staff would have had you fitted for a new dress. It would be unconscionable to have the Alliance delegation dressed in what amounted to fancy rags.”

I raised an eyebrow, casting a glance around the room. All of the other apprentices were sporting brand new dresses and robes as well, though… “I noticed no one has something quite so…tailored as mine.”

“Perhaps it is simply in your name?” He smirked. “But I confess to making a suggestion or two.”

“Very funny.” I cast a glance over Kael’s shoulder, where Jaina and Arthas continued to dance. “Did you have suggestions about Jaina’s dress as well?”

“Perish the thought.” Kael’thas finished the last of his champaigne, setting the glass down on a passing tray as it floated through the air. “Besides which, I am not here to talk about Apprentice Proudmoore.”

“You’re not?” I tilted my head. “What did you need then?”

He hummed, stroking his chin. “A dance would suffice, to start.”

My second eyebrow rose to join the first. “A…dance.”

His smile widened. “To start.”

I held back from rolling my eyes, because we were in a public setting, and if at least a quarter of the ball room wasn’t watching Prince Kael at any given moment, I’d eat my fancy new dress. Instead, I dipped my head, extending a hand. “I would be honored.” Because really, there was nothing else to say.

Not that I hadn’t done crazier things than turning down the prince of an allied kingdom who asked for a dance, but I was trying to be a better person this time around.

I let Kael lead me out onto the floor, the other dancers parted effortlessly around him, without even appearing to deviate from their steps.

At some signal I didn’t see, the musicians ended the current song and switched to something slower. As the new tune swelled, Kael’thas pulled me into his arms so smoothly I didn’t even have the chance to stagger. Then his hand was on my waist and the other wrapped around my fingers, and I barely remembered the first step of the classic waltz that Jaina and I had spent the whole morning practicing.

Kael’thas chuckled as we fell into step, turning slowly in time with the music. “Not a bad start.”

This time I did roll my eyes, tilting my head forward to hide my expression against the fabric of his robes. “You just know how to lead.”

That much was true. Even as an inexperienced dancer, I had no trouble staying in time with him. Idly, I wondered if he was using some magic to help lead me across the floor, or if he were simply that skilled.

“An elf learns a thing or two, after his first century.”

I looked to the side, taking in a ballroom full of elves. They were nobility, high ranking mages (though those two terms were often one and the same), as well prominent artisans or guild leaders, and yet they all danced as if that was their true calling in life.

I guess it wasn’t a great chore, taking a decade or two out of your life to learn how to dance.

“What is it like?” I asked aloud. “With so much time?”

I’d been thinking more about time recently, for obvious reasons. It was the one commodity that I’d never had enough of. Not enough time with my mother, with the Undersiders, with my father, with the Wards…

Not enough time until the end of the world.

“It is different.” As the music shifted, so did the dance. I found myself keeping pace easily enough as Kael practically showed me the steps while executing them. “I do not think I truly understood the luxury of time until I went and studied at Dalaran.”

“Living among the little people really opened up your eyes, huh?”

He chuckled, but it was with amusement. “The average human is a mayfly unto our life spans. And even then, only a scant handful of high elves across all of our history have actually died from the myth that is ‘old age’.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “I thought that high elves lived for ten thousand years at the outside?” Even then, that was a ridiculous number, when most humans on my world didn’t even live to see a hundred.

“Power, it seems, can extend our lifespans near indefinitely as well.” Kael looked towards the ceiling, his blue eyes taking an almost melancholic hue. “Betimes I wonder what my life will be a scant millenia from now.”

I couldn’t help myself. “And what will it be?”

“My answer has changed,” he said. “A great deal more than I thought possible. When I first arrived at Dalaran, in a few centuries, I assumed I would simply rule it.”

“You’ve certainly made a good showing of it.” I smirked at him. “Council of Six within a human’s lifespan.”

“And that was when I realized that, within a human’s lifespan, I will have lost all reason to stay at the college.”

I blinked, at first tempted to glance around for Jaina, but the prince’s eyes were locked on me. I opened my mouth, “You mean Jaina, right?”

His lips quivered into a smile. “I have met many people in my time there that I would be sad to lose.”

“Sorry for bringing down the average,” I said.

“Ever a disservice to yourself, Taylor,” was Kael’s response. “If I did not care for you, I would not have sent the best seamstress in Silvermoon to make you ready for the night’s festivities.”

