Misunderstood and under-discussed (Patreon)

Misunderstood and under-discussed I've found myself apart of an invisible sexual orientation, it feels like i'm coming out all over again but this time, I'm met with confused faces and an even bigger lack of understanding.

Asexuality.

For years, I thought something was wrong with me. Why do i feel like this? Don't touch me here - don't touch me there... but if you catch me on a good day, i may just allow your embrace. I felt disconnected, as if i was outside my body watching from above.

When I allowed the label of asexuality into my life, it just felt right. I felt like I could breathe again. Sex was taken off my to-do list, as if it were a task I kept avoiding.

Now, there is a huge misconception around asexulaity, and it's often confused with celibacy, which is CHOOSING not to have sex. Whereas asexuality is described as a lack of sexual attraction and/or desire.

For so long, pleasure was an act of doing and not feeling. This act of pleasure that I thought had to be done, no questions asked. Just close your eyes, it will all be over soon, I whispered to myself.

Although consensual, dishonesty sat present. Why didn't I say something? These people who gave their love, their hearts to me, and I couldn't even look them in the eye.

Neither is to blame, but a finger can be pointed at the lack of education and understanding. No one told me that no one told them. We were just doing what we thought we were meant to do.

I'm still learning what this new found identify means to me and what it looks like in my relationship. Currently, it's communication and more communication and more....