Anything Goes World's Strongest Chapter 1 (Patreon)

Ranma 1/2 parody: Bad Day Fic/Tier 1

Anything Goes World’s Strongest

Ranma Saotome has a very weird life, mostly because of his father. Genma promised Nodoka that he’d train Ranma to be the greatest martial artist the world had ever seen, even swearing his life on it. Nodoka agreed but really shouldn’t have trusted her husband. Genma knew of a secret training ground in China and used the cursed springs to change Ranma from a she to a he...mostly…

Chapter 1 Man Among Men?

Gennma Saotome wasn’t the greatest guy, and far from the greatest martial artist, husband, or even father. In fact he only turned to martial arts as a way of goofing off and not getting a job. Most of his “Secret Techniques” were awful and were just an excuse to steal or rip people off. He ended up with an even worse master who should have taught Genma the error of his ways by example, but instead the man ignored his horrible future that was right in front of him.

A wise hermit once said martial arts existed to protect people, not to be used to show off for girls. So you can guess Genma did the opposite of that, he used martial arts to benefit himself and to try and get a wife. He saved her from some bandits.

Nodoka came from a very wealthy family and Saotome hoped to mooch off of her as much as possible. She got pregnant and Genma saw a golden opportunity. Way back when under Master Happosai Genma had a sibling disciple Soun Tendo. After sealing their master away for all of his wicked deeds the two promised to found their own Anything Goes School of Martial Arts and if/when they had children they thought it’d be a splendid idea if they had a boy and girl to have those children marry and unite their schools together.

Nine months later Ranma Saotome was born, though Nodoka wanted to name her child Ranko. Why? Because Ranma was born a girl. Nodoko was so happy while Genma wasn’t. From what he heard from his old friend Soun he’s had three daughters. Genma both wanted and needed a son.

He barely touched Ranma let alone took care of her. That is until he found and old guidebook that belonged to Happosai, he couldn’t read the book but the old man left notes. It spoke of cursed pools of water that had the ability to curse those that were bathed in the waters and transformed them when splashed with cold water. There was a list of a few of them that Happosai documented but it was one that made Genma grin.

The Spring of Drowned Man…

Ranma was only two years old when Genma suddenly sprang this idea on Nodoko. He wanted to take Ranma away for a “training journey”. Nodoko didn’t give in so easily, beating Genma over the head with a table for a start.

Genma swore that he’d make her a skilled martial artist, the world’s strongest in fact. “I’d bet my life on it.” He tried to also bet Ranma’s life on it too, but given the fact she was 2, Nodoko wasn’t going for that. In order for this to work the worm of a man had to bet his own life and only his.

He signed the contract and got to take Ranma with him. Things were not easy for her growing up, Saotome teaching her his poor or often crazy techniques. Most of which he didn’t learn himself because of the risks, but had no issue putting his child in danger for. “All for the art!” He claimed.

When Ranma was 10 Genma found his way to Jusenkyo, the ancient training ground of cursed springs. He had the Guide lead them to spring he wanted and pushed Ranma in. In an instant she became a he.

Ranma was rightfully pissed and kicked his father into the Spring of Drowned Panda as punishment. The guide was flummoxed by their behavior. The two spent three years in China before coming back to japan and enrolling Ranma in an all boys school.

After five years of this Genma whisked the “boy” away to the Tendo Dojo. “What is wrong with you old man?!” It was raining and a chiseled young man with black hair was seen fighting a large panda. Some girls and even a few guys blushed at the sight of him, he was tall, strong, skilled, and had a beauty that seemed to mix handsome and cute.

All the years of training had given Ranma a sexy figure as both a man and a woman. It seemed both his forms benefited from it, as a woman she was deceptively strong even getting respect from Amazons in China. As a man he gained the benefit of fluidity, he was highly flexible and agile making his moves all the better.

“I don’t want a fiancee, or did you forget I’m a…” Before he could say it the panda knocked him out with a street sign. The panda lifted him up and carried him to the Tendo Dojo.

By the time he came to, they were in the home and Soun and his daughters were coming out to see him. The Eldest daughter was Kasumi, the middle daughter was Nabiki, who looked like she dressed in her best kimono to see him, then last but not least was the youngest Akane.

Genma put Ranma down. “Ugh…” He straightened himself up. “I’m Ranma Saotome, sorry about this.” He bowed.

“Oh wow daddy, he’s a stud!” Nabiki said, making Ranma blush. He understood why girls said such things, as she had checked herself out in the mirror once or twice. She was curious, plus it helped her deal with going to an all boy’s school and shower time...mostly.

“He’s so young.” Kasumi was 21, Nabiki was 19, and Akane like Ranma was 18.

Akane glared at him. “Listen about this whole fiancee thing…” Akane huffed.

“Hold on!” She snapped. “Our dads want to unite the schools, but I don’t think that’s needed. I’m running the Tendo Dojo perfectly well on my own, right?” She looked to her family who couldn’t really agree.

