Fall of the Last Dragon Rider - 013 - The Loss of a Child (Patreon)

The wind rushed over him and Kaen flew in absolute darkness.

He had cut the connection with Pammon’s eyes and let himself be lost momentarily in that solitude of blackness.

He had not known how much a child had meant to him until Ava told him she was pregnant.  All those months he was excited.  The idea of a child that would be hers and his.  Having watched Callie grow over the last few years, even with all of the death and destruction of war, the idea of a child meant something to him beyond what he could imagine.

Someone to love with Ava.  To nurture and care for.

He had teased Aldric so many times about the lack of sleep the man got and how it seemed the King was occasionally confused because of it.

A longing for those things had entered his heart, and now, knowing that their child was gone, it was as if a vacuum of sorts had stolen it all.  Like a piece of cloth torn, the frayed edges of his heart ached.

Then he knew what Ava would feel at the loss of their child.  The pain she would endure.

Darkness fully consumed him when he remembered how he had pushed her down accidentally hours ago.  The sound Ava made when she hit that hard stone floor.  How he was responsible for all this.

Kaen you must stop this.  We are almost there; she needs you to be strong and focused.  You are assaulting me with all these feelings and I cannot bear them and be what I must in this moment.

Pammon, I caused this… my actions at the orc castle and today when I pushed –”

It was an accident.  She will not blame you.  I need you, and she needs you to talk to her father now.  Use my eyes, and please, make sure to tell them what we need.

Roaring as he had when coming to the training grounds, Pammon landed in the courtyard of the Hurem estate, barely fitting inside the walls now.

A few servants came running and in a moment, Lord Hurem was out in the courtyard, his jacket flapping as he ran.

“Kaen!”

“Ava is hurt!” Kaen shouted back, seeing the look of shock hit his father-in-law's face at those words.  “She is bleeding badly! They are trying to save her!”

Lord Hurem’s face went through four different expressions in a few seconds, and the older man spun on his heels and took off, running back toward the door he had entered through.

Kaen heard him shouting but was unable to make out the words.

He may hate me… his wife–

I will understand, Kaen.  Do not beat yourself up about this.  The kingdom cannot have you acting worse than you have these last few years.

What do you mean?! How can you say that right now?!

Because I am your dragon and your friend.

Because we are bound.  You and I know you have acted like a whipped dog, moving with your tail between your legs these last few years.  Every day has been a battle of your spirit due to regret.

Ava and I won’t be able to deal with you if you sink deeper into regret.  Stioks won’t have to worry about defeating you because that will happen on your own.

You don’t understand! How many have died because of my inaction?!

How many have lived because of the sacrifices you have made?  What would happen if you had attacked and we died? How many more would have perished?  This isn’t a game we can play of what if.  Deal with the task at hand.

Your wife needs you right now.  She needs her husband to be present and strong.  When the time comes, and you can change gears, you can remember your child and show the world how much it hurts.  That time isn’t now.

Kaen sat there, feeling like Pammon had slapped him across the face.

His heart hurt in so many ways, yet the truth of what Pammon had just said fought against every emotion that wanted to keep Kaen encaged.  His soul was defeated, and Kaen realized that he was tired.

I will try… I cannot promise to always be strong, but I will do what I must for Ava.

That is all she and I can ask.  Now be ready.  Lord Hurem is on his way back, and I will pick him up as I did the others.  We have wasted enough time waiting.

Doors slammed open, and Kaen saw the man rushing toward them, pouches and bags slung over his shoulder.  Lady Hurem ran behind him, dress flapping as she sprinted behind.  Neither seemed concerned that their actions would be considered unbecoming of people of their station.

Tell them what I am going to do.

Kaen allowed a small smile to appear for a brief moment.  He could only imagine how they would handle the next thing that happened, knowing neither had ever imagined being manhandled by a dragon.

“Pammon will grab both of you with his claws and carry you!  There is no time!”

Neither of them flinched. They ran right up next to Pammon and stood still as the dragon grabbed each of them carefully and then took a single step back before launching into the air.

-----

Kaen stood back a little, watching through Pammon’s eyes as the two healers and Ava’s parents did the unthinkable.

You can turn away.  You don’t have to watch.

I need to.

The four of them had to cut out the baby that had passed away and wrapped it in a cloth as the healers and Lord Hurem used healing and potions to restore Ava.

Tears were supposed to fall, but Kaen couldn’t feel them as his eyes were bandaged.  When Lady Hurem brought their child to him in a blanket and offered him a chance to hold the tiny body, Kaen’s legs gave away as he fell to the ground.

His mother-in-law wrapped her arms around his massive shoulders and hugged him, stroking his hair as Kaen ran a thumb across the child’s face.

“She was beautiful,” Bridgette said.  “You should take her to Ava momentarily and let her see.”

