If we want to grow, we have to let our bullshit go (Patreon)

I've had a journal since I was a child. I would write about my thoughts, random fun facts and even short stories. Putting pen to paper has always been my escape, my outlet. But Somewhere along the way, It was also a place to feel justified in my actions. I could write whatever the fuck I wanted with no one questioning or challenging my inner dialog. 

But that's the point of a journal right? No body sees it but you and it's a place to let your weirdest and wildest thoughts run free.

It wasn't until recently that I realised for the first time that all this time, all these years writing page after page in over 20 journals that I hadn't reached the point of being honest with myself. I wasn't questioning or challenging these words I wrote down. I wasn't asking why I felt the way I did. Why I was avoiding speaking to my mother... Why I was desperate for approval from my father.... Why I was so horrible to my brother. 

The answers to these questions bring up a lot of discomfort inside of me and you can fucking bet I continued to avoid them. But when we hold onto pain like this, it metastasises into other parts of our life.

When was the last time you were honest with yourself? Truly honest?

Now self-honesty doesn’t necessarily require that you open up to other people about these things, but it does mean that you at least admit them to yourself.

It's a practice and just like when we start anything new, it's gonna feel icky and awkward and not very nice. You're gonna want to give up because it's easier that way, but please don't. This is a life long practice that will get just a little bit easier everyday. 

Here are some questions for you to journal to begin being honest with yourself:

1.    How am I feeling right now? Why do I feel this way? How do I feel about that person, situation, conversation, perspective, etc.?

2.    Why did I do that? What is the true reason for the way I’m behaving?

3.    What am I motivated by right now?

4.   Am I just coming up with excuses and justifications for doing or not doing “this thing” when I should really just own up to why I’m TRULY doing or not doing it, even if my reason isn’t so favorable?

5.    How do I feel about my family? My friends? My life? My job?

6.    Do I forgive easily? Do I hold grudges? Is it hard for me to let go of painful feelings and experiences?

7.    Am I satisfied with who I am as a person? What parts about myself do I want to improve or change?

8.    Do I admit when someone is right even if that makes me wrong?