Planar Chaos: Tricks of the Trade (Patreon)

You know, when Tony made me sit in on his stuffy board meetings, I never expected to need the experience.

But here I was, sitting at table with a capital B-A-D, badguy, one that the other me was apparently on speaking terms with. Let me tell you, when I ran into tall, dark, and homicidal, I hadn’t signed up with her.

I guess Liliana wasn’t...Hela bad, but still, lock her up in a void dimension for a couple thousand years and maybe she’d start applying mascara with wide tip marker as well.

“Since we are such close…friends,” the woman started once we’d all taken a seat, “Why don’t we simply cut out the middleman? Tell me what help you desire, what payment you are willing to offer, and then we can work to find an amicable agreement.”

Other me frowned. Good to know that even without tutoring I had the sense to not get taken in like that.

We were pretty Jaded, the two of us, huh?

Other me and I, and damn that was going to get confusing, shared a quick glance. I projecting a feeling of ‘let me handle this.’

She nodded.

If you can’t trust yourself, and all that.

“That’s nice,” I said. “How about we do that, but instead, you tell us what help you’re willing to offer, and we tell you what we’re willing to pay for it.”

If anything, Liliana’s smirk only grew more pronounced at that. “Charming.” She leaned back, swirling her glass. “You always bring me the best presents, Taylor.”

Taylor gave a wry smile. “Interesting, you never seem to get me anything.”

Not a bad start.

“She’s the deal type, huh?” I said. “She looks the type.”

Liliana gave a throaty chuckle. Really, where did they all learn to do that. Widow too. Was there some secret fem fatale school we’d missed out on?

“Come now, a lady has to look out for her own interests.” Liliana curled a strand of jet-black hair around a finger. “Especially in these trying times.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” I said. “So why not tell us what your interests are then, and how far they extend in our direction.”

She hummed. “I might be able to offer some help, some of my vast wealth of knowledge regarding the soul,” she said. “One learns bits and pieces, here and there.”

I grinned. So quick to drop the pretense of laying all of her cards on the table. I didn’t bring it up. She’d just turn it back around on me. “Knowledge? We could find it practically anywhere, especially if it’s just bits and pieces.”

“Jace Beleren has probably picked up some odds and ends as well,” the other me said. “We could start by asking him.”

Liliana looked unruffled, but there was a stillness in her expression that bellied her irritation. “If you wish.” She waved a hand. “I’m sure he could muck around in your heads until you both forgot what you came for, if nothing else.”

“As opposed to what?” I leaned forward on my elbows. “Mucking around in our soul until something snaps?”

She gave an…eloquent sigh. “There are so few that appreciate the true subtleties of my art,” she said. “If that is all you think of my centuries of experience, then simply be on your way. I’m sure Jace would love to have another broken toy in his little club.”

Damn she was good. If we backtracked now we’d have to admit we wanted to be here. That she was offering something of value. 

That she deserved to be paid for it.

“Now that doesn’t sound like the bits and pieces you were talking about before at all,” I got out. If not for my power, that would’a sounded rushed as hell. Ugh, she probably still caught it, but it was a better recover than nothing at all.

I took a breath. “So, which is it?” I asked. “Are you offering little snippets of…flotsam and jetsam that you’ve gathered over the years of your…august life?” Her jaw ticked. I held back a grin. “Or are you offering your own knowledge and aid?”

“We hardly came all this way to get something second hand,” the other me murmured. Good point.

I nodded, folding my arms, “if that was the case, we could just wander around aimlessly and get the same result.”

Liliana took a sip from her glass, letting the tension drain out of her. Her smile, a moment later, was almost predatory. “My, but the two of you have such high opinions of yourselves,” she said. “Here you are, coming all this way, only to impugn upon the skills of the very person of whom you are asking for aid…”

I blinked, almost thrown for a second as she slipped into an older, almost courtly type of speech. Where did that come from?

Liliana continued. “How is it that I know the pair of you are even worth my own time?” she mused. “Perhaps, if you are going to be so troublesome, I would be better off attending to my own problems, lest your payment turn out to be just another impediment.”

I held back a grimace. We had to put something on the table now, didn’t we? Hell, I hardly knew enough about this woman to start picking apart that statement…

“And how has that been going?” Taylor asked suddenly. “When was the last time you made any real progress towards that goal of yours on your own?” She gave a wry smile. “Clearly, the answer didn’t come to you in Nirn…”

Liliana waved a hand. “A backwater,” she said. “Your own aid there was merely—”

“Something that saved you an immeasurable amount of time?” Taylor asked.

Liliana paused, looking back to the second me. I had to stop myself from wincing. “Do not presume to interrupt me, child.”

At the very least, the other Taylor had the same amount of steel in her spine. Girl didn’t pause for a second. “And if I hadn’t ‘interrupted’ back at the College,” she said. “Do you think you would still be there now? Wasting your time on yet another dead end?”

