Be Thou My Good: Chapter 17 (Patreon)

Chapter 17: Don’t Be Heisty

After I announced my intention to steal the dwarven treasure, the room broke into laughs, then taunts. Archer had an inventive line about my height and the average size of dwarven doors. When Silver Huntress chimed in, it all turned into a fight, because apparently only Indrani was allowed to make fun of me.

From there it all went to shit, as a gathering of five Named that hated each other’s guts was wont. I think they even forgot about me for a bit, until Beastmaster stood with a grunt.

His vulture ruffled its wings, half spreading its massive silhouette across the room. “Think I’ve wasted enough time.” He jerked his head. “Outta the way, girl.”

I sighed, stepping to the side with an elaborate flourish. All that earned me was another grunt as the older man tromped out the door.

“Next time you bring someone home, Indrani,” Silver said, “make sure she’s not a little bitch.”

I placed a hand on Archer’s shoulder before she could bite back. She cocked an eyebrow at me. “She’s hardly worth it,” I said.

Silver took exception to that. “Didn’t think you’d come back a whipped dog, either,” she said to Archer.

“The only dog I see is the one who won’t stop barking,” I replied. “If you’re done?”

Huntress snorted, tossing her hair before marching out of the room. I pretended to ignore how Silver Huntress and Archer glared daggers at each other for as long as they were physically able.

Concoctor stood next, brushing off the edge of her filigree shawl. “That was delightful.” Her voice was so dry I could use it to mop up tea. “Don’t forget to invite me next time, Archer.”

I shifted slightly so that she paused before reaching the door. “I meant what I said earlier about hair products,” I told her. “Let me know if we can come to some type of trade.”

“Sure.” She flicked her eyes over my hair. “Doesn’t really look like you need it, though.”

“Preventative care is the most important type.”

That got me a raised eyebrow and a ‘whatever you say’ before she too brushed out of the room.

“Damn, Taylor.” Archer folded her arms behind her head. “If you just wanted to flirt, you could have told me.” There was an edge to her voice that I didn’t quite know the providence of, but even without my story sense, I could tell that tension between us was only growing.

I wondered how it would snap.

“What are you talking about?”

“How your meeting went down in flames,” Hunter replied.

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Honestly? It couldn’t have gone any better.”

The two Named shared a glance. It was good to see that I could bring at least two people who hated each other together like that.

“I hate to break it to you, but you kinda wasted the perfect chance to wow them with your big plan, girl,” Archer said.

I nodded. “That’s because I don’t have a plan.”

She blinked. “You what now?”

“Be a bit more realistic here.” I waved my hand. “I’ve looked at the plans for all of two seconds before we showed up here. Of course I don’t have a plan yet, but I wasn’t going walk into a room full of your friends—”

Hunter grunted “Not friends.”

“—and say I was flying blind.”

Archer cackled. “And you knew we’d all start shouting at each other?”

“I mean, it’s what the two of you did all the way back to Refuge.” I rolled my eyes. “I doubted it would be any better with five of you. It would have been a waste of time to try to convince the entire group at once, not the least of which because if anyone said yes, someone else would say no.”

“If Archer said yes, half the room would have left on the spot,” Hunter said.

Indrani shoved him, but he rolled with it, slipping easily over the leather couch.

“Still sounds like a dumb plan,” Archer said.

I shrugged. “I’m drawing on the one and a half heist movies I saw back on Earth.”

“What’s a movie?”

“Think a play, but you record it in a bunch of very fast pictures, then play those pictures on a screen so that it looks like the actors are all moving.”

“Huh.” Indrani tapped her chin. “I don’t think a play is a good example to follow. Most plays everyone ends up dead or fucking.”

“Or fucking dead,” Hunter said.

“I also robbed a bank once.” I stepped back, dodging Archer’s playful jab. She looked at me like I kicked her dog.

“Lead with that next time, Tay!”

“I believe wholeheartedly that the movies will be more useful to me than the one time I gave a bunch of kids arachnophobia.” I ignored the looks at that. “Obviously, we’re going to need to recruit the rest of the squad first. If everyone had hopped on board right away…”

Well, if the Refuge kids got along that well, they wouldn’t need a ham-fisted story to try to fix their relationships.

Archer let herself fall backwards over the arm of an overstuffed chair, legs kicking in the air. “That ‘We’ is doin’ a lot of work in that sentence.”

I laughed. “Do you want me to recruit you too, Indrani?” I crossed the room, settling on the opposite arm of the chair so I could smile down at her. “I promise there will be a reward worth your while…”

She snorted. “That ‘treasury’ could be empty. Try better.”

I leaned closer. “I never said anything about the treasury.” If the dwarves didn’t have some loot to keep her entertained, I’d just take a quick trip back to the Faeri dimension to grab her a blessed knife, or maybe a cursed one. She’d probably find the second more interesting.