Despite myself, I swallowed. “I thought that was just for Jaina.”

Stop saying her name, I told myself. But Kael only laughed.

“I am not dancing with Lady Proudmore, am I? But that only illustrates my point.” He lifted his arm.

I spun under it effortlessly. “What’s your point?”

“You always think the worst of yourself.”

I let out a breath. “Someone has to.”

Kael’thas pulled us to a stop, and I found myself blinking in surprise as the music faded away. “Then believe me with surety as I say,” he took my hand in both of his, “I shall not be one who thinks the worst of you.”

His burning blue eyes pinned me in place.

Then he pressed a kiss to the back of my knuckles, and I was alone in the center of the dance floor, my heart pounding frantically in my chest.

I pressed a hand against my breast, taking a deep breath as I tried to get the frantic pounding under control. By the time I looked up again, Kael was already out of sight, and the musicians on the stage were already beginning the next song.

“What the fuck was that?” I muttered under my breath.

I pulled myself upright, mind already made up to storm after Kael’thas and finish that conversation, when another hand caught me by the wrist.

“Apprentice Taylor,” came a woman’s smooth voice, “may I have the pleasure of this dance?”

I turned, masking my surprise with the ease of long practice. “Ranger-General Sylvanas.” I dipped into another curtsy. I was beginning to hate these social events. “I would be honored.”

“Shall I take the lead?” she asked, already placing a hand on my hip as the dancers began to move once more. “I noticed that you are mostly untutored in the traditional dances of Quel’thalas.”

“My apologies.” My hand came down on her shoulder, fingers closer to her neck than was strictly polite. “I failed to notice you stalking me.”

She raised an eyebrow. This dance was faster, but one Jaina had covered. I let Sylvanas pick me up as I did a backwards fan kick in the air. Suddenly my back was against her front, and her grip much tighter.

I was really starting to hate these events.

“If you were my quarry, my arrow would have found your back, apprentice.”

I sighed. “Jaina was right.” We spun back, coming face to face once more. “You warrior types really do get insufferable with your dick waving.”

Her features, which had been placid up until now, quirked into the slightest of frowns. “And the temerity of humans knows no bounds.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you marry one?” I lifted my hand from her shoulder and pointed as we spun past Rhonin and Vereesa, who’d been on the floor since the very first dance. “Didn’t your sister marry one, too?”

“I’ll thank you not to assume my relationship with Nathanos.” Her eyes narrowed. “But if you must, I shall reciprocate. What are your intentions towards the Prince?”

I blinked up at her, before giving a bark of laughter. “Is that what this is about?” I tilted my head. “Honestly though, shouldn’t you have people for this? Last I checked the Ranger-General wasn’t the one you sent to intimidate party guests.”

She gave an empty smile, spinning me out and pulling me back, like she was trying to pull me off balance. I followed the steps, if not with grace then with stubborn determination. “As you said, I have spent ample time with humans. It could be said that I have some insight into the situation.”

“Please, oh wise, elven ranger, what is your insight?”

She was not amused. But that was fine, I wasn’t here to be her entertainment. “You arrive in Quel’thalas aboard the Prince’s own carriage, he arranges your dress to match his formal robes personally, and you are the only one he has deigned to dance with tonight.” She gave me a measuring look. “Does that perhaps explain why other parties might be interested?”

I tilted my head, before the realization hit me. “Meanwhile,” I said, “everyone else who might have information is either deep in the arms of their significant other,” such as Vereesa, Rhonin, and Jaina, “or beyond your ability to easily interrogate.” Arthas and Kael’thas.

“You cut to the heart of things quickly.” Sylvanas nodded. “Now if you would answer the question.”

I found myself grinning as we spun closer and closer, so close I could practically taste her breath.

I took back everything I said. Parties like this were fun.

I decided to do the same thing I’d done during my first meeting with Kael: cut through all of the bullshit with the force of honesty so brutal that it would leave even the Ranger-General spinning in disarray.

“I have no intentions whatsoever towards your prince.” When Sylvanas opened her mouth to reject that as a lie, I added, “In fact, until you mentioned it, I didn’t even know our clothes matched.”

She blinked, mouth snapping shut in surprise.