Seeing himself on his knees with his mother-in-law standing over him, tears having ruined whatever makeup she had on, being strong gave Kaen the strength he needed to stand up.

Slowly, he walked toward Ava, who was moving slightly.

Amaranth had moved back some, and Kaen could see her watching him.

“Kaen…”

Ava’s voice was weak, and he saw her eyes, filled with tears, looking at him.

Pammon had moved closer, looking down on at them.

“She was beautiful, just like you,” Kaen said as he moved past his father-in-law and the other two.  “Would you like to hold her?”

Ava nodded, wiping a few tears from her face with a hand.

Setting the tiny bundle on his wife's chest, Kaen knelt beside her and scooted up to her.

Ava stroked the tiny cheek with a finger, and tears gushed from her eyes as she began to sob.

“I’m sorry, my love, I didn’t know!”

Kaen embraced Ava, crying himself.  “It’s not your fault, it’s mine! I pushed you and caused this!”

Both held each other and their stillborn child, crying and shaking.

For a moment, the world only held the sound of people crying.

-----

Kaen and Ava sat there for a while, holding each other and the child they had both dreamed of.

Pammon curled around them, his tail wrapped around them as they leaned against his side.

I am sorry for your loss… the pain of what each of you feels echoes through your soul and into mine.

Kaen nodded, and Ava looked up at Pammon and smiled.

“Thank you, Pammon.  I’m eternally grateful you came when you did.”

The copper dragon nodded and came close, gently putting his snout against them before pulling back slightly.

I will always come for the two of you.

Turning her attention to Kaen, who was slightly off to the side as he embraced her, she looked at him and sniffed.  A tear started to form as Kaen reached up and wiped it away.

“It pains me even more to know you can’t see her with your own eyes,” she whispered. I know you can see through Pammon’s, but still…”

Leaning forward, he kissed her on the forehead.  “It is ok, my love.  I am grateful for Pammon hearing and bringing you.  And I owe a lot to Amaranth and the others.  My heart is heavy and light at the same time… had I lost both of you…”  Swallowing, Kaen struggled with those last words, and no others seemed able to speak.

Time stretched on, and eventually, Ava’s parents came toward them after having sat with the other two healers.

“We need to go.  There are going to be lots of questions, and I am certain you both might need some time alone.”

Ava nodded at her mother and saw her dad fighting back the tears, wiping them away with his hands.

“Dad, would you like to hold her one more time,” she asked as she held up the tiny bundle.

Lord Hurem coughed and then sniffed, shaking his head.  “I am grateful for the one chance, but too much of my heart has already been broken.  I will cherish the one time I held her.  For now, grieve.  Your mother and I…” His eyes began blinking quickly, massive drops rolling from them as he coughed and cleared his throat a few more times.  “We know what you are dealing with.  It will take time, but we are here.  Grieve as I know you must.”

Turning away, her father began frantically wiping his cheeks, and Ava stared in surprise as her mother nodded, using the back of her hand on her own face.

“Rest you two.”

Amaranth took each pair back to where Pammon had snatched them from, giving the three a little privacy.

“Pammon, what should we do?” Ava asked, seeing the golden eyes staring at them.

I’m not sure what you mean by that question.  What should you do?

“What do we do with her?”

Kaen could see how she was looking at Pammon, turning the bundle so that he could see the tiny corpse and the color the skin was turning.

Are you asking me if you should bury her?

Ava nodded, her face twitching a little as she watched Pammon.

Moving his snout forward, he touched her hair with the tip.

I would be honored to take you three somewhere you felt would be a good spot.  I’m just not sure you are ready to travel yet.  Even your father mentioned it would be a day or two before you should leave here.

“You and Kaen can bury her somewhere and then take me to where you laid her.”

She turned to face Kaen for a moment, brushing his face, and then turned back to Pammon’s.

It was then that Kaen realized what she was doing.  She knew he was looking at her through Pammon’s eyes.  She was staring at him the entire time as he watched her, trying to read and understand what he could do for her.

“If you want, Pammon and I will find a place in the mountains, somewhere high up, so that her spirit will always be close to us when we fly.”

Ava nodded, her eyes getting heavy.  “Do that… for me and for her.  When Amaranth gets back, if you don’t mind.”

Kaen kissed her and slowly untangled himself from how he was holding her.  “Let me get you another blanket or something to lie on.”

As Kaen walked away, Ava reached up and scratched Pammon’s scales.

“Thank you again, Pammon.  Never have I been more scared than I was today… if I hadn’t made it…”

Moving his head up and down, Pammon came close and blew a gentle, warm breath over Ava.

I know what you are thinking and how you feel.  Do not worry about that for now.  Together, we will ensure that he continues living as he should.  For now, worry about yourself and rest.

Closing her eyes, Ava smiled, still holding the body of the child who would never see the dragon that had longed to let her fly on his back one day.