Vampire Detective Chapter 1 (Patreon)

Yu Yu Hakusho parody: Tier 1

Vampire Detective

Yusuke is the newest line of a long line of vampires. His old man isn’t around anymore but Yusuke does his best to keep a low profile. For some reason he’s on spirit world’s radar so when some fancy treasures get stolen he’s recruited and made a detective to handle the tough cases.

Chapter 1 How it began

Yusuke’s Pov

The name is Yusuke Urameshi, believe it or not I’m a vampire. I may look like some average guy, but I’m not. My powers started coming in when I was five, dad was around long enough to explain what was happening.

I don’t burst into flames in the sunlight, that’s just some made up junk humans thought up to put their minds at ease. I also sure as hell don’t sparkle! At best my eyes are really sensitive because of my enhanced senses so on sunny days I do need to wear sunglasses, if I don’t wanna waste energy.

On those super senses I got it all, super sight, super hearing, super smell, super strength, and I even have my sixth sense. Being able to see ghosts and demons, sense energy, telepathy, telekinesis, all that fun stuff. It was a real drag at first, but I learned to control them so I don’t murder someone every time a bell rings or the cafeteria serves mystery meat loaf.

Vampire lore for humans is a bunch of nonsense, or maybe some vampires in the past just liked fucking with people to get them to leave them alone. I already covered the sunlight thing, but I’m not repulsed by garlic. Crosses and silver don’t hurt or repel me. I can cross running water...I have no idea who came up with that one. Holy ground or sacred ground doesn’t really do anything to me. Some temples do have spiritual barriers and wards up, those sting a bit but otherwise I can visit a church or graveyard without much difficulty.

Steak to the heart? Cutting off my head? Burning me to ash? Well no shit who wouldn’t that kill, I swear humans make common sense feel like a rarity. I’m sure there are some demons who wouldn’t find fire an issue, maybe some could live without their head, or have multiple hearts, but most creatures die by something.

Anyway, from what my dad told me our lines is one of the oldest vampire clans ever. One of our ancestors apparently gained power by feeding on some hot shot demon or something. That power has passed on through our line apparently. I don’t really get it but it sounded cool.

From what I understand vamps tend to be stuck in the middle, humans see us as monsters while demons see us as lowly parasites. Spirit world saw us as insignificant as long as we didn’t go crazy with our numbers. The whole vampires making other vampires, yeah that one is true. There’s some whole complicated method to it, but if a vamp starts making lots of servants/kids Spirit world steps in and starts wiping them out.

Each country probably had a handful of powerful vampire clans if that. When I was around 8 Dad got sloppy and did something to get in trouble with the spirit world, he ran and I never saw him again. He could be dead or in hiding who knows anymore. Mom got real paranoid after that.

All I knew is I had to keep living, I took what he taught me, and some scrolls he left for me, and carried on with a “normal” life. It kinda sucked, but I did my best as to not have Mom worry. She was always freaking out that some hunter or agent from spirit world would come to kill me one day.

Even though Dad left his fortune to us Mom barely used it out of fear of drawing attention when I was 11 she started drinking to deal with the anxiety. Not a good idea, at all.

I tried to be normal I really did, but school fucking sucked. Every day I had teachers looking down on me, treating me like trash, insulting my family, treating me like I was stupid. Didn’t really have many friends to speak of, well kinda but I’ll get to that.

Before I knew it was the school’s punk, and wanna know how it all started? In my first year of high school, I was walking to school and I saw these guys harassing a girl. Three big dudes and they were trying to get this girl to go with them. She openly and outright refused and these sick fucks got off on that and tried to force themselves on her. So I beat their asses!

The girl was safe and even thanked me, but those guys couldn’t handle their medicine and went and got other guys to mess with me. I was jumped by ten dudes at once and I fought them off. That should have been the end of it but no, those pricks ran home crying, then their parents called the school and suddenly I attacked them.

No one even bothered to look into my side of things, I was just some loser with not the best grades, a child from a broken home, with no grand future ahead of him. In the eyes of some of these teachers I was a pest to be gotten rid of. I didn’t need to read their minds to know how they felt about me, you could see it on their faces and one seemed to not care and said it outright.

Instead of being a hero, I became the number 1 delinquent. Those “precious angels” played the victim card, when they deserved the beating they got. I have to wonder if the parents would think they were such angels if they knew how this all started.

Maybe I could have fought harder, my grades slipped because I stopped paying attention in class. Not all of them, but when the trash teachers talked I tuned them out. Why should I listen to them, when they only see the worst in me, even when I try to be at my best.

Those jerks kept attacking me to by the way, angels my ass. They thought that ruining my reputation would make me hesitate hell no! If they came after me I took them down. The sad part is I never went looking for trouble, but trouble sure as hell liked to find me. I’m defending myself but no I’m the problem.