“I may be wasting my time here, instead…” Liliana mused.

“You know that my skills are worthwhile,” Taylor said. “And the sooner you stop lying about it, the sooner we can stop wasting time.”

I sighed.

Liliana smirked. “And what might this be? Claiming your skills are in demand while making light of my own?” She tilted her head. “If you argue in bad faith, there’s really no way I can trust your words…”

Taylor bristled, but I cut her off by leaning forward on the table. “Look, we came here for a reason, but don’t make it out like you’re our only option,” I said. “If you don’t want what we’re offering, then just say so, and cut the crap.”

“Perhaps I will,” Liliana said. Around us, the undead shifted, drawing closer. “You have been most vexing, perhaps I should just…cut to the chase.”

I felt a shiver run down my spine, acutely away of the mass of shambling bodies pressing into a tight circle around the table.

“Then you won’t get what you need,” Taylor said.

Liliana laughed. “Poor child,” she said. “Do you really think you and Jace have a monopoly on mind magic?”

A sudden pain stabbed into my forehead. I flinched back. 

“I have ways of my own,” Liliana said. 

I felt a trickle of blood running down my brow. With a hiss, I healed it, glancing to the side.

Other me was frizzling like a TV with bad reception, before she got back to a human shape.

Jesus, I knew I kinda needed the real body at the moment, but that couldn’t be good for her heal or her sanity. We needed a fix.

Well, one that didn’t involve getting ripped to shreds. It wasn’t very much fun the first time around either.

“As we have concluded that my skills are indeed valuable, tell me what you offer for them,” Liliana said. “I shall take your assistance, as repayment for your uncouth slander.”

I forced myself to put on an easy grin, “Come on, you don’t think we’re—”

She flicked her fingers, I reeled back as a lance of black shattered against a pane of blue glass in front of my face.

The other me was already standing.

I gathered my mana a second later. At the very least…my armor might keep the zombies off of us.

“You’ve made your point,” Taylor said.

“Is that for you to determine?” Liliana asked. She hadn’t moved from her chair, still looking as cool as a cucumber. “I extended you courtesy, due to our past relationship. But if you truly believe you can waltz into my abode, perhaps remedial lessons are in order.”

“I was never you student,” Taylor hissed.

“No.” Liliana passed a hand through her hair. “I would have taught you manners, if nothing else.”

The tension in the air reached a breaking point.

Around us, there was a horde of zombies, watching with glowing blue eyes. But their master was right in front of us, and while I might not have spells as big as the other me did, I’d found arc thrusters managed to make a pretty good impression on their own.

But Liliana didn’t look bothered in the slightest.

Did she really think she could stop us, kill me or Taylor so quickly that we couldn’t react?

She’d come pretty close to ending me—I didn’t know that oily spell, but I could feel its intent. She wasn’t messing around.

Still, no one was talking.

If spells filled the air, instead of words…

I sighed. “I saw your little lightning rod in the Eastern tower,” I said. Liliana’s eyes moved to me. “It was cute, but how about a device that can produce twice the yield on demand, and small enough to carry around?”

The look on her face was mildly interested, if I was reading things right. The bigger clue was when she gestured for her horde to talk a shambling step back.

“It is a start,” she said, before turning to other Taylor. “And what do you have to offer.”

Taylor shot me a glance. I shrugged. She’d spiked the negotiations, not that I’d had a flawless performance either. 

After a moment, Taylor huffed, sitting back down.

“So, how many demons do you have an issue with?” Taylor asked.

Liliana raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

Taylor nodded. “More than you can deal with on your own, then.”

I winced as Liliana’s brows furrowed. Slow down there, desperado, part of me wanted to shout. But we were in now, and the only way out was through.”

Taylor reached into her cloak, and pulled out—

I blinked.

It looked like a crystal ball, all blue and glowing and shit. But it was just as clear to me that there wasn’t any glass, just some weird singularity of dark purpleblack at the center of a navy corona.

Then the feeling washed over me, and I knew that she was holding power. Pure, undiluted potential, like something out of a hacked up energy drink commercial.

Just, you know, minus the shaving cream in a can and plus a whole lot of world ending possibilities.

My eyes flicked to Liliana’s face.

She looked positively hungry.

“Is this something you’re interested in, then?” Taylor asked.

“And where did you manage to lay your hands on so much raw power?” She asked, voice almost breathy. But god she would be the type to think a nuclear warhead would make a good valentines day present.

“A demon gave it to me,” I said. “Because it smelled your magic on me, and thought it would be funny if your apprentice received everything you’ve been trying to get your hands on without me paying a single penny.”

Liliana threw back her head and laughed.

***
***

A/N: Liliana "I'll stop solving my problems with demons when demons stop solving my problems" Vess, everyone. Please give her a warm round of applause.