Akane had chased off many of their students, and her attempts to get new students she’d approve of have failed. “If you wanna stay here, prove to me that you are worthy!”

“Is that a challenge?” Saotome’s switch was flipped. It was a rule of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts, to accept any challenge. No fighting style or martial art was too crazy or unknown, they’d accept any challenge and prove they were the best. It left Ranma with a bad habit.

“You bet it is, Dojo now!”

The two fought and it was no contest. Ranma dodged all of her attacks with ease, and the gap was growing wider. As Akane got angrier and angrier, her technique faltered allowing Ranma to read her moves. The fact Ranma was a boy and wasn’t fighting back made Akane feel like he was looking down on her. “What are you waiting for hit me already.”

He didn’t say a word and just continued to avoid her attacks. Once she was exhausted enough he poked her forehead and she fell back on her butt. Her adrenaline wore off and the fatigue hit her and she couldn’t get up for a bit. “I win!”

“Wow!” Nabiki applauded.

Even Kasumi was impressed.

“No I didn’t lose...not to...not to some boy!”

“Akane!” Kasumi chastised her. The youngest got upset and ran off, while Nabiki ran over to glomp on Ranma.

“So Ranma-babe tell me about yourself.”

“Uhh well I…” He was dragged off to the living room, where the two talked.

“I wonder where Genma is?” Soun wanted to talk to his old friend. He was a bit worried about the engagement plan since Akane acted so badly.

Nabiki certainly found Ranma interesting, he liked martial arts certainly, but he also liked cooking and sewing. “How’d you learn to sew?”

Saotome twiddled his fingers. “Well we didn’t have a lot of money and my clothes got messed up a lot. At first I did it just to keep cost down but I learned the better I got at it the longer the stitches last.” He picked up some tricks in China, he even learned to make his own clothes.

“Is that where you learned to cook, in China?” Kasumi asked.

“Sure did, met a tough old lady who taught me a lot. First it was simple cooking to survive type of stuff but she instructed me on the basics. Then when I was in school I kinda owed a guy a favor, so I started making him lunch as a way of paying him back.” Practice made perfect.

“Interesting.” Nabiki said. ‘So he’s hot, strong, can cook, and sew, there’s gotta be something wrong with him he’s too good to be true.’

“You say you didn’t have a lot of money, how did you pay for necessities?”

“I got a part time job, and I learned to manage my money pretty well.” It may have sounded easy, but it was a lot of hard work.

“Oh my, you were working and going to school?” Ranma nodded. He had to do a lot of stuff to stretch a dollar or find ways of getting what he needed.

“It was tough doing both, my grades slipped a bit but I managed to graduate.” So here he was about to go to Furinkan College.

“That sounded rough, must have been hard.”

“Yeah, but I had a friend that helped me get through it all.”

“Oh? A girlfriend?” Nabiki asked.

“Nabiki!” Kasumi chastised.

“What it’s an honest question, and as his potential fiancee I think we have the right to know.”

“No, no girlfriends at all. I went to an all boys school.” Ranma smiled. “My friend is Ryoga, we had a rough go of it at the start, we were more rivals than anything else, but over time we found and understanding. Sad part is we may never see each other again.”

“Don’t say that, I’m sure you and this Ryoga guy can keep in touch, and meet up again.”

“It’s actually not that easy, Ryoga and his family are special. It’s like they are cursed or something, they get lost so easily. It’s actually how we came to an understanding, he was gonna flunk out if he kept showing up late. So I started helping him get to class on time.” They started having each other’s backs and formed a pretty tight bond, but even with Ranma’s help Ryoga tended to get lost.

“That’s actually kinda sweet.” Nabiki said. The eldest sister agreed, but noticed the time.

“Ranma, why don’t you wash up for dinner?” Kasumi suggested.

“Oh thank you!” She showed him the way and left, and out came Genma in his human form.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself boy.” Ranma glared at him.

“I’m just being polite.”

“Keep telling yourself that, I think Nabiki likes you.”

“Whatever…” Genma grabbed him by the shoulder.

“You better play ball Ranma, this is a good thing for us, don’t blow it!”

“You…” Ranma growled in frustration. He pushed past his father and went for a nice warm bath changing back into a girl. ‘What’s the point...it’s not like I can have a normal relationship like this, I’m cursed…’ Love and life were confusing and hard enough, with this curse on her shoulders it was an extra weight she couldn’t shake off. She thought about Ryoga. One of the few people who she told her secret to. ‘Oh Ryoga what am I supposed to do?’

Akane was still fuming over her loss to Ranma, she didn’t even notice the clothes in the laundry room or the sign on the door saying occupied.

‘Fuck pops and his stupid scheme, I should just go out like this!’ Ranma thought and got up, just as Akane opened the door.

“Who are you?” Akane looked her up and down.