The music slowed, taking on a somber pitch as I leaned forward, wrapping an arm around her upper back. “I know, it’s a surprise that he picked the variety-pack human, instead of one of the blonde perfect princesses; really, it’s a surprise to me as well.” I had no idea what Kael’thas’ game was, but I wasn’t about to be a piece when I could be a player. “You can tell that to King Anesterian or whoever put you up to this, because I can tell it’s not your style.”

“No one put me up to this,” she lied.

“But you see,” I continued, ignoring her, “that’s not the question you should be asking.”

Her long, elven brows drew into a sharp ‘V’. “And what, in your estimation, should we be asking?”

I hummed. No really, I was enjoying this. It had been a while since the last time I’d sent someone running with words alone. I wondered if I could get a repeat.

“Earlier, you said that if you were hunting me, you’d put an arrow in my back,” I said. “But the question you should be asking is if this squishy little mage was hunting you…” I pressed myself tighter against her, arms wrapping around her back, as I went for the kill. “Could there possibly be a more perfect moment than this, to pump you full of Light and Void until you popped like a pointy-eared firework?”

Sylvanas stepped back like she’s been burned.

She might have broken an arm if I’d been holding on; instead, I let her slip through my grip easily as I stepped back. She stared at me with blue eyes narrowed.

And here we were, separated like Light and Void when we’d once been right next to each other, ready to explode.

I blinked once as an entirely different realization hit me. About Light and Void..

“You’re playing a dangerous game.”

Sylvanas didn’t speak loudly, but by breaking away with me, she’d stepped into the path of another couple.

They wove around her effortlessly, but it spread like ripples in a pond. By now, pretty much everyone would see that the Ranger-General had pushed me away.

I sank into a formal curtsy. “Thank you for the Dance, Lady Sylvanas.” I kept my eyes on the floor, hunching my shoulders in a way that was far too familiar. “I am sorry for displeasing you.”

A low murmur rippled through the crowd, but I didn’t–couldn’t–stay behind to see the results of my actions.

Instead, I fled the room at a pace just short of running.

The crowd of dancers parted for me as well.

Inside, however, I was grinning.

Weeks ago, Kael’thas had said that balance did not necesitate equality. It had taken me a while to parse that, but it finally clicked for me tonight. All because of the ball tonight and because stupid arrogant elves kept trying to pull me off balance.

That’s what it all came back to. Balance.

Both Sylvanas and Kael’thas had played their little games with me, tugging me this way and that, trying to throw me off of my rhythm. But I’d stayed calm, centered, sure of who I was, and sure of the steps to the dance.

I’d remained in perfect balance

Could I do the same with the deadly dance of Light and Void?

It had nothing to actually do with physical balance, but I’d only studied dances for half a day. What I had studied instead was magic. Magic was all about perception.

And I had just found a new way of looking at things.

I slammed open the door to my room. On the bed, right where I’d left it, was the sandstone box.

With a deep breath, I picked it up. I drew on a pulse of Light, letting it purify my purpose and solidify it.

Then a pulse of the Void, drawing one in as I pushed the other out.

Same place, different time.

Like breathing.

Draw in the Light, expel the Void.

Draw in the Void, expel the Light.

Chase one with the other, spinning faster and faster through me as the edges of each force began to sizzle beneath my skin. Stay calm, stay centered, no matter how they pull.

Faster still.

The runes wrapping the box began to flicker and glow in my hands. It felt as though it was spinning around me as well.

Like I was the center of the Universe.

Still I went faster, until it was not breaths, or even beats of my heart that separated the Light and the Void. They flowed through me like the blood in my veins.

And then.

I breathed in and out at the same time.

I was wielding Void, but not Light.

I was wielding Light, but not Void.

I was neither.

I was both.

I was in perfect balance.

The box in my hand crumbled away into so much sand, runic protections vanishing like ash in the wind.

I grinned.

I’d always been good at multitasking, after all.

All that remained was my prize.

Sitting on the pile of sand was a dagger. It was clearly not meant as a weapon, with both the blade and the guard forming two crescents that seemed designed to be just as dangerous to the wielder as to anyone else.

There were spikes that came through the inside of the guard, and the back of the dagger looked just as sharp as the front.

Really, it looked like an impractical ritual weapon, designed for cutting throats in some grotesque sacrament.

And then the thing went and cemented all those opinions of mine when it spoke into my head with the voice of a thousand dying worlds.