“Oh?” Indrani smirked, eyes glittering darkly. “Color me intrigued.”

“I’ll be around,” Hunter said suddenly. Both of us glanced over at him as he made his way to the door. “You probably don’t need me anyway.”

“Of course we need you, Hunter,” I said.

Archer rolled her eyes from the corner of her eye.

“No idea why.” He shrugged, one good hand on the handle. “If Indrani hasn’t told you already, I’m sure everyone else will be happy to let you know that I’m the weakest.”

“We’ll need every named in Refuge to pull this off.” I could see the shape of that story already. “Trust me, okay? I have a plan.”

He gave a short laugh at my joke. “Yeah, well, once you finish working that plan of yours out, you know where to find me.”

And then it was just me and the most vexing friend I’d ever made.

I looked down at her mournfully, “You won’t abandon me, will you?”

Archer blinked up at me. Her expression remained unchanging, but her eyes looked almost…vulnerable for a second. She reached out and snagged my wrist. “Course not.” Then a smirk crossed her lips. “Well, unless it was funny.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was hard to describe what lay between me and Archer now. It didn’t help that half the time she still acted as if nothing at all was wrong. In some ways, our bond was deeper than when we’d left Marcheford. For all that she’d shown me an ugly, petty side of herself, I knew that when the knives came out, she’d be at my back.

That was something I could say about precious few.

“Don’t be sad.” She grinned. “I’ll help you steal the dwarven treasure. And unlike John, I know I’ll be necessary.”

I rolled my eyes. “Didn’t you hear me say you’d all be important.” Still, I made no move to pull away.

Her grin widened. “Sure, but what about you?”

I laughed. “Who’s going to get all five of you to work together? Ranger?”

“She wouldn’t.” I pretended not to notice how she wormed our fingers together, or how the tentative flicks of her eyes darted to mine and away again. “Probably make it a competition though. Sure that’s not a better idea?”

“I’m sure that’s part of why you all hate each other.”

She shifted. “Nah, I hate them because they’re a bunch of cunts.”

“I’m sure the feeling is mutual,” I replied. “Regardless, Ranger isn’t in town right now, or I’m sure she’d have something to say about us breaking into her house, so—”

Archer placed a finger to my lips. I stilled, eyes flicking to the side. What had she—

“Damn, I thought you’d summoned her.” Archer flopped back in the seat. “Like the bear.”

“Regardless,” I said again. Archer giggled. “The next step is to convince the rest of the people you hate that they should put up with you for at least a day. I’m sure it can’t be that hard.”

Archer continued giggling.

I carried on as if I couldn’t hear. “Probably best to start with Silver Huntress.”

I made to stand. Archer pulled my arm, and suddenly I was the one in the chair. My eyes blinked rapidly up at Indrani.

“How about no,” she said.

“No?”

Her smile looked much less playful now, with her looming over me with a hand pressed against my collarbone. “We’re not starting with Alexis.”

I filed Huntress’s name away for later. “Care to elaborate?”

“You know what, I don’t think I will. In fact, maybe you need to elaborate a bit, Weaver.”

“Sure.” I shifted, settling myself more comfortably in the chair. I was somewhat surprised that Archer let me. “I am an open book, ask away.”

That got me a snort.

“The rest of the crew doesn’t give a demon’s fart about your little heist,” Archer said.

I shrugged. She was hardly wrong.

“So why don’t you and I steal the dwarven treasure for ourselves?” She leaned closer. “If you really want, I’ll even play nice with John, give him a win after coming back home.”

I blinked again with an entirely different kind of surprise.

“That is nice for you.” I took the olive branch for what it was. “But I’m not lying you know. About the story needing the whole crew.”

She huffed. “I don’t see why they matter.”

I reached up, fingers lightly touching her jaw. “Because they matter to you, ‘Drani.”

“What?” She blew a raspberry. “They’re like a footnote, at best. Especially Alexsis, so—”

“Every story you told me,” I interrupted, “about growing up in Refuge? It was about you and them.”

“Ah, that’s…” She worked her jaw. “I didn’t think you were listening?”

“I’ve always listened to you,” I replied.

“Well.” She shrugged, trying to claw her way back to nonchalance. “Maybe you shouldn’t. I say a lotta stupid shit.”

“I know.” My lips twitched. “I’ve been listening.”

“Fucking bitch.” She shoved me playfully. Before hopping back from the chair.

I rose back to my feet, rolling my neck. Idly, I wondered if I should give it a few seconds before asking again. I was still so bad with people.

But Archer spoke first. “Just…can we not start with Alexis?”

I looked over. Her back was to me, hood up. I couldn’t make out anything from her posture, or even from her voice. I smiled. How like her.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s go bug Beastmaster then.”