okay it happened again i genuinely give up (Patreon)

okay, remember that video idea you guys voted for, a few months back? remember how i recorded it and the audio got corrupted? remember how i said i'd remake it?

well, i did! and somehow i recorded the entire thing on my laptop's built in mic instead of my actual microphone and it sounds god awful.

i don't even know how i managed this, how this happened, but i've recorded this video twice now :( i feel so drained, i've spent so long working on it and trying to get it to work and it just, really does not want to work with me! i really don't know why this keeps happening with this specific video, i'm just frustrated and annoyed that ive made two videos now that aren't postable. 

to be really honest i don't want to go for a round three, the second time i was struggling to re-read the script since i wrote it so long ago and i just don't know if i have the patience to do it again. had it been one of my own scripts i would've probably just said fuck it after the first time but i really wanted to get this done since it was voted for by you guys, i'm just tired and frustrated and i'm sorry. 

i'm going through a really really hard time right now and my opportunities to make videos are less and less with every passing month. it took me days to figure out when i could record this and i had to be super quiet and rush the fuck out of it because my living situation is just so awful and then i felt like i'd finally done it and it turns out i hadn't done anything.  i don't know when i'll be able to make another video, i just feel so stuck. i desperately want to make content and i just don't know how. 

i'm sorry.

i hope i can figure out how to get out of this mess soon, so things can be better than ever.

i don't know when the next video will be, i just want to cry right now to be honest, i don't know how much more of this i can take right now :(