With the way these teachers acted what am I suppose to do, let them beat on me, kick my ass, I repeat hell fucking no! I’ll admit my delinquent behavior increased a bit out of pettiness. There wasn’t much I could do to keep the fragile normal life I had for mom’s sake so I pushed their buttons, skipped class and school just enough to piss them off but not enough to do anything about it. I had a smart mouth and I could talk a good game when they tried to talk shit. There was one man who saw through my bs, he was okay. When he lectured me I could tell he genuinely cared and wanted me to live up to some grand future he had in mind for me.

If the other teachers were more like Takenaka maybe I’d be more book smart than street smart. At the very least maybe I’d like school rather then see it as a form of hell.

Now I know what you are thinking. “Yusuke you are a vampire couldn’t you use your powers to fix your problems?” If only…

Apparently that’s what got dad in trouble, using his powers on someone. The illegal use of vampiric abilities. Some powers were seen as taboo. I can straight up hypnotize people, I can erase memories, but vampires are only allowed to use these powers on targets. We bite, we feed, we erase their memories that’s it. A vampire will also get in trouble if they feed to much aka killing their target.

So I have the power to set things right, I could make these teachers like me and treat me better, I could use my powers to get these jerks off my ass, but I don’t cause while getting lectured by these entitled pricks sucked it was better than having spirit world trying to hunt me down.

Hell I was holding back, some of those jerks came at me with knives, pipes, bricks, and chains! They could have killed a normal person, and I could have put them in a hospital for months. No points for my restraint I guess.

Because of my bad reputation I kinda sorta made a friend. Kazuma Kuwabara, a street punk with his own little gang of dudes who he’s rescued from bullying. Our pasts weren’t that different besides the whole monster thing, though when he saved the girl she thought he was a pervert too and slapped him. His crew consisted of guys who suffered at the hands of others and Kuwabara saved and they’ve stuck together since.

He was drawn to me by reputation, and I was drawn to him for other reasons. The guy was practically over flowing with spirit energy, we fought a lot, and when the time came I had him for a snack. I drained his energy, and messed with his head to forget it happened.

It wasn’t easy, Kuwabara had shockingly strong spirit awareness. I thought draining him might weaken it over time but the guy recovered quickly. We had a very weird bond, he said rivals but really never saw it that way.

He wasn’t just my food either, he was thick, pretty dumb, had a nice body, he was tough, he smelled good, he was sweet, a heart of gold, he was great for blowing off steam. If he was more open I’d have taken him as a lover but...he’s so fucking dumb.

Kuwabara has been having sex dreams about me for months now, but instead of realizing his feelings for the same sex, he seems to think I put a curse on him. He thinks that if he manages to defeat me those “weird thoughts” would go away.  Why does someone so tasty have to be so thick. He makes himself the fool when he chases after girls, his bad luck with women either had them think he’s a creep or a “funny guy”.

As it stood he was what could be considered my friend. We both knew what it was like to have adults look down on us, we shared a mutual respect for each other.

Things sucked, but I was doing my best to stay off Spirit World’s radar, that changed as I was approached by a fortune teller. I could tell she wasn’t human, and in fact she was one of the grim reaper’s of spirit world. She had a job offer for me. Wait really...are they serious.

The offer was legit, it seemed a couple of demons had stolen some fancy treasures from a vault while the king was away. His son was Koenma was looking over things but he couldn’t expect this was gonna happen.

So these dark treasure things kinda worked in tandem. The Shadow Sword created demons by cutting them, these demons varied in strength depending on who or what is cut. The Orb of Baast had the power to steal souls, nasty little item, but it could be used to feed souls to the newly formed demons making them a lot stronger. With just these two items one could build a seriously scary army.

As for the third item it was called the Forlorn Hope, a magic mirror capable of granting a wish on the full moon. The wisher has their power drained, with most wishes claiming the user’s life. The sync with the other two is that Forlorn Hope comes from a term of first wave of soldiers attacking during a siege. So imagine building an army then using said army to make wishes to enhance the generals or gain whatever the user desires. Thanks Takenaka you really taught me something useful.

Koenma didn’t know what the three wanted with those treasures but I had a theory. Was I gonna help Spirit World?

Hell no right? Well hold on, this opportunity probably wouldn’t present itself again, and if those three nut jobs used those dark artifacts to destroy the world I’d get caught up in it anyway with no way of defending myself proper. Okay, I’ll take the job, but tell your boss I’ll only do it if I get an official license.

Sounds small right? Nope, having an official license grants me permission to freely use my powers in the human realm. If they wanted this vampire’s help I wanted some protections in place. If Koenma was desperate enough to reach out, then I’m gonna cash in.

Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

To be continued...The Three Demons