Frozen (Patreon)

I've been feeling really frozen the last few weeks. Just, kinda immobilized with indecision. I have a reasonable amount of career-related projects and general life maintenance stuff that would be do-able if I were... managing my time better(?) but instead I'm giving each of them about 10% of my attention and then avoiding them and my guilt just continues to compound until everything feels impossible and I'm in a ball on the couch scrolling on my phone, frozen.

 So I sat on the edge of one of my grow boxes and drew my cabbage flowers with markers, ink straight to paper.

 First I blorped the yellow marker down, approximating the general distribution of the flowers. Then I went in with the green to add the stalks and little stick-y bits. I let myself go fast and loose, giving myself permission to fudge the actual botanical anatomy and let the colors overlap where they shouldn't.

 Can you even believe this is what cabbage flowers look like?

 What an absurd Dr. Suess-ass lookin' plant.

 What's the nicest thing someone said to you this week?

Matt told me that my garden looks like me and that made me wanna cry.

My garden is lush and thriving- some parts of it are organized but it's enmeshed with the natural chaos. It's in a constant state of falling apart and mending and growing. It's a little bit nice and a little bit rough. Also, there's a joke to be made about being filled with pests or something 😤

I feel like I'm failing a lot right now, including taking care of my garden. I should have planted things at different times, I should have tended them better, I should do this and I should do that.

 But also: it's alive! It's doing its own thing. I like seeing what it chooses to do with itself. Even when I'm frozen, it's still actively growing.