Dawn of the Last Dragon Rider - Chapter 094 - Words Sometimes Cut (Patreon)

My stats are as follows

*****

Hoste Marshell - Adult

Age  - 53

HP  - 820/820

MP  - 330/330

STR  - 37

CON  - 41

DEX  - 36

INT  - 33

WIS  - 35

*****

Kaen could not believe his father had acquired those stats with no items.  Everything he had heard about him from Hess and others had to be true.

I know your numbers must be close to mine if you are gold, as the work required to earn that rank will have required you to spend a lot of time training.  I won’t share my skills as it would take pages to write, but know that I hold a thirty in over ten skills and two at forty.  I have trained countless days, sought out the best teachers, and put in as much work as possible every day because I need to be the best to protect others.

Your lifestone will allow you to grow if you do the same.  Go move rocks, carry tree trunks, run through the woods, dodging items thrown at you, spend time reading my books here, and learn from others.  Consider it a blessing that what you can learn and experience is nothing compared to what the rest of the adventures will ever hope to achieve.

Allow my sacrifice to mean something.

Ignore that last line.  I know that you deserve more than that.  I am sorry I left you.  I wish I hadn’t, but I wanted you to be the best there was because I saw potential in you.

Your mother saw that same potential.

The sheet ended, and Kaen slowly turned it over, looking at the next sheet.

Your mother, your birth mother, Madalyn Marshell, died when you were two.

Kaen’s heart froze.  Ruth had not been his real mother?  That wasn’t possible!  All of his memories till the day she passed had been with her, until the time Hess had taken him from the couple who watched him when his dad was adventuring.  It couldn’t be.

Ruth was not your birth mom, but she loved you like you were her own.  She comforted me and loved you and me after your mother died.  She had been the servant who helped care for you as your mother grew sicker.

Madalyn was from an adventure family in Luthaelia.  She came here to get away from the kingdom and her family.  This next part is as important as your lifestone.  Pay attention, even though I am certain you are upset.

I am the fourteenth adventurer in our family tree.  For fourteen generations, there has always been at least one or more children born from two parents who were adventurers.  We have not advertised it because of what it means.  We grow faster and stronger, and our lifestones allow us to be better than the rest.  The longer the line, the more powerful it becomes.  I would have been much stronger if I owned a lifestone like yours at your age.

Your mother was a twelfth-generation adventurer.  Her family was not happy when she left.  They were even more upset when she returned pregnant after we had married in secret.  She mistakenly made a promise to her father, and he bent his will and bound her to a horrible promise, making her choose between you and I or them.  I told her to stay with them, but she would not let stay because they would try to control you if she had.  She left, fighting the bond and its call until the day it stole her life from her.  For over two years she fought it because she knew you were worth it.

They do not know about you, and I made sure to keep you a secret from them.  Do not seek them out, as they are the reason for her death.

It hurt when Ruth died from that pandemic that swept our kingdom.  It hurts now as I write this, knowing had I been home, she would have survived, but like a fool I was away, chasing my cause instead of you.

I am sorry about that.  I cannot make up lost time, but I have a few small gifts to give as you continue your adventure career.

I hope the bow is treating you well.  I remember the day I needed your blood, and you so bravely allowed it.  It was hard, but you were terrific.  I want you to know I had it constructed just for you.  If you manage to reach a forty in the archery skill, it will unlock a new bonus.  Yes, I could tell you, no, I won’t.  I want you to want it bad enough to train for it.  Just know it will be worth the work.

Your armor is better than most of the armor I have in my vault.  The weapons will be usable, and I provided a list at the bottom of these pages with the ones I think will be best for you.  Do not train with just a bow.  Realize that each situation may require a different weapon.  Seek out trainers for everything and master all that you can.

There are plenty of rings to choose from, as well as necklaces here.  Most are only a two bonus to a stat, yet ten rings with two strength each can do a lot, especially if you make it to sixty for a stat.  I would assume Hess has taught you those things by now.

I feel like I should give you some fatherly advice, but the truth is I wasn’t there when you needed me, and I realize this more as I write these words.  I kept secrets I now know I should not have.  I imagine you sitting here, tearing these pages up and lighting them on fire because of how angry you are with me for all this.  I wouldn’t blame you.  I am angry at myself.

So I will end with this.  I am going to walk out this door, lock my vault, and attempt the impossible.  I pray you never read this letter.  I pray that I will return to you and we have lived our lives to the fullest.  That I get to watch you grow up, pass your test, achieve the impossible, and one day find someone you love like I did.  I hope I am able to see the child you have and tell them horrible stories about things you did as a child and send them home after feeding them countless sweet treats.

Yet as I write this, I know the truth is most likely you are reading this.  So pretend I am there, watching you succeed and looking down from wherever the spirits take us when we die, cheering for you.  Let Hess be the one who watches you grow and cheers at your success.  Give him a hard time when he cries at your wedding or when he plays with the child I one day pray you have.

Find something worth living for and live it completely.  Do not take risks unless you know the world requires it and have weighed the cost of sitting idly by and doing nothing with the cost of your life.

I love you, Kaen.  Never doubt that, and forgive me if you do.