“Umm...I can explain…”

-x-

Genma and Soun were talking, sharing tears over Genma’s “tragedy”. Nabiki passed by. “Hey Kasumi who’s that man talking to daddy?”

“I believe that’s Ranma’s father, Mr. Saotome.”

“Guess he gets his looks from his mom.”

“Nabiki!” The girl just shrugged.

“WHAT?!” The youngest Tendo’s voice echoed out, possibly all of Narima hearing it. Akane came running out, dressed in her gi. “Where is he?!”

“Who?” Kasumi gasped. Akane walked past her and found Genma.

“You bastard!” She kicked him and sent him flying into the koi pond.

“Akane!” Soun and Kasumi gasped.

“I’m gonna drown him!” She picked up the table ready to finish the job. Much to everyone, but Akane and Soun’s shock the panda came out of the water.

“What’s going on?”

“I should explain.” A female voice was heard, the sisters and Soun looked back to see a girl with vibrant red hair. “I’m Ranma Saotome, sorry about this.”

She told them everything and every time Genma tried to interupt he got smacked by Akane. “So you’re a girl, but become a guy when splashed by cold water, and turn back when splashed with hot water.”

“Yes…” Ranma hung her head. “Pops raised me as a guy, always claiming he wanted me to be a man among men.” If there was one thing she was grateful for was spending time with the Amazons. “He often tricked me into things claiming it was for the Art or to improve my skills.”

“I never tricked you Ranma, I was training you to be the World’s Strongest!” Ranma wasn’t hearing this, the Neko Ken alone proved Genma was full of it.

“I know one thing for sure I do wish to graduate and I want to become a stronger martial artist. Though about this whole arranged marriage thing I think we can just call it off.”

“Now we don’t have to be so hasty!” Soun said. “You are both a boy and a girl, each half is a part of you. I don’t see why we can’t continue with the arrangement?” He splashed Ranma with cold water and turned him to face his daughters.

“Dad!” Akane snapped. “Think about how Ranma feels about all this would you?”

“I dunno Akane, the way I see it this makes Ranma even more interesting.” Saotome wasn’t sure he liked that look Nabiki was giving him.

“Honestly…” Akane got him some hot water and he returned to a she.

“Why are you suddenly so nice to me?”

“Well I…” Akane rubbed the back of her head.

“I can answer that, my dear little sister hates boys, she has her reasons but she’s quick to anger with her temper.”

“Look I’m sorry about before, can we be friends?”

“Even though I’m half a guy?” Tendo didn’t respond right away.

“I think it would be a good idea. Akane needs more friends.” Kasumi said. This made the blue haired girl blush.

“See boy, even the youngest likes you, now you have three potential fiancee!” Punch!

Ranma and Akane punched him and knocked him back into the pond. “Father, we’d like to talk alone please.” She sent Tendo and Saotome to the bath house so they could talk in private.

“I have a question why didn’t you reverse the curse when you were in China?” Nabiki asked.

“We asked the guide, there is a Spring of Drowned Girl, but before we could attempt anything we were forced to leave by the Jusenkyo Punishment Squad.” Anyone who was cursed had to leave immediately, it was seen as tradition to prevent fools from messing with the springs. The curse of the spring was seen as a punishment for the fools who fall in, it wouldn’t be a punishment if it was so swiftly reversed.

It was strange, as weird as the curse was it did allow Ranma to do things and try things she never would have gotten to try. “If I may Ranma, you seem quite comfortable in your male form, does the curse bother you?” Kasumi’s words were calm and gentle, and maybe it was because of her divine aura and motherly charm but it allowed Ranma to open up.

“I mean...not really...I still don’t like how pops treats me and what he did was really scummy. I dunno, sometimes I feel like a guy when I’m a girl, and other times I still feel like a girl when I’m in my male form. I get confused, sometimes wondering if it’s because of the curse, or if I would have felt this way without it.” She grew up around mostly guys, and yet she fit in so well with the Amazons, both male ones and female ones. Going to an all boys school she got to be one of the guys, but had to keep her secret.

The way Nabiki read it as Ranma was more gender fluid. “I got a really weird perspective, so maybe I’m desensitized to some things or open minded to other things.” She sighed. “The curse didn’t start really upsetting me until I began to think about my future, and stuff like dating and marriage.” This was a lot for anyone to carry with them.

Kasumi hugged Ranma and the girl broke down. Life and growing up could be confusing and scary enough as is, throw in a curse and no wonder Ranma was wound up tight. Her support system was Genma, which didn’t help. Hard to turn to the person who cursed you. As soon as Ranma built up some new friends, Genma pulled her away and took her somewhere else.

“So what are we gonna do?” If they refused the marriage, Genma could take off, dragging Ranma along to who knows where.

“I have a plan.” Kasumi said, with a smile that screamed Soun and Genma were in so much trouble.

To be continued...