My Sons and I Got Isekai’d To The Losing Goblin Side: Chapter 027: Lesson in butt kicking - population me (Patreon)

Yashk was beating me like I was a red-headed step-goblin. His speed and power overwhelmed me at every turn. He would leap out from his coiled position and could attack me with his tail or his hands at the same time. Whenever I tried to hit him with a powerful punch or kick, he would dodge it easily. His snake half allowed him to change position and move faster than I could imagine, and when I tried using my strength to move him, I could not even budge him.

One time he wrapped me up, and I felt like every bone in my body would burst as he squeezed me with his coils.

We traded punches, and both of us suffered massive bruising, and at one point, I knew I had a bruised rib for a bit. We took a break, and he ate more metal bars while I drank some water and ate a few fish they had brought me.

“You're getting your butt kicked, Dad,” Dirk said with a smirk. “I did not think I would ever see it, but he has you beat on everything.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” I mumbled between bites.

I watched Yashk slide metal bar after metal bar down his throat. He was watching me and nodded at me when he saw I noticed him gazing at us.

“Do you see any weakness in him?” I asked Turk, who was standing next to Dirk and gazing up at Yashk.

Turk grimaced and shrugged his shoulders a little.

“I know there is only one weak spot on a snake, but I do not think you can get to it. Part of the problem with this duel is that you are not using a weapon or spells. You are just fighting hand to hand.” Turk turned and pointed at the fish I was eating. “You could have started biting him when he was coiling around you. In a fight to the death, that would be allowed. Here it isn’t.”

Turk was right. I was trying to fight according to rules I believed were in effect. Yashk and I had never discussed how we would fight. Would he get upset if I tried to use spells?

“I see that look in your eyes,” chuckled Dirk. “You are going to do something sneaky, aren’t you?”

“I am a goblin, after all,” I responded with a wink. “Worst case, he breaks a rib or something else, right?”

Turk and Dirk laughed and started walking back to where Vreek and Bula were. They could only imagine what I might do.

Yashk returned to the center of the training area as I got there and smiled.

“You ready for another round?” I asked.

Yashk did not wait to respond and sprung toward me. I was prepared and had already decided it was time to test out my bracelet.

I mumbled the words the moment Yashk moved as I stood still.

Biv Diz Mah

I saw Yashk immediately stop moving and knew I had vanished. His head was weaving back and forth, and his tongue was coming out of his mouth.

“That is a neat trick,” Yashk shouted as he slowly turned his head around. “How are you going to use it, Zolb?”

Counting the seconds after I activated my bracelet, I was unsure if I was invisible the entire time or until I did something. Rather than standing around and wasting time, I decided I needed to act.

I charged two steps and lept up at Yashk, swinging my fist to hit him in the face. As I jumped through the air, I saw him snap his head suddenly in the direction I was, and he started to lean back and bring his hands up. I had forgotten about what Brar had said. I needed to stay still to remain unseen in the open.

It was too late for Yashk, though, and my fist connected to the underside of his jaw, causing him to stagger back a little bit as I crashed against him. Wrapping my arms around him, I tried to use this moment to get around and behind him. His arms flailed some, but he had not recovered fully from the punch. I realized I was still partially invisible as I climbed around his massive torso and got behind him, throwing my arms around his neck and wrapping my legs around his chest. I could barely get my feet to lock around each other, and I started trying to choke Yashk out.

I wrapped my arms around his thick neck and did the best choke I learned while studying jujitsu. His neck reminded me of a steel pole. It felt like I was trying to squeeze something impossible to bend. I could hear him gasping some, but he was still flailing around.

His arms could not reach me. I had been right. Snakes were always weakest behind the head, and I was barely out of his reach. One of his hands knocked my feet apart, and I clung to his neck as he swung his upper half around and around.

Slowly he started to slow down on his arm movement, and then he suddenly crashed to the ground on top of me. I almost blacked out when my head smacked the stone floor, but I managed to keep my grip. He continued to rise up some, slower and slower, and each time would fall on top of me. The weight of him was pushing my breath out, and my head was spinning. We were both in a fight for who would give up first.

He fell on me two more times, but each of them was less and less powerful. Finally, I felt him lying there on the ground on top of me, barely moving. I let go of his neck and pushed him off of me. I tried to stand but had to lean against his massive shoulders and chest as the world spun around me.

“Zolb!”

I heard my name but could not tell who was calling me. I touched the back of my head, and it was slick to the touch. My fingers were wet, covered in my own blood.

“Lie down, Zolb!” I heard again.

Glancing up, I saw Vreek dashing toward me. I looked down and saw that Yashk’s chest was rising up slowly. He was still alive. That’s good, I thought before I passed out on top of him.