Your Father.

He left the paper there on the desk and stood up.  Emotions felt empty at that moment.  His life felt like a lie.  His heart ached, and he couldn’t understand why his father had never told him the truth.

All those years, he cried after Ruth died.  He had memories of her as a baby because she had been there.  He tried to remember his birth mother's appearance but couldn’t.  That knowledge stung even worse.  There had been no picture of her.  No painting.  It was like the woman was gone from his mind and his life forever.

I do not know how to help, Pammon suddenly said as Kaen resisted the urge to rip everything off the walls and smash all the things in the room.  I can feel your heart is like a raging storm, twisting and turning in every direction.  What did you learn?

I learned my whole life is a lie… everything I thought I knew wasn’t true.  My mother was not really my mom, but instead a servant of her, and she raised me when my mom, Madalyn, died.  My dad never told me.  Hess never told me.

My dad wrote words about how great I would be because of how he threw his life away on a quest he knew was hopeless.  He wanted me to have this crazy lifestone and to be great when all I wanted was my father.

Kaen paused talking for a moment, walked over to the large soft chair in the corner, and grabbed a bottle off of the table next to it.  He held it up to his face and then threw it against the wall, sending liquid and glass all over it and the floor.

Snorting, he flopped down in the chair, frustrated that even doing that had not helped with how he felt right now.

Hess will probably tell me he knew about the quest and was ‘bound’ by his lifestone not to share.  That is goblin shite, and I know it.  Fiola knew about my dad and my lifestone, so she had that stupid quest to begin with.  She knew about my stats and wanted to know them so badly she risked my life and the others.  She let Luca die for that knowledge!

Closing his eyes, Kaen leaned his head against the chair and rubbed his eyes with his fingers.

I’m lost.  Everything I thought was important seems broken and a lie.  I’m not sure what to do.

Kaen sat silently in his chair, waiting for Pammon to speak.

Am I a lie?  Am I broken?

Groaning, Kaen dropped his hands to his lap.

No! You know that is not what I meant!

Do I?  You are whining like an eggling who cannot eat the chicken they want.  You got everything you had hoped for, but now you complain about it.  I am sorry your father lied to you.  I am sorry that your mother died and you never knew her. Yet we would not have met if those things had not taken place.  We would not be bonded.  So tell me now, do you wish those things were reversed or do you believe having me in your life is better?

Many times in Kaen’s life, he felt pain in his chest from words he had spoken or things he had done.  None of them compared to this moment right now.  It felt worse than when he had been pierced through his chest by the arrow in Minoosh.

You know I would rather have you. He responded sheepishly.

Do I?!  You complain about things you cannot change and make it sound like I am nothing! You forget how we both risked our lives for something you told me you believe in!  I believed in you, so I risked my life for your cause!  Would you toss me away as quickly as you do your beliefs?

Kaen felt the fire and passion in the questions Pammon kept launching at him.  He was angry, and he was right to be angry.

I’m sorry, Pammon… I’m sorry for being a fool, for acting like an eggling.  You are the greatest thing in my life; I forgot that now.  Please forgive me if you would.

Silence stretched on for what seemed an eternity before Pammon finally spoke.

I know your kind struggles with feelings and other things that make you do foolish things.  There are many days I wished I could have met my mother.  There were so many times as I slept alone in the woods because I could not come into the city with you that I would have given so much to have her take me under her wing and hold me close.  Never though would I have traded any of that if it meant not having you.

Kaen could feel Pammon’s gaze through the layers of dirt, stone, and whatever else was between them.  He knew that Pammon was staring at his soul.

Being bonded is more than just being a friend.  You are a part of me in an impossible way to describe to you.  If you die, I will die.  I will not be the dragon I am now.  I would most likely go mad and need to be put down as I would unleash all the hurt on everything around me.  There is only room for one thing in my heart, in my soul right now: you.  In time, I know it will change, and I will desire a mate like you do right now, but as I said before, that is many years from now.

Know I will forgive you for many things.  I know you will forgive me for when I make a mistake.  Just promise me that you will never desire anything more than me.

Emotions and feelings wrestled inside Kaen.  There was a battle for his heart and soul, and he knew it.  It was as if Pammon’s request had put something in motion, and he had to respond.  There were no maybes or possibly that would work.  He either had to choose Pammon completely and promise that now or forever lose what they had.

The knowledge of that hurt because, for a moment, he had to consider what Pammon said.  Nothing, no one, could ever be more important.  He might have to let Hess, Ava, or even his own child, if he ever had one, die over Pammon.

The truth hit even harder when Kaen realized that if the moment came, he might have to die in order for Pammon to live.

Kaen’s resolve solidified, and with imaginary hands, he grabbed the two forces fighting against each other, tore off his own selfish desires and wants, and pulled the part that was Pammon only to his chest.

I choose you over everything else, including myself.

[ Bond Complete ]

Kaen’s body began to thrash in the chair like one having an epileptic seizure.  He felt Pammon thrashing, too.  His being was torn apart on the inside for a few seconds, and in a single breath, it stopped.  He felt different, and he knew Pammon was, too.

We are one now, as it was always meant to be until death.