My eyes stung, and I realized my face was wet from water that someone had just poured over me. My head felt like a stick had beaten me for a solid day.

I opened my eyes and saw Turk standing over me with an empty stone cup and exchanging it for another one.

“I’m awake!” I groaned as I sat up and looked around me.

Yashk was lying beside me on his side, holding his head in his hand, chuckling.

“That was impressive, Zolb. I had not expected to lose once to you.”

I smiled and reached back and touched my head again. There was some dry blood on it, but the bleeding had stopped.

“How long was I out?” I asked.

“Four minutes or so?” Dirk replied. “Yashk was out for about a minute. You, on the other hand, had a good gash in the back of your head. Thankfully your head is pretty hard.”

I heard a few chuckles and saw Bula and Vreek watching us.

“I am impressed,” Bula said with a smirk. “I lost a bet that you would not win at all. It seems you are worthy of the champion title.”

I noticed a hand off to the side and saw Turk waiting for me to take it. I grabbed his hand, and he jerked me to my feet. I could feel my head protest at the sudden movement, but after a few seconds, I felt it returning to normal.

“How long should an injury like this take to heal?” I asked as I looked at Vreek.

“Probably in another ten to twenty minutes, you should be back to normal,” Vreek said as he shrugged. “I am surprised your head did not split open from the impact. Yashk did not seem to hold back.”

I nodded and walked over to get a drink from one of the water cups. I heard Yashk moving and glanced to see him coiling around himself. I was thankful he was willing to train with me because it made me realize how much of a mistake attacking the elf town would have been. He was easily defeating me one on one. How bad could things have gone versus an entire city of heroes and guards?

I took a few long drinks and motioned for one of the goblins to bring me a fish. As I stood there waiting for something to eat, I noticed that Yashk just ‘deposited’ four round turds on the ground. One of the Slendals came over, retrieved them, and headed towards the exit leading to the main Slendal area.

“Not to pry, but what will he do with that?” I asked as I walked over to Yashk.

He smiled and then chuckled.

“You know those small huts with bags you first walked by?” Yashk asked.

I nodded that I did.

“Those are something I developed that have kept the elves and other adventurers from coming up here in the last year.”

I knew my face must have looked confused because Yashk continued talking.

“Each time I eat metal, those are produced. They are highly toxic, and when combined in the bags to ferment with the worms, mushrooms, and leftover fish, they create a sludge that poisons the land as we put it in the water supply that flows under the ground.”

“You’re the reason the forest is dying?!” I exclaimed.

A huge grin came over Yashk’s face, and he nodded proudly.

“I came across it by accident. Usually, we just deposited them in a cavern. There used to be a large pile of them. One somehow got stuck in a fermenting bag, and it ruined the entire batch. When we dumped out the bag, we found it inside. I realized it might be useful, so we experimented with it.”

Yashk paused, turned, and spoke to a Slendal by the pile, who started coming over with two metal bars.

“We have been putting these into the last section of the water, and it has been destroying the vegetation and woods for miles. Now after more than a year of doing this every day, the spread of it has provided a barrier that keeps most heroes from venturing up here.”

He paused to take the two bars and started to eat them while I thought about what he was saying.

“It also is what drove Bula and her group here, right?”

Yashk nodded, and he pushed the first bar all the way down his throat.

“It was an unintended effect, but it has proved good for both of us. Perhaps our god gave me the wisdom to do this because she knew it would bring you here.”

I took a bite of my fish and mulled over what Yashk was saying. Could a god give an idea like that? There was no way they could know I would be here, so that belief of Yashk’s was not possible.

“You have never met your god, have you?” I asked Yashk.

He shook his head no as he swallowed the last bar.

“I do not think that I can. My father told me that only ones like you can unless we achieve something great. He did say that she was beautiful beyond words.” Yashk almost seemed to blush momentarily before he bent down and looked intently at me. “I cannot imagine what she might look like. Can you tell me what your god looks like?”

I almost choked as I was not sure how to answer that question. Knowing a god could change how they looked as quickly as Bob had seemed like it might destroy Yashk’s dream of what his might look like.

“All I can say is it was impressive being in his realm. It was as if the stars and planets moved according to his desire. He took the form of whatever he wanted at the moment and told me a few things I promised never to share.” When I stopped momentarily, I saw that he was nodding in understanding. “I am sure your god is just as powerful in her realm and is waiting for you to succeed so that she can welcome you to her home.”

Yashk leaned back and puffed out his chest.

“You are right, Zolb. We need to train harder than if we are both going to meet our gods again. You about ready?”

I grunted and tossed the fish off to the side. It did not matter if I was ready or not.